Straight From the Heart
Chapter 4
Jax and Brenda
were still playing together an hour later, but occasionally Jerry and Jen would
join them. He was teaching her to play Frisbee and she was getting quite good
at it. Finally, at about three o'clock, they all went back into the house. They
sat down in the den and talked until they ran out of things to talk about.
Jerry sat with his arm around Jen while Jax sat in the chair across from the.
Brenda sat in his lap. She had taken quite a liking to Jax and while they all
talked, she eventually fell asleep in his lap. Jen decided to take Brenda home
before dinner and Jax carried her out to the car so that she wouldn't wake up.
He kissed her gently on the cheek after he strapped her in carefully. Jerry
kissed Jen goodbye and then she hugged Jax, thanking them both for the
afternoon. She would see Jerry again the next day.
As her car
disappeared down the street, Jerry turned to Jax and asked, "So? What'd
you think?"
"Of what?
Of Jen? She's great. I can see why you like her." They headed back inside
together. "You both seem perfectly matched."
"That's
what I've been thinking. In fact, I'm thinking..." he broke off for a
second and stopped to look at Jax. "I'm thinking of asking her to marry
me."
"What?! You
can't be serious, Jerry! You've only known her for four weeks. You knew Bobbie
for three years and barely even considered marriage!"
"You said yourself,
Jax, we're perfectly matched. You never once said that about Bobbie and
me."
Jax considered
for a moment. "No, you're right, I didn't. Because you weren't.
Maybe-"
"Let me ask
you something, Jax. How long did it take you to realize you loved Brenda? A
day? A week?"
"The moment
I saw her."
"I rest my
case."
"If that's
really how you feel, Jerry, then congratulations. You will be very lucky if she
accepts."
"Which I'm
sure she will," Jerry grinned.
"You never
know, she still hasn't met the rest of your family," Jax smiled,
"maybe you'd better hold off-" he was cut off by Jerry giving him a
quick shove. They laughed as Jerry closed the door and they went to finish
cleaning up.
Caitlin stood up
from the table and led the way into the living room. She took the letter with
her. Jess followed quickly, curious what Caitlin was going to tell her. It had
almost sounded like she had bad news. They sat facing each other on the beige couch.
Caitlin took a
deep breath before she began. She smiled lightly at Jess, but it wasn't how she
was feeling. She had never told anyone in the last two years what she was about
to tell Jess. "You don't know me, Jess," she began. "I'm not completely
who you think I am."
Jess laughed,
thinking Caitlin was joking about something. "What are you talking about?
Of course I know you. I've known you for two years."
"Yes, you
have known Caitlin Jackson for two years. But you don't know who I am, where I
came from, or what I did before I moved here, do you?"
"I've never
asked," Jess said. But she fell silent as Caitlin's words sank in. She
really didn't know who she was.
"And you
know, it's a good thing you never asked. Because then I would have had to tell
you that I don't know." Caitlin paused for a moment.
"What don't
you know?" Jess was confused.
"Let me
start over, Jess. Two years and ten months ago, I woke up in a hospital in
Massachusetts. I had been in a coma for two weeks." Jess gasped, but
remained silent. "I had three broken ribs and a broken bone in my ankle.
They told me the bruises and cuts had already disappeared or faded while I was
in the coma. All of that was fine, but there was one other thing. I didn't have
the slightest idea who I was."
Jess breathed a
long sigh and tried to comprehend Caitlin's story. "Amnesia? You had
amnesia?"
"Not 'had,'
'have.' I still don't know. So, for two years, I have made a life as Caitlin
Jackson. I work at whatever I find I can do, like now where I work at the record
company. I don't date because I need to know who I am and I don't. I have tried
for almost three years to figure it out." She fingered the letter.
"That's why I need you to help me."
"Do
what?"
"I need you
to help me find out who this is, who wrote this letter. It's why I need you to
understand when I say that something about these words is familiar, but I don't
know what it is. It might just be possible that the reason it's familiar is
that it might have something to do with my previous life, who I once was. Do
you understand?"
There was a long
silence while Jess took it all in and contemplated everything. She had just
learned that one of the people she knew best in her life was not who she
thought she was. Or at least, not completely. "Caitlin," she began,
"you're asking to do the impossible. Do you realize that? Trying to find
this one person based on a whim and a prayer is next to impossible."
"Anything
is possible-"
"Not this,
Cait. How many people are in this state? How many cities are along that river?
And even to narrow it down, how many people's names begin with J? You don't
even know if it's his first name or his last name. Do you see how much this
would take? All for something you can't be sure of?" She was trying to be
gentle, but she wanted the enormity of the situation to sink in.
"Are you
saying you won't help me?"
"No,"
Jess sighed. "I'm not saying that. You know I'll help you. As long as you
realize it may never result in anything."
Caitlin jumped
up and ran to hug her friend, grinning happily. "Thank you, Jess! And I do
know, I promise, but I have to try," she said softly.
"I
know," Jess replied. "So where do we start?"
"I have
just the place in mind," Caitlin said. "Let's go."
Jax left Jerry's
house at about seven o'clock. Jerry had a dinner to attend and he had to leave
soon. Jax turned left off the front steps, going in the opposite direction of
his apartment. He wanted to take a walk and think about what had happened that
day.
As he walked up
the street, he thought about the little girl that had enchanted him that
afternoon, Brenda. He realized that it hadn't been until today that he could
think about her and their love without feeling the sadness of her loss. But
today had been different. He had been happy as he remembered her and taught the
girl to walk on the clouds. He hadn't felt this way in months, even in the two
years she'd been gone. A wistful smile graced his face as he continued to walk
the streets of Port Charles.
An hour later,
Jax looked up and suddenly realized where he was. The woods made the dusk seem
darker, but the new moonlight and fading sunlight lit everything almost
majestically. The front porch almost looked homey and inviting, even with no
lights on in the place. He felt compelled to walk up to the front door, but he
couldn't bring himself to put the key in door and open the door. Not yet.
He sat down on
the wicker porch swing and looked into the surrounding woods. Could he do it?
He hadn't yet. This would be the first time since she'd gone. Quietly, he
thought back to when she had bought the place. It was her home, her cottage in
the woods. Her safeplace. Here, she was safe from everything that could hurt
her. Safe from Sonny, from his abandonment, from everyone's watchful eyes. She
could be Brenda here. She could lose it in front of him and not feel as if the
whole world saw it. She could heal here. She was safe to love here. She could
love him and he could love her, and nothing and no one could ever take that
from them.
But someone took
her from him and it wasn't fair. He sighed deeply and stood up. He took his
keys from his pocket and carefully picked up the one for the door. Slowly, he
put it in the front door, heard it click, and pushed it open. This was it. He
stepped through the doorway and closed the door. He needed to do this. He
needed to be close to her again.
Almost as if in
a trance, he began to walk through the house, each room, one by one. Up the
steps, down the hall, everything brought memories flooding back to him. He
stopped in the bedroom, hesitating slightly in the doorway, and then sat on the
edge of the bed. He remembered the last time they had been in this bed
together. Slowly, he lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, one hand drifted
over to the other side and lay still. A single tear trailed down his face as he
relaxed and drifted off to sleep.
Jax awoke to
what sounded like a door closing downstairs. He sat up quickly, momentarily
confused by his surroundings. He could still hear someone downstairs. He ran a
hand through his hair and quietly got up to go to the top of the stairs. He was
cautious as he came down, not making a sound. He froze as he saw the person at
the front doorway, looking out toward the street. It was a woman. Her long,
dark hair fell freely down her back and framed her petite body.
"Oh my
God," Jax whispered incredulously. He went down one more step.
"Brenda?" Then his eyes rolled back in his head and his knees buckled
as he tumbled down the rest of the stairs. She turned around at the sound, just
in time to see him land in a heap at the foot of the steps.
"Jax!"
she screamed.