If I Recall

Chapter 2

"Who are you?" Jax repeated, louder this time. He tried again to sit up, but his movement made him dizzy and he lay back down against the pillows.

Brenda was stunned. She didn't know whether to believe him or not. It didn't seem like he would kid about something like this. He was always so serious when it came to matters of this sort. "You really don't know who I am?" she verified.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" He winced again, but he finally pulled himself into a semi-sitting position. He put one hand to his head, feeling gently for the bump on the back of it.

Brenda moved so that she could see the back of his head in the light of the fire. Her eyes grew wider as she saw the number she'd done on him. She had only meant to stun him, not knock him unconscious, and she certainly hadn't meant to do it to Jax! The only good thing she could see was that the skin wasn't broken and it wasn't bleeding. Before she said anything to him, she got up and went to fill a plastic bag with ice cubes from the freezer. She returned and gently placed it against his head, holding it for him until he replaced her hand with his own. He bent forward with his elbow on his knee to support his arm as he held the ice there.

"Jax, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to hit you that hard," she apologized again.

"Yeah, so you said," he responded irritated. Jax, huh? So that must be his name, or nickname, it sounded like. He wished he could remember. Through downcast eyes, he studied this woman beside him. She was beautiful. Her dark brown hair fell in graceful waves over her shoulders and her olive-colored skin was perfect. She watched him with shining brown eyes and he noticed a tiny mole on the side of her mouth. She wore slim-fitting faded blue jeans and an oversized dark green sweater. Her feet were clad only in heavy gray wool socks. He wondered how he knew her.

"I have to tell you, I don't know what we're supposed to do for a head injury. I think I remember that I'm not supposed to let you go to sleep if you have a concussion. I think that's for twenty-four hours."

"Do I have a concussion?" he asked her. He certainly felt like he did.

"I don't know. I don’t know how to tell. I think it has something to do with how long you were unconscious and how your pupils react to light, but I'm not sure. I don't know how to tell," she repeated worriedly.

"All right, well then, I suppose I won’t go to sleep right away. How's that?" He shifted the ice against his head and winced once more. "Man, that really does smart." He tried to smile at her to lighten the mood just a little, but it came out as more of a pained grimace.

Her eyes began to well with tears at the thought of what she had done to him. "I'm so sorry, Jax."

He glanced up at her and saw her on the verge of crying. "I didn't say that to make you apologize again or make you feel bad. It was just a statement," he clarified. "How long was I unconscious?" It couldn't have been too long, his jeans were still slightly cold and extremely damp at the bottoms.

"I'm not sure, I think it was about twenty minutes. Why? Does that mean something?"

"Yeah, it means I got hit really hard," he joked, chuckling softly to ease the moment. "So, tell me, you keep calling me Jax. That's my name, right? Is it a nickname for something?"

"You really don't know, do you?" She still wasn't sure what to believe. His blank stare confirmed it for him. "Yes, your name is Jax, Jasper Jacks, that is. But you've always gone by Jax. You said you didn't like your first name."

"Jasper, huh? I can see why." He smiled. "And your name? What's your name?"

"Brenda, Brenda Barrett."

"Nice to meet you, Brenda, Brenda Barrett," he teased. "And how exactly do I know you, Brenda Barrett?"

She froze. She knew he was bound to ask, but she didn't know what to tell him. She took the safest route, the vague route. "We were going to be married," she said quietly.

"Were? As in we didn't get married? What happened? Did we break up or are we still together, but not getting married?" He truly didn't remember and he was genuinely confused. He was kind of hoping it was the later, but he could tell from the slight pain in her eyes that it wasn't.

"Jax," she said in a soft, pained voice, "Can we not talk about this right now? Please?"

Ah, a sore subject apparently, too. Well, they had time, he supposed. "I guess so. I'm sorry to bring it up."

She was contrite. "No, it's my fault. It's just…this is still a little too fresh to talk about. I came up here to think it through, but I have no idea what you're doing here."

"Then, we didn't come here together?" She shook her head in response. "And I obviously don't know why I'm here." He turned partially to look outside, at the now completely dark forest. He couldn't see a thing against the blackness, not even the swirling snow, but they could certainly hear the howling wind. "Well, it looks like we'll be here awhile. Might as well think of something to do. Is there anything up here to keep us occupied?"

They used to not have to have anything except each other, but Brenda just nodded, smiling again. "We have a couple games that we used to play when we came up here with Ned and Lois. There's a deck of cards, too. We'll find something, I'm sure." She got up to go to the closet and get the activities they did have.

So, they used to come up here together. Bit by little bit, he was trying to figure out their relationship. He liked the little bit of her he'd come to know so far, but she seemed withdrawn from him. It was like she didn't know what to do. She was thrown and she didn't know whether to forget the past they had until he remembered it, or treat him as she always had, so she was somewhere in between. He only wished he knew more.

Jax moved to stand up and stretch his legs out. He was getting warmer gradually and now only his feet were still cold. He pushed himself to his feet and straightened up. The sudden change made him sway dizzily on his feet for a few seconds before he was able to catch himself against the fireplace mantle. His hand knocked over a picture that was set on it. He picked it up before he put it back in its place. It was a picture of the two of them and it appeared to have been taken up here at the cabin by someone else who was with them. They were outside on a seemingly sunny summer day and they were out on a nearby lake. He had his arms wrapped around her waist, standing behind her, and she was leaning back into him, looking lovingly up into his face. They were laughing at what looked like a private joke between the two of them.

He concluded that they were very happy together, at least they were at one time. It didn't appear to be that way still. Something had happened. He wished he could remember what. He was still gazing intently at the picture when he heard footsteps behind him and the sound of something being placed on the low table in front of the couch. Quickly, he put the picture down and turned to face her. He winced at what the rapid movement did to his head.

Brenda looked at him rather shyly, her confidence waning. "This is what I found in the closet," she said, gesturing to the collection of board games and the deck of cards she'd brought out.

Jax walked over to the table and gently lowered himself back down to the floor, sitting cross-legged at the table. His hand put the ice back up to his head. "I'm sure we can figure something out," he responded, looking at the collection. Brenda sat down on the couch across from him as they began to occupy the long night ahead of them.

"Jax, I cannot believe you just landed on Boardwalk! That's so unfair!" Brenda laughingly exclaimed in the middle of their rousing game of Monopoly.

"Only because I already have Park Place, right?" he teased as he handed over the money to buy it from the bank. He immediately took several more bills and bought houses to sit on his new property.

"Wait, wait, wait! You can't put houses on something you just bought!" she argued.

"Who says? You? You can, too!"

"You can't! Where are the rules? I'm sure it's in there somewhere!" she tried to threaten him, hoping to get him to retract his property.

"You're only mad because you're in danger of landing on one of them in your next turn, aren't you?"

Brenda's hesitation answered him and they burst out laughing. When Brenda had caught her breath, she tried to explain, "No, I just want to be fair. You know I'd do the same thing if you asked me to."

"Oh, yeah, right!" he smiled. "It's your turn. Let's see you roll a five or seven!" He handed her the dice.

An hour later, Brenda sighed in defeat. Jax had beat her and it was all because of Boardwalk! "You probably made that rule up just so you could have your houses," she pretended to pout. "You always win!"

"Really? I wouldn't know," he quipped. He was putting the board game away in its box.

Brenda hesitated before she laughed softly. She was having a good time, but none of this erased the feelings she had for Jax. None of it changed the fact that she had come up here to get away from him and everything that reminded her of him. She knew she didn't want to be with him and it probably wasn't good for her, but it was different. This was not the Jax she didn't want to be around, the one she'd had problems with. This was something akin to the Jax she'd fallen in love with. He was not cold or angry with her, as he had been in the last six months. He was cute and funny and charming, like the day she'd met him. Could she trust it?

Jax had been trying since he'd come around to figure out this relationship. Obviously, they'd had a falling out of some sort, but he couldn't imagine not loving this woman anymore if he had at one time. She was a little reserved, but every now and then he would get a flash of what she must have been like when they were together. He wanted to know what had happened between them for her to have put up the wall he kept running into. The Brenda he was seeing was bright and intelligent and sometimes even carefree, but then suddenly, that would change. Her whole façade would change and she would reign herself in, put on the brakes. Was she afraid to trust him?

She removed the deck of cards from the box and shuffled them. "So what do you want to play? Black Jack, Poker, Go Fish?" she smiled.

Jax took the cards from her and put them down on the table. "None of the above," he said seriously.

She picked the cards back up and began to shuffle again. "Then, how about Gin? Crazy Eights? I know, Old Maid?" She laughed knowing Jax didn't know how to play either of the last two.

"Brenda, no. I don't want to play cards right now."

"Well, we have to do something. I mean, I can't let you go to sleep for another," she checked her watch, "twenty hours." She looked at him in disbelief. "You know, that seemed like a lot less time before I said it out loud," she joked. "Oh you know, actually, it has been a long time since I've eaten, and I know it's been at least four hours since you've eaten. How about I fix something?" Her stomach growled just as she got up, making her laugh again. She went off into the kitchen to find what was in the bag she'd brought in without waiting for his response.

Jax groaned in frustration and pushed himself up off the floor. He sat down on the couch and watched the fire crackling. He didn't want to play games anymore. He didn't want to eat. In fact, truth be told, he wasn't feeling all that well, and the thought of food coupled with his headache of monstrous proportions was nauseating. But it had become obvious to him in the last few minutes, that Brenda was uncomfortable in this close proximity with him. He had hoped to be able to ask her why and what had happened between them to make her feel this way, but somehow he knew she wouldn't answer him right now. No, they'd have to save that discussion for another time. Who knows? They still had twenty hours, right?

Brenda was pouring water from a bottle into a soupcan to mix with the soup already in the pan. She figured even she couldn't screw up soup and she'd read the directions on the side of the can carefully. At least then Jax wouldn't know she was almost completely incapable in the kitchen. Everything she had brought was like this soup. Easy as long as you knew how to read directions. She could only guess what he had brought with him for supplies. She knew he was the better cook and he could get by in the kitchen, so he'd probably been more practical than she was. And fortunately, he had more food since it looked like they might be up here longer than either of them had been expecting.

But, as she thought about it, she realized she didn't know how long he'd been planning to stay up here. He certainly didn't know. He hadn't brought his suitcase in with him when he'd come to the door before. He might have been planning on just the weekend or a few weeks, she didn't know.

Jax glanced over and saw her pouring the water from the bottle. "Hey, Brenda?" he asked. "Why aren't you using water from the sink for that?"

"Because the water isn't turned on in the cabin right now."

"Why not?"

"Because neither of us has been up here in over two years and the valve is buried in almost two feet of snow outside."

"Oh, then I'll have to find it tomorrow and get it turned on, don't you think?"

Brenda turned on the gas burner and began to heat the pan with the soup in it. "I'll have to tell you where it is. You'll never find it if you just go looking for it, especially with all that snow."

Another awkward silence fell between them. Jax had noticed there was a moderate supply of firewood in the cabin, but probably not enough to last more than a day or so. He'd have to bring more of that in, too. If they were going to be up all night and into the next day, they'd be burning a lot of wood.

"What about firewood?" he asked her.

She was concentrating on not burning the soup. "There's some in my car, and I'm sure you brought some with you. And there's the shed out back. We used to keep loads of wood out there. There'll be more than enough once we can get it in here."

Polite small talk, that's all it was. What did he do to her? Whatever it was, it must have been pretty bad for her to be this uneasy with him in the same room. He wondered how long they'd even been apart before this. Was this the first time they were seeing each other since they'd parted?

Brenda poured the soup into two bowls and took them over to the couch where Jax was sitting. She offered him one of the bowls, but he only took it from her and placed it on the table in front of him. She noticed he was rubbing his hands together to get the circulation going in them again. "You know, the soup might help warm you up," she suggested.

How did she know he was cold? Was it intuition? Was she that in tune with him? Did she just know? Oh. No. His hands, he hadn't realized he was doing that. He glanced at the soup bowl and then looked away almost as quickly. "No, I don't think so, not right now."

"Is something the matter, Jax?"

Was that concern he heard in her voice? Did she really care? Of course she cared, she was the one who had hit him over the head, knocking him completely unconscious. She wanted to make sure she hadn't maimed him for life. "No, nothing's wrong. I just don't feel like eating the soup right now." Or anything else for that matter, but he didn't say it. She would worry too much.

She accepted that without any more questions and they fell silent again. As she turned to look at him once more, she noticed the bump on the back of his head again. It certainly was noticeable. "Does your head still hurt? I probably have some aspirin in my purse if you think that would help."

"I don't think that would be a very good idea. Probably not until we're sure I'm alright." He stressed the 'we' part of that to make it known that he meant her.

"But it still hurts, does it?" she was trying to keep the sympathy out of her voice because she knew he never responded well to it.

"Yes, it still hurts," he said shortly. Damn it, now he was being curt with her. He leaned his head back against the cushions of the couch carefully and stared at the ceiling. His mood was rapidly worsening with the courteous chit-chat she was making with him. He wanted more. He wanted to know what was going on. He knew they weren't strangers, so why were they acting like they were? At one time they had been going to get married and now she could barely stand to say two sentences at a time to him? What the hell had happened between them?

Several hours later--Jax had stopped counting--Brenda was yawning nearly every other minute. She'd stayed up with him, making sure he wasn't going to pass out. They'd played cards, they'd played another board game, they'd talked, but never about them. She was so closed off about them, so he didn't even try to broach the subject.

As she yawned again, Brenda smiled. "It has been too long since I last pulled an all-nighter like this. Well, not like this exactly, it was in college so it was studying for a final test or something like that."

Jax glanced up at her. She did look extremely tired. "You know, if you wanted to go to sleep, I promise I won't pass out on you." He said it lightly, but he wasn't joking. He was fine and there was no reason for her to suffer along with him.

"Now, how can you say that? You don't know what might happen." She stood up and placed another log on the fire, rubbing her hands before it when the flames jumped. "Besides, it's kind of fun. What should we do next?"

"You should sleep. Really, Brenda I'll be okay."

"Jax, let's just settle this right now. I am not going to go to sleep on you. I need to make sure you're okay."

"Why? Because you feel guilty for hitting me so hard?" he said sarcastically.

"Because I don't want anything to happen to you," she said matter-of-factly. "And if something were to happen, there wouldn't be any way for me to get help." She wasn't going to argue with him.

They settled into another rousing game of Go Fish, but before they could even finish, Brenda had drifted off to sleep. Purely by accident, Jax was sure. He covered her with a blanket and stoked the fire again. He got up and wandered around the cabin to explore a little bit further.

The main room was one of four. The kitchen was separated from it by a half wall. The area was large and spacious, with plenty of room for more furniture that they had apparently felt they didn't need. Down a short hallway was a bedroom with only a bed and a dresser with a mirror in it. The huge four-poster bed dominated the room and all of it was decorated in white. There was a private bedroom entrance to the bathroom, but also one off the hallway. The bathroom was what some might call large and it had more than enough space for more than one person to be in it at a time. Everything about it was simple.

Jax lay down on the bed for a moment to see how comfortable it might be. Not that he thought he'd be the one sleeping in here. Brenda would probably be in here while he slept on the couch by himself. He was just fortunate it was a pull-out couch. The bed had a soft mattress and it was extremely comfortable. It was covered in a down quilt and the sheets were flannel. Apparently the last time they had been up here had also been in the winter. Nothing had been done to it since. Before he could fall asleep, as he was so achingly wanting to do right now, Jax got up to go back into the main room.

He stood too quickly and the room swam before his eyes. He put a hand out to brace himself, but he caught nothing but air. The dizziness combined with his head injury and his world went black as he hit the floor.