If I Recall

Chapter 19

Several minutes passed in complete silence after Jane's innocently ominous question.  Jax's parents looked at the two of them expectantly while they waited for an answer.  Finally, Brenda shifted in her seat and took her hand from Jax's to sit forward on her chair.  But before she said something to John and Jane, she leaned over to whisper to Jax.

"Jax, I want to tell them."

"What exactly do you mean by that?" he whispered back in her ear.

"I mean everything.  I want to tell them everything that happened."

"You're sure?"

She nodded and added, "I think it would be best if I did it alone, too."

Jax started to shake his head, but the determination in her eyes told him he wasn't going to win the argument and she was going to tell them alone.  He reluctantly agreed and pushed back his chair to stand up.

Brenda cleared her throat and said, "There's something I need to tell you and Jax and I decided it was best if I told you two alone."  She smiled tentatively at his parents and their looks of confusion.

"Jax?" his father questioned, looking up to where he stood.

Jax nodded.  "She's right.  I'll be back.  I have a phone call I have to make anyway."  He walked away and into the lobby then to give Brenda her time alone with his parents.

He knew the reason she wanted to tell them alone.  It was for him.  She wanted to spare him the pain of having to live it again as she told them.  She didn't want him to see the hurt in their eyes, nor them to see it in his when she spoke.  He went over to one of the couches and sat down, pulling out his cell phone to check for his messages.  There was no phone call he had to make.

Brenda met Jane's gaze steadily for a few seconds and then shifted to John.  She took a deep breath and began to tell them the whole story.  "John, Jane, I know Jax probably didn't tell you any of this when we broke up," she said as she finished telling them everything that had happened between Jax and her for the last seven months.  She had seen the flashes of pain come and go from their eyes as she spoke and it pained her to hurt them like that, but she knew they had to know.  If they were going to understand her relationship with Jax now, they had to understand what had happened.

"No, he certainly didn't," Jane finally said softly.

She could hear the disdain Jane felt for her in her voice and it brought tears to Brenda's eyes.  "Please, you have to understand that I know I hurt Jax more than anything.  But you have to understand that I do love him.  I love only him and I only ever will.  It took him awhile to see that and I think there might still be some doubt in his mind, that's why we're taking it so slowly right now.  I know I have a lot to make up for, with you and with Jax, especially.  All I'm asking for is the chance to do that."

John and Jane were quiet for a few more minutes and then Jane slowly began to nod.  "I can see that you mean what you're saying, Brenda.  But I am going to warn you of one thing.  If you ever hurt our son again, in any way, I will personally make sure that he doesn't believe in third chances."

Even though her voice was soft, Brenda heard Jane's threat loud and clear.  She smiled in return at Jax's parents and nodded.  "I understand," she said.  "Thank you."  She knew she had been given her precious second chance with them now.

"Well, shall we go find Jax, then?" John said.  He stood up and helped his wife to her feet.  He followed them out into the lobby where they found Jax talking to someone on his cell phone where he sat on the lobby couch.

Jax looked up when he saw Brenda coming out of the restaurant in front of his parents.  He knew immediately that things had gone well and he smiled at her.  He held up one finger to indicate that he would be off the phone in a minute.  He'd gotten an urgent message from one of his business associates that needed immediate attending to, so he was taking care of it.  A moment later, he hung up the phone.

"I take it everything went okay?" he asked Brenda quietly as he took her hand and they walked his parents to their hotel suite for the night.

"Everything went just fine," she responded and stood on her toes to give him a quick kiss and a smile.

After they had said goodnight to his parents outside of their room, Jax and Brenda went back up to his penthouse.  Once inside, Brenda sat on the far couch and held out her hand to Jax.  He took it and sat beside her, pulling her close to his side and wrapping his arms around her.  She lay her head on his chest and sighed contentedly.

"I'm proud of you, you know," he said softly.  The room was dimly lit by one lamp by the door and the light threw pleasant shadows on them, bathing them in a warm, soft glow.

She sat up and leaned back in his arms to look up at him.  "For what?  I didn't do anything."

"For telling my parents what you did.  That took a lot of courage to do that."

"Jax-"

"No, wait.  I know they probably had a few harsh words for you, but-"

"No, sweetie, they didn't," she interrupted him.  "They said exactly what I was expecting them to say."  She didn't tell him what it was they had said.

"Well, either way, I'm proud of you," he said quietly.  "And I want to thank you for it."

Rather than continue the conversation and argue that he didn't need to thank her, Brenda raised her lips to his and kissed him tenderly.  "I did it because I love you," she said when she drew back from him.  "And I want your parents to know that, too."

"They do," he assured her.

"And I want you to know that, Jax."  A very serious look came into her eyes as she held his gaze intently.  "I love you, Jax.  With all of my heart."  She placed her palm against his cheek and caressed the side of his face gently.  "Remember we said we wouldn't make promises we couldn't keep this time around?  Well, I want to make a promise to you right now.  I promise you that I will never hurt you again."

Jax sighed and smiled at her, shaking his head slightly.  "Brenda, sweetie, you can't make that promise.  Neither one of us can.  As soon as I opened my heart to you, and you to me, we left ourselves vulnerable to be hurt.  And if it's going to happen, it's inevitable.  That was one of the things I had to come to grips with.  However unintentional it may be, we cannot prevent it from happening.  I guarantee that you will hurt me again sometime in our lives.  And I guarantee that I will hurt you sometime in our lives.  But as long as we make the promise that it will never be intentional or a conscious choice, then we'll make it.  We can get through anything, Brenda.  We have already done that.  We just need to keep doing it, as openly and as honestly as we can.  Okay?" 

If it was possible to love him more than she already did, Brenda did.  His words struck her to her very core and touched her heart more than she thought possible.  Instead of answering him to agree with him, she kissed him again, this time with more passion and heat than before.  She put every emotion and feeling of love that she had for him behind her kiss.  She felt him return the same passion to her.

Neither of them pulled away as Jax shifted them on the couch and he moved to lay on top of her.  He kissed her gently and tenderly and in the next breath, he kissed her ardently and fiercely passionately.  Her hands began to move as if they were a magnet to the buttons of his dress shirt.  She undid the buttons slowly, caressing each expanse of bared flesh as she came to it.  His left hand cupped the base of her neck, his fingers threaded into her hair, while his right hand moved lightly across her chest to the buttons on her blouse.

Before they removed their shirts, Jax moved and swept her into his arms.  He carried her into his bedroom and lay her gently on the bed beneath her.  He removed his shirt and hers before he lay atop her again.  Their passion was not lost as he recaptured her lips with his.  Their tongues danced together.  His hands continued to stroke her sides until he moved them to remove her bra.  As it dropped to the floor with their shirts, Brenda broke the kiss and looked into his eyes which were alive with a fire. 

When he looked at her questioningly, she whispered, "Jax, are you sure?"

He had known since she had asked to speak to his parents alone and face them by herself that he was ready to give her everything.  She had made him more proud than ever before and he loved her even more deeply for it.  After she asked her question, he moved his hand to trace it lightly along her jaw, trailing it over her lips softly.  "I'm sure," he responded in little more than a breath as he kissed her once more.

They made sweet love for several hours until Brenda fell asleep in Jax's arms.  They lay beneath the covers of the bed and she used his chest as a pillow, her legs entwined with his in an intimate position.  He kissed the top of her head softly as she slept.  Wrapping his arms more tightly around her, he whispered, "I love you," before he closed his eyes and fell asleep with her.

Jax and Brenda spent the rest of the weekend with his parents and when they left on Sunday afternoon, Jax had never been happier.  If it was possible, every day, his love for Brenda grew.  She continually surprised him and amazed him with how determined she was to love him.  It made him love her all the more for it.

As weeks began to wear on, the news of their reunion together spread to their friends and the rest of the people who cared to know in Port Charles.  Everything slowly returned to normal for Jax and Brenda, for the first time in seven months.  They were truly able to be happy again.

Brenda's birthday came up at the end of March and Jax had planned an evening just for the two of them to celebrate with her.  He left her with no hint of what they were doing the afternoon of her birthday.  All he told her was that they would be going somewhere special and that she needed to dress for the occasion.

At ten to six that evening, Brenda was putting the finishing touches on her outfit.  She wore a dark blue sheath gown that fell gracefully from her shoulders to her feet.  It was sleeveless, but she carried a wrap of the same color of her dress mixed with traced of sparkling white thread.  On her feet, a pair of strappy silver shoes complimented the dress.  Her dark brown tresses flowed down her back in long waves, caught only by a sparkling comb on the left side.  A simple sapphire pendant that Jax had given her two years before adorned her neck, but she wore no other jewelry.

At exactly six o'clock, her doorbell rang at the front door of her cottage.  She descended the steps carefully so she didn't trip.  She could see the back of Jax's blond head through the window in her door as he was turned to look out across her front lawn.  She opened the door slowly, smiling.

Jax turned and his breath caught in his throat immediately.  He swore he'd never seen a more beautiful sight in his life than the one before him right them.  She literally took his breath away.  "Brenda, you look…" his voice trailed off as words left him and he was virtually speechless. 

Brenda opened the door fully and took his hand to bring him inside.  He was wearing a black tuxedo complete with silk pants and a ribbon of black running the length of his legs.  His bowtie was black to keep it all simple, but he looked amazing.  "So do you," she returned his compliment. 

He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips and when he straightened, he asked, "Are you ready to go?"

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Nope," he teased her.  He took her hand in his and laced their fingers together.  He led her to the waiting limousine that would take them to their first destination.

Fifteen minutes later, Brenda was surprised when the limo stopped outside the private airplane hangar at the Port Charles airport.  "Jax, what are we doing here?" she asked.

"We are just beginning here," he said mysteriously, grinning.

His private jet flew them to Kennedy Airport in New York City where there was another waiting car to take them to dinner.  The car pulled up outside of a well-known restaurant that occupied the entire top level of a tall building.  But when the elevator doors opened on the restaurant level, there was no one in the room with them.  There was one table set by the window for two people.  Candles were lit sporadically around the room, adding a feeling of definite romance to the air.

"Oh, Jax," Brenda breathed.  "You did all this?"

He didn't say anything.  He just led her to the table by the window and pulled out her chair for her.  Taking her wrap, he handed it to a waiter who seemed to appear out of nowhere.  The waiter returned a moment later to pour their champagne and then he left again.

"This is amazing, Jax," Brenda said softly, gazing out over the beautiful view of the city from where they sat.  "I can't believe you did all this for me."

"I would do anything for you, Brenda," Jax replied just as softly.  He leaned over the table and kissed her lovingly on the lips.

Their dinner passed all too quickly for Brenda's tastes, but Jax reassured her that the night wasn't over just yet.  As he said that, the wait staff appeared with a small cake with one candle lit on top.  They sang to her softly as one of them placed it on the table in front of her.  They disappeared again when they were finished singing.

"Make a wish, Brenda," Jax whispered.

She closed her eyes, smiling softly, made a wish, a blew out the candle.

"Looks like it's going to come true," he said.

"I think it already has," she replied.

Jax stood up then and held out his hand to her.  Soft music cued in the background and began to play throughout the room.  He led her slowly onto the cleared dance floor and took her into his arms.  She rested her head on his shoulder as the volume of the music increased slightly and they began to dance together.

More and more each day
I've come to realize
I'd surely lose my way
Without you in my life

So don't worry for one moment
if I'll always care
I'm not going anywhere

Even if I wanted to
I could never say goodbye
Even if had the will
I couldn't walk away

Cause I could never make it through
A single day without you
Even if I wanted to

Brenda broke their embrace and looked up to meet Jax's gaze with her eyes.  Tears brightened her eyes as she heard the words and took them for their meaning.  She noticed as she looked at him, his own eyes were slightly moist, as well.  She stood on her toes, hugged him tightly to her, and met her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

I remember life without you
And how lonely I was then
And girl I'd rather die
Than go back there again

And I will always need you
More than you'll even know
And I couldn't let you go

Even if I wanted to
I could never say goodbye
Even if I had the will
I couldn't walk away

Cause I could never make it through
A single day without you
Even if I wanted to
Even if I wanted to

The song ended, but Jax kept Brenda in his arms, still swaying slightly.  Another song came on in the background, this time an instrumental piece and they continued to dance.  He pulled away from her, causing her to look up at him again.

"Brenda," he began softly.  "I want you to know that I love you more than I ever thought possible."  She started to say the same, but he stopped her by placing a finger over her lips lightly.  "Six months ago, I thought that I would never feel this way again.  About anyone, let alone you.  Knowing now what I do, I can almost say that the pain was worth it if it bought us to here."  At her look of surprise, he chuckled softly.  "Almost, I said.  I know now that we can make it through anything, Brenda.  Our love for each other is that strong."

"Jax, I'm not sure what you're trying to say exactly," Brenda said softly.  "But I feel the same way."

He silenced her again before she said any more.  "What I'm trying to say, Brenda," Jax said, taking a deep breath and stopping their dancing for a moment.  He moved his hand from where it held her tightly to him and reached into his left tuxedo jacket pocket.  He withdrew a small, square, black velvet box and opened it slowly for her to see what was inside.  "I never thought I would ask you this again, Brenda," he started.  "But now, as before, you would make me eternally honored if you would be my wife.  Brenda, will you marry me?"

Brenda looked in awe at the large diamond ring that lay in the box he was holding.  The candle light threw a thousand sparkles into the ring and made it glitter.  She looked from the ring to Jax's face as he spoke.  For a long time, she met his aquamarine gaze with her eyes, tears beginning to glimmer in the corners.  "Oh, Jax," she breathed for the second time that night.  She placed her right hand against the side of his face and caressed his jaw line with her thumb.  "Of course, I'll marry you," she whispered.

He slid the ring onto her left hand and kissed it softly when it was in place.  The tears in her eyes had begun to fall and they matched the ones beginning to form in his own eyes.  She had succeeded in making him happier than he ever thought possible.  He cupped her face with his hands and brought his lips down to meet hers in a passionate kiss that lasted for what seemed like hours.

 

Chapter 20