This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 21

“Jax!” Ned exclaimed loudly.  “What’d you do that for?”  He watched as Jerry lay sprawled on the floor just inside the doorway.

Jax winced and shook his hand out to relieve the pain in his knuckles.  He was glaring viciously at his older brother.  “What the hell are you doing here, Jerry?”

For his part, Jerry was trying to see through the stars dancing in front of his eyes.  He put his right hand gingerly up to his jaw to feel the bruise beginning to form.  He winced as he saw his fingers come away with a bit of blood from a cut lip.  He dragged himself to his feet and half-grinned at Jax.  “I suppose I deserve that one,” he said softly.

“Damn right!” Jax said.  In fact, he wanted to hit him again.

Ned watched the two brothers and stepped in between them before Jax could get another shot in.  He put his hand up to Jax’s chest to stop him.  “Jax, he’s here to help you!” he said.

Jax shook his head in disgust and walked away slightly.  “I don’t need his help, Ned.  I won’t ever need his help.”

“Jax?” Brenda’s voice came from the hallway.  “Jax?  Are you out here?” she called softly.  She rounded the corner into the living room to see her husband still glaring daggers at a man in the doorway and Ned standing between the two of them.  The man at the door was shaking his head and she could see a dark bruise along his jaw.  She suspected Jax had had something to do with it.  She walked over to him and extended her hand.  “I take it you’re Jerry?” she asked as she offered her hand to him to shake.

As Jerry was nodding, Jax’s eyes widened.  “You knew about this, Brenda?” he asked, his voice rising a few notches. 

“I’m the one who asked Ned to go find him, Jax.”  She turned to Jerry and studied him.  “You don’t look much alike, do you?” she asked him.

Jax turned his head to look upwards and smiled to himself as if he thought he was losing his mind.  He shook his head and walked away to the picture window, looking outside.

Jerry looked down at the petite brunette beside him and shook his head.  “No, we never were very much alike,” he finally answered her after watching his brother reject his presence.

“We sure as hell weren’t,” Jax muttered.

“And I’m sure you can tell we never got along very well, either,” Jerry said.

Brenda nodded.  “I know all about that,” she confirmed.  She changed the topic.  “Did Ned tell you what we need from you?”

Jax whirled around from his spot at the window.  “We don’t need anything from him!” he exclaimed. 

“Jax, you don’t even know why he’s here,” Brenda tried to explain.

“And I don’t care, either.  As far as I’m concerned, he can go back to whatever corner of the planet he came from.  He’s done more than enough for me.”  The contempt was plain in his voice and the anger was flashing through his eyes. 

Jerry started towards him, but stopped as Jax backed even further away.  “Obviously, you know what my involvement was.”

“Obviously,” Jax said, sarcastically.

Jerry nodded.  “Look, Jax.  I’m sorry, okay?”

“You’re sorry?!  You’re sorry, Jerry?”  Jax stared at his brother in utter disbelief.  “You set me up at the will of someone else.  I lose everything I have.  I get arrested for something I didn’t have anything to do with, and you’re sorry?  How stupid do you think I am?!”

“Jax, keep your voice down!” Brenda said.  “You’ll wake up everyone else.”  She didn’t say another word when he turned his stony gaze on her. 

“I know you’re not going to understand this, Jax, but I didn’t know how far this was going to go when I was hired on.  All I knew was that I was being paid to get a job in your company and hire this random guy.  I didn’t know what Cassidine was going to do.”  He saw that Jax didn’t believe him.  “I know you don’t believe me, but it’s the truth.  I was innocent.”

“Innocent?  You call that innocent, Jerry?”  Jax’s eyes flashed as he took a few steps toward his brother.  “Let me tell you something, brother.”  The word was filled with hate as he said it and Jerry actually flinched from it.  “You accepted money to hire a man who would eventually ruin my company and my name.  You started this whole thing!  You are not innocent of anything!  You turned on your own family for money.  And I ended up losing everything I have because of it.”

“Why is it always about you, Jax?” Jerry erupted angrily.  He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it, but it was too late.  The look of complete amazement on Jax’s face turned quickly into utter hatred. 

“Wow, you really have no idea, do you?”  It was all Jax could say as he turned away and walked into the bedroom.  He slammed the door as hard as he could behind him.

Brenda started to go after him, but Jerry put his hand on her arm to stop her.  He shook his head.  “Don’t.”

She knew he was right, anyway.  Turning to look up at Jax’s brother again, she studied him intently.  “What in the world would possess you to say that to him, Jerry?”  Her tone was cold as she spoke.

Jerry shook his head.  He scrubbed his hands over his face and ran his fingers through his hair, all the while shaking his head.  “I don’t know, Brenda.”  He sighed.  “I really couldn’t tell you.  I just said the first thing that came to my mind.  He gets to me.  He has always gotten to me.”

Brenda glanced at Ned and saw that he had taken a seat on the couch across from them, watching silently.  “You don’t really expect me to feel sorry for you, do you?”  She nearly laughed.  “Let me tell you now, there is no way in hell that I will ever be able to understand what you did to your own brother.  I don’t even see how it’s possible to treat your own family like you Jacks boys do.”

He was quiet for a few minutes.  Walking a few steps away from her, he replied, “It’s always been like this, Brenda.  As long as I can remember, it has always been Jax against me, for whatever reason.”

“Jax against you?  What you did sounds like you against Jax.  You forget, Jerry, you started this against him.  Not the other way around.  He did not deserve this.”

“I know,” he finally admitted, quietly.  He faced her again.  “Brenda, would you believe me if I told you I was sorry I went along with Stefan Cassidine, that I regret what I did?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I guess it depends.”

“On what?”

“Whether or not you mean it.”

Jerry nodded.  “I guess I deserve that.”

“You deserve more,” she said pointedly.

“I know that, too.  But I do mean it, Brenda.  If I could take it back, I would.”  He took a deep breath.  “It was stupid, really.  And I’ve spent three years regretting I did it.  Jax was right, you know.  I wasn’t innocent at all in this.  I knew that nothing good could come of Stefan Cassidine paying me to work for my brother.  I knew there was a set up in it.  There had to be, otherwise, he wouldn’t have needed me.”

“It would help to know why you did it, Jerry.  Why did you accept the money and do what Stefan wanted?”

Finally, Jerry sat down on the couch.  He buried his head in his hands for a moment before turning truthful eyes on Brenda.  “You’ve never met me before today, Brenda.  You don’t know who I am or what I’ve done with the exception of this.  I’m sure, though, that Jax has told you a lot about me.  Without going into the details of it, several years ago, I made very bad decisions.  They cost me my brother and my family.  When the dust settled, Jax was gone, having been led to believe our parents had wronged him as I had.  They didn’t, but he didn’t know that at the time.  I don’t even know if he knows that now.”

“He does,” Brenda interjected.

Jerry nodded.  “Good.  However, the damage was done to our relationship and he wasn’t very willing to forgive.  We didn’t speak for over eight years.  In that amount of time, I got married and had two children.”  He turned reminiscent for a moment.  “I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t love her.  But if I had known her, I wouldn’t have married her.  You see, Bobbie led me to believe she was a decent person.  She told me we had similar backgrounds and we came from the same place.  In reality, that couldn’t have been further from the truth.  She only married me for the money I had.  She gave me my two daughters, the only good things we ever really did, and then she took me for everything I had.”  His tone had become bitter. 

“It was about the time Stefan approached me that I had really begun to regret giving up on my relationship with Jax.  So, when Stefan gave me the opportunity to be paid to get it back, I took it.  It wasn’t only because I was in debt, due in large part to my wife.  I took his money and went to Jax for a job.  I don’t think I really expected Jax to give it to me and that’s the part I really hate about myself.  I gave Jax a good story about how I wanted to turn my life around and start over with him.  It was all true and he did believe me.  But once I got into the plan with Stefan, I realized there was no way to keep my word to Jax.  I knew I had to get out of his company as quickly as I had gotten into it.  Whatever it was that Stefan was setting up, I knew I couldn’t be around when it all happened.  As a result, I left Jax’s company a week after I started and we haven’t spoken since.”  He sighed.

“Look, Brenda, I know I screwed this up and I will take the blame for the part I had in it.  That’s why I came when Ned asked me.”

Ned smiled.  It hadn’t exactly been “asking,” per se.

Brenda met Jerry’s eyes and held his gaze for several long moments.  “So, I have your word that you are going to help us get Jax out of this?”

Jerry nodded.  “Absolutely.”  He stood up and once more, gingerly touched his face where Jax had punched him.  Wincing, he asked, “Do you have a washroom I could use?”

Brenda nodded and pointed towards the hallway.  “Second door on the left.”

He started towards it and then thought of something else.  Turning, he half-smiled and shook his head.  “Oh, and Brenda, you can keep your money.”  He didn’t wait for a response as he left the room.

Surprised, she looked to Ned for confirmation.  Her brother-in-law nodded.  “It’s true, Bren.  We discussed it on our way here on the plane.  He doesn’t want the money.”

“What does he want then?” she asked.

Ned shrugged.  “I guess all he really wants is the chance to get his brother back.”

Brenda sighed.  “Well, then, I think I need to go find out how forgiving Jax can really be.”  She headed towards their bedroom where Jax had disappeared in a storm an hour before.

She opened the door as silently as she could, inching it open to see where her husband might be.  She saw him standing by the picture window on the other side of the room.  Under ordinary circumstances, she might have thought he was watching the sunrise over the city, but she knew otherwise.  “Jax?” she asked quietly.  He didn’t move an inch from his position.  She almost didn’t think he heard her.  “Sweetheart?” she tried, hoping he would respond to something different.

“What?”  She flinched from his tone of voice.  He sounded furious.

Creeping up behind him, she placed a hand on his shoulder.  He quickly shrugged it off, moving away from her.  It was enough to tell her that he was as angry with her as he was with his brother.  Instead of trying to touch him again, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at the back of his head.  “I’m sorry, Jax,” she started.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”  He held firm, his gaze locked on something out the window.

“Well, good, then don’t talk.  Just listen to me.  He wants to help you, Jax.  He came with Ned from California because he wants to help you.”

Slowly, Jax turned around.  A look of bemusement crossed his features before it returned to anger.  “I don’t really care what he wants to do, Brenda.  Do you get that?”

“Yes, I get that,” she shot back.  “But guess what?  I don’t care whether or not you want him to help you!  He’s here to help and he’s not leaving until he does.  Do you get that?”  She sighed heavily and stared into his cold, blue eyes.  “Look, Jax,” she said, her tone softening, “Jerry can tell the police what happened three years ago and why.  By him telling them that Stefan set this whole thing up three years ago, he can get your name cleared.  They’ll know that you had nothing to do with Robert Norton getting hired or what he was there to do.”

Jax gave a short laugh and shook his head.  “You don’t get it, Brenda.  I still signed that paper agreeing to the purchase of Jacobson Electronics.  I gave the go-ahead and that’s what makes me guilty.  Not whether or not I knew what Norton was doing.  There is nothing Jerry can say that will change that!”

“It’s better than nothing, though,” she insisted.

He crossed his arms to hide the clenching of his fists.  “And you know what?  If my brother goes to the police and tells them all of this, he will think I owe him something.”  His eyes were flashing with anger.  “And I will NOT owe my brother anything.”

Brenda backed away from him, seeing how furious he was.  She knew better than to push him any further.  There was nothing she could do to win the argument with her husband at this point, no matter how much she disagreed with him.  He needed time to deal with Jerry’s presence, let alone the fact that he was there to help him.  In an agreement of surrender, she held up her hands and turned to leave him alone.  Jax returned to staring out the window, but she noticed he had not unclenched his fists.

As Brenda went back into the living room, Jerry stood up from the couch where he had been sitting.  “Look, Brenda,” he started, “I don’t want to be the cause of any problems between you and Jax.”

She laughed.  “Jerry, I think that’s pretty impossible right now,” she replied honestly.

Jerry nodded, knowing she was right.  “I realize that, but what I mean is that if Jax doesn’t want me here, then I just want to get this over with and get out of town.  I’ll stay away if that’s what he wants.”

Brenda breathed deeply and crossed her arms beneath her silk robe.  She still hadn’t changed and it was getting later in the morning than she had wanted it to.  “I’m not sure it’s what he wants, Jerry.  I don’t think he knows what he wants right now.  But I do think you’re right.  You should get this over with as soon as possible.”  She crossed the room and picked up the cordless phone.  “Tell you what, I’m going to call Jax’s attorney, Alexis Davis, and tell her to meet you downtown at the police station.  She needs to be with you when you tell the police what you know.”

“And are you going to be with me, too?” he asked.

She thought he looked like he wanted the support, but she just wasn’t going to be able to give it to him.  She shook her head.  “No, I’m not going to go with you.  I need to stay here and try to talk to Jax.  He may blame you, but he’s angriest with me right now.  But Ned will go with you, right, Ned?” she said, turning to look at her brother-in-law.

Surprised, Ned directed his attention back to her.  Realizing she had volunteered him, he nodded reluctantly.  “Sure, Bren.  I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to do.”  His voice was laden with sarcasm, but he went to pick up his keys anyway.  He opened the door.  “Come on, Jerry.  It’ll take us longer to get there than Alexis.”

The two of them with Jerry flashing Brenda a hopeful smile on his way out the door.  She made her call to Alexis who promised to meet them at the station.  Turning back to the bedroom, she went to take a shower and get dressed.

Jax was stonily quiet when she entered the bedroom.  She didn’t say anything as she passed through to the bathroom to take a shower.  She knew he’d seen her come in.  She’d seen his head tilt towards the door when it opened.  It was as if he was daring her to start their fight again.  She left him alone.

Fifteen minutes later, she re-entered the bedroom, her hair curling from being wet.  She let it air dry as she chose her clothes and silently got dressed.  When she finished dressing, she sat on their bed, facing him.  He was sitting in the chaise lounge that looked out the picture window.  His chin was propped on his right hand while the fingers of his left hand tapped his knee, drawn up to his chest, restlessly.

“All right, I get it, Jax.  You’re angry,” she finally said.  “But I’m only trying to help.  I told you I was going to.”

Several long minutes passed in silence.  She wasn’t going anywhere until he talked to her.  “Where is he?” Jax finally asked.  His voice was quiet.

Brenda didn’t have to ask who he meant.  “At the police station, giving them his statement.”

He only nodded, but she could see the anger flare in his eyes again.

“I told you he was going to do that, too, you know.”  She forced a bit of lightheartedness into her voice.  When more minutes passed without a word, she’d had enough.  “Jax, come on!  You are so damn stubborn all the time!”

Jax knew she was right.  He was being stubborn, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that he still felt so much resentment towards his brother.  His brother was the reason he was in this whole huge mess to begin with.  It wasn’t like he was going to be able to turn around and forgive him for everything he had done and everything he had set in motion.  If it hadn’t been for Jerry, none of this would have ever happened.

That’s not true, a little voice in his head nagged to him.  Stefan would have found a way.  Jerry had just been the first person to give in to the temptation of the money.  There were so many other things that had happened that, when he looked at the whole big picture, Jerry was really only a small part.  Jax had been the one to go after Stefan’s parent company.  Jax was the person who rejected Katherine in the first place. 

The real problem he had with his brother was that this was just another thing to hold against him.  There had been the trouble with their parents so many years before.  Jax wasn’t even sure he fully understood why Jerry had done what he had done then.  He knew he certainly hadn’t forgiven Jerry for it.  This was just another thing.

The little voice came back, but it’s another thing he is actually trying to make up for doing.  He’d never tried to apologize for his last mistakes, Jax reminded himself.  And, if he didn’t believe there was at least an inkling of goodness in his brother, he never would have bought into the song and dance he’d given him three years before when he came looking for a job. 

Jax heard the doorknob jiggle as his wife put her hand on it to open it.  He had to stop her.  “You don’t understand, Brenda,” he said quietly, making her stop and turn around.

Brenda heard him.  He hadn’t moved, but she knew he’d spoken to her.  She crossed back over to the chaise lounge and stood in front of him, crossing her arms in front of her.  “Then, make me, Jax,” she replied softly.  For the first time in over an hour, he raised his eyes to meet hers.

“I wish I could,” he started to say.

“Just tell me what you’re thinking, at least.”  She was getting somewhere.  Further than she had all morning, she knew.

So he told her.  Everything he had just thought and more.  “I want to believe him, Brenda.  God, if I thought I could forgive him, I would tell him that, but I just don’t see how it’s possible.”

“He’s trying to do the right thing now, Jax.  Trust me, he knows he screwed this up.  He even knows there is a very good chance you may never forgive him.  But he’s still trying.  I think that says something.”  She sat down in front of him on the chair, putting her hand over his on his knee.

His hand grasped hers and he laced their fingers together.  “I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier,” he apologized.

“I know,” she responded.  She leaned over his legs and kissed his lips, accepting his apology.  He wouldn’t let her go when she drew away from his lips.  He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her, and shifting so she could lay back against his chest.  She faced the window, as he did, and put her hands over his where they held her.  She lay with her ear against his chest and could hear his heart beating beneath her.  She swore if she listened hard enough that she could hear the gears turning in his head, too.

They stayed like that for a long time.  At least an hour had passed without either of them moving or saying anything.  Suddenly, as Brenda was contemplating getting up and seeing where her family was, the telephone rang.  Instead, she got up quickly to answer the phone.  “Hello?”

“Brenda?” the other voice came over the line.  “This is Alexis.  I’m at the police station still and I think Jax should come down here.”

“Why?  Is something wrong?”  She saw Jax turn his head towards her and question her with his eyes.  She shrugged in response.

“No, not really.  But there’s been an interesting development in his case.”

“Something other than what Jerry said?”

Alexis remained cryptic.  “I really think you two need to come down here.  I’ll see you as soon as you can get here.”  She hung up without waiting to hear if they were coming.

“What’s going on?” Jax asked anxiously.  He hadn’t been able to determine anything from her side of the conversation.

“Get dressed, honey,” Brenda said.  “We need to go.”

 

Chapter 22