This is a continuing adaptation of Judith McNaught's Remember When

Feels Like Home

Chapter 18

But I’m all right, cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I’ve waited for your touch

"Why didn't you tell me what happened?" Brenda asked as soon as the apartment door opened.

"Brenda, what are you doing here?  And what are you talking about?" Alexis Davis asked as the petite brunette barged into her penthouse.

She turned with her hands on her hips and asked Alexis again, "Jax told me everything that happened.  Why didn't you tell me?  And better yet, why, if it was your family that did this to him, do you still represent him?"

Alexis held up her hands and shook her head.  "Why wouldn't I represent Jax?  He's been a client of mine for three years now."  She heard what Brenda had said then and asked, "What are you talking about 'my family did this to him?'  What did my family do?"

"Drove him away from the ranch ten years ago, set him up to be arrested four weeks ago, and anything else they wanted to."  She felt as if she should be adding a 'duh' at the end of her sentence.

The light began to dawn on Alexis as Brenda continued to speak.  "Okay, wait a minute, Brenda.  You do know I haven't had anything to do with my family for over five years now, don't you?"

That stopped Brenda cold in her speech.  "You haven't?" she asked, surprised and shocked.

Apparently she hadn't known, Alexis observed.  She shook her head again.  "No, I couldn't even tell you what part of the country my dear brother is living in right now if it weren't for the newspapers."

"For over five years?" Brenda repeated as if she hadn't heard what Alexis had just said.

"A little over six now, if you want to be technical."

Brenda was becoming acutely aware of the feeling of shame coming over her.  "Oh, Alexis, I'm so sorry.  I just assumed--"

"I know and it's all right, I promise you."  She motioned Brenda into the living room and to sit on the couch opposite her.  "Now, take a breath, start over, and tell me what Jax has told you."

"You really don't have any idea?"

"I really don't.  So tell me."

Brenda did as she was told.  She started with the night ten years ago, leaving out a few of the more personal details Jax had mentioned, and proceeded to tell Alexis everything that they knew to this point.  When she was done talking, she looked at Alexis expectantly.

The light again began to dawn in Alexis's eyes as the story had continued.  "So that's why he left," she observed quietly.

"Wait, you hadn't even known that?" Brenda asked, astonished.

She shook her head.  "Nope, all Stefan ever told me was that Jax had decided to leave for his own good.  He wanted to do more with his life than be a ranch hand, so he left.  That's all I ever knew.  Don't get me wrong, I knew Stefan didn't like Jax, but I figured it was his inane ideas of class divisions.  I guess I know differently now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Brenda agreed.  "I have to ask you, though, Alexis.  You don't believe he did it, do you?"

"No, of course not!  Katherine Bell was always a liar and a manipulator.  Stefan and I had a good many fights about her before they got married.  She's one of the reasons I cut my ties with them.  She's still a liar and a manipulator."

"That's what I figured.  But what I don't get is whether or not Stefan knows that.  I mean, does he have a good reason to dislike Jax or is he going based solely on what Katherine says?"

Alexis shrugged.  "I don't know.  I guess that's what we'll have to find out."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Brenda asked.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you want to do this, Brenda?” Alexis asked a few hours later.

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Brenda nodded.  “I’m sure.”  She looked at the door in front of them, her hand poised to knock.  “Are you sure she’s here?”

Alexis nodded in return.  “That’s what the doorman said.  She came home about half an hour ago.”

Earlier in the afternoon, Brenda and Alexis had done some research on Katherine and Stefan’s whereabouts.  They had discovered that the two owned a penthouse apartment in Manhattan and that Katherine was staying there for the month.  Even better than that, she was staying there alone while Stefan was in Istanbul with some business merger.  The two women had immediately decided to pay Katherine a visit on behalf of Jax to find out what they could.

Brenda’s knock echoed three times down the marble hallway.  They waited only moments before the door swung open to reveal an older gentleman who appeared to be the butler.  “May I help you?”

Alexis stepped forward and said, “Yes, I am Alexis Davis, Stefan Cassidine’s sister.  I believe the doorman called to announce us.”

“Ah, yes, Miss Davis.  Mrs. Cassidine is expecting you.  You did not mention a companion, though.”

“I didn’t?  Well, I do apologize.  This is a friend of mine.  She’s also known Katherine for years, so I’m sure Katherine won’t mind the surprise,” Alexis responded smoothly.

“Very well then, follow me,” the servant said as he led them down the immense hallway to a room on the right.  “Mrs. Cassidine is just in here,” he said, gesturing to the closed door and allowing the two women to open it for themselves and go inside.

Alexis put her hand on the brass handle and pushed the door open slowly.  They allowed it to open completely before they stepped into the room.  The door had opened too softly for Katherine to hear them entering so she did not turn toward them.

“Hello, Katherine,” Alexis said politely, though not even trying to hide the disdain in her voice.

The petite blonde woman jumped slightly and whirled around.  There was a flash of anger in her cold blue eyes until she saw them behind her.  Immediately, her demeanor changed into a smooth smile and an air of false welcome.  “Why, Alexis, this is so unexpected.  How nice of you to come visit me while I’m here in New York.  How did you even know where to find me?”

“We have our ways,” Alexis assured her.  “And just so you know, it wasn’t by my choice alone.”  She stepped aside to reveal Brenda standing behind her.

“Hello, Katherine,” Brenda said, smiling falsely.

“Brenda Barrett?!  Is it really you?”

She nodded.  “It’s really me.  How are you, Katherine?”  It was all a lot more polite than it was supposed to be, but Brenda knew that would all change quickly.

“This is truly a surprise!  How nice to see you!  First, I get a phone call announcing Stefan’s dear sister would like to visit and then she brings along a long lost friend I haven’t seen for years.  How wonderful!”

Katherine missed the glance Brenda and Alexis shared that questioned exactly who this woman was in front of them and how exactly it was that she was so unaware.

Speaking up, Brenda said, “Katherine, do you really not know why we’re here?”

She looked surprised.  “No, I didn’t realize you had a second purpose today.  I thought this might have been just a friendly visit.”

Alexis snorted and called Katherine’s bluff for what she could see it for.  “Oh, come on, Katherine!  You can’t honestly think that I would show up here for no other reason than to visit with you on a social call after I haven’t seen my brother for six years now, would you?  You’ve got to be smarter than that, I would think!”

“Why, Alexis, what are you saying?”

“She’s saying, cut the bull, Katherine.  You know damn well why we’re here, don’t you?” Brenda said.  As she’d watched Katherine while Alexis spoke, she saw the truth behind the woman’s façade to them.  She knew from the minute they’d walked in the door why they were there.  That much was obvious.

Katherine’s demeanor changed almost immediately.  “Of course I know why you’re here,” she said harshly.  “Although, I must say, I never expected you, Alexis, to show up here.  I would have thought, Mrs. Jacks would come alone.  Not that you’re much of a reinforcement for her.”

“Mrs. Jacks?” Brenda questioned.  “So you know exactly who I am now, huh, Katherine?”  Her eyes flashed in anger as she moved towards the blonde woman.  “Then, you should also know that I don’t give up easily.”

Alexis stepped back and allowed the two women to speak directly to each other without getting involved.  It was Brenda’s fight now.

“I don’t know what it is you’re fighting.  From what I can see, there’s nothing to be done about your dear husband’s predicament.”

“Bet me,” Brenda said menacingly.

Alexis would have applauded if the timing had been appropriate.

“What is it you think you can do, Brenda?” Katherine sneered.  “Your husband is going to jail.  It’s quite apparent the evidence against him will see to that!”

Brenda turned from her as if she were becoming defeated.  With her back to Katherine, she said quietly, “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Like what?”

“You’d like to be the one who put my husband in jail, wouldn’t you?  I mean, after all, he is the one who rejected you ten years ago.”

“What are you talking about?” Katherine asked, feigning innocence once again.

“I’m talking about a night, not so long ago that you’ve forgotten, when you came to Jax in a barn.  A barn owned by the people Jax worked for, the people who are now your family, no less,” she said the word ‘family’ with every bit of contempt she could muster.  “You were hurt, you were alone, and you want Jax, didn't you?  In fact, you’d probably wanted him from the day you saw him.  After all, I know I did,” she said flippantly, smiling.  “But the problem was, Jax didn’t want you.  He didn’t want any part of you, so when you threw yourself at him and he said no, you cried rape as if it had happened.  You made everyone believe Jax would hurt you, that he did hurt you.  You saw to it that he was run off that night, that it was made clear he was never to return, or he would face your wrath again, right?  But you didn’t want to wait that long, you figured ten years was quite enough to wait to extract your revenge.”  She almost smiled again.  “I must say, given the circumstances, I’m surprised you waited that long.  After all, you had Robert Norton working for Jax for over a year before you made your move on him.  Why not a year ago?  Why not three years ago?  Why not five?  That’s what I’m really confused about.  Why did you wait so long?”

Brenda stopped finally and facing Katherine fully now.  She saw just how angry the woman had gotten during her speech, but she could also see just how accurate she’d been with it.  Katherine’s face was turning an furious shade of red.

“How dare you accuse me of something I didn’t do?” she started to say angrily.

“Oh, bull, Katherine!  I know you did it!  You and Stefan and your sick minds decided this was the best way to get back at Jax for trying to retaliate on you!  But, my God, Katherine, all he did was raid a company!  You’ve taken away his career, his reputation, his life!  How can you live with yourself?!”

“There’s no way you can-“

“What?  Prove it?  Know it?  Oh, but I can, Katherine.  But you tell me something first before I show you how.  Tell me, was it because you were jealous?”

Her new question confused Katherine.  It was such a different approach that she was taken aback at it.  “Jealous of who?”

She spoke conversationally, sounding like she was talking aloud to herself.  “Of me, I wonder?  I mean, ten years ago, you couldn’t have known that Jax and I were kind of…oh, I don’t know…you could call it, involved with each other.  He was an amazing kisser, you know.  He gave me my first real kiss.  I’ll bet you didn’t know that, did you?  I was sixteen and sure, I’d been kissed, but I’d never been really kissed by a man, you know.  Oh, but, Jax, he did that to me.  But again, you couldn’t possibly have known that.  See, even Alexis and my own sister, Lois, didn’t know about it.”  She put her index finger to her lips and pretended to think for a second.  “But you did know that we got married, didn’t you?  About four weeks ago, you probably saw a news conference announcing it and I’ll bet it made you furious, didn’t it?  There was the man of your dreams and he had gone and married me!  That’s not to say you don’t love your husband, although I don’t know how you can, but I’ll just bet you dreamed of the day when you’d finally get to kiss Jax the way he kissed me in that barn all those years ago.  The very same barn where you tried to get him to kiss you.  The way he kissed me.  But he didn’t want you.  He wanted me, all those years ago.  And seeing us getting married was the final straw, right?  Here was the man you had had banished from the property because he didn’t want you and he was marrying someone he’d known all those years ago.  Someone he’d loved all those years ago.  Someone who had loved him all those years ago.  I’ll bet that really irked you, didn’t it, Katherine?”  She grinned triumphantly.  “I’ll bet it irked you enough to finally put that plan in motion, huh?  To get Robert Norton to make illegal bids for the company your husband commanded and to get the evidence complied against Jax so that he would be the one to go to jail, huh?”

Katherine’s face was undeniably red now that Brenda had made her full accusations and confessions.  It was quite apparent that she was holding her anger in check for the moment.

Suddenly, in a flash, she came rushing at Brenda, her hands out as if to choke her.  “You bitch!!” Katherine screamed as she lunged for Brenda’s neck.  “You can’t prove it!!  You can’t prove anything!!” she screamed again.

Brenda ducked from the mad woman and scurried towards Alexis.  When Katherine came up with nothing but air, she stopped in her tracks, her wild eyes looking for her victim.  When she found her, Brenda was holding a tape recorder in her hand.  She waved it back and forth and said, “I don’t have to.  You just did it for me.”

With that, she and Alexis walked as quickly as possible to the front door and to the elevator.  Neither of them took a breath until the elevator doors had shut and they were six floors below the penthouse.  They both exhaled loudly at the same time.

Alexis smiled and gave her friend’s wife a light squeeze.  “You did it, Brenda!”

Brenda shrugged and wondered, “Yeah, but how much good did it do?”

~~~~~~~~~~

When Brenda returned to the apartment an hour later, Gloria rushed to meet her at the door.  “Brenda!  Something is going on!”  Her face was flushed with excitement and she was throwing glances at Harlan every second.

“What?  What’s going on, Mom?” she asked, confused.

“I don’t know, that’s just it!  None of us know.”  She led her daughter into the living room where Ned, Lois, and Harlan had been waiting anxiously for her return. 

Without even asking further questions about it, Brenda asked, “Where is Jax?”

Lois shook her head.  “We don’t know.  He went out for a walk about an hour ago.  He wouldn’t tell any of us where he was going.”

“Oh,” she replied, disappointed.  She’d been wanting to tell him what had happened at Katherine’s apartment that afternoon.  “OK, so tell me what’s happened here.  What has you four all excited?”

“It’s probably nothing,” Ned interjected before anyone else could respond.  Lois and Gloria sent him harsh glares for interrupting their excitement.  He shrugged and continued.  “It’s just that a half hour ago, there was a phone call for Jax.  We took a message since neither of you was here and it was the District Attorney’s office.  They said it was very important that they got a hold of Jax as soon as possible.  He’s supposed to call them back as soon as he gets in.  Now, somehow, from that, your mother and sister have gotten it in their heads that it must be something good.  But that’s not necessarily true.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Brenda questioned.

“Because, Brenda!  When was the last time they did something like this over the phone?  How many DA’s do you know that give good news on the phone?  Wouldn’t they ask you to come down to the police station or something?”

“Not necessarily,” she said. 

Ned shook his head again.  “Well, regardless, we can’t find Jax to find out what’s going on.  He didn’t take his cell phone with him and he didn’t say where he was going.”

“He could be anywhere then?  Well, what about his pager?  Did he have it on him?”

Lois shook her head.  “Nope, it’s on his office desk.  We don’t have a way to get a hold of him until he comes back.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to wait, huh?” Brenda said.  She sat down on the couch with her mother.

“Okay, then,” Lois replied.  “By the way, Bren, where were you just now?”

Brenda smiled and said, “At Katherine Bell’s apartment.”

“What?!” Lois exclaimed.  “What were you doing there?”

Without telling all the details of Jax’s story of ten years ago, she told her family about the possible revenge motive that Stefan Cassidine had for Jax’s setup.  She concluded by telling them she had gone to Katherine’s to get her to confess to setting Jax up.  She pulled out the tape recorder and played it for them to hear.

When the tape finished, Ned was shaking his head.  “What?  What’s wrong, Ned?” Brenda asked.

“All of that’s fine and good, Brenda, but you never got a confession from her.  She never actually said she did it.  That tape wouldn’t hold up in court if you tried to use it.”

Her face fell and she started to frown.  “But what about what she said, Ned?  She said I couldn’t prove anything.  Doesn’t that mean that she was telling me she did it?”

He shook his head again.  “No, all that means is that you can’t prove she did it and you can’t prove she didn’t do it.  And you still can’t, not with that tape.  I’m sorry, Brenda.”

“But—“ she started to say, turning to her father for help or a disagreement.  He was shaking his head, as well, agreeing with what Ned said.  An idea came to her.  “Alexis was there with me!  She witnessed Katherine’s reaction to the whole thing.  Would that count?”

“All she could do for you is tell someone that Katherine was upset by what you were saying.  It’s all an implication that it was a reaction of guilt.  You’re still assuming her guilt from it all.  And that’s all a court would tell you.”

“She was panicking, Ned.  She knew I was right.  I could tell.”

“And you probably were, Brenda.  It’s just that this tape is not proof of it.”

“So what can I do now?”

He shrugged his shoulders again and looked for an answer.  “I suppose you could hope that she really is panicking and that she’ll find some way to clear Jax’s name before you have to think of something else.  Maybe she’ll think the same thing you did, that this is enough proof and she’ll get Stefan to help her get the charges dropped.”

Lois jumped in then.  “Maybe that’s what this phone call is about!  Maybe they’ve already done that!”

Brenda shook her head.  “I only left their place an hour ago, Lois.  That wouldn’t have been enough time.”

“You’re forgetting one thing, Brenda.  Stefan Cassidine is a very powerful man.  If he got involved, ten minutes would have been enough time.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Jax was just walking.  He had no destination in mind of where he was going.  He walked through Central Park aimlessly.  He watched kids playing in the grass and parents watching from the benches.  He passed a playground and stood and watched one little girl climb the cargo net relentlessly until she did it without falling through just once.  There was a carefree feeling in the park that he longed to be a part of.

He wished his problems would disappear and he could be just like the man off to the side over there that was reading a newspaper while his dog chewed on a stick in front of him.  Or the couple against that tree over there who were quietly kissing as if no one was noticing them.  He wished Brenda and he could be like these people in the park.

Now that they had admitted their feelings to each other and were committed to one another, he wanted this.  They hadn’t had a moment together for this kind of thing since they had been married.  First, it was because she didn’t want it the way he did.  Then, it was because he pushed her away when she did finally want it.  Now, it was because they didn’t have the worry-free time to do it.  Their lives were engulfed by this problem of his, this pending trial.  More often than not now, he was short with her when he longed to just hold her or he walked away and said nothing when he wanted to tell her exactly what he was feeling.  And he wasn’t pushing her away, he did hold onto her as tightly as he could, but he knew all he was doing was confusing her more than ever.

She wanted to be there for him.  She wanted him to lean on her the way she could lean on him.  He just didn’t know how to do it.  He had grown up in a life where family was as unimportant to him as anything could have been.  Cut off from his family, he had been forced to be on his own for everything, to count on only himself to get things done.  He had never known a true love until he’d found Brenda again a month ago.  He had never wanted to before that.

And now, she was beside him, as well as her family, and he didn’t feel he deserved any of it.  Her family was being wonderful to him and he suspected it was because his had dropped off the face of the earth, or so it seemed.  He hadn’t heard a word from his mother or even his father since before he’d been arrested.  There was no evidence that their marriage was still being investigated.  There was no way to get a hold of them when he did try.  Their phone remained unanswered at the compound in Alaska.  Both of the cell phones were constantly out of range or turned off.  He had absolutely no idea where they were.  It made him wonder if they even knew of what was going on.  He knew Brenda suspected the same thing and that was why he knew her family was there for him.  Even though he had married their daughter for false reasons and they knew it, they were still willing to accept the love that had come out of it and help him find a way out his problems.  He knew he didn’t deserve that.

Jax wandered away from the park and turned back towards the apartment.  He’d been gone for over two and a half hours and he was sure they were worried about him.  He hadn’t told them where he was going, because he didn’t know where he was going, and he hadn’t brought his cell phone with him if they’d needed to reach him.  He’d wanted to be alone to sort through his thoughts and feelings, but all he’d done was dwell in his depressing thoughts.  He checked his watch again as he walked and knew they were worried about him now.  That was what Brenda’s family did when they cared about someone.  They wanted to make sure that person was all right and if he wasn’t, they wanted to fix it for him.  He just didn't think they could fix this for him, not this time.

Finally, he reached his building again, after over three hours had passed since he’d left it.  He pressed the elevator button for his floor and started to think of ways to apologize to them for making them worry.  He took a deep breath as the doors slid open and he faced his apartment doorway.  Putting the key in the lock, he opened the door slowly.

Immediately, Brenda was upon him, hugging him tightly.  He embraced her in return, surprised by her show of emotion.  “Jax!  Where have you been?!” she exclaimed softly since her mouth was so close to his ear.

“I’m sorry, sweetie.  I didn’t mean to worry you and your parents.  I just needed to take a walk.”  He put her back down on the floor, keeping his arm around her waist.

“Did it help?” she asked, gazing up at him.

He kind of shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Maybe, a little.”

“Well, we’re just glad you’re back.  Now, you can help me put my mother and Lois out their suspense.”

“Why?  What’s going on?”

She told him about the phone call from the DA’s office he’d received.  “We don’t know what they wanted.  They just left a message that you were supposed to call as soon as you got in.”

He glanced into the living room where Brenda’s family sat on the couches, watching them.  He smiled slightly in their direction.  “When did they call?” he asked.

“Almost three hours ago now.  Ned said it was about a half hour after you left.”

“All right, then, I’ll call them right now.”  He went over to the hallway phone and dialed the number he knew.

Brenda wandered away a little ways to let him have some privacy.  She stood to one side of the hallway and watched his body language to see if she could tell what was going on.  His shoulders and back muscles tensed and then relaxed a few times.  She heard him say, “I’ll be right there,” and he hung up the phone.  She approached him when he didn’t move for a minute.  He had his head bowed and his hands up to his forehead, kneading it.  She took his actions as nervousness.

“You have to go down there?” she asked, placing her hand on his arm gently.

He nodded and then raised his head to look at her.  “They say they’ve got some new evidence in my case and they want to ask me about it.”

“Did they say whether it was good or bad?”

He shook his head.  “Nope, I have no idea what they have.”

“Well, I’m going down there with you.”  She took his head and squeezed it protectively.

He nodded and took a deep breath.  “Okay, let’s go then.”

Brenda could feel the tremors of fear in his hand and body as they said goodbye to her family, told them where they were going and why, and left the apartment together.

 

Chapter 19

 

Song excerpt: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk and can be found on the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack.

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