"Hanging On"

Chapter 15

Jax looked straight ahead of him in complete shock. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Everything was blurry, but he did see it. There was no doubt in his mind about it. Looking ahead, he saw the sun striking the white wall with a shaft of light. He saw the closet doors reflecting from their mirrors. He looked to the right and saw the open door of the bathroom with the light still shining through. He continued to stare in amazement. He could see. He really could. And it wasn't just black shapes on a white background. He was really seeing the colors and every shape and form in the room.

He turned to his left and got quite a shock again. Brenda was bent over in front of the dresser trying to find clothes to wear. But that wasn't what surprised him. Apparently, her towel had dropped and she hadn't bothered to pick it up again, thinking Jax was still asleep, or that he wouldn't be able to see her even if he was awake. There was a kind of haze surrounding everything, but he was getting a clear view.

He decided to surprise her. "You know, if you're going to be doing things like that, I'm not going to be able to keep my resolve about this."

Brenda gave a little shriek and stood straight up. "Jax! You scared the living daylights out of me!" Then her mind processed what he'd said. "Doing things like what?" She still stood without her towel, assuming he couldn't see her.

"How do I put this tactfully? Oh, what the hell…doing things like bending over without a towel."

Brenda's hand flew to her mouth as she realized what he was saying. "Oh my God, Jax! You can see me?" He merely nodded and smiled grandly. She raced to the bed and jumped next to him. "Really? You can really see me?" She was so excited she could barely contain herself.

"In all your glory, my love."

She realized what he was saying and blushed deeply. She buried her head in the pillow next to him.

Jax tapped her and put his hand under her head. Pulling her face up, he said, "And I wouldn't have wanted to see anything else." He kissed her deeply then. As the kiss went on, he pulled her on top of him so that she lay on his chest. He knew it was a dangerous situation to try, but he figured it couldn't do any harm just yet.

They continued to kiss passionately over and over again. His hands began to roam over her body and she moved to get his shirt off. With little trouble, it was over his head and quickly deposited on the floor. Brenda moved down his chin to his neck and began to kiss his chest provocatively. Her mind was not on stopping just yet. She opened her eyes and immediately stopped what she was doing.

Jax's eyes flew open and he looked at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I-I just don't think it would be a good idea to go any further."

"Brenda, I know you better than that. Something happened. What is it?"

How was she going to tell him what it was that had stopped her? "Jax, I--I don't know why I stopped. I just think it's a good idea that I did." She started to get up to get dressed.

"You don't get off that easily." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. "Tell me what is wrong."

Brenda looked directly into his eyes and sighed. She began to trace a line on his chest and decided to prove her point that way. She drew her fingers over one spot and then another. All the while, she was watching Jax's face closely.

He tried so hard not to show it, but when her hand touched a few particular spots, his skin was still tender and deeply bruised. Each time she touched one of those spots, he took a sharp breath and tried not to grimace. When her hand hit one large bruise that was the darkest of those that were left, he closed his eyes involuntarily.

"That's why, Jax."

"Brenda, it's nothing. Come on, it's only bruises."

"You saw what that just did to you. No, I won't do that." She shook her head vehemently and got up again.

Jax heaved a sigh, but, truth be told, he wasn't so disappointed now. He ran his own hands along his chest and felt those same spot, pressing harder than she had dared. He was testing himself and his endurance. As Brenda got dressed, she watched him. Every once in awhile, he would stop his hand and grimace suddenly. But they were just bruises and the pain was only momentary. However, Brenda had known that if she had gone any further, she would have been the one inflicting that pain, and she couldn't do that to him.

She finished dressing and walked back over to the bed. "So tell me what you see."

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. He put his hand to her face and caressed her cheek lovingly. "I see the most beautiful woman in the world sitting right in front of me. And the best part is that I really do see her. It's not just a dark form, it's a face and a smile and the eyes. It's not completely clear, but I can see her."

Brenda smiled and then she stopped. "What do you mean it's not clear?"

He'd known she would pick up on that comment. He had wanted her to. "I mean that there's this kind of haze around everything, like it's too bright or something. Everything is fuzzy on the edges and the features aren't as clear."

She breathed a sigh of relief. This is what the doctor had said would happen. She smiled again. "And I see a man who is going to be standing at the end of an aisle waiting for me before he knows it."

He grinned and pulled her to him again. They kissed and then Brenda pulled away with a strange look on her face. "Hey Jax, what do you say we try that bath thing again?"

"Are you trying to tell me something?" He looked at her innocently.

She gasped. That wasn't what she'd meant at all! "No! I just meant that you might be able to endure it better this time. And we've got the time."

He laughed at her quick fumble for words. "Brenda, I knew what you meant. I was only teasing. But I would have to say, yes, that is a very good idea."

He got up then and went into the bathroom, while she went downstairs to find something to cover his cast with. As he swung to the bathroom door, he relished the thought of how nice it was to see where he was going, finally. He took a long look at himself in the mirror once he turned on the light. Even with the fuzziness, he knew he didn't look all that wonderful. He wondered how Brenda could stand to look at him when he looked like this.

He brushed his teeth and shaved while Brenda was downstairs searching. When she returned, she found Jax sitting on the edge of the tub patiently. He grinned when she walked in carrying two trash bags. She looked pointedly at his cast and then back at him. She put them down and he stood up. She wrestled his sweatpants down from his waist and over his cast. He watched her with amusement. When he was ready, she helped him step into the bathtub.

Before she ran the water, she covered his cast with the trash bags and did her best to secure them and waterproof them. She turned on the water and he propped his leg up on the edge of the tub again. It still wasn't very comfortable, but at least this time, it didn't hurt.

Brenda helped him bathe and wash his hair and when they were through, she drained the water. He stood carefully and stepped out of the tub. Brenda tried to hide her blatant pleasure of seeing him as he had seen her earlier.

"I know what you're thinking, Brenda."

She grinned at him then. "Oh, you do, do you?" She grabbed a towel and began to dry him off. She took her time and when she finished, Jax pulled her to him and gave her a searing kiss.

"I think the next time, I better to do that." He smiled and began to swing back to the bedroom.

He sat on the bed while she gathered clothes for him to wear. Instead of sweatpants this time, she picked up a pair of shorts. They were loose enough, but even if they weren't, she could cut a slit up the side. She helped him dress and then he stood to accompany her downstairs.

When they reached the kitchen, Brenda asked Jax what he wanted for breakfast. He didn't answer her. She turned to look at him and found that he had gone outside onto the back deck.

Jax slipped on his sunglasses and went over to the edge of the concrete of the pool. He looked out at the ocean as if seeing it for the first time. He inhaled the sweet scent and looked around him, at everything he could see. He knew that from this moment on, he would never take anything he saw for granted.

As the day progressed, Jax's vision began to clear slightly. The haze wasn't as deep around everything he saw. It took him twice as long to adjust to the indoor light when he came inside, but he figured that was normal. That night, he and Brenda watched a movie on the VCR. He enjoyed every minute of it, and not for it's plot. He was just so grateful to be able to see again. Brenda lay between his legs, her hand running up and down his left leg. He couldn't remember being as happy as he was in this moment.

When they went into the bedroom, late that night, Jax took his shirt off as Brenda got ready for bed. He left his shorts on and climbed into the bed. He put his hands behind his head and waited for Brenda to emerge from the bathroom. The door opened and she turned off both of the lights to the bathroom and the bedroom. She walked over to the bed and crawled in beside him. He lowered his hands and pulled her close to his side. She snuggled deep into his chest. She was asleep within minutes.

Jax lay awake for awhile, thinking about what he'd been through. He had come so close to dying less than three weeks ago. Now, he was lying in a bed, with the love of his life in his arms. He had so much to be thankful for. A week ago he had been afraid he wasn't going to ever see again. It was one of the fears he'd never mentioned, but it was always there. The darkness that had surrounded him since that fateful night and been terrifying. Now, today, for the first time in weeks, he had seen her, and what a sight she was. He could see everything now and he was going to make sure he never lost any of it ever again.

Jax took a deep breath and hugged Brenda closer to him. She sighed in her sleep and he smiled. It wasn't long before he was asleep, too, with a smile on his lips as he slept.