Questions, Comments? [email protected]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Vol. I���������������������������������������������������������� SINCE 11 PM�������������������������������������������� Tuesday, February 20, 2001 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Designer detained in vandalization incident | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| by Joe Garland - Thresher Staff� | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� Popular clothing magnate Calvin Klein was detained by Rice University Police early Monday morning in connection with vandalization of the Baker College Kitchen. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� Food & Housing Director Mark Ditman was appalled by the blatant disregard of property rights shown by the multi-gazillionaire. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� "I couldnt believe this pompous bastard thought he could just march into my kitchen and advertise his lousy ass product line, shouted itman.� If anyone sets foot in my facilities with that intent again, they better be prepared for me to go 'Hasker' all over their asses." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� Campus Police Officer Pete Martinez told the Thresher that Klein was being detained in the Michael J. Dailey Memorial Holding Cell at the Rice University Police Station. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� "Yeah, we had a few reports of improper behavior between Baker and the North end of campus.� We finally picked up this jerk urinating on a tree outside President Gillis residence.� What an idiot." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ROB 'QUALITY' GADDI / THRESHER | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Evidence of Klein's tampering with university facilities following an all-night binge of drinking and whoring | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� Kleins attorney, Robert Shapiro, declined comment as of press time, citing pending litigation as a concern. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Economics professor petitions administration | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Jackie Chan made me do it, and I have proof," claims nutcase | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| by Joe Garland - Thresher Staff | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� Economics Assistant Professor Kevin Hasker filed a petition with University President Malcolm Gillis, claiming his actions were propagated by television and cinematic violence. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� The thirty-five page petition, drafted by Hasker and Economics department chair Peter Hartley, cited specific scenes from Jackie Chan movies Rumble In The Bronx, Rush Hour, and Shanghai Noon, as well as the underlying themes present in the popular Pokemon television craze as the basis for the professor's violent assault upon a member of the Chinese Student Association.� | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ��� The attack appeared to be unprovoked, but accounts of the altercation vary. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ���� "I looked up, and all of a sudden this guy was doing windmill kicks and slamming a refrigerator door into my face," said victim Jimmy Wu of Lovett College.� "He then proceeded to flash lights from his eyes at a blinding speed, but I was onto that seizure bit, so I got out before the shit hit the fan." | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| See ABOUT TO GET FIRED, Page | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| INSIDE: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| OPINION - PAGE 3 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| -Joe Garland is a tactless rat bastard, and here are 250 reasons why. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| SPORTS - PAGE 7 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| SA 'WWF-style' debates paralyze 3; Holmes proclaimed Grand Master. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Quote of the Week: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "So, this 'female friend' I had over totally didn't understand that Release The Sluts t-shirt." - Baker RA Greg Marshall | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| These minutes prepared by Joe Garland Questions, Comments? [email protected] |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Return to the Bitch Rag | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||