Horrorscopes
Week Of April 28
Aries: (March 21--April 19): LOCUSTS!!! LOCUSTS!!!
Taurus: (April. 20--May 20): Let's just say it's a week with seven days, and ten plauges.
Gemini: (May 21--June 21): You finally fulfill you're lifelong dream of getting a pair of twins in bed. Unfortunately you also get a pair of STD's .
Cancer: (June 22--July 22): You guessed it, genital cancer.
Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22): You are disowned by your gay father.
Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22): You're championship spelling ability comes in handy when the officer askes you how many t's are in statitory.
Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23): You'll have a plesant death, if you consider being caught in the gears of a combine pleasant.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21): You'll recieve an unexpected invitation, unfortunately its from the IRS.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21): I'M PREGNANT, YOU'RE THE FATHER, AND I'M GONNA KILL ALL THREE OF US!!!
Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19): An idea hits you when you least expect it, boy, those japaneese people have weird names for their trains.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18): You're long time crush finally notices you, bail is set for $50,000.
Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20): You're fifteen minutes of fame finally come, man, compared to you, the media went easy on Richard Jewel.