Unleashed

This one's ripe!

May 20, 2005
I've been waiting for this movie for, like, three freakin' years. It was made by a French director, Louis Leterrier, and so it was released in Europe first. But don't be alarmed; it's in English. Well, British-English. Which explains why Keri and I kept repeating, "allo, gov'na'" and "shoe shine for ya', love?"

The story's about Danny (Jet Li) who's been raised by this guy he calls his uncle (Bob Hoskins) to be trained to fight when his collar is taken off. It's really sad to see Jet get bitchslapped around like that. FUCK, DANNY, BITE THAT BITCH'S FACE OFF. But later he meets this old dude, a piano tuner, (Morgan Freeman) who is nice to him, and teaches him music, and feeds him real food, and replaces his dishrag clothes...

... and has this little annoying skank of a daughter who was trying to get all up ons poor Danny.

So, it's a little unorthodox. And the fighting, unlike Jet's other American movies, is shown in a really negative light. In fact, it'll go BRUTAL FIGHTING ... to ahh... Mozart... to ATTACK AND DESTROY... to ice cream!?

By the way. What the fuck is wrong with Brits and their ice cream? That is repulsive.

We haven't really gotten to see Jet Li as an actor, and he's good. Not surprising to me BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL PEOPLE THAT FOR YEARS...

But you bastards have been brainwashed by THAT CHAN. DAMN YOU, JACKIE. DAMN YOU AND YOUR GENDER-UNSPECIFIC NAME.

The things I noticed were the ways the director transitioned scenes. It was really cool, and the connections went smoothly and flowed well, but still maintained a uniqueness.

Plus. There was blood. Ah.

Overall: Strange, yet intriguing storyline; good action; Jet Li is cool; British people drive the lamest cars; awesome camera action; incredibly loathsome bitch of an antagonist... And he's fat, too.

I hereby grant this movie, Unleashed, a four out of five snorts of coke.

Reviewed by Kathy