Once and Again
part one
2017
Dawson stopped the engine with a sigh, and gazed at the house. It still looked the same as it did almost fifteen years ago, nestled in the rich green and blues of a typical Massachusetts setting. The Potter B & B sign swung back and forth in the gentle breeze. Joey was sitting on the front steps of the house, Kevin between her legs as she wrestled a t-shirt onto him. She looked up when she heard the engine and waved, a smile growing on her face as she realized who it was. She turned her head and called for Emily as he got out of the car and waved, grinning.
�Why hello, stranger,� she drawled, propping Kevin on her hip and reaching up to kiss Dawson�s cheek.
�Oof, you�re heavy,� she set Kevin back down and the boy looked at Dawson curiously, his large brown eyes almost identical to his father�s.
�Hey Kev.� Dawson ruffled the boy�s hair.
�How was your trip? Come inside�Emily�s out back with Bessie.� Joey gestured him inside, pinning her hair up and taking his hand.
�It was tiring��
�You can stay here if you want, I know your mom�s house is crowded this weekend.�
�Thanks� but I have a date in Boston.�
�You have a date?� Joey turned and fixed Dawson with a look he interpreted to be surprise mixed with admiration mixed with amusement. He just flickered his brow and followed her into the back, Kevin following behind.
He watched Joey carefully. Her face didn�t betray her�she had matured over the years. Thirty -three and her expression showed like she was a serenely happy teenager, instead of a copyright editor and novelist who lived in New York, was a mother of two and who had been divorced less than a month ago. Her skin was still smooth but pale, her hair thick and naturally brown, still slim in jeans and a blue sweater. She looked fantastic.
Dawson didn�t know but Joey was studying him as he studied her. He looked tired, she concluded. But still gorgeous. His hair was darker now and he was bigger, musclier, and his eyes hadn�t changed. They were still blue and filled with a thousand emotions at once�
Emily shrieked when she saw him and jumped out of the paddling pool, which had been set up in the backyard so she and Kevin could cool down. �Daddy!� she made a running leap for him and he caught her, tossing her into the air. Joey laughed, �Emily you�re much too heavy now for that��
�Oh she�s fine.� Dawson hugged her tightly, holding her. �So how�s my Emily-bean?�
�Emily bean� was a joke between them, coming from how�s my Emily �been,� and her nickname �bean� which she was dubbed in the hospital for being such a tiny preemie baby.
�It�s hot here, but not as hot as New York,� she added, playing with his suede jacket lapel. �Well I�ll tell you, L.A is even worse�� Dawson set his daughter down and tweaked her button nose. (The nose she inherited from her mother) �You�re lucky to be here.�
�Are you staying?� Emily asked, pouting, tugging on his shirt, quite emotionally manipulative for a seven year old.
�Yes I am. And I�m even going back to New York with you tomorrow,� he patted her head and she clapped, running back to the paddling pool.
Dawson and Joey swapped amused smiles and she pulled him into the kitchen, pouring him a drink.
�Look, Jo, I�m not going to beat around the bush.� Dawson took the water gratefully and Joey sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter. �What�?�
�Are. You. Okay?� he stared at her, forcing her to look at him.
�Dawson�� Joey shook her head, smiling slightly. �I�m still alive, aren�t I?�
�You know what I mean�� he got up and went around to her, putting his hands on her shoulders. �I�m your best friend. We go out for Pizza. We talk about our sex lives. We have a daughter. You need to�� he hesitated.
�To what?�
�To, I don�t know, cry on my shoulder or something.� Joey couldn�t help but laugh a little, taking his hands off her shoulders and clasping them in her grip.
�Okay, if I need to cry I�ll go straight to your shoulder.� She moved away from him and opened the fridge, taking out ingredients to make dinner.
Dawson leaned against the counter looking like James Dean. Joey put the cheese on the table and crossed her arms thoughtfully. �Have you spoken to him? Has he cried on your shoulder?�
Dawson looked embarrassed and Joey tapped his shoulder gently. �I�m not going to go crazy on you.�
�Yeah�I was,� he let out a slow breath. �I guess I am a best friend to both of you. Which reminds me how odd our situation is. You know�� he leaned on his elbows and looked out the window, watching as Kevin and Emily splashed in the kiddy pool.
�I knew we would share a past, but I never thought we�d share children.�
�How do you think I feel?� Joey wiped her hands on a tea towel. �I�m the one who has children to two different fathers, both who happen to be ex-boyfriends.�
�Well�at least you have two prime-bred children,� Dawson joked and Joey was about to laugh when the phone cut her off. Joey groaned and picked it up. �Hello?�
�Oh hi Jane�uh-huh�yes, I�m on it. I�m in the hometown for the weekend but I�ll be back in the city in about a week�� she rolled her eyes at Dawson and he snorted before biting into an apple. Joey�s boss, Jane, was a real piranha.
Joey put down the phone and continued to prepare food as she talked lightly. �Well I�ve actually talked to Pacey a few times. How could we not? I mean the thing is it wasn�t a shock when we decided to get divorced.�
�No, I gathered that�� Dawson murmured, thinking about it. They had been fighting for months before Joey called him up and said flatly they were getting divorced. And then Andie� he shook his head. Big mess.
�It�s not her fault.� Joey read his look instantly and he snapped his head up, laughing, �You could tell I what I was thinking.�
�Of course,� Joey shrugged. �And hey�I deserve it in a way.� She laughed bitterly, shoving open the oven. �I should have guessed that night�you know, Christmas Eve? I hate Christmas. He couldn�t take his eyes off her�and you�you tried not to tell me but I could tell, and�� she tried to laugh but found she couldn�t. She took a deep breath and turned away from him, her shoulders shaking.
Dawson put down his apple and approached her, touching her arms before turning her around and wrapping his arms around her. Her tears wet his shirt and she sobbed into his shoulder for a moment, before the sobs were mixed with laughter.
�What?� he pulled away slightly, raising a brow.
�I guess I found that shoulder,� she sniffled. She wiped at her eyes, refusing to frown and trying to smile. �I should be asking you if you�re okay,� she argued, pulling away and reaching for a tea towel, embarrassed by her tears.
�Me?� Dawson juggled two apples. �No, not me, Joey. I�m fine. For once.�
�You would be. You�ve been nominated for a Golden Globe,� Joey retorted. She wiped her eyes again and narrowed her eyes. �You have a girlfriend, don�t you? This is what that date in Boston is all about.�
�What? Me?� Dawson shrugged nonchalantly, picking up the apple and throwing it in the air, catching it with a satisfied smile.
****
The divorce papers were faxed to him on his birthday. Pacey sighed inwardly as he remembered Joey�s face at the Christmas party. Had it really been over then? He had once thought it was over when they were nineteen. But then they had gotten back together after Jen�s funeral�that had gone to hell thanks to his jealousy over Dawson, and then she had gone and actually gotten pregnant with Dawson�s child before less than five years later they were�married. They�d been given three chances. Three chances and it was over, they were out.
�Darling?� he looked up from the photo album and it slipped from his fingers onto the floor. Andie. At the sound of her name his heart started to beat faster.
She came into the room with a timid smile. �Hi�� she sat down on the bed and cocked her head, her blonde hair falling in a sheet over her sparkling green blue eyes.
�Are you ok?� she crossed her long legs, her expression one of genuine concern. �It�s not everyday you get divorced.�
�I didn�t get divorced today...�
�Yes, but you did get divorced�� Andie went over to him and knelt down, sliding her arms around his shoulders.
�I�m worried about you. I know you love her still,� she added softly, her hair tickling his neck. He took in a deep breath and turned around, settling her in his lap, kissing her eyelids and neck as she giggled.
�I love you,� he whispered in her ear. �Did you know that?�
�I know. But I can�t help but feel like a home wrecker,� Andie sighed, playing with his collar.
�Andie�do you remember the night we saw each other for the first time in like, ten years?� he gazed into her pristine eyes and she nodded. How could she forget? Christmas Eve� �Yes�you told me I looked great, and we had some eggnog and��
�I couldn�t take my eyes off you. We talked for only five minutes and I knew that I had fallen for you again.� he cupped her face.
�Things had been�rocky between Joey and I for months, Andie. And you magnified what we felt. You put everything into perspective��
Andie flickered an arched brow and started to unbutton his shirt. Her slim body fit perfectly into his and he cuddled her close, smelling her skin and touching her smooth back, riding her nightgown up her back.
�I�ve put everything on the line for love once before, you know that, right?� �I do�and in the process you totally broke my heart,� she nipped at his neck.
�Yes, and�� she kissed him full on the mouth, interrupting him and he moaned, �I guess I should stop talking.�
�I think so.� She slipped her nightgown off her shoulders, revealing herself, and he gazed at her, before starting to quickly undo his belt buckle.
****
It was weird to share Emily and Kevin. But they were getting into a pattern�a comfortable, if odd one. And the day they decided to get a divorce�well�it changed everything. It changed the odd but comfortable pattern. Dawson had tried to keep away from Pacey and Joey�s marriage, he was ambiguous on the topic, just happy to spend time with Emily now and then, dating a long string of fun, beautiful women, and racking up the benefits of fame as his profile grew larger. L.A was a good place when you had money. But then Joey came to his house in the middle of the night crying, saying they were breaking up, and the pattern went down the drain. Now she was single, he was single�the possibilities, right? Ha.
He wanted to just stay in L.A, to get away from it all, but lose Emily and Joey? He loved Boston as well, and New York was one of his favorite cities. He had an apartment there that Joey sometimes stayed in when the three of them spent time together. They were there now, getting ready for a night out. Joey looked tired, but she claimed she was fine, as usual, and busied herself getting ready, spraying musky perfume and blow-drying her hair. They got ready in the same bathroom; laughing at how absurd it all looked�old best friends with their daughter and half-son, throwing shaving cream at each other like sixteen year olds.
Kevin was playing with his trucks, and Emily was sitting in front of a Disney movie with her puffer, as she suffered from asthma and was having a difficult time with the dirt around New York. It was a nice, warm evening and they went and saw a movie and then went for Pizza. Emily showed them her special cheese trick, which consisted of stretching the cheese as far as it could go until it snapped, albeit, all over her clothes. Kevin thought this was hilarious and tipped over his milk, splashing it all over his clothes. As Dawson watched Joey mop him up with a napkin, he realized how much like Pacey Kevin was. The brooding brow, the intense brown eyes and the cheeky grin�it was unbelievable. He couldn�t believe his daughter was related to Pacey�s son�it was�well, incredible. He never thought something like that was possible. Truth be told it irritated him for a few years, but that irritation gave way to disbelief, and then peace. Who cared anymore? They had beautiful healthy children, and he and Pacey were getting along fine.
He picked the cheese of Emily�s top and grinned at Joey, who couldn�t help but return the smile. On the way to the ice cream parlor they held hands, swinging their arms back and forth until Kevin slipped between them to be lifted.
They reached the corner of the block and were about to step out on the street when they almost bumped into a couple that was embracing by the streetlamp.
Joey dropped Kevin�s hand when she saw who it was. Well, well, well. Her ex-husband.
�Joey�Dawson�� Pacey let go of Andie.
�Hey little buddy,� he picked up his son who clung to him, jabbering on about cheese and spilt milk.
Andie ruffled Kevin�s hair and waved to Dawson and Joey, her eyes shifting nervously over Joey�s face, which was impassive.
�Hi, uh, hi Dawson, hi Joey,� she coughed, her cheeks flaming red. �Hi Emily��
�Hi Andie, how are you?� Dawson kissed her cheek, holding Emily against him and wincing. Youch. This was awkward.
�Well�� Joey cheered up. �Where are you guys headed? We�ve been to a movie, and a messy episode at the Pizza place down the road.�
�I love that place,� Andie piped up, and Pacey nodded quickly. �Me too. We were looking for somewhere to grab a bite.�
�I didn�t know you guys were in New York�� Joey trailed off, and Andie spoke up, �Just for the weekend. I�m meeting with clients.�
�Oh, nice.� The two professionals�head to head.
Okay, that was enough� �We better go, Emily�s a little�well, the city doesn�t agree with her,� Dawson shrugged, looking at Joey and then Pacey for conclusions.
�Oh yes, she�s asthmatic,� Joey explained quickly, collecting Kevin from Pacey who sent Joey a quick look she didn�t return before handing him over to her.
�Look after yourself, Emily,� Pacey smiled down at the little girl who smiled back. She liked Pacey. She always had, but she didn�t like her mother around him. At first she had been all nice and lovey-dovey, but after Kevin was born she got mean and snappy, and yelled at him a lot, as well as at her.
She got to get a piggyback ride with her daddy on the way home.
Joey carried Kevin, silent as her mind churned over thoughts. At home Dawson put Kevin to bed, reading to him from Stuart Little, and Joey put Emily to bed.
�Mommy�?� Emily asked meekly as her mother tucked her in. �Yes sweetie?� she smoothed over her brow and kissed her cheek.
�Who are you going to live with now?�
�What do you mean?�
�Well�Pacey�s not coming back, is he?�
�Oh honey, I told you. We�ve div-orced��
�That means you don�t love each other anymore. I asked grandma.� Gail always knew what to say�Joey sighed. �Well we still love each other because we have Kevin and you and we�re good friends, but weren�t not in love��
�Are you in love with daddy?�
Joey giggled. Emily was adorable but she asked too many questions.
�Daddy and I are best friends, Emily, but we�re not in love.�
�Were you in love when you had me?� There was a noise at the doorframe, where Dawson stood, smiling slightly.
Joey raised both her eyebrows at him before turning back to Emily. �Well, honey, while we were making you we were. Not sure about afterwards.� Emily was already drifting to sleep and Dawson snorted before drifting out of the room. Joey kissed Emily�s forehead and flipped off the light.
She found him out on the balcony, which had three million dollar views of Central Park, cracking open two beers. She took one thankfully and sunk down in the deck chair.
�What will I do when she asks me about sex?� Joey quipped.
�She�s already asked�� Dawson admitted, shrugging. �I told her to ask you. Considering I was eighteen when I discovered the delights of it I figured it�d be fairer to ask you.�
�Hmmm.� Joey sipped her beer thoughtfully.
�Do you�um�� Dawson leaned back in his chair and scratched the back of his neck diffidently, �Do you still think about how�Emily came along?�
�Well, I know your sperm fertilized my ovaries.�
�Yes but how my sperm got there still remains an�an�emotional mystery to me,� He put his beer down and laughed at Joey�s incredulous look.
�We weren�t exactly dating��
�Dawson, I know what it was, if you�re so confused.�
�I�m not confused, its just we never got to talk about it.� He studied her warmly. �It all happened so quickly.�
�We were best friends. We are best friends. It was just one incredibly romantic, sexually charged evening. We had a few drinks, a few dances, and then we went home and screwed each other�s brains out. I don�t know what it is with you and me, but�� Joey took a swig of beer, enjoying Dawson�s bemused expression, �but I think we�re destined to have these weird one-night stands where during the night it�s wonderful but the next day it all amounts to nothing. The fact that I got pregnant, well�� Joey turned her head in Emily�s bedroom�s direction.
�Well I think she�s a result of something�beautiful that we shared. I think she�s an example of all the good times we�ve had, even though we fight all the time, and we�ll never have a happy ending.� She stopped to take a deep breath and Dawson breathed out, clutching his beer.
��But she�s a result of two best friends, closer than anything in the world, and I think that�s healthier than most romantic relationships�� she looked down at her lap. �I love Pacey and I always will, and for a long time we had this amazing romantic relationship and Kevin came out of that. But with you I have�in some ways, something more. I�I hate to say it but if Pacey broke up with Andie, if� � Dawson gently nudged her shoulder. �Its okay, you don�t have to say it. I know you still love him.�
Joey moved her chair closer to Dawson�s and leaned her head on his shoulder. �You are my best friend, you know. My soul mate.�
�I know.� He stroked her hair and gazed out over the park and the twinkling lights of the city. �Hey, lets stop being so deep and go and watch some movies.� He stood up and held out his hand. �I think I have some ice cream in the freezer somewhere��
�I knew there was a reason I love coming over here,� Joey joked, standing up and following him into the apartment. To be Continued
****
PART TWO
Once and Again �White Flag� Part two Rating: NC-17 Read part one here: www.geocities.com/jewelsummer/once.html ****
Joey and Dawson certainly hadn�t planned on getting pregnant whilst involved in their tryst July fourth weekend. It had supposed to be just pure, sexy fun, the two of them throwing caution to the wind after a tiring, stressful year of high-stress careers and broken relationships.
They had flirted the entire first day in Capeside, despite the fact Joey�s very-recent ex, Pacey, was hanging around with Jack, Audrey and Amy.
The flirting hadn�t been purposeful. At the least, it had been unconscious. Hand touches. Tickling. Hugging. Shared looks, shared bed. One thing led to another: Joey wanted to make Pacey sort of jealous, and ended up feet-too-deep with Dawson.
So she liked the way it felt when he held her while they danced, so she liked the way his body felt against hers, surprised at herself for feeling this after so long. So they walked the long way home, talking softly, sparks flying off each other. So she kissed him �goodnight� outside the B & B for longer then expected. A natural progression led them to a spare bedroom. They weren�t thinking rationally, they weren�t really thinking at all except how good it felt. They were sick and tired of thinking. Though maybe thinking about the protection could have saved them all the drama. Dawson admitted later he had suspected the condom had been expired, but wasn�t sure, and hadn�t really�thought about it.
Now when Joey looked at Emily she couldn�t imagine life without her, couldn�t imagine not having had sex with Dawson to make her.
****
Sometimes Emily felt�left out. Kevin was younger, cuter, and demanded more attention, even when her dad was around. Emily knew her dad didn�t really like Kevin all that much since he was Pacey�s child, but he spent a lot of time with him anyway. It got worse when she stayed with Pacey and Andie, who were a lot of fun but she was obviously not Pacey�s daughter�just Kevin�s half sister. Her mom and her dad were getting ready to go to a charity function his production company was sponsoring, leaving her and Kevin in the care of Pacey and Andie at Andie�s upper east side apartment.
�Mommy you look beautiful,� Emily said shyly, peeking up from her book. Joey was dabbing Estee Lauder behind her ears in the hall mirror, hurriedly, and she turned to smile at her daughter. �Thanks honey. You ready to go?�
�Yup�� Emily sighed, patting her overnight bag.
�Got your inhaler? Remember you forgot it last time,� Joey said sternly.
Emily held up the blue inhaler. �Okay.� Joey rubbed Emily�s blondish hair and slipped her feet into black kitten heels, which matched her black sleeveless dress.
Her dad came out, doing his tie, looking appreciatively at her mother, who just smiled quickly and rushed into the bedroom to get her purse.
�Hey Em. Ready?�
�Mom just asked me,� Emily pointed out.
�Right�sorry�� he knelt down to her and absentmindedly wiped some chocolate off her cheek, kissing her forehead.
Kevin careened out of the living room, making engine noises. �Kevin�got all your stuff?� Dawson asked, watching him with vague amusement.
Kevin held up his fire truck.
�He has stuff at Andie�s,� Joey said, coming out of the bedroom, twisting earrings into her lobes.
It had been approximately a year since Pacey had moved in with her, and all of them had managed to co-exist with levels of normalcy�Andie often babysat for the kids. Kevin adored her. Joey didn�t know whether to like this or not.
Dawson had been spending more time in his apartment in New York that year, asking work to be transferred to him, sitting in on meetings in the Manhattan office. Joey told him he was being wonderful, but he didn�t have to do it. �I want to. I can, so I will,� he reassured her. He was actually starting to get the hang of his big city life. He and Emily would spend hours in Central Park on weekends, whilst he and Joey would go out for dinner or walk around the city on cool spring or summer nights, just talking. He wasn�t sure he�d be able to handle being a six -hour flight away again.
****
It had started when Emily had reached for her inhaler after waking up feeling short of breath, only to realize she had grabbed the wrong one. Her new one had been white. This was her old and empty one. She frantically pumped it, but only a wheeze came out. Then her breathing labored. Okay. Her mom used to hold her in her lap and breathe with her when she had had trouble before. But not tonight, obviously. Emily tiptoed into the TV room, where Pacey and Andie were watching an action movie. Kevin was asleep. She was supposed to be.
She sat down on the carpet, feeling dizzy and light-headed, gulping for air but not being able to get any. Pacey and Andie�s forms swam in front of her eyes.
Andie looked up first, noticing Emily�s strange look, and breathing. �Emily, honey?� she exclaimed, making Pacey jump. The both of them got up and knelt down with her. �Is she sleepwalking?� Pacey asked.
�No�� Andie said, puzzled. Emily continued to breathe heavily, her eyes watering.
�Emily?� Pacey touched her shoulder, and felt her forehead. �Fuck,� he exclaimed. She was cold and trembling. Andie, looking horrified, grabbed the phone and dialed 911. �No time.� Pacey picked her up. �I�m taking her to the emergency room. Get her inhaler.�
�Its all out,� Andie said, trying to get something out of the empty blue vial.
�No wonder!�
****
Dawson was actually relieved when his cell went off in the middle of a conversation with a pretty but talkative co-writer, who was obviously flirting with him. Joey kept sneaking sly looks his way and it was getting�weird.
�Excuse me�� he answered it, and the woman smiled subtly and waited for him. She wasn�t going to let Dawson Leery get away.
�Dawson?� Andie sounded out of breath. �Oh hi�� he looked at his watch�10pm. �Dawson, Emily�s at the emergency room.� Dawson�s blood actually ran cold. �What? Why?� he turned away.
�She had an asthma attack, and her inhaler was empty. She�s at Mt. Sinai�we�ll be waiting. We don�t know anything yet, but�she should be fine,� Andie added weakly. Dawson clicked off and nodded a quick apology to the woman, rushing off to find Joey, who was trying to �resist� Todd�s advances.
There were literally no cabs that night, which struck Dawson as both odd and cruel. �Its five blocks this way�� Joey said, pointing left. She took off her heels and grabbed his hand. �Come on!� and they ran faster than they ever had in their lives, not when they were running through the rain in seventh grade, not when they were running from Mitch�s garden hose, not when running from Mrs. Tringle in detention.
****
Although she had slipped into unconsciousness, Emily was breathing normally with the help of a machine.
The doctor informed them she would be knocked out for a few hours, and she was on full alert.
Joey stayed by her bedside the entire night, rubbing Emily�s hand, resting her forehead next to hers, and kissing her cheek. Dawson wandered in and out, getting coffee, making calls, his face somber. Andie had taken Kevin home, but Pacey remained.
�What are you still doing here?� Dawson asked tiredly, handing him some coffee.
�Oh you know�I�Kind of feel responsible,� Pacey said simply.
�Don�t.� Dawson sat down next to him. �It was bound to happen. If anything, it was my fault for not making sure she had her new one. She gets anxious�she panics�and then this happens.�
�And she was anxious because she was with us,� Pacey said seriously.
�She gets anxious when it�s going to rain.� Nevertheless, Dawson had trouble comforting his old friend and rival.
Inside the hospital room, Joey was desperate. �My baby�� Joey whispered, holding her unconscious daughter�s hand, �I love you baby, don�t leave me.� Outside, Dawson was thinking that Emily, his life, his everything, was also his only link to Joey.
****
By five the next morning, Emily was taken off the machine and was breathing normally if erratically.
The doctor prescribed drugs and some new technology they would talk about with their doctor.
�I think she was trying to tell us something,� Dawson said lightly, carrying his sleeping daughter home in the fresh morning light.
�Not to go out?� Joey said heavily, wiping away flecks of mascara under her eyes.
�Something like that.�
A flood of relief washed through both of them, and they held hands the rest of the way home.
****
Joey was halfway out of Emily�s bedroom when she realized she had left her $300 Manolo heels at the hospital.
Dawson was coming out of the kitchen, loosening his tie and shirt to reveal some of his chest, and Joey looked down at her elegant dress and bare feet, and couldn�t help but smile. He noticed her smile and raised his eyebrows.
Feeling a mix of relief, euphoria and panic, Joey met him halfway and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him.
****
A few hours of ecstasy later, Joey woke up, arching her back deliciously, turning her head to look at the clock�9am�before sliding her leg down Dawson�s, and smoothing her hand over his muscular torso onto his penis to manipulate his waking up. Dawson woke up with a start, his eyes fluttering open before closing again as Joey arduously moved her body onto his, entwining them. It was so beautiful, she thought, their bodies naked and smooth in the mid morning sun, the same bodies which had done this seven years earlier to make Emily.
She was startled when, instead of sliding into her like she had imagined, he moved away from her, kissing her lips as an afterthought and then got out of bed, still hard, still gorgeous, and yanked on a pair of jeans hanging over an armchair. Joey watched, holding the cream and beige sheets to her, letting them slide a little in surprise. �Dawson?� she whispered.
Dawson turned to face her. �I have to go to work.� He said apologetically.
Joey frowned. �Dawson I know this was��
�It�s got nothing to do with the sex, really.� He pointed at his watch. �I have a meeting at 10. About�transferring me here.� Joey felt her heart jump. �Really?� she said excitedly.
�Really.� He sat down on the bed and looked at her. �That was��
�Really good.� Joey said breathlessly, flopping down. �I haven�t had such intense sex since�for�� she hesitated, and then just shrugged and smiled. She trailed her index finger down his shoulder. �Sure you can�t spare fifteen minutes?�
�I wish.� He lifted her sheets and looked at her breasts, and found himself with that hungry feeling he had had some hours earlier when she had dragged him into the bedroom.
�Daddy?� Emily�s voice could be heard loud and clear from her bedroom. Dawson dropped the sheet and stood up. �Another reason we can�t.�
Joey dropped her eyes.
�So�we better talk about this. You know what happened the other times we didn�t talk.�
�Hmmm.� Joey reached for her dressing gown just as Emily ran into the room. The color had gone back into her cheeks, and Dawson grabbed her and lifted her up into a bear hug. She squealed, �Mommy save me!�
Joey quickly put her gown on and hastily got out of the bed, discreetly throwing the condom wrappers in the trash. She and Dawson exchanged looks of reprieve.
****
To be continued
PART THREE
Once and Again Part 3 By Anne Gooding ______________________________________________________________________
Joey called into work, explaining about Emily, and her boss, Jane, still sounded pissed. �When you come back we�re going to have a talk about commitment.� Jane told her stiffly. �Oh�okay,� Joey said uneasily. �Jane�� she started. Jane waited. �My daughter could have died.� �But she didn�t.� Joey kept from calling Jane a soulless fucker and said goodbye, putting the phone down hard. Emily watched, from where she was watching cartoons on the carpet, still in her nightgown.
Her golden hair shone in the midday sunlight filtering in the room, and Joey settled down next to her, cuddling her daughter in her lap. �What do you want to do today?�
�Watch cartoons,� Emily replied simply.
Joey laughed, �I don�t think so�how about we go play in the park? Or we can go shopping�� �Can daddy go with us?� Emily asked hopefully.
Joey glowed, thinking of how he had made love to her that morning. �Maybe.�
�Okay�� Emily kissed Joey, then scrambled out of her lap and went to get dressed.
Joey leaned back on her elbows, still in her dressing gown, and daydreamed. It had been so�amazing, just to fall into bed with him. Whether it was a mix of pure relief, hysteria�it didn�t matter. It had felt good. She felt like she was Alice, falling down the rabbit hole. She felt like she was in high school again and he had just kissed her for the first time. God, how could she have forgotten how gorgeous he was? She had made love with just two men since Pacey had left her�her ex-fianc�e Christopher and a lawyer friend, but Dawson surpassed those two by a thousand. His body�his smile�how he loved her, loved Emily�It was perfect. And she thought she and Pacey would reunite. But now�even thinking about being romantic with Pacey, after this morning�it seemed wrong somehow. Like a chore.
Whilst Emily tried on a million dresses and or overalls in her bedroom, Joey flipped through photo albums, pictures of baby Emily and Dawson almost six and a half years ago, before Joey had gotten involved with Pacey again.
Her favorite picture was of a sleeping Dawson and a sleeping Emily, her tiny head resting on his shoulder, her cheek puffed, lost in dreamland, Dawson�s cheek tilted down to his beloved baby, exhausted from midnight diaper changes. She could still remember when Emily was born�tiny, five pounds, (Kevin had been ten pounds) big eyes and big lungs, born by caesarean when she wouldn�t budge. Joey had been hysterical, Dawson as usual, had been the strong one.
Joey fingered her scar, which wasn�t visible but she could still feel the rough lining on her abdomen.
God�Dawson had been so excited. He had carried Emily around the hospital and shown her to every single nurse, a proud daddy. Joey wasn�t sure if they were cooing at the baby or at him.
He then took Emily for walks in the pram all over the city, and insisted he fed her or changed her diaper at Gale�s house, the doting grandmother who also wanted to share in with looking after Emily�and then Lily wanted in. Emily was most possibly the most beloved baby Joey had ever seen. Gale made blankets and pillows and soft toys and even mentioned it on the 6 o clock news where she sometimes filled in as anchorwoman. She loved being a grandmother.
Joey had been thankful for the break, but that meant she had had more time to spend with Pacey�and look how that turned out. Divorce!
How she wished she could take it all back and do it over, and do it differently. Well this time, she will.
****
Dawson came back to Joey�s apartment around nine, weary from a long day with talks about L.A. He wasn�t expecting to go into the apartment and find Emily in bed, the lights dimmed and dinner cooked, soft music playing on the CD player. He had planned to tell Joey the bad news but it all seemed to dissolve away.
�Ookay�� he murmured to himself, sensing tonight would be a bit more active then he had originally thought.
�Hi.� Joey came out from the bedroom and greeted him. God she looked�amazing. Dawson sighed inwardly. She was wearing a lacy skirt and a silky red top. Her lips were invitingly full, and her eyes swept his entire body. She kissed him on the mouth, a sexy, lingering kiss with promises of sex, and Dawson groaned, �Joey��
�Well�� Joey had slipped her hand into his pants, �I guess we can skip dinner.�
****
�Hungry?� Joey murmured into Dawson�s chest some time later. They had managed to move to the bedroom.
�A little,� Dawson admitted, rubbing her shoulder.
�Okay�� they kissed open mouthed, before Joey got off him and slipped into her dressing gown. Dawson watched her leave, and then with a smile, he got up and searched for his pants. Oh. That�s right�he poked his head out the door to make sure the coast was clear, then he grabbed his pants from the living room floor.
Joey was heating up the meal she had made, humming to herself. Dawson came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck.
�How did your meeting go?� Joey asked breathlessly. Dawson�s eyes widened a little. �Oh�that�� he moved away from her and sank against the counter.
�Didn�t go as I planned,� he admitted.
�Why?� Joey looked concerned.
�They want me back out in L.A. Just for a few more years until the show wraps up. That�s where�everything is. They offered to triple my salary. But I�m not going to take it�its only two years but its still a long time.�
�You have to take it,� Joey interrupted.
�What?� Dawson raised his eyebrows.
�You can�t say no to an opportunity like that. And its true�your career is in California.� She got out two plates and two wine glasses.
�If I move out there I will never have enough time to see you and Emily,� Dawson argued.
�I know, Dawson, but��
�I mean�if Pacey can be here for his child, then I want to be here for mine.� Dawson dropped his eyes. �I want to be here for you.�
�And I just want to be with you.� Joey dropped her arms and went over to him, pulling him to her.
�Even if that means going with you to California,� she whispered.
�Are you crazy?� Dawson held her at arms length. �Your job is here. Kevin�s dad is here. This is your dream city.�
�News flash.� Joey smiled, bemused.
�I hate my job. My boss works me like a slave. I�m ready for a change. And yes, I love New York�but I love California too. And you�ll be there. Going through something as�as scary as almost losing Emily has made me realize I don�t want to wait around for something to happen to me, I have to go and�find it, and I have. �
Dawson cupped Joey�s face, melting with her words. She had always been good at sweet-talking him.
�And we can work something out with Kevin and Pacey and Andie�after all, you had to live in California for most of Emily�s life.�
�So�you want to be with me.� Dawson half asked, half stated.
�Yes.� Joey looked into his eyes. �I feel like a ping-pong ball, bouncing between you and Pacey.� She snorted. �Its ridiculous, but�this time�its real. I�m almost thirty-three. I�m ready to stick with someone I love. You�re not only my best friend you�re�� Joey searched for the words, �You�re an excellent lover�� she laughed, and he laughed with her, �Joey, come on, I know that,� he joked.
�I know.� She whispered, and they kissed again.
�But�� Dawson pulled away. �Remember when you said you I was just your best friend�that if Andie and Pacey broke up�well�are you sure this isn�t just because you�re like, on the rebound?� he added a casual shrug to his outpour, and Joey sighed and shook Dawson�s shoulders.
�I don�t want to be with Pacey. I want to be with you. I�m not afraid anymore. Not after yesterday.�
****
�Let me get this straight.� Pacey leaned back in his chair. �You and Dawson.�
Joey stirred her drink and nodded, her cheeks a little pink. �Yeah.�
�I guess�I just wasn�t expecting it,� Pacey said as an afterthought. �But then, I�m not surprised. At all.�
�Well you should be,� Joey retorted. �Dawson and I haven�t been �together� since high school.�
�Exactly��
They were eating lunch together at a restaurant, Joey having just broken the news about California.
�Why L.A? I thought Dawson had a job here,� Pacey asked curiously, moving on to the more practical subject.
�He worked in the NY firm but his real job he did by over the phone to the L.A office�� Joey explained. �Now the studio has been moved to Manhattan beach.�
�So�you would be living there.�
�Yes. I know we can figure something out with Kevin. It�ll only be for a couple of years.� Pacey nodded slowly. �Yeah�you mentioned�two years�Kevin can stay with you for a few
months, then with us�he can be around when the baby is born.�
Joey�s eyes widened. �Baby?�
Pacey nodded, bemused. �Yup. Two months pregnant tomorrow.�
�Kevin will be so excited�� Joey smiled. �Do you know the sex?�
�Andie wants it to be a surprise.�
They both laughed. Joey could hardly believe her ex-husband and father of her second child and herself were laughing about babies�his and Andie�s�on a sunny Friday afternoon.
�What about you and Dawson?�
�What about us?� Joey looked up from tearing the crust off some bread.
�Will you two have any more kids?�
�We haven�t thought about it�� Joey shrugged. �We�re still adjusting to living together. He moved in permanently the other week�someone has offered to buy his apartment for get this�4.5 million.�
Pacey almost spat out his beer. �Are you kidding me?�
Joey shook her head vehemently.
�Hey, its in SoHo. He�s�we�re�using it to rent a house in California and to help out Gale.�
�You know what?� Pacey covered Joey�s hand with his. �Everything�has really worked out.�
Joey smiled and said softly, �I know��
�You ended up with a millionaire,� Pacey pointed out jokingly.
�I can�t wait for the ten year reunion,� Joey joined in with the kidding.
****