****
Part three
"I'm going to have an abortion." Jen said flatly to Jack. He was holding her hand, tight. They sat on Jen's big double bed in her room. Scrunched tissues were scattered across the bedcover. It was the day after the horrid pregnancy test, and she had broken down and told Jack.
"Jen…" Jack sighed, shaking his head slowly, "Don't think too rashly." "Its hardly rash," Jen replied. "Anyway, I'd be a horrible, horrible mother."
"What makes you think that?" Jack asked her softly.
"Like mother like daughter," Jen said sourly. Despite the fact they had been living together for two years, they still didn't get along very well.
"I know this is none of my business, but…maybe you should at least tell the contributor," Jack said cautiously, hoping she wouldn't kill him for bringing it up.
"Its not his choice, its my body," Jen argued.
Jack was quiet as he thought. Then he spoke up, "Actually it *is* his choice. It's not his body, but it's his choice. If I was…well, if I was ever in this situation I'd want to know." By now, Jen knew not to hide when she agreed with Jack, despite her pride. She nodded glumly, and put her head on his shoulder.
****
"We're going to have to face it sooner or later. Its time to grow up," Joey was telling Dawson as she heaved a box up onto her bed and opened it to look at the contents.
"You're always telling me that. We have grown up. I am ready to face things,' Dawson gently chided, bringing another box into her room.
"So give Lily your movie collection,' Joey said point-blank. "No." Dawson replied quickly.
Joey put her hands on her hips. "Dawson…" "You giving me that look isn't going to sway me," Dawson gently prodded her in the shoulder. He started to pull things out of the box he had brought in.
"Huh…memorabilia."
A Worthington flag flapped out the top. "Keep it in there for now," Joey pushed the box off the bed.
"And in this one…' he pulled out a black satin bra from the other box. "I like this box. What else is in here?" he grinned and reached in. Joey pushed him, playfully, "Get out of my things!"
"Hey, you two." Bessie popped her head in the door. She raised an eyebrow at the black bra slung over Dawson's head. Joey giggled and flicked it off.
"I'm taking Alex to little league, we'll be back around five…" she trailed off and stared, curiously. "It might help a lot, Jo, if you guys actually unpacked a box or two." Joey poked her tongue out.
"Mature, so mature,' Bessie called back on her way out.
"Alright. What's in this one? Will you be taking this to New York with you?" Dawson opened the flaps of a smaller box, which held some photo frames. He pulled out one of the two of them from eleventh grade, he was giving her a piggyback ride.
"Of course. If I take a job there, that is." Joey played with the buttons on Dawson's shirt. She looked up at him through mischievous eyelids. "We're all alone now."
"Yeah…" he raised his brows, smiling a little. "You minx, you," he teased her. She stepped away from him, shoved a couple of boxes, clothes and books off her bed and lay back, striking a pose. "Come on, we don't have much time before Bodie gets back," she urged him, sitting up and starting to unzip his jeans.
"So let me get this straight. For helping you unpack boxes I get head?" Dawson murmured, as she made headway with his pants. "What happened to the `one breast' project?"
"Dawson, that was years ago, and you sucked with the whole carpentry thing," Joey reminded him.
"Well, I know, but I never got the just one boob thing. Why not show me both?" he caressed her neck and started to lift up her shirt. "Because that would have been too...fast, I guess," Joey shrugged.
"And pulling me behind the boatshed to show me one boob wasn't?" he teased.
Joey sighed, frustrated. For some reason Dawson loved to talk about such things *right* before she gave him head. "Shut up or we'll unpack more boxes," she exclaimed. So he shut up.
****
"This whole `no condom' thing is great, but definitely messy," Joey mused on their way over to the Ice House, where Pacey had invited them for lunch. Dawson turned the indicator on before turning around the road. "Yeah, I'm sorry about…that…going on your shirt."
"That's okay." Joey said flippantly. "When we live together…' she tickled his neck, "We're going to have to do a lot of laundry." "I commend you for thinking of such domestic things." "I like the domestic things. You and me. Being domestic." She squeezed his hand and he smiled at her for a moment. "Me too."
****
Pacey was having a pretty good day. Since his boss had passed the reigns of the Capeside Harbor restaurant over to him, he had been feeling on top of the world. It may have been more stressful but the power gave him a confidence—and pay—boost. He had invited his friends over for an early dinner to watch the sunset from the deck, another graduation celebration. Andie was already there, charming the pants off some of the waiters as she pranced around with a cocktail in her hand. She was looking gorgeous. He had definitely contemplated bringing her to bed y'know, for old times sake…maybe tonight, maybe, maybe, maybe…he mused.
Dawson and Joey had arrived and were sitting at the table reserved, staring into each other's eyes like lovesick puppies.
"Get. A. Room.' He put his hand down on the table and they both jumped. "Oh! Pace, you scared me.' Joey laughed, swatting at him with the menu.
"Good. You're grossing out my customers,' he joked. "What do you want to drink?"
"Sit down…' Dawson pushed out a chair. Pacey held up his hands. "Later. Little busy now doing the shmooze restaurant thing… Just have fun." He patted Dawson on the back and went to get them some drinks.
"I'm so proud of him," Joey smiled after Pacey. "He always thought he'd amount to nothing, but look at him now." "But we always knew he'd surprise himself," Dawson reminded her. Joey turned her head to look at him. "And I'm proud of you—for patching things up with him." Dawson just shrugged. He jumped when her foot brushed against his ankle. He leaned forward to kiss her…
"Hey. I'm watching you two." Pacey passed by carrying a jug of beer with one hand, the other indicating to his eyes and then pointing at them.
****
Jen and Jack arrived shortly after, and joined Dawson, Joey and Andie at their reserved table. Jen, however, was looking pale, and Dawson noticed.
"Are you feeling okay?" he whispered in her ear as Andie entertained Joey and Jack with a story about a famous Harvard student she had almost hooked up with. "I'm fine," Jen reassured him, patting his shoulder and putting on a smile. "I think I might be coming down with something." Jack sent her a quick look.
Pacey joined them at nine, when the other manager came in and took over. They had a rowdy dinner of seafood and beer, although Jen felt sicker and sicker as the evening progressed. Concerned, Jack sent her a long, questioning look from where he was on the other side of the table, and Dawson squeezed her hand.
"I'm fine," Jen reassured him quietly. But just as she said it she felt a wave of nausea wash over her. She quickly got up and made for the bathroom.
"Is Jen okay?" Pacey asked Jack curiously. Jack hesitated, and the hesitation, unfortunately, went on for too long. The whole table stared at him, some catching on, some not. "She's got a bug," Jack finally said flatly, mentally kicking himself.
****
When Jen came out of the bathroom after splashing her face and using a breath mint, she came face-to-face with Pacey who was leaning against the wall.
"Pacey…" she said in a greeting, smiling swiftly and trying to walk past him. But he grabbed her arm—gently—and pulled her to him. "Are you pregnant?" he asked bluntly, staring at her.
"Damn it Jack," Jen whispered, closing her eyes.
"Are you?" Pacey pressed.
"Yes,' Jen crossed her arms and tried to get away from him. A waitress walked past them holding dirty glasses.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I took tests." She still didn't look him in the eyes.
"Is it…' Pacey hesitated, and his hands dropped off her shoulders.
"Is it mine?"
Jen paused. Then said,
"Yes."
*****
Part four
“I can’t believe Jen is pregnant!” Joey mused in amazement. She and Dawson were tucked up cozy in his bed, the air conditioning on full power, the TV on, displaying “Home Alone” a childhood favorite, illuminating the otherwise dark room.
“Its so surreal,” Dawson agreed. “Jen as a mom.’ “I wonder who the father is,” Joey said thoughtfully. She sat up and turned down the volume. “She dumped C.J, didn’t she?”
“Yeah but he could still be the father,’ Dawson interjected.
“Hmmm. Is it you?” Joey teased him, tickling his chest. “Yes. Somehow, my sperm has managed to stay alive for over three years,” Dawson said dryly, grabbing her hand to stop her tickling him. “Gross.’ Joey wrinkled her nose and lay back down again.
“Well, we’ll find out sooner or later. I just hope she’s okay,’ Dawson said concernedly.
“Me too.” Joey rubbed his foot with hers.
“If I got pregnant tomorrow…what would you do?” she then asked. “I would…” Dawson thought about it. What *would* he do? Freak, yes, but…
“Well we’d have to discuss all the options, first,” he started out. “We’d decide if we’re ready to be parents, if we can support a child—especially since you’re starting out in the workforce…”
“Okay, okay,” Joey smiled, “So you wouldn’t abandon me or freak out.” “I would do the latter,” Dawson chuckled.
****
“We can do this. I have a job. I have my own place. We can live together, with baby, here…” Pacey sat in his stuffed armchair facing Jen, gesturing wildly.
“Pacey…” Jen sighed, rolling her head back. First, he had forced her to lie down on his couch. Then, he had made her tea, but taken it away, pronouncing it too strong. She had gotten up and grabbed it off him.
Now he was saying drivel. And Jen hated drivel. “Stop it,” she exclaimed, sitting up. “I’m not fragile, I’m fine. You have to calm down. And we have to think more rationally.’
“You’re right.’ Pacey sat down in the couch adjacent to her. Outside, birds chirped in the afternoon, lazy sun on the creek. Pacey’s rented house was small but in a beautiful, outdoorsy area of Capeside, on a trans-Atlantic highway which led out to a river, which led out to the ocean, just a mile away.
Pacey couldn’t believe it was all still the same, yet at the same time, his world had been altered completely. It was getting cooler. Winter was on its way.
“Its your baby but that doesn’t mean you have to be responsible,” Jen told him firmly, wrapping her arms around her knees.
“But I am,” Pacey reminded her. “It takes two, Jen.” She cracked a smile. “When do you think it happened?” he ventured. Jen thought about it for a second. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”
“I guess not.” He stared out the window.
****
They hadn’t meant for it to happen. It just…did. Lame excuse, really. They had been hanging out more often since his breakup with Joey, and hers from C.J. He’d come up to New York and stay the weekend, and he ended up usually staying in Jen’s room, where they’d stay up talking or share a beer.
He loved Jen—respected her opinion, loved her quirks, her smile, her sweetness and cynicism. They talked about Dawson and Joey, about being their ‘pawns.’ Pacey admitted he hated them being so happy together. He couldn’t admit that to anyone else. She told him things about her mother he’d never heard before—Jen’s dislike for her mother was genuinely based on a hellish childhood in the privileged Upper East Side.
They bonded over being black sheep in their families, ‘misguided’ in high school. Soon, they had transgressed to being affectionate, if not in her bed but on the street, or in the kitchen, in front of Jack who began to expect it as normal, as part of their bonding process. Even Dawson and Joey thought it all seemed quite normal, that Jen and Pacey grow close.
But one night, after a few drinks out at Jen’s favorite café and then running back home to avoid the heavy spring rains, their affection went further, and they ended up in bed together. After the moaning of bed metal and bodies had subsided, they tried to speak rationally but lost themselves in sleep. It had been a great evening, and Pacey pointed that out the following morning after Jen brought him coffee and a bagel in bed.
He said truthfully he hadn’t had such good sex since…well, a long time. (Jen guessed it was Audrey. She couldn’t imagine Joey being very imaginative in bed at 17) “Well, good, because it won’t happen again,” Jen told him playfully, but seriously. He left for Capeside that afternoon in his Cadillac. The next weekend, just weeks before graduation, Jen visited him, telling Jack she was going to ‘relax’ before final exams. And relax she did. After a midnight candlelit dinner (he planned) at his restaurant, they strolled along the beach. They didn’t get very far down the beach. Pacey later laughed about a whole new meaning for, ‘sand in my pants.’
They stopped Monday morning, though. Jen left quickly, confused by his goodbye kiss. They weren’t *dating* where they? Pacey? Good lord! And then three weeks later, well…it was positive.
****
“You are going to keep it, aren’t you?” Pacey asked quietly. Jen sighed and spread her hand out on her tiny bump. She paused for a moment, feeling warmth and life, and then she smiled and said, “Of course.” She then thought about her career, moving away, traveling, all the things she couldn’t do now, and she cried. Pacey held her until she stopped, and then he ordered Pizza.
****
“This place definitely has a magic quality,” Joey sighed. She and Dawson were in Dawson’s old motorboat, drifting slowly along the creek bed. They were actually driving to Pacey’s house in the boat—there was a waterway route.
“But I can’t imagine living here for much longer.” “Either can I,” Dawson agreed, steering the boat with one hand, the other on the small of her back. “There’s a whole world out there for us. Well, more for you.’ He smiled.
“Why?” she raised her eyebrow. “Coz the way I’m going, its just gonna be L.A.” Dawson already had an apartment there.
“One day, we’ll actually talk logistics,” Joey sighed. “We can make it work.” Dawson said reassuringly. “If we want it too, it will…’
“Not all things are that easy,” Joey reminded him. “If I’m in New York, and you’re in L.A, and our lives become…separate, and some long-legged blonde actress waltzes through your door…” she trailed off at Dawson’s incredulous glance at her.
“Do you really have so little faith in us?” “No, I do, its just, from experience, life gets in the way.” She covered her eyes as they approached Pacey’s house in the blinding afternoon sun.
“It worked for us, this time, though,” Dawson pointed out. Joey just wrapped her arms around his waist and lifted her chin up onto his shoulder, staring anxiously out in front of her at the water.
****
Part five
Three years later
Amy’s fourth birthday party was held at Pacey’s place in Capeside. An eclectic bunch of people showed up, Amy coming from an eclectic family and being rather different herself. No Pony Rides and pink frothy birthday cakes, Pacey was cooking up a barbecue and lots of their friends milled around, some with kids, some without. A CD player played country, jazz and folk, something not usually seen at a four year olds birthday party.
It was a beautiful, Autumn afternoon, the reds, browns and golds of the trees mingling with the auburn water, red with the afternoon fire of the sun that was slowly setting.
Jen relaxed on the porch with Joey, Jack and Andie, drinks in hand as they watched Pacey running around after a squealing Amy who had insisted on taking her party dress off again. Grams eventually intervened, popping Amy’s head through one of Jen’s cable knit sweaters. The hemline dragged along the grass as Amy skipped along, chewing on her burger/fairy floss/ice block, her platinum blonde curls bouncing behind her.
She had Pacey’s dimpled chin, but Jen’s almond shaped hazel eyes and curls. Born after six hours of labor in a home birth at Pacey’s house with Grams, Gretchen, and Andie as midwife, Amy came out of the womb smiling—well, that’s what Jen and Pacey both claimed, anyway, and Joey said she could believe it. Amy was a happy little thing, even as a baby, she’d hardly cried, except a little mewing when she woke so she could tell her mom she was hungry now. Despite her parents not having a relationship and not living together, Amy seemed fairly well adjusted…although her bouts with nakedness worried Pacey.
“I did the exact same thing when I was a kid,” Jen reassured Pacey, “Its just a statement, its about freedom. By the time I was six I was putting my clothes back on…only to take them off eight years later, of course…’ she added slyly. Pacey had cracked a salacious grin before starting to frown with parental anxiety. Jen rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe *he* was more overprotective then she was, and she was Amy’s *mom*!
Joey watched Pacey pick Amy up fondly. They were dating, casually, having started to go out a few months earlier. Joey hoped something more serious would eventually happen. She was only twenty-six though, so she wasn’t harried—and they did live in different cities, still, so it was an effort.
Jen didn’t seem to mind at all, she had her own life in New York, and her career organizing jazz and folk music festivals, charities and events in and around New York. She also had her boyfriend, a blue-grass musician called Roy. He was tall and broad and from Kentucky, he had moved to New York when he was seventeen and become famous at a jazz and blues club downtown. They had met through a mutual friend the year before.
Andie was now a successful resident doctor, living and working in Boston. She had gotten married the previous year to a Yale graduate, another doctor, a gorgeous man called Tony who was from a very well-to-do family in Rhode Island. They had actually gone to Junior High together, she had tutored him in Math. Jack was seeing an environmental lawyer called Mike, they were in the process of moving in together in the Village, and Audrey was in London, the PR assistant to a major fashion company.
And Dawson… he arrived sometime after six, after a delayed flight, and then a visit to his old house where he dropped off his stuff, before he and his acquaintance, his girlfriend of two years, (and second lover) Amy (same name as the birthday girl) who was now thirty-two. An older woman, although she was as vibrant and energetic as a twenty-one year old, with long raven black hair, rich brown eyes and a delicately curling-up-at-the-sides mouth. She was now a successful director, like Dawson, with an Oscar under her belt, tapped to be the next Sofia Coppola. She was also a freelance journalist for Vanity Fair.
When they arrived, Jen quickly jumped up and ran over, throwing her arms around both of them. She adored Amy (number two), they all did.
All, except, well, Joey. Joey got up awkwardly, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. She hadn’t seen Dawson for…shit…. almost a year and a half. Damn he looked good, she thought. She’d almost forgotten. Almost. She wondered if he’d seen her yet, but he was looking down at Jen, a huge grin on his face. Everything seemed to go in slow motion when he finally did look up and notice her standing on the porch steps, her thumbs hooked in her jeans pockets.
A lifetime (or what seemed like one) of memories flooded through both of them as they contemplated each other from across the divide—lazy, sexy Sunday mornings, passion-driven evenings under blankets, on beaches or hotel rooms, sweet silences, loving, soft touches…and then the not so good, the jealousy, the suspicion, the fights, raising voices and questions, pain, and then awkwardness.
“Joey…’ Dawson approached her, kissing her quickly on the cheek, his stubble brushing against her soft skin. “How are you?” “I’m good…’ Joey smiled, thinking what a ridiculous greeting that was, and why so many people used it.
“It’s been a while,” Dawson shook his head, putting his hands in his jeans pockets. “It has,” Joey said breathlessly. God…he still wore that cologne, that musky stuff she loved, that she’d actually bought for him one Valentines Day.
His eyes roamed everywhere, but stayed off her face. She willed him to look at her, but she was almost afraid. Looking at one another from a mile off was one thing, but this close?
When he did, when she did, when she looked right into his eyes and he into hers, she felt all her breath leave her.
“Jo…” she jumped as Pacey’s arm circled her waist. “Want a hot dog?” Dawson, looking both confused and disgusted for a few moments, being the good actor he was changed his reaction into a warm smile.
“Pace…how are you? Hard to believe it’s been four years since Little One was born.’ “Tell me about it,” Pacey shook his hand warmly, smiling, at peace, especially since Dawson was talking about his beloved daughter.
“I feel like an old man.”
“Bullshit…” “Do you want a beer?”
“Love one.’
“Great. And you? What about this hot dog?” Pacey kissed her quickly.
“Um, no thanks, I’m not hungry,” Joey said quickly.
“Okay.” He went off to the cooler.
Dawson opened his mouth, as did Joey, and they both hesitated, then he said, “So…you two…”
“Excuse me,” Joey walked blindly away, not sure where she was going except she had to get out of his vicinity. On the way she saw Amy laughing animatedly with Jen and Andie. To Be Continued
Part six
****
At Lunch, Dawson found himself sitting across the table from Joey, who blushed when they locked eyes and busied herself buttering French bread. Even though they were still technically best friends, sometimes the carefree friendliness that used to come so easily with their non-romantic relationship back in college and high school (and other various non-romantic times) wasn’t always there. There was an underlying tension that stemmed from the inevitable “A” word, and the “B” word: abortion and break-up. Oh, and “P” word—Pacey, Dawson’s biggest fear, revisited.
On the abortion issue…sometimes Dawson woke up in the middle of the night realizing he’d just had a dream about it. The dream was odd, it wasn’t upsetting, but it wasn’t a happy dream either. Just himself, Joey and a baby. A big baby with pink cheeks and a blue hat. They’re playing with it in the park—and then suddenly it’s gone. He panics, but Joey just sits there, shrugging. “We would have ended up hating your lives,” she’d say, and he’d wake up, startled, confused and bewildered. He’d forgiven her for actually doing it the moment he found out—what hurt him was that she hadn’t bothered to tell him. Who knew who she actually told? God, what if she had told Pacey? What if he’d driven her to the clinic? It felt like she’d ripped out his heart and thrown it at a brick wall.
He had always believed it to be the woman’s choice—it was her body. That didn’t mean he was happy about it. He was crushed, actually. A baby wasn’t a great plan for them, being so young, but he had money, he had a career—he could have provided for them all. But of course, Joey didn’t want that—she wanted independence, excitement, a romance…and that’s where Pacey fit in. Dawson vowed to understand, to stand back and just be her friend, to separate their lives. He had been heartbroken.
Sometimes he still felt like he was.
But he was with Amy—and he could feel that he was falling for her. It wasn’t just the sex. It was her intellect…they had similar interests of course, they could talk for hours. Add to that she had been his second lover.
But sometimes when he looked up and saw Joey looking at him he’d feel something move inside of him, could feel her opalescent green brown eyes penetrating into him, into his soul and he wasn’t sure where he was anymore.
****
It wasn’t like he was stupid. Pacey could sense the vibes between Romeo and Juliet. Their fabled break-up had only been three years ago, after all. Over what Pacey didn’t know…Joey had never told him. Holding his beloved daughter in his arms as he watched his friends tuck into the large seafood lunch he’d prepared, Pacey was somewhat surprised that he didn’t feel worse about his love life.
Once. He and Joey had…ahem…come together…just once. Usually at the start of a relationship, he had lots of sex. Lots. It couldn’t he helped though, what with a four year old, living in different cities and getting accustomed to each other again. The only thing he was a bit subdued about was that the sex itself hadn’t been…excellent. It had been good, but he’d hoped for something spine-tingling, especially after all that time. Of course it was always good for men, but he suspected Joey hadn’t had the best time. Well, he would work on that—when he had time.
****
It was a gorgeous evening, despite the chilly wind. Pacey lit a fire and threw out bags of marshmallows, and everyone congregated around the fire in deckchairs or upturned barrels. The radio was on medium volume, on the classics station—Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin.
“It’s been ages since we were all here together,” Andie pointed out, cradling a glass of wine between her fingers.
Pacey put his arm around Joey and she smiled up at him. Dawson watched from across the fire, Jen perched in his lap, her baby in her arms, stroking her curls.
“It does feel kind of weird,” Joey laughed. “Like we’re in high school again.” “That’s for sure,” Dawson remarked. It was just the six of them—Joey, Pacey, Andie, Jen and Jack. And Jen and Pacey’s daughter.
“Except Jen and Pacey have a kid.”
“Now that is slightly different to what it was like in high school,” Jen snorted. Amy tilted her chin to gaze at her mother, her eyes droopy with sleep.
“I think someone is getting sleepy…’ Pacey said in a sing-song voice. “I’ll take her to bed,” Jen said softly, untangling herself from Dawson’s lap and picking Amy up. “Say goodnight to everyone, Amy,”
“Goo-night,’ Amy yawned, waving over Jen’s shoulder. “Goodnight honey!”
“Sweet dreams!”
“Now the kid is gone we can be naughty,” Jack said jokingly.
“Like what?” Joey licked the gooey insides of her marshmallow, Dawson did the same to his—it was how the both of them liked to eat it, suck the insides then chew the crunchy outside.
“We could play truth or dare,” Andie suggested innocently. Collective groans from all sides, especially from Jen who returned with a few bottles of beer. “But no one would do the dares,” Jack said. “We’re all too chicken.”
“I would,” Andie said loudly, giggling. She’d had a few.
“But its not like we can go around kissing each other,” Jack swigged his beer. “Coz we’ve all
kissed each other anyway.” “Kissing doesn’t have to be the dares!” Jen laughed, swatting at Jack. “We could run naked through the creek, or…”
“We can’t do that because we’ve all seen each other naked too,” “When have you seen me naked?” Dawson asked curiously, his arm slinging around Andie who sidled closer to him, being the most available warm male body.
“I have my ways,” Jack said seriously, nodding also at Pacey who raised a questioning eyebrow. “If we’ve all seen each other naked then it shouldn’t be a problem,” Andie said giddily.
Dawson lifted his eyes and was surprised to see Joey gazing at him. She quickly looked away, spots of blush appearing on her cheeks. Maybe she too was imagining something…he was thinking about something he shouldn’t be thinking about either. The first time they’d made love. Seeing her, completely nude, for the first time, (as an adult) breathless, giggling a little, her hands smoothing over every part of him, just as he was exploring every part of her.
He tortured himself with thoughts of Pacey and Joey together. Did they do the things he and Joey had done? Did Joey cry out the way she had done with him? Did she steady herself on his chest, lace her hands through his, kiss his throat… he shuddered, shaking his head.
“You cold?” Andie asked with a small smile. “Kind of,” he moved closer to her. Luckily, she was warm.
She had been right—it had been ages since they’d been together like this. It was nice. It was comforting. It was…what he needed. He was glad when the conversation steered of truth or dare and onto who they’d seen naked. Truth telling was an essential part of life, but tonight, Dawson wanted to withhold the truth—the ugly truth. The truth about himself he couldn’t even share with his soul mate, who was right now, gazing at him again, her eyes soft, glowing with light from the fire.
Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too
****
Part seven
“Is she alright?’ Pacey asked as Jen walked back into the kitchen, looking weary. “Nightmare.”
“I don’t know anyone who has more nightmares than that kid,” Pacey shook his head. “Or who falls asleep faster,” Jen added with a wink. She went over to the coffee pot and scooped in some beans.
“Did Joey leave?” she asked nonchalantly. “Yep,” Pacey nodded, stacking plates in the dishwasher. “Dawson gave her a lift.” “Ah…’ Jen flickered her eyes towards him. “Huh.”
“Yeah…’ Pacey closed the dishwasher and crossed his arms. “I trust them, Jen.”
“Of course.’ Jen smiled apologetically. “Of course you do. But…I mean…’ she shrugged weakly, “They’re Dawson and Joey. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I think I know more about Dawson and Joey then you do,” Pacey said grimly. “I doubt that…’ Jen retorted lightly. She really did. “I think we know about the same. And I think you do deep down, too.”
“I know deep down that they’re over. They’re...its gone. It’s not going to happen again.” “I hope you’re right,” Jen sighed.
****
‘You didn’t have to…”
“Drive you home?’ Dawson interrupted, slowing the jeep to a halt and turning off the ignition.
“I wanted too.”
Joey grinned—memories from moments past—and opened the car door. The night was still beautiful, mild but smoky, the sky a dark velvet blue. Pacey had offered to drive her ‘home’ but he had the clean up, and her house was on the way to Dawson’s, and Joey still wasn’t comfortable sleeping with Pacey in the same house as Amy and Jen, and he was heading that way anyway…and so here they were.
Old lovers, still friends, probably still soul mates.
“I told you how great it is to see you again, didn’t I?” Joey asked tentatively as they walked up to Bessie’s front porch. “I think so. If you didn’t, well—I was thinking it,” Dawson smiled.
“Me too. You look great, you look amazing,” Joey said hurriedly, truthfully, wrapping her arms around herself.
“You do too—you just…” “You just…’
They both said at the same time, pausing to laugh as they stumbled over their words. As if they hadn’t once known every intimate detail of one another.
“And you and Amy…she’s cute, she seems nice,” Joey said chirpily. “You hate her, don’t you?” Dawson asked suspiciously. Joey’s jaw dropped and she laughed a little, embarrassed to be caught out.
“I don’t…HATE her. But…well…I guess I’m just being your typical ex-girlfriend jealous thing.” “And I’m being your typical ex-boyfriend jealous thing,” Dawson added.
Really? Joey thought. He’s jealous? The thought excited her.
“We’re going to Paris for the summer,’ Dawson said with a nod. His hands were in his jeans pockets.
“The whole summer?”
“Pretty much…” was he getting used to the idea himself, or…just making conversation? Either way, it reminded Joey of their trip to Paris, her junior year. “Remember…”
“Yes,” he said straight away. “I remember everything.”
She blushed. “Me too.”
Staying up till the early hours of the morning, just wandering around the city—lunch on the banks of the Seine, dinner in the Montmarte district, shopping on the Champs-Elysées, strolling around the Lourve for hours in compatible silence—making love in a lavender field in Provence. Would he do these things with *her*, with Amy, Joey wondered? “Are you guys… serious?” Joey asked casually. They hadn’t moved a step up the porch, and now, the lights in the house flicked off, leaving them in semi darkness. The effect was an immediate knee jerk of tension, which both tried to convince wasn’t happening. He could feel her breath on his cheek. “I…yes, sort of…I think so,” Dawson couldn’t think of a single casual answer. “And you…and Pacey? Are you…serious, or…” Joey managed to laugh, “I don’t know.”
She didn’t know?
Silence.
Then Joey spoke.
“Do you…want to come inside? I’m staying in the guesthouse. We can…have a drink, talk...” The invitation was compelling. He knew he had to say no, though.
“I…’ he was about to speak, when Joey grabbed his shoulders and lifted her chin, kissing him square on the mouth. It was a hot, short kiss but her mouth said it all, said everything.
“Jo…what are you…’ Dawson took a step back when the kiss subsided.
‘Woah…what are you doing?’
‘Kissing you.” Joey said simply, touching her own mouth with her hand and smiling behind it.
“Why…” “Seeing if there’s anything.” “Is there?”
“I…yes I think so,” Joey blushed.
Dawson was shocked with her honesty. But he liked it.
“I know. Maybe I should go.”
“Maybe you should.”
But they were drawn together. Neither made a move to leave. His nose pressed up against her forehead, and her hair tickled his face. ‘You know…there’s this thing, this saying, that if you sleep with an ex he will finally get out of your system…’ Joey murmured. But did she even want him out of her system?
“Why are we doing this? Why are we being like this?” Dawson chuckled, as his hands slowly tickled up her spine. He could feel her skin.
“Alcohol? Too many marshmallows?” Joey sighed, her sigh spiraling up into the air, as their mouths lingered close again.
“Maybe just once, then,” Dawson murmured. “Just once.” He smoothed her hair away from her face. “Who knows—it may well be the last time.”
As if he’d thought about them doing it again in the future? That they even had a future? They went to the guesthouse and tried to distract themselves with a card game—Dawson had taught Joey how to play poker a few years back, and they shared a bottle of wine.
“It’s getting late,” Joey observed at one point, looking hazily down at her wristwatch—2:35. “Don’t distract me,’ Dawson laughed, studying his cards. “I’m trying to get my mind off you.”
“Really?” Joey teased him, leaning on one arm and letting her shirtsleeve slip off her shoulder. He groaned.
“You know I’ve always tried to make things…challenging for you,” she said simply, reaching out to graze her knuckles up his jeans crotch.
“That’s the beauty of us,” Dawson said gravelly, lowering his cards.
“Fuck this,” Joey then exclaimed. She knocked the cards out of his hands and knelt up to kiss him, pushing him down on the floor and sliding over him. He had always liked her prowress.
“Lets just do this. I need too.”
“I need too as well,” Dawson said hoarsely, staring into her darkened eyes. “I really need too.”
****
As the sun rose, so did Joey. Warm and buzzing, she curled herself around Dawson’s warm body, her own sore with the delight of her own ecstasy. God…how had she forgotten how wonderful it was to sleep with him? Well, she hadn’t forgotten…it had just made this time all the better.
It had been intense, though. There was something about him…something different. Darker. No less sexier, or passionate, just…darker. He wouldn’t let her look at him afterwards. He’d turned away, and gotten rid of the condom, then cuddled behind her, his chin in the curve of her neck. He was still asleep—Joey contemplated ‘waking’ him, but felt sleep claim her again, where she dreamed of him again.
She would always regret falling asleep again at dawn, because when she awoke a few hours later, Dawson was gone.
****
“We don’t know where Dawson is. No one knows where he is,” Joey said flatly, staring out the window of Pacey’s kitchen, holding her untouched coffee.
Jen was stroking Joey’s hair comfortingly. Pacey was on the phone to his father. Jack and Andie were in the living room with Amy.
It was a week later. At first Joey had been hurt, then relieved, then angry, then fearful, then worried—especially when she couldn’t contact him—no one could contact him.
Gale was at home, with her sisters, talking to police. No one had been worried until it had been discovered he hadn’t taken his luggage—his wallet was missing, however, but he had taken that with him everywhere he went anyway.
“When did you see him last?” Doug asked Joey briskly some moments later.
“Oh…um…well, five days ago,” Joey said weakly. She looked over at Pacey. Pacey was still on the phone, but he said goodbye and hung up.
“Yes, what time? Did he say anything to you? Did he drive straight home after dropping you off?”
“Um…’ Joey’s throat constricted. Doug was a cop. Everyone was listening. She had to tell the truth. But…
“Yes, I’m pretty sure he drove straight home.”
Well, his car was still at the Leery’s—so he must have. Afterwards. After the sex she’d never be able to tell anyone about. Never. Never tell anyone that afterwards he hadn’t been able to look deeply into her eyes, that she could feel his tears on her skin and she didn’t know why.
Pacey was gazing intently at her, however. It was as if he knew, as if he was reading her face like a book.
****
To Be Continued.
