Rating: R

Summary: After Guerilla Filmmaking, Joey is mugged but things take an unexpected twist.

Feedback would be great, c’mon, it’s my 19th birthday! lol

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But listen and think when I say it
Oh but listen and think when I say it
Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel
Who loves you and knows you the way I do

**** Dawson and Joey lay together in her bed bed, breathless, and of course, completely shocked at what they had just done. Ordinarily maybe they would have pulled apart, or freaked, or one of them would have jumped out of the bed, but neither moved. They didn’t want to. Dawson didn’t want to let her out of his sight…or his body. Joey was nestled in the crook of his arm, a dazed half-smile on her face, her fingers trailing up and down his chest tantalizingly.

“Eventually you’re going to have to go,” Joey finally spoke, softly, her breath tickling his neck. He groaned.

“Audrey will be back soon…and I don’t think I want this…” she gestured to themselves, naked and perspiring, under a pile of blankets and sheets, “To be on display.’

“Good point,” Dawson replied, massaging her neck. “I guess I better go.’ And just like that, their warm, sexy, amazing, mind blowing evening was over.

With great difficulty, Dawson untangled himself from her limbs and got up, with a sigh, both regretful and heavy with the hell that was going to come. Joey watched, half-fascinated, half-shyly, taking in his naked body, seeing it in adult form for the first time. God…when had Dawson Leery the boy become the man? It must have been his summer in L.A after high school.

She still remembered seeing him at her door, white shirt, cut hair, glowing…a man. Muscles. Hardness. Bigger. Inside he was still Dawson, her dorky best friend, the same guy who comforted her when her mom was dying, who ran after her in sixth grade when she was teased for being a convicts daughter, who had looked at her with those big puppy dog eyes as she frolicked with Pacey. On the outside, he was 18, no longer a virgin, hard-bodied and seemingly smooth, but charming, with a deep voice that sent chills down her spine, especially when he used it to whisper certain things in her ear.

And he had proved it tonight, for sure. Joey wasn’t even upset he was no longer a virgin…whatever Jen…’taught’ him, well, good on her. No one had—well, okay, Pacey hadn’t—done what Dawson had done tonight. But that wasn’t Pacey’s fault.

Dawson reached for his boxers and jeans and slid them on, already cold as soon as he left Joey’s warm body, the chilly air causing his skin to shiver, cooling and drying his skin. Joey watched from the bed, a shadow falling over her face as soon as his shirt and jacket went back on.

She sat up, pushing the sheets back, but keeping one to wrap around herself. She was shy now, in the darkness, shy in front of her second lover and best friend, despite giving him all of herself just moments ago, giving him something she hadn’t even been able to give Pacey…or, given herself, anyway.

She leaned over the side of the bed, but couldn’t see any of her clothes. Dawson had taken them off, so he must have thrown them on his side. Well, what was his side tonight. Too cold to bother getting out, she stayed wrapped up in her sheets. Outside, the snow made patterns and soft clicking noises on her window. It was so beautiful. If only she and Dawson could have stayed in bed all night, just the two of them, together. She loved cuddling after sex, and they had only cuddled for a short while. If only she knew where Audrey was tonight—if she knew for sure she wasn’t going to burst into the room. If only Jen wasn’t waiting at grams. If only Joey didn’t want to be alone, after her terrifying experience earlier…

Dawson came out of the bathroom and gazed at her, still transfixed.

He was going to say something.

Joey stopped him—“Look, you don’t have to,” she said hastily. “I already know. Comfort. Heat. Lust. Moment. All of that stuff. Tonight was pretty…weird.”

At 8 she had been about to kiss her professor. By 1:30 she and Dawson were having sex. Dawson rubbed his hands together, and looked down at the floor, collecting his thoughts.

****

Being weak when I am strong
Being seen, who you are
Being sad and love's not alone

****

It was a strange but lucky coincidence that at the time Dawson was walking home, he had heard his cell phone ringing in the bottom of his bag. Just before the last ring he answered it, “Hello?” “Dawson…” It was Joey’s voice, thick and teary, wobbly with tears. He froze. “Joey? What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I’m…” sniff. She told him where she was, which wasn’t far away and he ran there, scenarios running through his mind—had she been attacked? Raped? Oh god!

He stumbled across a squad car, a knocked-out mugger and a distraught Joey and was confused but rushed straight to her.

“What the hell happened?” he exclaimed.

“I was…” Joey pointed towards the guy on the road. “I was mugged! I think! And then he ran off but… and…was hit.’ “Hit?” Dawson repeated, his brow furrowing. What a twist of fate. He quickly put his arm around her. The policeman wandered over to them. “I think that’s all we need, Miss Potter,’ he said kindly.

“Go home, and rest. Don’t worry about this guy.” He gestured to where he was being put in an ambulance. “Be careful walking home, and in future, keep your wits about you.”

Joey just nodded, silently. “I’ll walk her home,” Dawson told the officer, and he nodded, walking off to his squad car.

“Come on.” Dawson made sure her coat was on tight, and then gently led her in the direction of Worthington. He kept his eyes out for a cab but there were none—but it didn’t matter, he’d protect her now.

****

“What happened? I knew I shouldn’t have let you walk home…’ Dawson followed Joey into her dorm room, waiting as she flicked on the light and sat down on her bed, sighing. She looked exhausted.

“I don’t know, exactly.” She shrugged her jacket off.

“It happened so fast.”

“I’m sure it did. I’m sorry, you don’t have to say anything, I was just…” he hesitated, and finally decided to say nothing. “Do you want me to go?” he then tentatively broached.

Joey looked up, and read his expression: “You wouldn’t go anyway,” she said lightly.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t,” Dawson said seriously. Joey smiled, “I knew it.”

****

I don't touch you the way I used to
and I don't call and write when I'm away
We don't make love as often as we did do
what could'nt wait now waits and usually goes away

****

Once alone, Joey hurriedly got changed into her warm flannel pajamas. But one look in the mirror and Joey realized the faded blue cloudy pajamas weren’t going to cut it in front of Dawson, who had gone to get her some hot coffee. Maybe she should wear something else…well, not that she should care; he wouldn’t look at her twice, anyway. He was totally besotted with Jen. Joey sighed and left it. She considered telling him to just go, she would be fine, she just needed to sleep, but when he came through the door holding coffee, she realized she wanted him to stay, that she had missed him, and she was still shaken.

“Cute pajamas,’ he chuckled, eyeing them, handing her the coffee. “They’re old,” Joey said hastily, relaxing back onto her bed.

“I know,” Dawson smiled, sitting on the end of her bed. “I remember them.” Joey was surprised he did, but she smiled anyway, feeling a little more light-headed as she sipped the warm drink.

“Do you want me to go now?’ Dawson made the motion of getting up, but Joey quickly shook her head. “No-no, don’t go, not yet,” she added. “At least until Audrey gets here, then,” Dawson sat back down again, looking relieved himself.

He was still wearing his coat. Joey put her coffee down and reached over, not thinking, she just pulled it off for him. “You looked a little uncomfortable,” she explained at his surprise.

“I guess I just forgot. It is warm in here, that’s for sure.’ He folded the coat next to him.

They were both quiet.

“Are you okay?” he then asked her, turning to face her. “I’m fine.” Joey said as reassuringly as she could, “I think. I don’t think I want to talk about it just yet.”

“Yeah, I understand.” He wanted to…he wanted to let her know he never wanted that to happen to her, never wanted to see her threatened or to get hurt ever.

“I…” he opened his mouth to say it, and she waited, interested. “I’m glad you’re okay…” he ended up saying.

“I’ve missed you.” Joey interrupted him, staring down at her hands as she said it. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He slid up the bed closer to her, and tucked a strand of hair back over her ear. “I know I’ve been a bit…preoccupied…lately.”

“Yeah,” Joey said wryly, “Sexing it up.”

“Well,” Dawson looked mildly embarrassed. “Not as much as we did in the beginning…” he stopped at Joey’s look of pure disgust.

He then laughed, “Remember the night before I left…we sat on my bed and talked…did you ever think we’d be here now, like this, in a years time, with all that has happened?”

“God no,” Joey said breathlessly, remembering very vividly that night. Including a kiss. She wondered if he was thinking about that. He was smiling off in the distance.

“What about you?” Joey asked.

“Hell no. Definitely not no longer a virgin…” Dawson joked, overlapping the obvious—his father—for the sake of the light mood he didn’t want to ruin. She picked it up straight away and just nodded, her eyes staring into his, full of understanding and compassion. She reached out and covered his hand with hers.

“So…do you like it?” she asked lightly.

“What?” he got back down to earth.

“Sex.” If Dawson was surprised at her question, and especially the ‘sex’ word, which she hadn’t mentioned to him since before they first kissed almost five years ago, he didn’t show it.

“Well I am a guy. Of course. Do you like it?”

Joey was a little embarrassed when the question turned around on her, but like Dawson, she didn’t show it. “Its okay. I haven’t had much experience.”

“Ah. Well, me either. I think.”

“At least you’re not a virgin, I seem to remember you whining about it, too, once,” Joey laughed.

“Oh I was so pathetic,” Dawson groaned, closing his eyes for a brief second and shaking his head. “No wonder you dumped me for Pacey.”

“I didn’t dump you *for* Pacey,” Joey gently reminded him.

“Whatever you want to believe,” Dawson smiled anyway.

They continued to hold hands.

Then things got serious. “I don’t want to go, but I…think I have too,” Dawson sighed after a few moments of comfortable silence. “And before I go, I just want to tell you that I love you and I’ll always be there for you. Mugging or no mugging.”

Joey rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay.” She found herself gazing at him, suddenly, and realized with a pang all those earlier, old feelings were rising up in her again…the excitement, the swelling of love, the quick breath…she had to tell him before he left. Who knew when they’d do this again? “I’ve missed you so much this year…and…I felt completely rejuvenated when you moved here. Like I had someone looking out for me, but more than that…the feelings I got, when you came to my door. Even now…” she took a deep breath. “I still want you, even though we’ve moved apart, and you’re in love with Jen.... I think a part of me always will.”

She must have been so brave to say that, was Dawson’s first thought. He was too moved to say anything, too…shocked at the feelings she had stirred in him, feelings he had suppressed when his dad died, feelings he had ignored because they hurt so much. Feelings he couldn’t ignore.

His eyes were locked on her lips, so full, soft…he hadn’t touched them since that night…Joey had frozen, realizing what he was about to do, and wondered if she should stop it.

But she didn’t. The first kiss was brief, soft, and cautious. Would it still…yes, yes it felt so good, like it used to, but different, they were different people now, in a different room, at a different time in their lives… the second kiss, seconds after the first, was hot. His hands were on her shoulders, he was moving forward, and she was sitting up, her hands on his back, her mouth open, searching for his. And the third kiss was passionate as the fire they hadn’t felt until a few months ago…god, not even then, was lit and consumed them. Even though rationally Dawson knew it was wrong, he couldn’t stop unbuttoning her pajama top, he just wanted to kiss and touch her hot, soft skin. And even though Joey knew it was wrong, it didn’t stop her lying down, and pulling him down to her, on top of her, on her bed, not caring about anything, but how good this felt.

****

Who touches you and holds you quite like I do
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel
Who makes you feel like I make you feel

part 2

Audrey came tiptoeing into the dorm room around 5am, smiling to herself. She closed the door quietly behind her and turned to go to her wardrobe but stopped when she saw Joey sitting on the side of her bed, her lamp on, looking sleepy yet wide awake. Her hair was messy, she had dark circles underneath her eyes and her pajama top was buttoned wrong.

“Joey…what are you doing up?”

“Audrey…where were you?” Joey asked curiously. “Um…nowhere,” Audrey slipped out of her coat and lay down on her bed with a huge grin.

“Right.” Joey said flatly, getting up and quickly starting to strip her sheets. “What’s up with you?” Audrey leaned back on her elbows and raised her upper body.

“Nothing,”

Yeah right. Audrey knew when Joey was distressed, and she was distressed now. “What’s wrong? Forgot to study for a test? I know this computer nerd, he can change your grades…”

“I had sex with Dawson,” Joey blurted out.

Audrey’s jaw dropped.

***

He didn’t know how he was going to explain this one to Jen. The only option was to tell the truth—but having to see her beautiful face react as she realizes she’s dating yet another hopeless, moronic male was just too much for him. He couldn’t do it. She was sleeping when he entered the attic, her golden locks splayed over the pillow, breathing evenly and peacefully. He took his jacket off and shoes, and as he took his shirt off he caught a whiff of something familiar…musky, sweet. Joey’s scent. It was too obvious. He tossed the offending clothes in the corner and changed into a fresh shirt and pants, and quietly slid into bed, trying not to make too much noise. As he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, he recounted the wildest evening of his life.

His movie, first of all, and changing the ending after talking to Joey. God she inspired him. It was crazy. His first full successful night of shooting in months. He remembered how elated he felt until getting the call from Joey. If anything had happened to her, he didn’t know what he would have done. Dawson wasn’t into violence but he felt sure he’d go after the guy and kill him. Living without Joey would be like…living without a heart.

Dawson’s breathing started to go faster and he shut his eyes tight as more memories flooded him like an ocean wave. Slipping her pajama top off her shoulders, Joey, smiling up at him, sexily, sleepily, her long arms wrapped around his neck. Her soft mouth on his neck. Sliding into her for the first time, feeling her react, her breath quicken. Their eyes meeting. Finally after almost fifteen years of friendship…they were actually making love, like they had with other people, like they had talked about for years. They were finally doing it to each other.

And the kisses. All of those long, passionate, driven kisses. Rolling over onto his stomach,

Dawson closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep.

****

“Are you alright?” Audrey asked softly, stroking Joey’s hair. They were both sitting on Joey’s bed, Joey’s knees under her chin as she recounted what had happened. Getting mugged, calling Dawson, Dawson walking her home, coffee, cloud print pajamas, talking, heat, kisses, getting naked, then the final outcome: the sex.

“Not really,” Joey dropped her chin and closed her eyes wearily. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there,” Audrey then said, her chin wobbling. “I mean, when you were mugged. I’m pretty sure I’d never want to see you and Dawson having sex…”

“Ok, I get it.” Joey managed to smile and she put her head on Audrey’s shoulder. “Its okay Audrey, I’m alive.”

“But…what if…I feel so guilty…” now she was crying a little. Oh dear. “Its okay I’m here, I’m safe. Now I have something a bit more…troubling on my mind,” she added wryly.

“That’s true,” Audrey sniffled, wiping her eyes. “So do I.” She reached for some tissues and blew her nose. “Pacey and I were…um…together, tonight…”

“Oh.” Joey said softly, getting it. Well, of course they would. She didn’t feel weird about it, actually.

“And while we were doing that horrible sinful deed, you were getting attacked!” Audrey wailed. “Its not your fault,” Joey reminded her. “Hmmm.” Audrey looked up at Joey. “Did you and Dawson use any protection?” “Of course we did.” Joey said flatly.

“Just checking.” Audrey leaned back on Joey’s bed and eyed her. “Was it good?” “Audrey,’ Joey said incredulously, not believing she was even *asking* her that. “Okay, okay. I’m just curious.” Audrey yawned. She lay down on Joey’s pillow. “I’m so tired.” “Me too,” Joey felt her eyelids getting heavy. With Audrey there she could relax some. She lay down next to her roommate, and they fell asleep.

****

part three

Joey was convinced the night before had indeed been, as Dawson had tried to say, ‘insanity.’ But when she went to class, and faced Professor Wilder, she realized on impact seeing him didn’t bring the usual…spark that lit up inside her, the daring, sometimes sexual spark she got when he looked at her like she was more than just a student.

He took her aside as soon as he saw her, and Joey was terrified he’d talk about the kiss in front of the other students, but no, he said, “I heard about you getting mugged last night! I can’t believe it…are you okay?” some students who were piling in the classroom looked at them suspiciously.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she said quickly, nervously. It felt weird to be standing so close to him. He stared at her for what felt like five minutes. He was good at perceiving people, everyone knew that.

“You look…” he started to say but trailed off, not finding a useful word, or, noticing the kids in the class suddenly quiet and slyly staring. He coughed and moved out of her personal space. Joey thankfully took a seat in the middle of the classroom and busied herself opening her notebook to her scrawled notes.

“Good morning,” Professor Wilder greeted his class, smiling, but giving Joey once last meaningful glance before he started discussing the latest topic. Joey tried to listen, but his usually moving words zoomed over the top of her head.

The events of last night were now coming back to her in full force, no matter how she tried to stop them…kissing her professor! (Was she crazy?) Making peace between her zany roommate and her ex-boyfriend, who were now obviously dating…seeing Dawson live out his dream (almost) in full, and then the sheer terror of this strange man and his gun. The shock of hearing the *thud* as he was hit, by sheer, dire luck, god it was almost laughable, like a bad B-grade movie or TV special. And then…making love. With a second lover. With Dawson. She lived two lifetimes in one night. She sighed, a deep shuddering sigh, her eyes squarely on her notebook.

Why last night of all nights? Why not earlier, when Dawson wasn’t with Jen, something romantic and typically-Dawson (although after last night Joey didn’t know what was typical Dawson anymore) like candles and dancing and *his* bed. She had always thought it was going to be on his bed. Not in her *dorm* room for goodness sake. But fate had intervened as usual. Mitch was killed, Jen happened, her professor happened, time and distance happened. There was a point she was certain nothing would ever be possible between them again. Hell, now, she was probably right. But Joey couldn’t get something out of her mind. It kept repeating, over, and over, and over. “I love you…” Dawson had told her.

Okay, maybe he was in mid-orgasm as he said it, but…he had said it. Oh great, now she was blushing. Joey took several deep breaths and avoided Wilder’s gaze completely. He was probably thinking she was blushing thinking of him. But she was thinking of something else…how it had been desperate, hurried, passionate, frenzied sex, mouths and tangles of limbs and moaning and pleasure and hot skin and two, burning, loving eyes watching her as she reached the pinnacle of the sex, for the first time ever (in that way.) she had always imagined their lovemaking to be slow and gentle and loving and glowy.

Going beyond the simple act of intercourse and into the heavens, to a place not many people knew about. What surprised and pleased her most was that the sex with him had been so…humanly wonderful, so real, yet at the same time pleasure had overcome her. She remembered feeling it, feeling him and hearing him urging her on, and she had just lifted her hips, and moved with him, again and again and again, trying to push him in deeper until she came hard, crying out and making noises she didn’t recognize…

“Joey?” “Huh?” she said dreamily, her cheeks pink. “Just checking to see you’re…awake, you look a little glazed over,’ Wilder said sympathetically. Her classmates all turned to have a good look at her and her face burned even more.

****

“Hmmm good morning stranger,” Jen kissed Dawson’s cheek and squeezed his butt playfully. She helped herself to some coffee.

“What time did you get in?” she asked, sitting down at the bench and yawning.

“Uh…oh, really early this morning,” Dawson admitted. He played with his toast. “You must be wrecked. Took you forever to finish filming and packing up, huh?’ Jen looked at the microwave clock. 10am.

“I am,” Dawson cracked a grin. He bit into his breakfast, suddenly hungry. He hadn’t eaten for hours. “Got the day off today?”

“Yup,” Dawson struggled to look at her. What if his face gave him away? But Jen was none the wiser.

“Oh good…we can go have lunch or something…or…” she trailed off, implying his (usually) favorite pastime.

“Sounds like fun,” he smiled, feeling his stomach turn over. He got up quickly. “Excuse me, sweetie, I gotta go…splash water on my face I’m zonked.’ He kissed her mouth, quickly. He locked himself in the bathroom and splashed freezing cold water all over his face and neck. He lifted his shirt to where three perfectly placed hickies stood out, one on his breast plate, one on his shoulder and one on the lower side of his neck, all proud and reddy purple, and obviously not done by Jen.

How the fuck was he going to explain that? (Just when did Joey become the hickie queen…) he had a huge headache now. Huge. He could always say that. But he had never said that. He was usually the one who initiated the sex. She would know for certain something was wrong. If everything was fine, he’d be fucking her on the kitchen table right now, what with Grams out, and the house to themselves.

Jen knocked.

“Dawson? You okay?”

“Uh…major headache,’ he called back. “I’m going to have a cold shower.”

“Okay…I’m going to pop off and see Jack, I’ll be back in an hour, I’ll leave some aspirin on the table…’ she replied, padding back down the hallway. Dawson sighed and stripped his shirt off, and reached into his jeans pocket to remove his wallet before dropping his pants. But shit, no wallet. It must be upstairs, he decided.

****

“Where is she right now?” Pacey was pacing the dorm room. Audrey had just told him about Joey’s brush with danger.

“Class,’ Audrey said a matter a factly. “She went to class?”

“Yes. She’s fine…she…” Audrey hesitated and sat down on her bed, sighing, “She needed to get out of here. She had a lot on her mind.” “I’ll bet she did. Its not every night you get mugged,” Pacey exclaimed, sitting down heavily on the floor beside Joey’s bed, his legs splayed out.

“Just be cool when you see her, okay? She doesn’t need another babbling overbearing friend, she needs comfort, not her comforting her horrified friends,” Audrey warned him. “And we must also make it up to her for not being around while she was being attacked, like, going out to dinner, or giving her a fifty.”

“I think she’d prefer the first one.’ Pacey said wryly. He looked down at the floor and sighed, and his eye caught something, sticking out from underneath the blanket. “Whoops, we dropped…’ he picked it up. Audrey’s breath caught in her throat. A condom wrapper. “Did we drop this?” Pacey wrinkled his brow.

“Um, probably,’ Audrey grabbed it off him and threw it in the trash. “And did we also drop this?” Pacey found, and picked up, a brown man’s wallet. He flipped it open as Audrey shrieked, “That’s mine!”

“Your name is Dawson Wade Leery?” Pacey looked mildly amused. Audrey groaned inwardly and sat back down again. It didn’t matter. Pacey wouldn’t put two and two together, would he? So Dawson left his wallet behind…

Pacey’s eyes widened and he stared at Audrey. “That was Dawson’s condom wrapper, wasn’t it?” Audrey cast her eyes downward.

“Now, either you two are going at it, which I doubt, or…” Audrey opened her mouth to speak, hesitated, then decided just to tell him, to rationalize it to him.

“Joey and Dawson…well…he walked her home last night after the mugging, and I’d say by the sound of things they got a little intense, and…” Audrey shrugged, “Stuff happened. DON’T tell Joey. I shouldn’t have told you. I’m a bad friend.” “And Dawson’s a bad boyfriend.” Pacey frowned and stood up. “He cheated on Jen.” Audrey was quiet. She hadn’t thought of it that way.

****

To Be Continued