Always

Summary: Best friend or boyfriend? Story occurs some time after show finale.

This is my interpretation of what happens after last scenes. When you think about it, it’s sort of the same as the writers writing for the show… except they’re better than me (though some might disagree: cough*season three*cough) so just enjoy, my friends. This is a gift from me to you.

Rating: R

Class: D/Jo/friendship

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“You’ll be fine, Jo, just relax. Breathe.” How many times had Bessie said that, and yet Joey was still terrified?

“I would feel so much safer if I wasn’t in the middle of nowhere. This is like a bad recurring dream,” Joey said through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, well, you chose to run away from civilization, Joey.’ Bessie said austerely, taking Joey’s hand as they walked up and down the living room of the Potter house. “Its too late to go to a hospital, you could pop at any minute.”

“So why am I standing up, Bessie?”

“This makes it easier. All that lying down bullshit you see in the movies…it makes things more complicated.” Joey hated it when her sister was right. Okay, so she shouldn’t have left New York. But one more minute there and she’d have exploded.

Joey sat down on the couch obstinately, before lying back and closing her eyes. “I can’t deal with this.”

“You have to, Jo.” Bessie’s voice was more sympathetic as she sat down next to her younger sister and stroked her forehead.

“It’ll all be over soon.”

“I want…” Joey trailed off, her eyes giving away what she wanted. Bessie read them sadly. “I know.”

“If only…I…” Joey struggled with the words before abandoning them as another fierce contraction rocked her body.

Afterwards, Bessie made a dash for the phone. “What are you doing?” Joey said dangerously, wiping beads of sweat from her face.

“Calling the father of your soon-to-be-born child,” Bessie said strongly. “He has to be here.”

“Forget it. You put that phone down right now,” Joey threatened. “Besides, he’s five hours away.”

Bessie slowly put the phone away, rolling her eyes in frustration. “You’re impossible, Joey!”

“Could you not freak out, please? You kind of need to deliver my baby,” Joey said quietly. Bessie massaged her temples quickly. “I’m calling Gale.”

This time, Joey didn’t argue. She wanted, needed someone else, someone like Gale to be strong for her.

“Do you remember when Alex was born? And Jen and Grams were there?” Joey spoke up softly, smiling at the memory. Bessie looked out the window. “I remember. I’ll never forget them or their help.”

She looked back at Joey. “And I know you’ll never forget them either. Jen would want you to be strong.”

Joey laid a hand on her stomach and waited as Bessie talked to Gale, the mother of the man who had meant so much to her…her best friend. She wanted him here, to hold her hand, to kiss her, to help her…she wanted her best friend.

“Look, Jo…’ Bessie was squeezing Joey’s hand as the phone rang. “You’re allowed to yell, you’re allowed to not be brave, you’re allowed to be vulnerable, okay? Don’t try and fight it or be strong.”

Joey looked wryly down at her belly. “Its because I was vulnerable that I got into this position.”

****

He had gotten the phone call on his cell as soon as he stepped outside the New York nightclub in the late night drizzle.

“Dawson?” it was his mom. “Hey mom…what’s up?” he checked his watch. 2 AM. Not typical mom-calling time. Dawson waved his arm in the air, signaling a cab.

“Joey’s in labor.”

He nearly dropped his phone. Damn.

“Shit,’ he said under his breath, dropping his arm and turning around.

“You have to be here, honey.”

“When did she…”

“Some time ago, now. She needs you, she’s…it’s been going on for a long time, honey. She’s been saying your name. She wants you here. She hasn’t been…” Gale hesitated. “It hasn’t been going well.”

“Is she okay?” stabs of panic gripped him. “Where is she? Is she in the hospital? What’s wrong?”

“We thought it was too late for that, but then…it wasn’t, so we’re here at the clinic, but…nothing has changed…they want to do a c-section, but there’s…complications, Dawson. She’s lost a lot of blood.” Gale was taking a deep breath. Despite his tiredness Dawson began to pick up the controlled hysteria in his mother’s voice. “She’s so small-hipped, and the baby is making slow progress.”

Goddamn he knew she was small hipped. He could fit her hips right into his hands.

Gale sighed, breaking his thoughts.

“I’ll be right there, mom.” He put his phone into his coat pocket and hailed another cab. He stared blankly up at monochrome tall buildings. Six months ago almost to this day he had vowed to be there for her, not matter what, despite the fact she had lied to him, lied to Pacey, lied to everyone. Thanks to subtle probing by a suspicious Jack, he had done the math. The conception had been the same week they had been together in New York, the same week Pacey had been in Boston.

He was going to be a father.

****

Christmas

“You look great,” Dawson told Joey as soon as they finished their hug. He stepped into the hallway of their Capeside apartment and shook Pacey’s hand. Pacey wandered off into the kitchen. “Déjà vu,” Joey teased him as soon as Pacey was gone. “You’re not going to try anything, are you?”

“Are you kidding? You have a boyfriend. I’m not that shallow.” He teased her, hanging up his coat and coming into the hallway of her apartment. They looked at each other for a moment, before Joey looked away, nervously.

“Everyone’s here.”

“I know.” Dawson walked into the kitchen. She watched him, and sighed slowly.

****

After dinner, Joey walked out onto the balcony. Her face was flushed. Dawson watched from across the room.

“I need help…” Pacey was balancing dishes and looked at Dawson expectantly. Dawson looked at Jack. Jack rolled his eyes and stood up, throwing down his napkin. “Whatever.”

Audrey was giggling with her boyfriend. Dawson stowed away, as sneaky and as undetected as a cheetah. He shut the screen door behind him, watching Joey as she gazed out at the water.

He touched her shoulder.

“You shouldn’t be out here…you’ll catch a cold.” Joey turned to him, her cheeks going red.

“You shouldn’t touch me like that.” “Why?” he didn’t remove his hand from her bare shoulder.

“Because.”

“Fine. You still hung up about…’

”It’s not something you just forget, Dawson. We kissed.”

“We always kiss…”

“That one was different. Don’t pretend you didn’t think it was.”

“Because we used tongue?”

“This isn’t a joke! This isn’t one of your episodes of teenage drama.” She brusquely pushed past him, but he grabbed her elbow and propelled him back to her. “Then tell me what you thought it was.”

“A kiss best friends shouldn’t experience.” She looked into his eyes and then looked away. “Why?”

“Because it could have lead to more. Once we…once it leads to more we can never go back.” “I know. That’s why I’m pretending it meant nothing, Jo. Because…it has to, doesn’t it? We can never have a normal friendship. You’re…with Pacey. You chose him. You can’t go around kissing random guys…”

“You’re not a random guy.” That shut him up.

“Besides…” Dawson looked up at the sky. “I was vulnerable. You were comforting me. It was…sweet. It meant nothing. Right?”

Joey looked behind Dawson, and then craned her neck to the side to see if anyone was near. No one was around, but they were all in the kitchen. It was dark out. Only the sounds of their breathing could be heard. She then cupped his face and stood on tiptoes, crushing their mouths together quickly. His arms automatically went around her and she felt herself drowning, just falling. Nothing had been like this before. Nothing.

She slumped back, once again not being able to look in his eyes.

“I should go.” Dawson straightened his shirt and looked around wildly in case they had an unexpected audience. No one.

“You don’t have to…” “I mean I should go back to New York. I really, really don’t want to complicate things any further.”

“What are you doing in New York?” Joey looked up at him, still touching her lips.

Dawson ducked his head and murmured, “I have a place there. The network wanted me to get one so I could meet up with the network bosses now and then.”

Joey crossed her arms. “Oh.”

“Here.” Dawson reached into his pocket and handed her a folded piece of paper. “Here’s my address and number. Call me…we’ll…talk this over, and hang out. We can get through this, you know. We’re best friends, after all.” He touched her face. She held his hand to her cheek and smiled sadly, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

****

There was a loud, breathy, final moan coming from Dawson’s bedroom, before a delighted, elongated piercing shriek, and then the sound of shuffling and murmuring. And then there was quiet.

Dawson moved off Joey to let her breathe, letting her legs down, and she panted slightly, letting him brush her hair out of her face.

“That was so…” Joey couldn’t even come up with words. She was too exhausted. She flung her arm over his waist and closed her eyes, inhaling his masculine scent. “Oh my god,” she murmured.

“How long has it been? Seven years?”

“Six and a half.”

They lay quietly for a few moments. Dawson then got up and gently kissed her before going into the bathroom to discard the condom.

Joey flipped onto her stomach and buried her head into his pillow. She knew she had to go soon. The bliss would last all week, though; the fantasies of him would last until she saw him again and they made new ones. She had to see him again. They had to make love again. It had been too good not to do again. She hadn’t felt so whole, so loved, since…since…the last time.

Outside Dawson’s apartment Manhattan glittered and glowed at midnight, and the usual honking of horns echoed into the night. His blue sheets were calming, crisp clean, despite being rumpled from their activities, which had lasted from late afternoon to the evening. She wanted to sleep in them all night long. He came back into the room with a glass of water. Joey took it from him thankfully, tugging him down onto the bed.

She held his head to her breast and ran her fingers through his hair. “What are we doing?” she asked giddily.

“For once I don’t have anything to say,” he said simply, fixated on her naked breast.

“I never, ever thought…’ Joey looked at him and bit her lip, stopping what she was going to say. He looked at her thoughtfully. “What?”

“Well, I just had forgotten how wonderful it was to make love to your best friend. I guess I just got caught up in the romance side of things,” she admitted.

“So this isn’t romance?” he gestured to the knocked over wine glasses on the floor.

“It wasn’t my idea,” Joey admitted. “I always envisioned it being longing and feisty and fireworks…but this…” she trailed her index finger down his jaw. “This is so much more than that.”

“I feel like we’re in a Woody Allen movie,” Dawson joked. “Two wayward souls seeking comfort in the city…”

****

They hadn’t even called it an affair. To them it was lovemaking in the afternoons, secret smiles, hours of talking.

They took loving baths together, washing each other, gentle, caressing touches sizzling them until they couldn’t stand it. They took long strolls through Central Park; saw old movies at the theatre, made love in deserted elevators and even subway carriages.

He could make love to her like no one could. Everyday of that week she woke up sweating, blushing, ashamed. “We’re just…really good, good friends,” she’d say to herself.

And then Pacey came back from Boston. ****

Sometimes it was a close call, and too much of a close call.

When Audrey was in town in the summer, they all met up at a Japanese restaurant in SoHo. Perplexed by being sandwiched by Pacey and Dawson at a somewhat crowded table, Joey had gotten (not intentionally) drunk on Long Island Iced teas and mouthed off about, among other things, Dawson’s anatomy. She didn’t use a past tense. (Or small words)

Dawson had literally frozen while picking up his grilled salmon with chopsticks, his mouth twitching into a smiled despite his shock, but Pacey and Audrey were too busy trying to catch the attention of the waiter to bring over some coffee to sober her up to notice she had said something of adulterous importance. Jack, meanwhile, looked between the two guilty parties with suspicion. This was the first time Jack saw something he wasn’t too sure about…and not the last.

****

By the time Dawson arrived in Capeside it was 7am Sunday morning. Absolutely exhausted he gulped down lukewarm coffee on his way to the clinic. He was shaking. His heart was beating a mile a minute.

He wanted Jen. He wanted her to be there with him, with Joey. Cursing to himself he rounded the corner of the maternity ward and stopped. His mother was dozing on a waiting room chair. Pacey was on the floor playing with Jen’s daughter, Amy.

The place was quiet except for the gentle knocking of blocks. Amy looked up and smiled, recognizing him. Pacey looked up also, and stood, slowly. The two men looked wearily at each other.

They hadn’t seen each other since July fourth. Needless to say, Pacey hadn’t been overjoyed to find out his girlfriend was pregnant with Dawson’s child.

“Dawson…” Amy reached up, breaking into the tense silence.

He grinned and picked her up, hugging her tightly. “Hey, it’s my favorite girl,” he said quietly, tousling her blonde curls. “Daddy’s with Joey,” she said simply, ‘daddy’ being Jack. His mother moved in her sleep. Pacey looked away, his jaw muscles tensing.

He then took a deep breath and spoke. “She’s been in labor for over twenty-four hours. She’s lost a lot of blood. They’re…not sure…” Pacey’s voice broke and he reached over to rub Amy’s shoulder. “They’re not sure if the baby will be okay.”

Suddenly nothing seemed to make sense. All the off-white walls mixed together, and the floor spun. Amy felt as if she would drop from his arms. Pacey grabbed Amy and led Dawson, half-pushing him, to a chair.

“Why?” was all he could choke out, his face falling.

“No one knows why these things happen.” Pacey said gravely, holding onto Amy tight.

“No…I mean, why are you here?” Dawson looked at Pacey, not angrily, not bitterly, but questionably.

“Because friends stick around. You taught me that.”

“I was never a good friend.”

“You were more important to me than you realize.”

“We’re not friends anymore…” Dawson closed his eyes, dizzy with grief and worry.

“I know. What you did was unforgivable.” Pacey spoke bluntly.

“So why are you here?” Dawson asked again quietly. “Joey’s having…well, she’s having my baby.”

Pacey snickered ironically. “I do a lot of stupid things. This is one of them.”

Dawson sighed shakily. “Look…she loved you, alright? She was just confused. So was I. We messed up.”

Pacey didn’t say anything.

Amy, bored, hopped out of Pacey’s lap and knelt on the ground. She considered the two men thoughtfully, and then picked up two Barbies and a Unicorn. “Wanna play Barbies?”

****

Bessie walked into the waiting room looking drawn and anxious. She smiled, however, when she saw Amy dazzling the two men with her dolls and charm. For a moment, it looked like they were fifteen again; best friends, and her blessed sister hadn’t turned their worlds upside down.

“Dawson?”

Dawson looked up. “Bessie…” he stood up and advanced towards her. “Is she…?”

“She wants you.” Bessie put her hands on his shoulders.

Dawson looked back at Pacey, and it was as if by looking at him he had gained some strength. He almost charged out of the waiting room.

Bessie chuckled, despite her worry, and knelt down with Pacey and Amy.

Pacey looked at her with questions in his eyes. “It’s nearly over. She asked for you, too.”

He smiled faintly. Bessie closed her hand over his. “I’m so sorry about everything.”

“Don’t be.” He sat up a little and shrugged. “I’m not.”

****

10 months ago

Joey knew Dawson better than anyone. No matter what his latest girlfriend thought, Joey knew she was the girl who could read his eyes so well they didn’t even have to talk. All that talking in high school was just to make up for repressed sexual tension. Once they had had sex, the talking stopped. Now it was about the eyes.

And Joey could tell something was up with him the moment she saw his usually sky-blue eyes clouded and gray when he walked up onto the Leery lawn, tousling Lily’s hair and pretending everything was fine. They were in Capeside for the weekend, their usual ‘jaunt’ at the end of spring to baby-sit Lily whilst Gale and her husband had a romantic getaway, and so Joey could see her sister and nephew.

Gale and her husband would be leaving tomorrow, and she had invited Joey over for dinner. Pacey was in Boston with his job. All through dinner Dawson had been moody, drinking more beers than what he ate, staring out windows and only half-listening to conversations. Joey cornered him on the porch swing after desert. He had another beer in his grip.

“That’s your fifth.” She said lightly, sitting down next to him, adjusting herself so she leant comfortably against him.

“Keeping count?” he toyed with the rim.

“Uh-huh.” She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair. They were quiet for a moment. These were sometimes the best moments between them…the moments when they didn’t say anything.

“Spill,” she said eventually, playing with the hairs on his arm.

“Spill…” he laughed questionably, angling his bottle to the side.

“You have a gigantic stick up your ass this weekend, Dawson.”

“I hadn’t noticed.” He looked at her. And then he sighed heavily, “Fine.” He raked a hand through his hair.

“I hate my life,” he laughed. “There, I said it. I’m in a rut. A place I don’t want to be. I’m a selfish, egotistical pig. I have money, I have a job people would kill for, and I sleep with way too many women…” Joey adjusted her skirt and raised her eyebrows.

“I’m, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He lifted up his beer bottle for proof. “You know me, too many drinks, too much honesty…”

She giggled and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I still love you.” “I love you, too.’ He absentmindedly stroked her hair, and put his bottle down. Joey closed her eyes as her face found itself snuggled into his warm neck. Poor guy. Too much stress, that was his problem. He wasn’t grounded anymore…he was all over the place.

He always had been too over-analytical.

Dawson started stroking the underside of her hair, the top of her neck, just a casual, tender touch he reserved for their cuddles. But this time it felt different. Joey felt... funny. Shivery. Her cheeks felt hot as she murmured automatically, ‘Mmm…’ liking, loving how it felt.

She turned her face to look him in the eyes, to see what she could read. Only this time they were unreadable. Her lips bravely caressed his rough jaw line, and then, with a prompt from her heart and the tingle from her abdomen, she sucked his bottom lip into hers. He was surprised, of course, but no more surprised at his reaction, which was to be completely turned on and to open his mouth.

How could humans be so unstoppable with passion? Why couldn’t they stop, why couldn’t they see when they were heading into trouble? Why did sex have to cloud the brain? Her lips were so soft, he could remember them pressing wetly into his stomach, his pectorals the night they made love back in college.

Her mouth opened a little wider as his tongue slipped in to tentatively explore hers. They were breathing heavily, their skin hot in the cool May night air. The kiss grew more passionate with every ticking second. His hand sought her breast, heavy with arousal, and with an instinct neither of them understood their lower halves surged towards each other, and he half-lowered her down on the chair, as the kiss grew almost urgent.

A short, sharp bang of the door jarred them out of their embrace. Joey popped up, certain they had been caught. There was no way someone would not believe they had been kissing. Their lips were swollen, their clothes were rumpled, their cheeks were red and Dawson had a very identifiable hard-on.

It was Gale. And she looked…well, too involved in a phone-call. A cell phone was pressed against her ear and her brow was furrowed. She waved casually at ‘the kids’ and turned, nodding. “I don’t care what they say. It’s a damn good report and we’re not going to censor it. Can you hear me out here? Look, I’ll call you from the other phone.”

She went back inside the house.

Joey and Dawson both breathed out in relief as the door shut behind Gale.

Dawson looked at her, and she looked back at him. Pure confusion, lust and anxiety could be read on their features. “Shit, shit, shit,” Dawson cursed. “Sorry,” he added.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Joey said wryly.

They were in trouble.

****

“Joey, this is the stupidest, most moronic thing you have ever done.” Bessie continued to stir the soup, but she looked angry nonetheless. Joey put her head in her hands. “I know. Where’s my soup? I’m going to yak.”

“Here,” Bessie said with a frustrated sigh, pouring pumpkin and ginger soup into a mug and handing it to her sister, who was one month pregnant and feeling it. The first thing Bessie had heard that morning was the ever-delightful sound of Joey throwing up in the bathroom…a repeat of yesterday morning. She had literally dragged a bed-headed Joey into the living room and demanded to know what was up, although she had already guessed. Joey had admitted she was pregnant.

“It’s one thing to have an affair, Joey, it’s quite another to get pregnant. Didn’t you and Dawson use any protection?” “When you’re thinking about sex, you sometimes don’t think about stuff like that,” Joey sighed.

“That’s exactly the sort of thing you should be thinking of!” Bessie dropped her soupspoon into the pan and eased herself into the chair facing Joey at the kitchen table.

“Were you on the pill? Did you have a diaphragm?”

“Bessie…” Joey actually had the nerve to be embarrassed. Bessie rolled her eyes. “Joey, you’re going to be much more embarrassed in eight months when you’re legs are open in front of a doctor you’ve never seen before in your life as he…”

“Bessie, overreact much?” Joey exclaimed, her face reddening at the thought. Oh god.

“I might not even have it,” she added bluntly.

“Oh.” Bessie tossed an apple from one hand to the other.

“Have you told him?”

“No,” Joey said softly.

“Tell him. Make the decision together, like adults. He’s a great guy, Joey…”

“I know he is, that’s why I feel in love with him again,” she said glumly.

“Do you still love Pacey?” Bessie searched Joey’s face.

Joey dug her nails into the palms of her hands. “Yes,” she admitted. “I chose him, didn’t I?”

“And look what happened.’ Bessie said a matter-of-factly. She stood up and turned the heat down on the soup.

“You’ll be seeing both of them tonight. I advise you tell them. But believe me, Joey, I don’t think you’ll be making any choices just yet.”

Joey traced the table pattern with the pads of her fingertips. Her fingertips then traced a line from her ribcage down to her belly button. Her stomach was already expanding. It looked like she had eaten too much for thanksgiving dinner or something…just a small, hard, round ball of a stomach. Joey didn’t want to think that there was actually a child growing in there. Her child… and Dawson’s.

**** July Fourth was shaping up to be quite a celebration. They were heading into town to watch the fireworks later, for now his mother was cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Dawson relaxed on the back porch steps, basking in the afternoon sun. Joey had told him she’d drop by. He couldn’t wait to see her. He wanted to make love to her on his bed before the others showed up. He got hard just thinking about it.

After a few minutes he saw her walking over the front lawn, her dress blowing up slightly in the hot breeze. He smiled to himself, feeling those pangs of excitement he got whenever he saw her.

The closer she got, however, the more he could see she wasn’t looking well. Her features were tense, her mouth was in a line and she looked tired.

Uh-oh.

He got up and went over to her, taking her hands in his. “Joey?” he tipped her chin up so she would look him in the eyes. The moment he looked into them, he knew.

It was over.

“Why?” was all he could ask, even though he knew exactly why.

She bit her bottom lip fretfully and squeezed his hands, tracing his lips with her thumb, kissing his cheek softly to reassure him, holding him close in a moment of passion as she realized this was the man, this was the one who did this to her, who had made her carry a child. It might have been the last peaceful times she had with him and her unborn baby.

Dawson, however, didn’t want peace. He wanted answers.

“It’s over, isn’t it…” he said it as though it were a statement more than a question.

“It has to be,” she looked down at the grass. He relaxed his grip and stood back from her.

He started to walk back into the house taking along, angry strides.

“Wait!” she called after him, grabbing his arm. “Wait, Dawson, we have to talk…”

“I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.” He exclaimed, backing away from her. “I can’t deal with the fact that you chose Pacey...twice…”

“This isn’t about choosing whom, Dawson…” Joey said desperately, her eyes welling up.

“Don’t kid yourself.” He put his palms up, fending her off. She was trying to get close to him, trying to touch him.

“This was nothing but a way to pass the time in his absences,” Dawson said angrily. “You knew I loved you, you knew I could never say no to you.”

“Where are you going?” she called after him, suddenly absolutely terrified. She gripped a lawn chair, watching him hastily change directions and head off the lawn to his jeep.

“I’m leaving. I’m going back to L.A. I’m not going back to New York. I don’t want to take the chances of seeing you and him together. I… never want to see your face again.” His voice cracked over ‘face’ and he turned around to look at her again.

“Have a nice life with the guy you really, truly love. Thanks to me, you now really truly know that,” he said with a disgusted tilt in his voice. Joey couldn’t remember seeing him so angry.

“Don’t run away from this, Dawson.” She rushed to him, desperately pulled on his shirt, gripped his arms, doing anything, anything, to make him stay. “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s your job, isn’t it?”

She started to cry: scared, muffled noises as she covered her mouth. He stopped, hating having to see her cry.

“Joey…’ he said, in a more softer tone, but she turned roughly away from him and ran past him until she was out of sight.

Dawson looked back up at his house, and remembered all the good moments and the goddamn awful moments they had had there. And all he could do was walk. Walk towards his car and get the hell out of town. He was afraid if he saw Pacey he’d do something drastic.

****

Joey stayed in bed that night, complaining of a migraine, which was half-true. Pacey kissed her before he left for the night, and Joey cried into her pillow, cursing herself for hurting two men she loved so much she couldn’t bear it.

God…even though she had chosen Pacey to be with, she had never shown Dawson any less love over that past year since Jen’s death. She called him whenever she could, left naughty messages on his answering machine…they constantly flirted. They had lunch together, they ‘cuddled,’ they watched movies, and they talked about absolutely everything…if anything they were closer then ever before.

Pacey never minded, either, at least Joey didn’t think he did. He knew she was his. But was that really the case? Joey didn’t know. Best friend or boyfriend? Who meant more to you in the end? Who was your true love, ‘the one?’

The guy you loved how a woman loves a man, the guy you had good sex with, the guy who made your heart skip a beat? Or the guy who could take one look at your eyes and know instantly what was up with you, the guy she could tell everything to, the guy she had known all her life, the guy she loved so much she sometimes woke up in the middle of the night sweating after a dream where she lost him?

And now, the guy who had put this baby inside her. Joey held her stomach, the warmth from her hand seeping into her cold skin. She suddenly realized she would never get an abortion. Never. She couldn’t get rid of something that belonged to Dawson.

The door closed quietly in her bedroom. Pacey was home. He got into bed without undressing, and Joey sat up. This was it. It was time.

‘Pacey,’ Joey said seriously. “I have something to tell you.”

To be continued…

Part 4

The Past…

Dawson should have at least assumed something would eventually happen between them, but no, he remained oblivious until the last moment, as usual. For almost a year they danced around each other, always hinting, always speaking with their eyes. How could he have not known? Could a person be truly oblivious to his or her fate?

He thought about it on his way over to Joey’s house.

It was—had been-- a strange year for all of them. Jen remained a constant reminder in the back of their minds. They all did strange things. Pacey and Joey talked about marriage, but eventually decided just to let things flow. Jack…well, he found love in Doug. It didn’t last, though. Dawson expanded. He took risks…he got his foot into the production company, he got more money, more freedom. He also met a lot of women. He couldn’t remember seeing so many women in L.A before. They were everywhere. He was a bachelor…a wealthy, not too scruffy, if he said so himself, bachelor.

In fact, he slept with more women that year then he did in his entire life up until then. Jack, a Therapist in training (change of careers) suggested Dawson was overplaying what he had with Jen and he was compensating for the loss. Joey suggested Dawson was just horny and was turning into one of those ‘egotistical males who thinks of nothing else but his penis.’ Dawson suggested Joey help him out, to which he received a slap on the arm.

On the anniversary of her death, Jack, Joey, Dawson and Pacey had a somber dinner at an Italian restaurant in New York—Jen’s favorite place. Dawson had a date for later. He remembered Joey had been way too curious about it.

“Nicole Peterson? The writer? Dawson, she’s a harpie.” “A hot harpie,” he’d joked. Joey hadn’t been amused.

“What’s wrong with you?” he had said lightly. “You hate all my girlfriends.” It was true. He had introduced three of them to her, and each one had something wrong with them.

“Her brains are in her breasts,” or, “Too tall, for you Dawson…” and the best one, “It must be like making love to a praying mantis.”

“No, that was you,” he had laughed in response to that one. She didn’t find that funny either.

“I just want you to date someone half as good as you,” Joey said with a long sigh, fluffing her hair over her jacket as the four of them readied to leave the restaurant. Pacey was watching them with interest. “Aww, that’s sweet, you care.” Dawson said sarcastically, putting his hand to his chest.

“But seriously, Jo, name one girlfriend you did like.”

“Jen.” Joey shut her mouth immediately. Jack managed to laugh, however, seeing the funny side of things. “Joey, you coulda picked someone else…”

Pacey took Joey’s hand and shook his head. “Come on.”

Joey reached out to Dawson, as if to touch him or apologize, but he just smiled flippantly and waved, turning around and heading down the street.

“Look, why don’t you set him up with someone?” Jack suggested. “Someone other then Jen. She’s kind of busy right now.”

Joey bit her lip. “I’m sorry…I just…well…I…I really loved her.” She blinked away tears. “And I love him, too, and they would be…”

“We know.” Pacey hailed a cab.

Jack watched them leave. He sighed heavily. This was too much. He wasn’t half as disturbed about the Jen comment then he was about the never-ending Dawson and Joey saga. If he wasn’t mistaken, he could have sworn Joey was jealous. Well, duh, of course she was.

A year ago, Jack thought the triangle crap was over. A year ago Jack thought Joey would never love Dawson the way she loved Pacey. A year ago Jack thought he’d never be able to live without Jen. And yet, he had.

And Jack wasn’t blind--Joey had looked at Dawson tonight the way you definitely don’t look at someone who is just your best friend.

****

And then something else happened. On Dawson’s last night in New York, Joey invited him out for coffee and to see a movie. She had a motive—to apologize, of course. After seeing an old film they both loved and which had special meaning to them --To Kill a Mockingbird—(long summers of discovery, etc)—they strolled down fifth avenue arm-in-arm, carrying cups of coffee from a quaint coffee place that definitely wasn’t Starbucks, what they both considered ‘corporate evil.’

“I’m sorry…” Joey started out almost immediately. Dawson looked down at her as if surmising her, smiling dimly. “It’s okay. But…you could have picked someone else. It’s almost as if…” he stopped. He was having difficulty with this, she knew that.

“As if you only wanted me with someone I definitely can’t have.”

They were quiet for a moment, and stopped to listen to a busker singing a Cranberries song—something about an ode to their family.

“I’m kind of sick of wanting something I can’t have.”

“I just want you to be happy.” Joey told him gently.

“I am happy.” He sipped his coffee and squeezed her arm.

“I’m realistic, Jo. I know I’ll never find women like Jen…or you, but there are great women out there.”

“I know. But I want to make sure you’re happy. And if I knew someone who was just fantastic and wonderful I’d set you up without a blink. But I can’t think of anyone. Maybe Audrey, but…”

“Not going to go there,” Dawson laughed. “That would mean Pacey and I have pretty much slept with…” “Oookay, lets not get graphic.” They walked on down to sixth.

“Joey, I love that you ‘care’ but I can find my own dates.”

“I know…but…”

“You want to make sure they’re good enough, I know.”

“There’s someone out there for you, I know it. She could be here, on this very street with us.” Joey gestured around.

“Yeah…probably.” He laughed.

“I haven’t given up on that ‘finding the one’ crap. But some days…I feel like I ruined my chances. Ruined our chances.”

“Dawson…”

“But what we have now…is more real, more functional than ever.” They stopped again and he squeezed her hands. “It is…”

“But I’m not going to pretend that I don’t wish sometimes that we just…took the plunge. Saw what would happen. Because I loved you more than anything.”

Joey was quiet. Horns and the sounds of cars whirring and people talking filled their vicinity. Dawson began to regret what he’d said when she opened her mouth.

“Me too…”

Their mouths were close. Too close. Dawson could smell her musky sweet breath, could almost feel her lips on his. Why was it that whenever they reminisced they got carried away? Dawson broke the moment first by moving his head. “Okay, enough of this,” he laughed.

“Any closer and we’d be committing a felony.”

Joey blushed. Dawson smiled, “Ooh, have I made Joey Potter blush?” he poked her lightly in the waist and she shrugged him off, laughing, “Not even close.”

****

They kissed in Capeside that weekend. A week after that they kissed again at Joey and Pacey’s place.

Finally, a week later Joey finally, ‘stopped by’ his apartment. It had been around 2’oclock in the afternoon on a Sunday, and Dawson had been working on his laptop; fresh from the shower he took in preparation to go out later that night. Joey had stood in his doorway, smiling sheepishly, warmly, holding a bottle of wine. “To celebrate,” was her opening line as he invited her in. When he touched her skin she shivered.

“Celebrate what?” he had asked, already sensing a stranger energy between them that afternoon.

“To celebrate almost twenty years of friendship.” Joey put the bottle down and hugged him tightly. He laughed in surprise, rubbing her back. “How do you figure?”

“Okay, so…” Joey pulled back from him. “I was thinking the other day, well, we’re twenty-five now. And we met when we were five.”

“Yeah…” he waited.

“And we met in the summer. Two weeks before July Fourth, remember? And it’s two weeks before July Fourth.”

She looked so adorable saying that, her face animated and beautiful, her hair swinging around her shoulders. He could still see five-year-old Joey’s tiny face as she pushed him on the lawn with her little fists, smirking proudly, and then later on, her little arm going around his shoulders as she apologized meekly.

He hugged her again. “I remember very well…twenty years…unbelievable!” he murmured, shaking his head as they hugged.

After a few moments Dawson had to pull away. He was being affected in the wrong way. Holding her, being pressed up against her and inhaling her scent brought back the feeling of her lips crushed into his just last week. He let go gently, looking away quickly, his face reddening. He grabbed the bottle and went into his kitchen to find a bottle opener.

Joey too was affected, and she held onto his computer chair to steady herself for a moment. Oh god. Why had she come? No one can ever understand why people do things like this, why she deliberately arranged so they could be alone for the whole afternoon, less than a week after making out with him in the home she shared with her boyfriend. She should have left. She should have been ashamed. But she felt none of these things.

Dawson came out of the kitchen with two glasses of wine. They clinked glasses, toasting each other silently with their eyes.

Dawson reached over and took her hand, and gently caressed her palm. Joey felt her entire body shake with desire. If he kissed her, right then, in the empty, warm apartment, if he laid her on his bed, she would let him.

And he did. He put his glass down, and took hers out of her hand, and then he leant over and kissed her softly. “Joey…” he whispered hoarsely, “Forgive me, but I’m about to do something really, really bad.”

Joey smiled against his lips and whispered back, “I’m about to do something worse.” They got up and walked quickly into his bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind them.

****

And now it had blown up in their faces. As. Usual.

God…Dawson could still remember the ferocity of that first time. Was that the time she got pregnant? No…later on that week. The first time they had actually managed to remember a condom. As soon as they walked into his room she had pushed him down onto the bed—nothing had changed—and climbed onto him, and it went from there. For someone so meek, so sweet in personality her antics in the bedroom were a direct contradiction of that.

Dawson got out of his car and leant against it, pondering the Potter residence. Alex, who was now eleven, was playing catch with Dawson’s sister Lily, who was eight. Dawson watched, proud, as Lily caught the ball every time. That was his girl.

“Hey Dawson.” Alex high-fived him. “They’re all inside. Except Pacey…he left.” Alex shrugged.

Dawson was quizzical. “Oh…?”

“They had this huge fight,” Alex continued, typically unaware of the importance of his words. “I was trying to watch…uh…cartoons.” He threw the ball at Lily who was watching her brother. She caught it again, smirking at Alex.

Dawson patted Alex’s back then went inside. Joey was curled up on the couch, Bessie next to her with a box of tissues. The women both stopped talking when he entered.

He stood awkwardly by the door, his hands in the back pockets of his jeans. “Hi.”

Joey just wiped her eyes and turned her gaze from him to the floor. Bessie rolled her eyes and stood up. “Dawson, ya better sit down. Joey has something to tell you.”

“I know.”

“You do?” Joey spoke up in surprise. “How?”

“Alex told me. He said Pacey left.”

“Oh.” Joey held a tissue to her nose. “Well I have the reason why he left.”

Bessie picked up the box of tissues and smiled reassuringly, warmly, at Dawson, before walking out of the room. Dawson went over to the couch and sat down, his comforting habits overtaking him as he rubbed her arms, shushing her.

“What’s wrong sweetie?”

“I can’t…I can’t do this.” Joey whispered, throwing her tissue onto the couch and standing up, wobbly on her legs.

She managed to get to the front door before she fell to the ground.

**** “What’s wrong with her?” Dawson had exclaimed as he and Bessie both lifted Joey to her feet.

“She’s pregnant, Dawson.’ Bessie had replied simply. “And I think we can all guess who the father is.”

*****

Part five

________________________________________________________________________

“Well.” Dawson raked his hand through his hair, a movement associated with anxiousness or otherwise.

“Well, at least I know my…I mean, at least I know I’m not shooting blanks.” A joke seemed oddly appropriate.

Joey snickered, and her tea dropped over the side of her cup.

“But…we…were careful. Always.” He turned to her, shaking his head in confusion.

It was later that evening, and Dawson and Joey sat on the deck chairs by the creek. Joey was nursing a cup of tea, Dawson a beer. He was holding her hand. He had hardly let go since she fainted.

“Not exactly.” Joey scoffed. “Remember when you surprised me in the shower?”

“Oh.” Dawson went red.

“Yeah. Think about it…” Joey giggled, “Oh my. Did I make Dawson Leery blush?” she mimicked his tone.

“Nah, I’m just thinking…how stupid it was of us to forget something like that.”

“In the heat of the moment…” Joey drifted off, shrugging.

“It was a little longer than a moment, though.”

“Sure it was.” They shared slow, hesitant, tender smiles.

“So, are we in this together?” Joey asked hopefully.

“You better believe it,” he squeezed her hand.

****

Four months later

“Aww, look at this Joey…” Audrey held a small outfit against her, cooing sweetly.

“A sailor suit? My son is not going to wear a sailor suit.” Joey picked up the price tag. “And a sailor suit that costs more than my one pair of Gucci sunglasses? I don’t think so.” “But it’s so cute,” Audrey pouted. She huffed, “Fine. I’ll just have to get it for you.’

“Don’t even think about it. I already know I’m going to screw him up eventually without him looking at pictures of himself in that…atrocity.”

Joey moved on to the next rack at the Baby Gap.

“You know, have I told you lately that you look stunning for being pregnant?” Audrey said admiringly.

Joey laughed, “*No* sailor suit.”

“No, no, I mean it. Really. It’s very Madonna. Except minus the biceps and the army pants.”

Joey just rolled her eyes. She tried. She usually stuck to maternity jeans and sweaters, or a nice blouse and jacket.

At five months she was pretty large—well, she thought so. Dawson said she looked fine, and the obstetrician said she was normal. Whatever.

“How is Dawson, lately, anyway?” Audrey mused.

“Do you see much of each other?”

“Of course we do…” Joey picked up a soft blue jumpsuit.

“We’re having a baby.”

“And…”

“And? Nothing.” Joey selected the blue jumpsuit and walked over to the counter. “We’re still best friends. No between-the-sheets business.” She blushed and pulled out her wallet. “That’s what got us into trouble.’ She smoothed one hand over her protruding belly.

“Well, past boyfriends aside, I always thought you and Dawson…would…you know, babies, marriage…” Audrey shrugged nonchalantly. “You know that old story. Your first love is forever.”

“Yeah…old stories aren’t always…well, new, though.” “I got the babies part right.”

“Baby. Single. Not plural.” Joey smiled at the little outfit she had selected. “That” feeling was going over her more often these days…the feeling of excitement about this baby, this baby boy. They had found out the sex the other week. She couldn’t remember seeing Dawson so excited. “And…have you seen Pacey?” Audrey asked tactfully.

Joey nodded, grimacing a little. Her heart sank at the mention of his name. “We bumped into each other at the supermarket. It was painful. I cheated on him. There’s no way around it. Add to that my belly was out there for everyone to see…” the sales lady looked a bit more interested in the fifty Joey had given her. Audrey cleared her throat.

The sales lady handed Joey the bag and her change and they walked out of the store into the sunshine.

Joey put her glasses on and sighed heavily, “I can never make it up to him.”

“No, you probably can’t,” Audrey said simply.

Joey was glad she was wearing sunglasses. She felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes when she remembered how his face had looked the second she said, “It’s Dawson’s” in conjunction with saying she was pregnant.

She stopped in front of a window of another baby shop and put on a display of excitement over the little Nike sneakers.

“Yeah, for when baby wants to go jogging in Central Park,” Audrey quipped.

“Oh, so now you’re teasing me?” Joey laughed in disbelief.

“Come on…” Audrey dragged Joey away. “I’m going to treat you to lunch.” Joey smiled, letting Audrey put her arm around her narrow shoulders. “And I want to know everything about last night. Because I *know* you got laid just by looking at you. Don’t lie about you and Dawson just being friends.”

Audrey was always good at reading her.

Audrey had moved to New York a few months ago having dumped her London boyfriend, and Joey was eternally grateful. Audrey was Joey’s best girlfriend, her support, and her confidence. Audrey painted her toenails, dropped off pizza and DVD’s when Joey was feeling sick, and she kept things level between Joey and Dawson in the difficult stages. At first it had been very difficult. Uneasy, scared, angry…they fought constantly despite their moment by the creek.

He wanted her to move in with him, she vetoed immediately; she was extremely jealous of his dates—in fact any women who swarmed in his vicinity, which Dawson thought was crazy considering they had mutually decided not to get married. “You’re going to be a father. You can’t go around…procreating like that,” she’d stressed in her early stages of pregnancy hormonal-driven anger.

“I can’t go nine months without sex, Joey,” he’d said half-jokingly—half—and she’d blown up, saying, next to a number of other things, that either could she, and it wasn’t fair! He decided to stop making jokes like that. One night in her fourth month he approached her, and gently suggested that maybe he could make love to her. She’d told him no, but had been extremely tempted. She told him it would complicate things. In actual truth she was ashamed of her body. Next to the women Dawson dated, she’d look humungous! She admitted that to him, finally, the night before.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of being best friends with,” he’d said seriously, before cracking into a smile. She’d melted, and…it had happened. They made love, and it had been wonderful. That morning however she’d woken up confused. He told her she didn’t have to say anything, and that their night was made with no expectations. It was just one night, much like their sexual history together—beautiful, but brief.

At lunch, Joey did tell Audrey everything, orgasm included, unlike their initial conversation at college which they both laughed over. Halfway through her garden salad, she felt it.

She felt the baby kick. It sent ripples across her belly, and her fork froze halfway to her lips. She put it down and grabbed her stomach, gasping as it happened again.

“Joey?” Audrey exclaimed in worry.

“He’s kicking,” Joey explained, a smile growing on her mouth. “Feel.”

She pressed Audrey’s hand to her stomach. Audrey’s look of amazement made Joey feel sad that Dawson wasn’t there.

Audrey took her hand of Joey’s belly and reached into her bag, taking out her cell. Winking at Joey she speed-dialed Dawson.

Joey sipped her water and sat still in wonderment as Audrey spoke to Dawson. “He kicked…yep. Kicked. Totally kicked. Like, soccer kicking. Okay, calm down Daddy-dearest…”

One, two, three milestones—first seeing the two blue stripes on the pregnancy test. Second, being told it was a boy. Its sex being spoken out loud meant it was real, that *he* was real. And three…feeling the physical presence of this child, rather than just looking at it.

**** Part six

Present

Joey had never known so much pain. At least she was going in and out of consciousness now, it meant she wasn’t sure where the pain was coming from half the time. She thanked god for the oxygen mask they put on her, which made her sleep. People rushed around her, talking in hushed, urgent tones. She managed to hear only some of what they were saying. Things like, “Too much blood,” and, “The heartbeat isn’t strong, Doctor.” Joey pretended it was all a movie, a bad TV movie. She didn’t care anymore. Really. She knew she was going to die. She couldn’t live if her baby died. She felt oddly calm.

And then they took the mask off and rudely pushed her up so she was sitting up, her head rolling forward, shocked out of her sleep. Her knees were pushed outwards as the doctor’s face blurred in front of her and he told her over and over, “Time to push, Joey, you’re ready.”

Ready? She wasn’t ready! She couldn’t be a mother, not yet!

“Jo, I’m here, you have to try.” Another voice poked into her realm, a voice she knew well. Her head cleared and she managed to smile, her heart singing as she realized it was Dawson, that he was here, finally, he was here! She grabbed his strong forearm and he massaged the underside of her hair, the same way he had done it the night they kissed, and she whispered, “I knew you’d come.”

“You have to push.” He kissed her ear. “It’s nearly over, Joey…” over? Almost fully conscious, Joey realized the pain was subsiding as she pushed, so she pushed some more, and the weirdest sensation overcame her as the baby seemed to just swish through and out. She wasn’t sure what had happened, only that everyone was smiling and exclaiming, and the doctor looked incredibly relieved. Her sister was lifting her hair and laughing, kissing her face and saying excitedly, “It’s a boy, Joey, look at your son.”

They lifted this screaming, wobbly thing covered in blood and something else, and yet Joey hadn’t looked at something so beautiful in her life. It was a baby. A real, loud, baby boy with two hands, two feet and two eyes scrunched up as he screamed, and screamed, as if outraged to be taken away from something he knew.

“I know exactly how you feel,” Joey murmured. Dawson was staring as they cleaned and wrapped the little boy in blankets. He was cocking his head to one side, as if he wasn’t sure it was really human. Suddenly exhausted Joey lay back, not even embarrassed some nurses were at the other end trying to fix her up. She just wanted her baby.

Dawson hadn’t let go of her hand. He looked down at their intertwined hands and then back up at her, smiling in amazement.

“Here’s your baby boy.’ A nurse laid the squiggly baby on Joey’s chest and she lifted it into her arms.

“He’s so small,” Joey laughed. “How can something so small hurt so much?”

Dawson was tracing the infant’s tiny feet with his thumb, dumbfounded.

“He’s so beautiful,” Bessie was crying. Joey raised her eyebrows at her sister. “Emotional much?”

“Oh you,” Bessie flipped her hand up in exasperation, smiling nonetheless.

Joey was crying too.

****

Joey looked absolutely exhausted, and her face was small and pale under the lights from the hospital room, but there was a faint glimmer of a smile on her face. Dawson accepted the warm bundle held out to him by the Doctor after an hour-long inspection carefully and with familiarity. “He’s a healthy, robust boy. It was a close call,” the doctor said, shaking his head. “Joey was strong.”

“She sure was...is she okay now?” Dawson asked.

“She needs to stay here for a week to recuperate. There’s a lot of blood loss and we want to monitor her,” the doctor said seriously. “But she should be fine.”

Dawson adjusted the blankets and a small face peeped out at him, eyes small yet curious, unblinking and a deep blue. He gazed at Joey, still in complete awe. He’d seen a live childbirth before—Bessie’s—and was both horrified and fascinated by her strength and…what was happening. With Joey he was just captivated. She’d always been strong, sometimes stronger then himself. This proved it. Without even a sound, probably too exhausted to make one, she had just squeezed his arm and their son was born, screaming his head off.

Dawson gently touched the infant’s mouth, his tiny nose and his tiny hands. “Hi…” he said to the little boy, smiling softly. “Hi, I’m your daddy. And this…” he turned so Joey could see him. “This is your mommy.”

Nothing mattered except this. Joey watched with amusement, not even noticing when a nurse stuck a large needle into her arm, injecting in a fluid which would make her sleepy and forget about the pain. But there was only a little bit of pain. As Joey’s eyes grew heavy she realized she had never felt as elated as she felt at that moment, watching Dawson hold his son…their son. And then she found sleep. ****

“I already named him,” Joey’s voice broke into Dawson’s world. He was sitting by Joey’s bed, just looking at his son. He saw Joey look longingly at the baby and he handed him to her.

It was such a natural move, the handing of their child to each other. “I named him as soon as they said it was a boy. His name’s Mitch.” Joey sat up a little, brushing her hair out of her eyes and touching Mitch’s cheeks with her fingertips. She looked up at Dawson, her eyes searching his. “I knew you’d come.”

“Of course I did.” He reached out for her hand and squeezed it warmly. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

She laughed. “Maybe we’ll even be good parents.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“Do you like the name?” she bit her lip.

“I love it.”

****

Part seven

Dawson was so good with kids, Joey thought idly as she watched him play with an oddly quiet three-month old Mitch on the grass in Central Park. He raised the baby up into the sky, before flying him down and making faces, as Mitch looked down in amazement. (Or just vacancy)

Audrey was humming to a song played on the radio some people had bought nearby, and Jack dangled a toy-monkey in front of the baby. Amy, a curious toddler at three and a half, kept wandering off and bringing back dandelions or dead leaves and showing them to Joey who pretended they were rare treasures.

It was a beautiful June day, and for once in three months Joey didn’t feel exhausted or moody—she felt like her old self. Being with Audrey and Jack helped. They joked and talked like old times, just basking in each other, and lavishing their attention on Mitch.

“He is such a beautiful baby,” Audrey said dreamily, propping her pink tinted sunglasses onto her head, “I mean, some babies can be just…blah. I saw one in the supermarket the other day and I almost screamed.”

“Audrey…” Joey laughed, “All babies are beautiful.”

“Oh no, not *all*,” Audrey emphasized. “Only some. And Mitch is just so…cute! With those big blue eyes…and that toothless smile…I mean, for a bald guy, Mitch is pretty adorable.”

Mitch had smiled for the first time the other week, whilst grocery shopping. Waiting in line and bored, Joey had picked him up to cuddle and kiss him when he just…smiled right at her.

Dawson was skeptical, saying it was probably gas, but then Mitch had smiled again that night, and of course, that wasn’t gas.

He was going to be blond and blue-eyed, they could tell. As for his personality they weren’t sure. One moment he was tranquil, his head lolling about, his fingers flexing as he took in the big, messy world with his little eyes, the next it was a scene out of the Exorcist, and his screams seemed to go on forever.

The baby exhausted had them both for three months straight. Gale had warned her the first few months, hell, the first year, would be incredibly trying. Joey had *no* idea. Despite being around for two babies—Alex and Lily—it was quite a different experience to be around for your own. Joey was the one who had to breastfeed, who had to get up at night when he cried, who panicked when he had a tiny cough or if his eyes crossed or if he felt too warm. Of course, Dawson felt the same way, but it wasn’t the same, Joey was certain.

Joey had taken maternity leave from her job at the Publishing House, and spent her days—as she put it—‘breastfeeding till my nipples fall off and doing laundry,’ whilst Dawson was given more workload he tried to lighten so he could go home to see his new child.

“I am mentally, physically and…and…dead,” Joey said tiredly one Friday evening, lying on the couch with a compress on her forehead, when Dawson came in with Chinese food in one arm and the baby in the other. He slumped onto the couch, draping a towel over his shoulder so Mitch could drool freely, and yawned.

“That is all I have to say,” he offered.

Joey reached her arms out, and Dawson handed the baby to Joey who cuddled him and kissed his feathery-soft head, talking to him softly in baby-talk.

Dawson picked up a blanket and huddled in it, blowing on his hands. “Jo…” he said cautiously, “It’s sixty degrees outside…”

“I’m hot.” Joey quickly replied. Dawson shut up. He then started another subject.

“Mom invited us down for July Fourth weekend…she’s offered to look after him so we can get some free time…or whatever.”

“July fourth weekend? Sounds familiar,” Joey laughed, and Dawson shrugged, “I have a feeling this weekend might be a little more peaceful.’

“Hmmm.” Joey stretched out on the couch, cradling Mitch on her stomach. He hadn’t opened his eyes since Dawson had returned.

“Hungry?” Dawson offered her chopsticks, but she waved them away. “Too…tired to eat,” she yawned.

Within a few moments mother and son were fast asleep. It was a cute picture…Mitch fit in the small area between her breasts and her hipbones as he drooled on her sweatshirt. Dawson sensed a photo opportunity, so he found his camera and quietly snapped a picture. That picture would be private, just for them.

Sitting back with a carton between his knees, Dawson felt incredibly…serene. This felt right.

He and Joey with a third, with a baby…as a family. It felt completely right. It hadn’t been easy, but it was worth it. A fortunate mistake.

It had first hit him about the new addition in Joey’s sixth month when Audrey had thrown Joey a surprise baby shower and he had come home early from work to find twenty cooing women (from Joey’s workplace, college friends and mutual friends) plus one man (Jack) passing around Tiffany’s boxes and Baby Gap bags. Joey had held up a tiny sailor suit, her face a mixture of smiles and horror and Dawson had just stared at it, unbelieving in a few months a baby would wear that.

Now, Mitch was simply just a part of their lives. It was *all* about Mitch. For the past three months he and Joey had been in their own little world. It was all about the baby, all about what Mitch wanted, what Mitch did, what Mitch didn’t do. He cried at nights, usually during “Law and Order,” he drooled, he liked apple mash, he was growing bigger everyday and he was fussy about strangers. All they talked about was Mitch—but it didn’t matter, he was all they wanted to talk about.

“I knew this would happen…’ Audrey had complained jokingly, “You two have become complete bores. Total parents.”

“Can I hold the baby?” Amy whined, dropping a pile of leaves at Dawson’s feet. Jack picked up his adopted daughter and swung her around, looking at Dawson questionably.

“Sure…” Dawson nodded reassuringly, hoping this time Mitch wouldn’t notice. He handed the baby to Amy who sat in Jack’s lap. He instructed her to hold Mitch’s legs whilst he supported his son’s head.

As soon as they were still Mitch started to whimper, and soon the whimper turned into cries. “He’s too attached to his parents,” Jack chuckled, passing Mitch back to his dad.

Joey stroked Mitch’s downy hair lovingly.

****

Because Mitch was a wiggly, cranky baby, they stopped often from New York to Capeside. In Boston, after visiting Worthington to see some old friends of Joey’s who wanted to see the baby, they stopped at a supermarket. They were in the drinks aisle and Dawson had Mitch strapped onto the front of him when he saw a woman from his past.

It was Amy, the film critic, a basket on her arm. “Oh my god…” she stopped abruptly.

“Dawson Leery.”

“The one and only…”

Mitch burped.

Amy laughed, her soft tinkly laugh reaching Joey’s ears, who was at the end of the aisle.

“I can’t believe its you. I haven’t seen you for…well, a few years. Not since Sundance. I’m so disappointed you aren’t making movies.”

“Well…dreams sometimes take funny turns,” Dawson shrugged.

“And who is this?” Amy shook Mitch’s small hand gently.

”This is my son, Mitch.”

“He’s so handsome. Just like his father.” Amy cocked her head to one side, curious… “So…did you end up with ‘that’ girl?”

“Well…” Dawson chuckled, “It’s a funny story. This is our child. But…” he stopped. What was his problem? He hadn’t seen this woman for years and he was about to spill personal stuff? But she had always made him feel comfortable. And hell, she had been his second lover.

“Hi.” Joey had returned, bottles in hand. She looked very curious.

“Hi…I’m Amy. An old…friend of Dawson’s”

“I’m Joey.” They shook hands politely.

Amy cleared her throat. “Well, I have to run. You live in New York now, right?”

“Right. I’m in the phonebook. Look me up.”

“I will do no such thing. I’ll just ask around. We have the same friends, after all. Bye Joey. Nice to meet you. Bye Mitch.” She waved, and walked away.

“Old friend?” Joey repeated inquiringly.

“Second lover,” Dawson admitted. Joey put the bottles into her basket and took his elbow. “Tell me everything.”

****

They arrived at the Leery’s in bulk style, baby bags, stroller, and bassinet in tow. Gale watched with amusement as they struggled to carry everything in, and then picked up the tiny thing that would use them. Lily immediately begged to hold her nephew and sat quietly on the couch just gazing adoringly at him.

“Amazing,” Gale quipped. “She’s quiet for more than four seconds.”

“Eww…” Lily announced with disgust. “He feels…heavy down there.”

“Oh,’ Joey sighed, “I just changed him twenty minutes ago. Naughty guy.”

She reached for him and the diaper bag and walked upstairs. Lily ran outside.

“Hungry?” Gale asked Dawson. He shook his head. “No…I’ll just see if Joey’s okay.”

“Um…Dawson?” Gale put her hand to her chin and then she sighed, as if she wanted to change her mind. “Pacey’s in town.’ She finally said.

“Oh.” They hadn’t seen him since the birth. Pacey had seen Mitch and Joey not long after for about half-an-hour. Dawson never asked Joey what they had talked about, and she had never told him.

****

Joey was in Dawson’s bedroom, changing Mitch on his desk with a towel thrown over it for protection. She was humming, giggling at her baby as he gurgled and kicked his legs.

Dawson watched for a moment, before making his presence known.

“Oh hi…” Joey gave him the first genuine smile in days.

Still holding Mitch’s legs, she leaned over to kiss Dawson’s mouth tenderly. “What was that for?” he asked, pleasantly surprised.

“I don’t know.” Joey laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears, “I just like being back here, is all.”

“Hmm.” He sat on the bed and pondered his thoughts. Finally he just spoke. “Hey Jo…I’m not sure how to say it so I’ll just say it. Pacey’s here.”

“Here?” Joey whirled around.

“No, here…in town.”

“I know.” Joey went back to powdering Mitch.

“You…know?” Dawson leaned forward.

“Yes.” Joey looked a little embarrassed. “Pacey and I have talked a few times, Dawson.”

“Oh…”

“We saw each other too.”

Dawson stood up, confused. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did I have to?” Joey didn’t look at him.

“Well, of course not, but…why not? It’s something I may have wanted to know. It’s something friends tell each other. And we’re…more than friends…?” he mumbled uncertainly, before straightening his back, annoyed.

Joey touched his arm. “I’m sorry, Dawson, I just didn’t…think you’d…”

“Look, never mind.’ Dawson was angry. Not about Pacey, but that Joey didn’t even bother to tell him she had seen the guy they betrayed. She betrayed. He and Pacey had never mended things. Things had been relatively…professional, basically, since the funeral. Sometimes Dawson knew deep down in his heart he loved Pacey like a brother. But the two men couldn’t seem to go forward. Dawson’s affair with Joey hadn’t helped. Was he jealous? Dawson didn’t know. He didn’t care. Not really.

“I might see him tonight.” Joey continued softly. And Dawson felt a pang of jealousy. So, that answered that question.

He shrugged. “Okay. So he’s forgiven us…you?”

“Not exactly.” Joey lifted Mitch into the crook of her arm.

“I don’t know…” she looked away.

Tension cracked between them.

“Well if he’s forgiven us he’s a fool.’ Dawson spoke quietly. “Because what we did sucked.”

He walked out and Joey rolled her eyes, sighing heavily.

****

Pacey was waiting for Joey outside the Leery’s that night.

“Where’s Mitch?” he asked. The name rolled with difficulty off his tongue. Joey’s son… Joey and Dawson’s son.

“He’s with Dawson and Gale.” Joey answered, crossing her arms and smiling awkwardly at him.

“Right.” Pacey cleared his throat. They were quiet for a moment.

“Well. Lets go for a walk.” Pacey gestured in front of them and Joey smiled, “Yes. Lets.”

****

Dawson hadn’t meant to watch them. He just happened to be in the kitchen the same time Joey had taken Pacey’s hand as they walked off the lawn and onto the pier. He forced his gaze away…this was not his place, not his business.

“Dawson, come here! Mitch is making the cutest faces…” Gale called from the living room. She and Lily both cooed in unison.

Dawson managed to put on a smile as he walked into the living room. As soon as he saw his son he livened up.

Gale, who knew Joey was outside with Pacey, rubbed her son’s neck, and smiled encouragingly at him. “I don’t think I’ve mentioned what a beautiful job you and Joey did on my grandchild,” she murmured warmly.

“Mom…’ Dawson rolled his eyes, slightly embarrassed.

“Everything will work itself out. I guarantee it.” Gale said unwittingly, and Dawson was shocked with a sense of déjà vu. He just nodded. Joey had said that to him once. Less than seven years after she said that Jen was dead, he and Joey had had an affair and betrayed Pacey to boot.

****

Joey found Dawson in the living room, idly watching TV and rocking Mitch to sleep.

“Hey, it’s my two favorite men…” Joey cooed, wrapping her arms around Dawson and tickling Mitch’s soft belly.

“Have fun?” Dawson asked, patting her hands and then moving over to give her room to sit down.

“Yep…” Joey trailed her hand down Dawson’s arm and kept her gaze on Mitch.

“We caught up.”

“Good. Good?” Dawson searched her face.

“Okay,” Joey confirmed. “Okay…”

“I saw the way Pacey looked at you,” Dawson said softly, “He still loves you.”

Joey ducked her head a little, slipping small socks onto Mitch’s feet. “Why do you think that?”

“I can just tell.” Dawson shrugged. Joey flickered an eyebrow, watching as he walked upstairs with the baby. He returned soon afterwards to find her pouring wine into glasses.

“Hmm. Shiraz 94’…I do believe I’ve seen this bottle before, Miss Potter.”

“Purely coincidence,” Joey laughed. “That bottle I toasted our friendship with was given to me by Gale, though, so maybe not.”

“It was nice.” Dawson reflected, taking the glass. His eyes danced over Joey’s face.

“The…the wine, or what happened afterwards?” she tentatively broached.

“Both.”

They sat close together on the couch.

“Remember that last night we spent in Capeside…the day we made my movie?” Dawson asked a few minutes later, whilst they were on their second glass.

“Yeah…” Joey smiled at the memory.

“I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to do more than that.” Dawson admitted.

“I could tell.” Joey said seriously, before cracking up at his face.

“You couldn’t.”

“I could. You had the biggest erection that morning...”

“Okay, too much information…” Dawson took her wine glass away from her teasingly. She grabbed it back from him.

“It was the last night we had together in a long while…” Joey tipped her glass slightly, bringing her knees up under her chin.

“Its kind of sad. We didn’t have many nights together at all, really.” Dawson said sighed.

“Too many fights. Too much confusion…” Joey shrugged.

“If we’d looked into the future that night, and saw what we have…a baby…” Dawson shook his head. “We never would have believed it.”

“A lot of things happen unexpectedly. The first time we made love was completely unexpected, for example.”

“Was not.” Dawson quipped.

“Was too…” Joey argued.

“You knew the moment you invited me to stay the night that something would happen…”

“That’s fresh coming from you…Mr. I –think- I’ll- grab- her- butt- during-a-platonic-hug.”

“Do you blame me? You were wearing practically nothing,” Dawson exclaimed.

“Okay. Whatever. Agree to disagree.’ They both smiled. Joey then looked away.

“You know…I think about that day all the time,” Joey murmured, still not meeting his gaze.

He cocked his head to the side. “Which day?”

“The day I chose Pacey.”

Upstairs, Mitch sounded.

They were quiet, hearing out for more cries, but there was none.

“The day…we promised it would be always.” Joey continued.

“You and…”

“No, you goof, you and me.”

Dawson drank his wine, not sure where this was going.

Joey cupped the side of Dawson’s face gently and made him look into her eyes. “Dawson…I never stopped loving you.”

“I know,” He reassured her, rubbing her arm.

“I mean…” Joey took a deep breath and flickered her eyes to the ceiling, “I…sort of love you differently now.” Her eyes lowered.

Dawson was too stunned to say anything.

“Huh.” Was all he could manage.

Her eyes suddenly looked lost and she fidgeted with her sleeve. “Pacey told me…tonight he still loved me. But he hadn’t forgiven me. That I would take time. But…the day I kissed you on the porch…” Joey shook her head, smiling at the memory, “That was the day I made my final choice, Dawson…”

He silenced her by putting his finger against her lips. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know.”

“You probably don’t.” Dawson took a deep breath.

“Look, Joey…maybe you’re just starry-eyed and confused because we have this incredible child,” he started gently.

Joey stared at him.

“I mean…” Dawson gestured outside, “There’s this guy out there who would do anything for you, even after all of this, and maybe he’s really the guy you love.” he stopped. He didn’t know what he was saying. All he knew was that he couldn’t…just couldn’t do this again.

“Are you scared I’ll hurt you? Is that it?” she asked in a whisper.

“I’m scared we’ll ruin things not only for us but for our son,” he said truthfully. “Remember what else we talked about that day? That what we had was stronger than something else. That it was too good to jeaopordize.”

“Lets pretend...we never spoke.” Joey stood up abruptly. Right on cue, Mitch started to cry.

****

They went back to New York amicably, but still on edge. When Mitch turned five months old, Joey went back to work part-time and Jack offered to help look after Mitch.

Joey was taking a lunch break, picking up sandwiches from a deli in the financial district, when she saw them. They were across the street. Dawson looked handsome in his suit and coat, and the woman next to him looked pretty and stylish in jeans and a suede jacket. It was the woman from the supermarket in Boston. The…’second lover.’ He kissed her, before opening up a taxicab door and ushering her in like he was a proper gentleman. He then leaned into the taxi and kissed her again.

Joey dropped her purse and the deli bag and fumbled on the paving to pick it up, praying he wouldn’t spot her. He didn’t. He turned and walked back into the building behind him.

To Be Continued

one year earlier…

It was spring in Capeside, and Pacey was at the Marina with Jack. Amy had been left in Dawson and Joey’s care at the Potter house and they spent the morning rolling a ball between them as Amy chased it on her knees.

She then got up and steadied herself by grasping onto Dawson’s shoulder, and with encouragement by Joey who kneeled several feet away with her arms out, Amy put one foot in front of the other, another foot in front of the other, until she stumbled into Joey’s arms, shrieking with baby joy. Laughing excitedly, Joey had lifted Amy up and flung her arms around Dawson, passing Amy to him. And a current went through them as they shared the joy of witnessing Amy’s first steps, something they couldn’t explain. They looked into each other’s eyes, and smiled. And maybe then the first seed of their future was sown.

****

Mitch’s first birthday was held in Capeside…where else?

Joey had watched her son crawl around on his chubby legs lovingly. She couldn’t believe that only a year ago she had almost not survived, that he had almost not been put, screaming, on her chest, that Dawson hadn’t cried holding his lively little boy a few hours after he was born.

The dad in question was talking up a storm with Jack as the two men blew up balloons and tossed them in the air, creating a colorful collage in the blue sky.

Dawson Leery. Best friend, and father… “When will you two get it together and get married?” Audrey had teased her the day before. “Not going to happen, Audrey,” Joey had said with wry smile. “Anything more and we’ll complicate ourselves.”

A tall tale, and Audrey knew it.

Not soon after seeing Dawson with Amy she had suggested she’d move out. Okay…not suggested, decided. Dawson wouldn’t hear of it though—he lobbied for a bigger apartment, anything to keep them together so he wouldn’t be a ‘second-day or weekends only’ dad. Joey hated to think about it, but her confrontation actually led to Dawson breaking up with Amy. Not that she thought about *that* much.

Joey had gone home and confronted him that evening, and ‘suggested’ her decision.

“Are you crazy?” Dawson had exclaimed. “We have a five-month old son.”

“I’m not saying I’d move far away…just out. I mean…” Joey threw her hands in the air, “You’re dating, and I’m sure you want your privacy.”

“What makes you think…” Dawson stopped in mid sentence when Joey stared him down. “I saw you today.”

“Oh. That was just…”

“That was just what?” Joey interrupted, “A fling? It looked more serious then that, but maybe because you didn’t even bother to tell me…”

“I wanted to, but it just started. She lives in Boston anyway, it would be impossible.” Dawson explained calmly, opening up a window in the living room.

“Besides, you sometimes withhold stuff from me.’

“Not stuff like this. I’d tell you if I was kissing someone in public.”

Joey kicked off her heels and went to check on Mitch.

Dawson followed. “I don’t see what you’re so angry about,” he whispered as they walked into Mitch’s room.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Joey whispered back angrily, pulling Mitch’s soft blue blanket up. “So when I said I loved you…well that was just me being drunk, wasn’t it?”

“I never…I never meant that.” Dawson touched her arm. “I don’t want to hurt you.’

“Well, you did, okay?” Joey crossed her arms again, annoyed she was acting like a spoilt child.

“Look, Jo.” Dawson held her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Don’t move out. Not yet. I love you too much for you to move out right now.”

She was stubbornly quiet. “Please?” Dawson pleaded. “We need to sort things out. You’re still my best bud.” He tickled her rib-cage and leaned in to whisper, “My…soul mate…”

Joey pushed him playfully out of the room. “Don’t butter me up.”

They’d lived in harmony for a while now, but Joey was beginning to think about moving out again. Well…it had been a passing thought. Joey liked seeing Dawson beg. Uh, for strictly platonic stuff.

God forbid though, her choices sometimes blew up in her face.

She sobered, thinking of Pacey Witter. She had truly loved him. Not enough to prevent hurting him, however. He was in Boston now, living with Andie who was going to have a baby anytime soon now.

They had met up the last Christmas. The sparks were still there, the flirtation, the mutual admiration. But their lives were just too different now. The love had picked itself up, and flown away to a distant time.

He had left Capeside the day she told him she still loved Dawson. He had admitted later he knew it was over the moment he found out she was pregnant. He just needed her too much. He traveled around the country by himself, and in a moment he called fate, he bumped into Andie in Florida. She was there with her fiancée, but by the second day she had left him, and she and Pacey traveled the rest of the way back to Boston together. She got pregnant the next month and worried their relationship was rebound, but they stayed together and were still together, having successfully tested that test, and very much in love. Joey could tell—she had seen them, had seen the confident glow in Pacey’s eyes whenever he looked at her, the glow he had struggled with when he was with her. She had even been a bit jealous.

Pacey too had asked about her and Dawson. Joey had just looked over at the man who had changed and shaped her life so inextricably, and had just said, “He’ll always be there.”

He looked up at her, saw her looking at him, and he waved. Her heart skipped a beat.

****

“Hi Jen.”

Joey’s voice sounded loud in the quiet gravesite.

Somewhere, probably in the big magnolia tree by the water, birds twittered. Joey was kneeling, not caring that her jeans would probably get grass stains.

Mitch was dangling in front of her, his feet kicking as Joey held him upright. He looked adorable in overalls, his tufts of blonde hair brushed shining. He had turned one year old yesterday.

Joey inched him forward, “Put the flower down, honey,” Joey murmured. He proudly dropped the single rose onto the headstone.

“This is my son, Mitchell Potter Leery,” Joey said with a smile, introducing her son to Jen.

“You can guess where we got his name. Surprised? Dawson and I have a child. Weird, huh? Or maybe not so weird,” Joey added as an afterthought.

“He’s beautiful. He looks just like Dawson. But he got my temperament and inability to make choices...” Joey picked him up and propped him on her waist. He smelled of Apples and something else sweet.

His eyes squinted in the sunshine and he reached up with his sticky fingers to lightly pull at her ponytail.

“Your daughter is amazing, Jen. She looks after Mitch. She loves him. She loves Jack, too…” Joey trailed off, and she sat down, crossing her legs.

Jennifer Lindley… 1983-2008. Beloved friend and mother

“She’s getting all the love you wanted her to get and more.”

Mitch, restless, wiggled out of Joey’s arms and started to crawl away. Joey watched him with a half-smile.

She then turned back to Jen’s headstone, and realized she was finding it hard to swallow. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “I wish you were still here…” Joey’s voice cracked, and she dropped her head, trying to find composure. “It’s not fair. You were the strong one. The one we all loved. I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you when you first arrived in Capeside. I was just jealous,” Joey managed to laugh as she said that, and as she laughed more tears ran down her face. Mitch was sitting up, balancing awkwardly on his fat diaper. He pointed at his mother and said something in baby-garble, his nose twitching like a mouse. He looked confused and alert. Joey cooed reassuringly.

A bird screeched from above, his wings fluttering loudly as he tried to take-off over the water. The sun was sinking slowly, and the first stages of pink appeared in the sky.

“I love you Jen.” Joey kissed her fingers then pressed them onto the yellow rose. She stood up, brushing her jeans knees.

She picked up her little boy and walked away.

****

When Joey got back to the house after visiting Jen, Dawson was by the boatshed, sanding Joey’s old rowboat. He wasn’t sure who would use it, but he hated to see it get eaten away by rust and old paint. Maybe he’d take Joey out to the sound. He’d wait till Mitch was about five before he took him out on the water. Thinking about his future as a father to Mitch filled him with thoughts and excitement. He couldn’t wait.

His eyes lightened up as soon as he saw Joey and his son. He stopped his movements. “Hey Jo…how are you holding up?”

“Good. I’m…good,” Joey said breathlessly, aware his eyes were traveling up and down her body, and settling on her face.

She gently dropped Mitch on the grass and he happily crawled away, stopping to yank dandelions out of the ground.

Dawson could tell she had been crying. He dropped his sander and walked around to her, pulling her to him for a close hug. They were quiet, just reflecting on what they already knew. She held him, breathing him in, dancing her hands along his back and neck. He squeezed her for a moment, and stroked the underside her neck. Joey stiffened as he stroked her neck, and Dawson felt it.

“So…” Dawson pulled away and gently tipped her chin. “We’re okay?” Joey nodded, smiling sadly “A-Okay.”

There was a distinct rumble of thunder in the distance, and a wind-chill picked up, causing goose bumps on Joey’s arms. “That’s weird…” she frowned. “It was beautiful a few minutes ago.” Dawson shrugged, “We’re in for some wet weather, according to mom…”

“Maybe we should get back to New York then.”

“Tomorrow.” He slung an arm around her, and grinned down at Mitch who was attempting to eat grass.

“Oh no, Mitch…” Joey broke away and lifted him up, wiping shards of grass from his lip.

“Hey kids…” Gale yelled out the window. “Lunch is up!”

****

After a relaxing lunch with Gale and Lily, Joey and Dawson put Mitch to sleep in Dawson’s bedroom before going back downstairs, weary after singing three songs and telling two stories before Mitch finally fell asleep, clutching the E.T doll.

“Did you have to sing John Lennon, Dawson?” Joey complained on the way downstairs. “Better than that cheer up sleepy Jean crap…” he retorted.

“Whatever.”

“Lets go for a walk…” Dawson grabbed Joey’s hand.

“It’s going to rain.” Joey said incredulously.

“So?”

Joey put her hand on her hip.

Dawson grabbed an umbrella from underneath a coat rack. “We have protection. I have a jacket, and besides, we haven’t been alone for a long time.”

Joey nodded grudgingly, “That’s true.”

****

By the time they got to the Ruins, it had started to pour. “I told you!” Joey exclaimed, going for cover under the ivy-covered temple.

“Hey, a little rain never hurt anybody.” Dawson reasoned, flipping the umbrella up.

Joey smiled a little, and slid down the wall to the ground. Dawson joined her. They watched the rainfall fall in sheets.

“Didn’t we used to come here to make out?” Joey asked.

Dawson nodded. “Yeah. You thought it was too uncomfortable, though. So you used me as a springboard.”

“Ah… so many…memories and months of teenage sexual frustration,” Joey sighed.

“More like weeks,” Dawson muttered. “It didn’t take long for you to dump me.”

“Poor, poor Dawson…” Joey joked.

“Yes, I was, thank you very much, but it was immortalized forever on millions of television screens…” Dawson smiled maliciously.

“I still get asked about that. People are like…’so you’re the real girl? Why were you so mean to him?’” Joey rolled her eyes. “I can’t say I was surprised when I opened up the paper to the Gossip column to find our names intertwined with mention of an illegitimate pregnancy.”

After a beat, Dawson murmured, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m just kidding. I’m proud of you. I think I’ve told you that a million times, though,” Joey patted his arm.

“Hmm. One hundred and eleven…”

“Okay big guy…” Joey nudged him.

“Its all so much to take in sometimes.” Dawson said quietly. He looked quickly at her. “I mean…our pasts. It’s all documented, but sometimes I don’t believe some of it actually happened. Some times were just beautiful…and some were just horrible…” he stared out at the rain. Joey leaned her head on his shoulder. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“That day…when we talked…I truly believed all the good times in my life had happened, were in the past, and would never happen again.’ He reached for her hand. “I had no clue, no iota of an idea that I’d have a day that would blast that all out of the water.”

Joey traced the lines on his fingers and caressed the underside of his palm. “Mitch?”

Dawson nodded, “Yeah. And then another day came in at close second.”

“Which?” Joey suddenly realized she was breathing differently. The air around them had changed.

“The day we made him.”

There was silence under the trees. Only the rain could be heard, and their gentle breathing. A small smile appeared on Joey’s face, before it grew into a bigger one. She cupped his face and turned it towards her. He expected her to say something. Anything. But she just looked into his eyes and kissed him, softly, and the kiss spoke a thousand words, a thousand words she wanted to say.

In a sensual move, he slowly pulled her pony tale out so her hair shrouded around his face in a halo of waves created by the rain, and he ran his fingers through it. She closed her eyes, and the kiss grew with passion and urgency. Shivers ran up and down her spine, and she started to unbutton his jacket, yanking it off his shoulders, needing to feel him; kissing him so hard he could hardly breathe. She moaned when he pressed her into him and she felt him, hard, ready.

“Wait…” he said against her lips, “Not here.”

Joey giggled, ”Why not?”

“Too uncomfortable, don’t you remember?” he stood up, and held his hand out to her.

****

Joey crawled into the single bed with Dawson, curling up against him and murmuring, “This is nice.” She was buzzing all over. They were in one of the rooms at the B & B, having sneaked in through a window. The place was locked up for the weekend whilst Bessie and Alex were in Boston.

“This is only big enough for one of us…” Dawson chuckled as Joey started to unzip his jeans. His shirt was already off. As soon as they crawled into the room they had unclothed each other hurriedly before hopping into the bed.

“That’s why I’m on top, Dawson.”

“So?”

“So you’re going to shut up and let me kiss you.”

She kissed him with energy and fever and he responded enthusiastically, moaning as his tongue finally met hers mid-kiss. It had been a long time since they’d kissed like this, way too long. Her breasts felt supple and heavy, and he kissed the skin tenderly as she gasped between sucking his neck. They truly couldn’t get enough of each other.

He caressed her entire body, feeling her nipples get hard, pushing his knee into the space between her thighs, working her panties off and onto the floor and turning her around so he was on top and she was relaxed, lithe and sexy. He cupped her hips and angled them upwards, and her legs flexed around his waist as they kissed long, wet kisses. Why couldn’t they do it forever? He thought.

Their bodies fitted perfectly into one another, their minds were so in tune nothing was outspoken or inhibited. Her soft skin, her little kisses and her silky hair left him trembling for more. Joey turned onto her side, pushing him with her, and she started to leave soft, wet little kisses down his neck, onto his throat, chest and southwards, before finally taking his penis into her mouth. “Oh god…” Dawson released a groan, stretching out on the bed and running his hands through her silky hair. She’d done this a few times before and he’d never forgotten it. Forget the dozens of other women—supposedly more experienced, more outgoing—Joey was the only one who could make him react like this when he usually had pretty good control. And Joey knew it. She smiled and took in almost his whole length, then released him and just wrapped a hand around him and pumped for a few lust-filled moments, smiling knowingly. He smiled begrudgingly back. They rolled around on the bed, noisily kissing, and the blankets slid off the bed leaving just sheets. Joey grabbed the wall to station herself, before Dawson flipped her onto her back.

He kissed her neck and toyed with her nipple, sucking it into his mouth until it was red and hard. Joey groaned lustily and held onto his back, reaching down to part her thighs and guide his penis into her. Dawson flexed his arms on either side of her and she held onto his forearms, closing her eyes in pleasure. “This is so good,” she whispered into his neck as he made love to her. “I love you,” he replied hoarsely, moving back and forward…in and out…around…round…he then moved her and entered her from the side, cupping her breasts as he thrusted into her. He asked her to look at him and when she did she started to gasp loudly as she felt the tension and fire building and building in her abdomen, until she just…exploded, and he followed her into bliss.

****

It continued to rain the entire afternoon. Joey relaxed in Dawson’s arms, idly rubbing his chest, watching him go in and out of sleep. She loved watching him sleep. The pitter-patter sound of rain clanking the roof was calming, and Joey realized she hadn’t felt this way for a long time. This comfortable, this warm, this…hopeful. Not since waking up next to him in college.

They had a future. She and Dawson…and their baby, they had a future, it was foreseeable.

After Jen’s death she had been panicky, emotional. Life felt like it was zooming past her. Pacey had been the one who loved her grandly and passionately, who needed her; Dawson was the steady rock who would hold her up. She hadn’t even guessed less than a year later the steady rock would be the only one who could make her feel whole. And he loved her no less passionately…more importantly; she loved him with every single fiber inside her.

It was fitting when the rain seemed to subside and a few strands of sunshine filtered into the off-white room.

****

Later that evening, after taking a shower and checking on Mitch, Joey spied Dawson out on the picnic table. Ah…a landmark of sorts.

She joined him, stretching out her legs and reaching for his hand. “Hey you…”

“Hey.” He turned towards her, warm and sexy, pulling her to him.

“So.” Joey looked up at him. “Now what?”

“Now…” Dawson played with her fingers. “Now I admit I’m completely in love with you, Joey. I love everything about you…I love the way you fight with me, I love the way you cried when we first made love, and I love the way you are with Mitch.”

He rendered her speechless. So she just rested her face against his neck, touching her lips to him. “Okay,” she giggled.

“Okay?” Dawson repeated, tousling her hair. “That’s all I get?”

“I love you too,” she whispered into his ear.

She leaned against his shoulder and sighed, “I just want to think about how I feel when I’m around you. And that we’ll be together forever, I know it.”

So many declarations of love had passed from her lips to men she would never think about again. When Joey said this to Dawson she reached right into his soul and could feel him, all of him, and she knew, like she had always known, that her love for him would never wane. She wouldn’t be restless with Dawson. She wouldn’t lust after something more, she couldn’t, because he *was* something more. Dawson, who had never doubted Joey’s love for him but her passion for him, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her with everything he had inside.

Many obstacles had stopped them, decisions they thought were for the best had failed, and they’d lost so many people they had loved—but this, truly, was forever.

*****

They were married the following December, on Christmas Eve in Capeside in the warmth of the Leery house whilst it snowed gently outside. It was a small gathering, including Audrey, Jack and even Pacey, who juggled his baby daughter, Jennifer. Jack held the two and a half-year-old Mitch who was the exact opposite of Dawson personality wise—precocious and impatient. "Like his mother.' Dawson had said under his breath with a wink at Joey, yet Mitch was every- bit blonde and blue-eyed.

It was nothing like his dream, Dawson thought as he gazed into Joey's green eyes. It was winter, and Joey's hair was loosely held up with white roses, and her dress was a silver slip. It felt like a dream, though.

She was gazing at him adoringly, giggling now and then, as giddy as she was when she was sixteen on their first date, and she kissed his cheek a few times, making people laugh at her impatience. Her eyes were bright and green, like Christmas tree decorations. Lily was holding a wiggling Amy who kept grabbing the tops of the roses Lily was holding and throwing them on the ground, overdoing her flower girl performance. Jack watched proudly.

When they finally kissed it was long and passionate, making Gale blush and Audrey cheer at her friends' bravery.

"I will always love you," Joey whispered into her husband's ear and he held her close to him.

There was a party afterwards, reminiscent of a wedding just three and a half years ago. At one point, Joey danced with her old lover Pacey.

"This is…sort of weird," he admitted begrudgingly. "I thought we would last, Joey. And now here I am dancing with you and you're somebody else's wife."

"I did too." She kissed his cheek gently. "You were the perfect guy for me at that time."

"Just not for all time."

Joey just smiled and pulled him closer.

She and Dawson left the house at midnight to spend their first wedding night at the B & B, citing they needed their `rest' for tomorrow's travel to Paris for their honeymoon.

"You'll love Paris," Joey told Dawson as they walked into their rose- strewn room.

"I'll love you," was his reply, pulling her to him for another kiss, which sealed their future…for always.

~THE END~