Investigative Report
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Along with the great pyramids of Egypt, the Easter Island statues, and indeed, the Mystery of the Universe itself, the Jewel Kilcher/Jessica Simpson duet defies all human comprehension.
The X-Files at their most implausible or MAD TV at its most outrageous, have never conjured up anything near as stupendous as this truly incredible, mind-numbing farce.
In a desperate attempt to analyse this unbelievable assault on the human senses, the American Academy of Music consulted the expertise of the legendary Intrepid Prezident of this noble society.
His mission (should he have chosen to accept it) was to fathom the depths of this most torturous episode in the history of popular music to find reason, if any, to explain this catastrophic event.
Jessica Simpson's favourite party trick is performing her hilarious Jewel Kilcher spoof. With the music of, "Who Will Save Your Soul" blaring on the karaoke machine, Jessica twists her face into unrecognizable contortions, clenches her fists and punches the air thereby demonstrating a near perfect epileptic fit. Invariably, her guests are overcome with uncontrollable hysterics.
Now, although quite a charitable person at heart, Jewel is still quite capable of harbouring resentment... she despises bimbettes. Both Britney and Jessica infuriate her. Jewel considers herself to be a genuine lyricist and a more than capable songstress. When she witnesses the extraordinary international success of her underling bimbettes... well, Jewel becomes infuriated.
So... when Jessica invited Jewel to appear on her TV show, Jewel was delighted. Here was Jewel's perfect opportunity to show the world what a talentless pretender Jessica really is.
But... little did Jewel know how little she knew. Jessica was attempting to pull off the ultimate spoof... to send-up Jewel right under her nose. (Where there's more than adequate room)
So with the cunning deception, possessed only by the most bitter of bitches, this astonishing performance actually took place !!!
Jessica chose an appropriately cute clown costume complete with comic flower. 
Nothing short of an exorcism can stop Jessica now.. 
Jewel smirks smugly at the camera knowing Jessica's facial contortions are causing hysterics. |
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Click on the Jewel & Jessica pics for full size images on the dubious duo.
To all Kilcherians who haven't had the the fortune/misfortune to have been delighted/tortured by this
memorable/forgettable performance/farce then download it at Kowalski's 'Kiss The Flame' website.
This site wishes to issue this clarification:
Jessica was not wearing a 'suitable fake nose' as reported by the Sydney Morning Herald.
Unfortunately for Jessica, her natural nose was more than adequate for her performance.
CREDITS - Video: Kowalski - Images: Emilie (Jewelbox) - Layout: Rene - Code: Justin
