A Nothing Page
The ASPCJ have absolutely nothing to report
This site is totally dependent upon Jewel screwing up.

Thankfully, she's screwed up enough to keep this site active for over three years while dozens of 'Shrine to Jewel' type sites have sadly bitten the cyber-dust.

But lately... Jewel hasn't goofed !!!

I'm pretty sure it wasn't a cunning maneuver to undermine this site. It's simply that she hasn't come up with yet another hopeless idea.

Considering the Blender pics, the Divas Concert, her poetry, the hilarious fashion disasters, comic hairdos, 0304, etc, she has an incomparable track record... so, we shouldn't be too hard on Jewel for this uncharacteristic period of lack of creativity.

Fans should submit recommendations to Jewel's management suggesting new ways for Jewel to continue her impressive screw-ups marathon. Dutifully, this site was the first to rally around Jewel and kindly volunteer these solutions:

1. Launch her new poetry book
2. Follow up '0304' with another dance album
3. Steer well clear of her roots
4. A return performance at the New Hampshire Casino
5. Become a comedian... umm, I guess she inadvertently... umm.



This space would normally display an image of Jewel either:


1. Sporting another stupid hairstyle
2. Smirking at Jessica
3. Wearing an ill-fitting tasteless outfit
4. Attempting to dance with Beyonce
5. Swigging Jack Daniels
6. Yodeling
7. Keeping a straight face while reading her poetry
8. Peddling products to hairy legged women



The 'Australian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Jewel' wishes Jewel a speedy recovery from her sudden attack of normality.
We sincerely hope she'll continue to provided Mad TV, VH1 and this site with more wonderful material for many years to come.

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