Jewel at the Vatican Review by the Intrepid Prezident
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Jewel at the Vatican !!! On DVD !!!
And I'd never even heard about it before! Nope... I've no idea why I found myself ratting through the bargain bins at my local DVD store. Previously I'd never found anything other than unheard-of movies featuring obscure actors. Anyhow there I was, not unlike the fossickers in the outback, figuring that some lucky day I'll eventually strike gold.
As I casually flicked through the digital rubbish I happened across a DVD that had a woman on the cover who looked just like Jewel. Had it been a side-on profile, with clearer nasal detail, I could have been absolutely sure. (That's the ASPCJ's mandatory nose joke out of the way)
'ALL STAR CHRISTMAS' in bold lettering... and... yeah, it was indeed our Jewellie Girl... and... she was top billing !!!
Yeah, sandwiched between 'Devil Girl From Mars' and 'Wasp Woman', (no... I ain't kidding) it was there... the Jewel DVD... I'd struck gold !!!
For those interested, 'Devil Girl Fom Mars':
"An uptight, leather-clad female alien, armed with a ray gun and accompanied by a menacing robot, comes to Earth to collect Earth's men as breeding stock."
And 'Wasp Woman': "A beautiful woman by day, a lusting queen wasp by night. A cosmetics queen develops a youth formula from jelly taken from queen wasps. She fails to anticipate the typical hoary side-effects.
No... I didn't make it up... check it out at:
The Internet Movie Database.com
But I gotta admit, I did ponder who filed our Lovely Jewellie Girl among with those other somewhat less desirable women.
Featuring with Jewel are:
Brian Adams, Charlotte Church, Tom Jones and...
"Many More"
(which is PR spin for a bunch of has-beens, try-hards and nobodies)
OK... here's what's on the back cover:
Bryan Adams, Jewel, Tom Jones and Charlotte Church lead a stellar line-up for the ultimate Christmas concert. ALL-STAR CHRISTMAS - LIVE IN CONCERT. With the backdrop of the Vatican at the height of Christmas festivities, exquisite lighting and a remarkable cast, this DVD is like no other.
For several years, the star studded celebration at the Vatican has been part of a benefit project, "50 Churches for the Third Millennium", which raised funds in order to build 50 churches in the poorer suburbs of Rome. Churches around the world are not only used as places of worship, but also as community centres, keeping young people off the streets as well as helping senior citizens.
This program truly encapsulates the spirit of the Christmas season and is a wonderful DVD to enjoy year after year.
Tracklist
1. All Stars - Silent Night
2. Dee Dee Bridgewater - Away In A Manger
3. Dionne Warwick/Pierro Marras - The Voice Of Maria
4. Bryan Adams - Christmas Time
5. Jewel - Hands
6. Charlotte Church - Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
7. Cleopatra - O Come All Ye Faithful
8. Jennifer Page & Chance Scoggins - O Come, O Come Emmanuel
9. Alex Britti - Good King Wenceslas
10. New York PSRC Gospel Choir - O Happy Day
11. Amedeo Minghi - Jerusalem
12. Randy Crawford - The Christmas Song
13. Jose Cura/ Randy Crawford - Silent Night
14. Shola Ama - Joy To The World
15. Gino Vanelli - Forgive Me Father
16. Manhattan Transfer - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
17. Al Bano - Ave Maria
18. Sarah Brightman - O Holy Night
19. Charlotte Church - The Lord's Prayer
20. Dionne Warwick, Cleopatra & Felicity Weathers - Adeste Fideles
21. Jewel & Nedra Carrol - What Child is This?
22. Tom Jones - Mary's Boy Child
23. New York PSRC Gospel Choir - Go Tell It On the Mountain
24. Sarah Brightman - Nella Fantasia
25. Manhattan Transfer - It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
26. Bryan Adams - On Christmas Day
27. The Harlem Ten - He's Got the Whole World
but how'd Jewel go ?
GREAT !!! Yeah, I can honestly say it's the best I've ever seen Jewel. She looked totally stunning !!! Beautifully made-up and dressed sorta like a cross between an angel and a gypsy. Yep... she looked absolutely lovely... no way even resembling the Blender pics.
Yep... accompanied by a huge orchestra of about 973 and a 1/2 musicians (or there-abouts), and with the superb backing vocals of the angelic Vatican Choir, Jewel performed the most inspiring rendition of Hands that you're ever gonna hear. Maybe Jewel felt a sense of presence at the Vatican and the whole occasion may have spititually moved her a little, coz the performance was nothing short of magic. I ain't kiddin' here... I played it over and over then played it some more... absolutely pure magic.
Initially I was concerned with the choice of song... it might have be seen as a promotional excercise. HANDS is not a Christmas carol or even a Christmas song, although it is a religious/spiritual song... "We are God's hands... we are reflections of God."
My concerns were proved unnecessary. The song was performed perfectly. The gentle smile and modest bow after the performance displayed respect for both the ocassion and her environment.
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A
Holiday
Collection
(Jewel's Christmas Album)
Well... umm... yeah. With the help of her dear mum, she made a total screw-up of 'What Child Is This?'. Absolutely embarrassing.
How stupid is this? Jewel and her mum decide that they don't really need any assistance from the orchestra of 973 and a 1/2 musicians (or there-abouts remember) nor require the backing of the wonderfully talented Vatican Choir.
Instead they reckon they can perform an unaccompanied duet featuring nothing more than their natural harmonies. Therefore they could demonstrate to the audience (along with the cardinals, bishops, musicians, the choir, the other guest stars and any rats that might have been running around the joint) what a uniquely talented and musically blessed mother and daughter team they are.
Anyhow, shortly into the song Jewel has a little tickle in her throat and has a little cough. Then, later on they screw-up the words... and the music sheet is right there in front of them for crying out loud !!! So, Jewel has an embarrassing little laugh (mid-song) probably hoping that all will be forgiven.
The whole deal was inexcusable. At its best, the performance was no better than you'd expect to see at your local school Christmas concert. At its worst, it was self indulgent, even arrogant, to knock back the professional musical facilities that the Vatican had provided. And then...well, demonstrate pure mediocrity at its most ordinary. Ego has no place at a Christmas concert, let alone inside the Vatican. The performance was under rehearsed and pitifully amateurish. I've seen 10 year olds sing tighter and more creative harmonies. And those two couldn't even get a basic parallel harmony together to the simple tune of Greensleaves. Coughing, laughing, forgetting the words to a timeless carol... inside the Vatican. Inexcusable.
I've never had any problems with Nedra Carrol taking on the role of Jewel's manager. It was under the dubious inspiration of Irving Azoff and Lester Mendez that 0304, the Divas Concert and the infamous Blender Photo Session were sadly to eventuate. The sooner Nedra returns to that role the better.
But if Nedra Carrol want's to display her musical talents, I wish she'd climb down from her daughter's back and record her own CD. Then she'll soon realise just how many people are prepared to pay good money to listen to her.
I personally felt robbed of another magical performance from Jewel.
Anyway, apart from those minor criticisms, the duet was rather impressive.
The UK DVD Cover
It's no wonder Jewel can't get
a get a decent gig in the UK.
The Brits rate Charlotte Church and
even Tom Jones higher than Jewel !!!
A United Kingdom Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Jewel
is way overdue.
Yep, this Prezident was intrepid enough to approach the chick at the counter and ask if more copies were available. And yeah, she found three more copies and I bought them all.
"We've also got Wasp Woman on special" she informed me optimistically.
I figured she thought that if I was dumb enough to purchase Christmas rejects in March, then I'd probably buy up the last few copies of 'Wasp Woman'.
"Thanks, but I much preferred 'The Amazing Colossal Woman' and I've already got that." I politely declined.
So... the ASPCJ is gonna run some sort of competition for fellow Kilcherians to win the 'Jewel at the Vatican' DVD so you too can see our Jewellie Girl at her very best. (Don't bother watching the duet, it'll break your heart)
Even if you don't win we'll probably cap the HANDS thingo and send it to Kowa (The Hungarian Jewel site webmaster famous for his videos) and you'll be able to download it from there. (Geocities only give us 15 meg) Stay tuned.
Article: Justin
Layout, DVD Scans, Images and Code: Allyson & Justin
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(The ASPCJ is currently ripping images from the DVD... they'll be included shortly)