Flying CD's

Flying CD's

Ned comes into the recording studio light on his feet. Turning on the music, Road Less Traveled fills the room. He begins singing and opens the studio door, propping it open with a music stand and begins singing loudly into the hallway. He goes into the booth, grabs some headphones and continues singing.

Lois: Donavon…no way to wake up your boss.

Lois comes in wearing her Brooklyn nightshirt and red robe. She sees Ned sitting in the booth singin and looks at him in disbelief.

Lois: What is this? EDDIE…ASHTON…KNOCK IT OFF.

She opens the door and enters. He happily waves at her. She pulls his headphones off.

Lois: I said KNOCK IT OFF! What are you trying to prove?

Ned: (innocently) Not a thing. I’m just reporting to work boss. (And with that he salutes.)

Lois: Who are you to presume that your services are required here anymore huh? And who are you to presume that you can invade my privacy like this?

Ned: Well technically this is my home.

Lois: Bull! You live up in the big house. This place is all mine. So you just clear outta here buddy.

Ned: Not so fast…we have a binding agreement.

Lois: Oh…yea…and it was binding for about five minutes until you committed bigamy. So get out!

Ned: Actually I was referring to Eddie Maine’s agreement with you and L&B Records.

Lois: Forget it. No I’d rather scrap all these CD’s before I work with you again.

Ned: I don’t think so. First of all it wouldn’t be fair to the group. And secondly you can’t. You see when two parties have been delivering services under established terms, THAT is considered a contract.

Lois: Not in this case and NOT by me. (She turns to leave.)

Ned: By any court of law.

Lois: (She turns around.) Are you threatening to take me to court? Cause I would love to see you try.

Ned: It won’t come to that. Your professional reputation is at stake, and you also have a truckload of my CD’s to promote and unload. So do you want to get to work or do you want to get dressed first? Personally I think you look fabulous just the way you are.

Lois: Igway Nedly…You see this isn’t about contracts and head games. L&B is my dream and Brenda’s and Sonny’s too.

Ned: Why do you think that…

Lois: Aah…shut up! A dream that came alive because of hard work. Not to mention trust; trust you violated in a major way and now you want to use my dream to manipulate me?

Ned: Never! Eddie Maine is my dream. He was born because of your and I am not about to watch him die.

Lois: You killed him.

Ned: He is standing right here before you, humbly prepared to do whatever it takes to make this work.

Lois: Make what work?

Ned: Well it’s all tied up together as far as I’m concerned. But if you’re not ready to deal with Ned Ashton let’s stick with Eddie Maine shall we? I mean if you’re…if you think impossible to forgive Ned’s mistakes and if you can’t see how much he truly loves you. If you feel like it’s necessary to stay mad at him for a while, a good long while I might add, I understand. But don’t take it out on Eddie Maine, cause Eddie has been true to you. Eddie has given 100% of himself and you have also invested a lot in Eddie Maine and the Idol Rich. So? What are you gonna do with him?

Lois: I say it’s time to scrap him.

Ned: With all these CD’s sitting around here ready to be promoted. With your big chance for success right around the corner, success you predicted by the way, don’t you wanna be proved right?

Lois: I don’t have a lot of faith in my instincts anymore.

Ned: Lois when you picked me up in that Buffalo bar you were right on track. But right now your judgment is clouded by your anger. Now I’m not saying that your anger is not valid. But don’t let it screw things up for L&B Records. I mean would you let your personal feelings about Miguel interfere with promoting him? No. So why should it be any different for Eddie Maine?

Lois: I could think of a couple of good reasons.

Ned: The Idol Rich is entitled to your best efforts. We want to help make this happen for L&B and we want you to help make it happen for us. I mean the Idle Rich not us. But on the other hand…

Lois: ENOUGH ALREADY…OK? Stop clouding me with the facts. I am not one of your ELQ flunkies.

Ned: You’re my wife.

Lois: *Sigh*

Ned: And you’re my boss. And right now I’m discussing this with my boss. You’re in charge.

Lois: Oh yea...Oh yea I’m in charge…you better believe I’m in charge…I’ve never been more in charge…I am IT!

Ned: Absolutely.

Lois: So why don’t you just shut up and listen. If my partners show even the slightest twinge of consent about this then maybe just maybe I could consider not 86’ing Eddie Maine. But look at you you’re still treatin’ this like some sort of game. Look at you! You’re grinning.

Ned: Could I help it if just being in your presence makes me happy?

Lois: *sigh*

Ned: Even if you’re yelling at me.

Lois: No wonder you can put live lobsters into boiling water. I should of known then. Do I look like a lobster to you is that it? Huh? Huh?

Ned: Not even remotely.

Lois: Oh I bet you get a charge outta takin’ me to court, ruining L&B and sending me to debtors prison. And then what are you gonna do huh? You gonna come charging in and bail me out and I’m gonna fall into your arms in gratitude? Is that the scenario? Is it huh? Huh?

Ned: I just want to sing.

Lois: Yea…that’s right…that’s right. You want it all. That’s what you said huh? Spoiled little rich kid wants to take the whole toy store home with him. Well let me tell you something mister! I am not a toy and neither is L&B you can’t have either of us.

Ned: Lois please be reasonable ok? All I’m trying to say…

Lois: Reasonable? REASONABLE? I was SO DAMN reasonable that I never asked why you couldn’t spend the entire night with your wife! I NEVER questioned why I couldn’t be introduced even to even one member of your entire family. I swallowed all of your lies and your excuses and now I’m chokin’ on them but you don’t see why that should make any bit of difference huh? Do you? Oh now you have a contract and suddenly a contract means something to you!

Ned: Lois if you don’t let me promote these new CD’s you’re only cutting off your beautiful nose to spite your face.

Lois: You leave my nose outta this.

Ned: You’re forgetting your dream Lois. Which also happens to be my dream So I think if you just clam down and think about this logically, dispassionately, you’ll realize the best thing to do with these CD’s is to let me…

Lois: You know I think I know what the best thing to do with those CD’s are and there is nothing dispassionate about them huh? Let me show you the best thing to do with these CD’s! (She walks over to the table, dumps them out and begins hurling them at him one at a time.) Here is one FOR YOUR DREAMS!

Ned: Lois…Lois…

Lois: AND HERE IS ONE FOR MINE!!!!

Ned: LOIS…LOIS…LOIS…(He picks up a stool and uses it as a shield to protect himself from CD’s.)

Lois: AND HERE…HERE IS FOR YOUR LIES!!! AND ANOTHER AND ANOTHER ONE!!! AND HERE IF FOR THE BLEACHED BLONDE AND…

Brenda and Sonny arrive and crouch outside next to the wall avoiding flying CD’s.

Brenda: Guess he told her.

Sonny: Guess he did.

Sonny and Brenda come to the rescue. Brenda taking Ned and Sonny controlling Lois.

Sonny: OK

Brenda: OK…(taking the stool away from Ned) I ought to throw a few of those at you myself.

Ned: Wha…What did I do?

Lois: Get the louse outta here before I kill him!

Sonny: Well don’t kill him with the potential profits ok? They can become collector’s items.

Lois: There’s an idea…there’s an idea!

Ned: You’re jokin’ right Lois?

Brenda: Oh don’t count on it. You know we ARE tryin’ to run a business here Ned! You know about business right? There’s just not much room for sentiment is there?

Ned: Well…

Brenda: And sometimes we have to make some tough DECISIONS!

Ned: That’s exactly what I was tryin’ to tell Lois!

Lois rares back to throw another CD, but sonny stops her.

Sonny: Whoa! Whoa!

Ned: (ducking behind Brenda) BECAUSE SHE NEEDS EDDIE MAINE!

Lois: LIKE HELL I DO!

Brenda: (grabbing Ned by the tie, pulling him closer so she can whisper) Why couldn’t you wait ‘til we could break this to her gently?

Ned: Because I woke up this morning with an uncontrollable urge to sing.

Brenda: (releasing him) Great!

Lois: I can stifle that! (She rares back to throw another CD but sonny takes it from her.)

Sonny: Will you stop! OK now! Sit down! Everybody’s been able to blow off some steam ok…to your corners. Let’s consider the situation.

Lois: I’ve considered. Throw the bum out!

Sonny: No we can’t throw the bum out. This is our place of business. Eddie Maine does business with us.

Lois: He isn’t EDDIE! He’s ASHTON!

Sonny: There’s nothing illegal about a stage name. Look I already know he’s told you he has us over a barrel contractually! Now we can take a chance on a lawsuit and eat these CD’s or we can promote the Idol Rich and Eddie Maine…come on! It’ll do L&B a lot of good. What’s it gonna be?

Lois: That’s not fair Sonny! That’s loading the question!

Sonny: I am ENTITLED TO MY OPINION!

Lois: Bren you are asking me to work with this jerk?

Brenda: I…no…no...I will back you either way!

Ned: See what happens next time you ask me for a favor.

Brenda: (hitting Ned) When have I ever asked you for a favor? It’s always been the other way around!

Lois: OK…OK…It is not…fair for you all to suffer because…because of him and because I am a lousy judge of men. Even though I happen to be a terrific judge of talent if I do say so myself. So here’s the deal. We’ll promote Eddie Maine and the Idol Rich.

Ned: Yes!

Lois: ON these conditions. First, I don’t ever have to speak to him. Second the only time I have to see him is at gigs or rehearsals and third if I DO kill him you two will hire me the best lawyer money can buy and you will GET me off…huh?