Ned: "There she is! My favorite grandmother!"

Lila: "Oh Ned, darling, how lovely to see you! And Lois too! I hope this is a good sign."

Lois (To AJ): "Hey you, how you doing?"

AJ: "Better."

(Edward enters)

Edward: "Oh there you are Ned. I need you to sign off on the Deception deal."

Ned: "Already done. The lawyers are filing the papers this afternoon."

Edward: "Then why are you here?"

Ned: "I wanted to see your cheery face?"

Edward: "Sarcasm doesn't become you Ned. Get to the point."

Ned: "Well, Lois and I have an announcement to make."

Lois: "Yeah and we thought it was important that you knew right away."

Edward: "Oh damn it! I knew it! You are getting a divorce!"

AJ :"What can I say Lois? Congratulations! Take him for everything he's worth!"

Ned: "Shut up AJ!"

Lois: "No, no, we're not."

Edward: "Wonderful! Wonderful! I suppose you'll be absolutely useless to ELQ for months. And of course you didn't make her sign a prenuptial agreement did you?"

Ned: "I didn't want her to sign-"

Lila: "Oh I'm so sorry my dears."

Lois: "Oh well don't be."

Ned: "Grandmother, we're not getting a divorce."

Lois: "No."

Ned: "We're having a baby."

Lila: "Really?"

Edward: "Well it's about time!"

AJ: "Lois, I'm sorry. Congratulations." (He kisses her cheek)

Lois: "Thank you."

Edward: "This is fine. Have you called the lawyers?"

Ned: "No, not yet."

Lois: "What lawyers?"

Edward: "I'll take care of it."

Lois: "What lawyers?"

Edward: "The administrators for the minor trust. We have to set one up for the baby right away. And I presume that you will be naming him Edward Louis huh?"

Ned: " *If* it's a boy I was thinking of Jason Henry."

Lois: "Jason Henry?"

Ned: "After Jason and grandmother's brother."

Lois: "Because I was thinking of Michael Carmine."

Ned: "Michael?"

Lois: "Michael."

Ned: "You want to name our child after Sonny?"

Edward: "This is absolutely ridiculous! The Quartermaines do not name their children after felons! Oh and by the way-no, no, Jason is unacceptable also!"

Ned: "Grandfather! We'll name him Al Capone if we want to, it's of no concern of yours!"

Edward: "Of course it's my concern! The child is going to be our great grandchild!"

Lila: "Yellow!"

Lois: "Yellow?"

Lila: "Yes dear, for the nursery! Oh it's such a lovely, warm color. Oh and the second floor of the east wing will be just splendid. There's plenty of room for a nanny."

Ned: "No, no, no nanny!"

Edward: "Why ever not? You certainly don't intend to bring up the child yourself. Anyways I thought you liked Nanny Hayes."

Ned: "Oh of course! I love Nanny Hayes! She was the only adult I ever saw!"

AJ: "You know Ned that explains alot because I always thought she dropped you on your head."

Ned: "No AJ, that's the excuse they used for you."

Lois: "Stop it! Stop it! Why would we want the baby in the east wing when we live in the gatehouse?"

Edward: "Oh no, no, not anymore. You certainly don't expect to bring up a Quartermaine heir in that hovel do you?

{next scene}

Edward: "I can't imagine either one of you changing a diaper!"

Lois: "I've done it before!"

Edward: "Oh yes, with those fingernails!"

Ned: "Grandfather, we will hire a nanny if we want, the point is this is our decision. Not yours!"

Edward: "Very well. Now I must phone Saint Bartholomew's and put you on the waiting list for registration."

Lois: "Saint Bartholomew's? You mean the Saint Bartholomew's in Switzerland?"

Edward: "Well naturally! They did a fine job with Ned!"

Lois: Alright, hold it right there, ok buster, because this has gone on way long enough! We told you about this baby because we wanted you to share in our joy right? I mean, we didn't tell you 'cause we wanted your input! Ned and I are going to raise *our* baby in *our* home with love and *our* child is not going to go to school in Switzerland!"

Ned: "Of course not. Now honey, please don't get upset."

Lois: "Don't tell me not to get upset! Our baby isn't even born yet and he wants to send it to a foreign country!"

Edward: "But the child has to be educated if it's to take his place in this family."

Ned: "This child already has a place and that's at the center of *my* family! I don't care where he ranks in yours!"

Edward: "You watch that attitude Ned! It's getting very tiresome and you're not to valuable to be replaced."

Ned: "Really? With whom? AJ? He'll treat ELQ into bankruptcy inside of a year."

AJ: "I don't know if I'd take that bet Ned. Something tells me you're headed for a fall and I can't wait to take you down."