Director: Brad Siberling
Copyright: 2004
Production: Paramount Pictures(?)
Acting Talents: Jim Carrey (as "Count Olaf")
Meryl Streep (as "Aunt Josephine")
Jude Law (as the voice of "Lemony Snicket")
MPAA Rating: PG: Rated PG for thematic elements, scary situations and brief language.
Cornfeild Lion's rating:
Review by:

This story is not one you should see. It contains 3 unfortunate children, a vain murdurous man, horrendous reptiles, lachrymorse leeches, an attempt at marriage, two attempts at murder, and grammer.
All the Lemony Snicket-ness aside, this movie fallows Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire after their parents die. Violet is an inventor, Klaus: a researcher, and Sunny....a biter. They are charming and intelligent, but it doesn't really matter how charming and intelligent you are when you aren't... lucky. The three get sent from relative to relative, all the while being chased by the cruel Count Olaf. (Jim Carrey) Olaf wants the fortune left to them by their parents... how far will he go for it?
While I thouroughly enjoyed this movie, most of the time this movie got bad reviews. If your picky about your movies, go read some other reviews too, in order to make sure you'd like it.
This story is entertaining and fun. This movie, however, has the same depressing feel as the books, which some people might not understand or appreciate, but it's all good: Jim Carrey's humor keeps the plot moving. The characters have awesome costumes, not to mention the wonderful sets. Sunny's translation of her lines appears in text at the bottom of the screen, and she has funny lines. The movie is, of course, different form the books, and the scenes are mixed up a bit and they left some things out, but seriously, it doesn't effect the movie. It tunred out good. ^-^ *shoves people out door* GO SEE IT!!
(Another note: Klaus is both taller than Violet and doesn't have glasses. Don't let things like that bother you.)

Rated For:
Violence: Two characters are murdered as the story goes on, but we don't see either. And Klaus gets slapped. (Poor kid.)

Sexual and Nudity: Violet was going to marry Count Olaf (I'll assure you it wasn't her choice...) but there wasn't going to be a kiss... There is also a person in the story who has an indeterminite gender... and this Aunt Josephine person is... interested in, uh, Count Olaf and is all flirty... scarey...

Language: Count Olaf has one "d*mnit"

Offence to Chirstianity: None that I can think of...

Other: The kids almost die about five times. And there are two scenes were something jumps out at you (One is a snake, and the other is the "Lachymorse Leeches") And the Leeches... aren't too scarey. If your scared of squirmy things...well... but you never actually get to look at them. Too much.

Cornfeild's Rating: PG

Quotes:

Count Olaf: "Ah, my dearest..."
reads the labels and pictures on his hands
"Violet... "

Count Olaf: "I'm sorry. I don't speak monkey."

Count Olaf: "I've never seen three more gloomy children in all my life! Why so glum, orphans?"
Klaus Baudelaire: "Our parents just died."

Count Olaf: "I will care for these orphans as if they were actually wanted!"

Count Olaf: handing off Sunny "Hot potato!"

Lemony Snicket: "I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong. For instance, Klaus, when Sunny was born, didn't like her at all, but by the time she was six weeks old the two of them were as thick as thieves, a phrase which here means "fetching and biting for hours on end." In the case of Count Olaf, however"
Count Olaf shouts "Orphans!"
"they were correct."

Sunny: [Wow. You are nuts.]

Count Olaf: "All that I ask is that you do every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind."

Count Olaf: "Beef, yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for 'beef that has been roasted'."

Count Olaf: Olaf is about to enter the store, leaving the kids in the car
to Violet
"Coke."
to Klaus
"Coke."
to Sunny
"Banana."
Sunny: [Bite me.]

Violet Baudelaire: points to the bobble head "Little Elf" in the rear window of the car
"Sunny. Bite the head off of that Elf!"
Sunny: [With pleasure]

Klaus Baudelaire: "Have you noticed how none of our relatives are related to us?"

Sunny: [She's the mayor of crazy town.]

Aunt Josephine: "I hate it here."
Violet Baudelaire: "Well, maybe, Aunt Josephine, you should think about moving."
Aunt Josephine: "Oh, I could never, ever sell this house."
pause "I'm terrified of realtors."
Realtor: "Is this a bad time?"
Aunt Josephine: "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Count Olaf: "You just stay where you're at and we'll come where you're to!"

Count Olaf: "Now that we're a family, I can be the ulll-timate DAD."

Klaus Baudelaire: "What would Violet do... what would Violet do...?"