| So, about 2 years ago I'm going up to a campground to work. Theres this girl who lives there, as her parents are caretakers of the camp. This girl also goes to my church. Now, I've seen this girl at church and I've said 'Hey' and such, but we never really got to know eachother. At the time I was 13. So, I'm 13yrs old and working at the camp. Me and her start to get talking, I find out about her, she finds out about me...my hormones get all confused, and the inevitable crush forms. So, I have a crush on her, and sooner or later during the time I was up there, she finds out, and I have never to this day felt a colder shoulder. I mean, she cut me off right then and there, didn't talk to me, didn't look at me, nothing. So, we really didn't talk for about a year after that. I tried to suppress my feelings, but around June of the next year, they arose again with a great furvor. I mean, I thought I was gonna marry her, house on the hill, white picked fence, the whole 9 yards. I was in the deep end. So, in June, about 40 youth (including me and the girl) from my church's district go to a trip to New York City for a week long seminar. During this trip, I wanted to talk to her because she was my future fiance`, but at the same time I couldn't because if she found out that I liked her again, she would ignore me. So, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. So, we were walking down to the street to get on the subway when she says to one of her her friends, "What I look for in a guy is first I look at their appearence, and then I see if they are deeper than that." Now, theres nothing wrong with that, its very normal. But my self esteem was dirt low at the time, and that statement mixed in with my feelings for her, self esteem, my preceived 'perfection' that she was...it all mixed together in my mind and I fell into a deep depression. I wanted to kill myself, because I couldnt think of any reason to live. I found out why people drink beer (the depression side of it), and a whole slew of other feelings. After a few days I get over it, but I become very bitter and angry towards her. Not on purpose, but subconciously. Thats bad in itself, but what really made it bad was that after the trip, I was going to be working at the campground for the next three weeks after the trip. I made her life hell. Not on purpose, but my actions were not that honorable, to put it lightly. One of the most memorable things I did to her was make a xerox copy of her entire journal. In my hands I had an exact copy of her most intimate thoughts, and they were all at my disposal. Heh, but I knew my limits, I didn't read it. When she got off of lifeguard duty, I pranced around with it...but I soon gave it to her. She has these killer puppy dog eyes that will make anyone sircome to her will. That was one of the most mischevious things I did to her during my 3 weeks there. After that we really didn't talk for another year. During that year, my relationship with God got horrible. It was so bad that around the next May or so, I was thinking, "Ok God, thanks for dieing for me on the cross and everything ,I appreciate it, but I'll do my own thing". I end up going to the camp again to be a camper this time at a week long chrstian camp. Me and God get a LOT of things worked out, and it was very groovy. So, the whole thing with the girl comes up in my head, and I say, "Ok God, I've fooled with this for 2 years now, and it didn't get me anywhere -- its all yours." The next week at church she comes up to me out of the blue and says, "Do you wanna go out to eat with me and my folks?" I say sure, but I was still akward around her. Not that I liked her...but just from everything that had went on. So, we're at a resteraunt, and about halfway through the meal, BOOM!, God melts away all the bitterness, all the angriness, and heals the relationship. And eversince then, we've been great friends. |
| The Story of my Life |