| I'm a nice guy. I'm a really nice guy. I say that not because I think it's true, but because that's what everybody says. Ask any girl who's known me for more than a week, and that's how they'll describe me. "Jake? He's a nice guy" They say that because you know, heck, you know nice guys, right? Don't try to hurt people, try to be a gentleman. Treat people right, especially grils. Because that's what we learned girls are attracted to, they want to be treated right. Right? You get a bunch of girls together and get them talking about guys, and they'll dream you up the perfect gentleman. But when it comes to real life, oh man! that's very diffrent. Because you get those girls together and you get them talking abou t real men, not figments of their imagination, but real people, and what do you get? (Mimicking.) "Ohh, men are scum! Men are slime! Men are jerks!" But who do the girls date? Who comes on to them at bars and who do they go home with? The slime! The jerks!. And after they get hurt, and they always do, they call me up to confide in me, because long ago we decided that we were "just going to be friends." (I swear, you girls need to get a whole new vocabulary, you've started so many cliches` its not funny.) So, these girls call me up and they say, "Oh Jake, all guys are sliiiime!" And then they arealize that they're talking to a guy, and they say, "Oh, except you, Jake, you're a nice guy. When you find a girlfreind, she's going to be such a lucky girl. But it can't be me because, well, I'm attracted to guys that are going to be utter and complete jerks." And I guess thats how its always going to be, The bad guys is gonna get the girl, and the good guy is gonna be left to clean up the mess. |
