MY TESTIMONY
I was raised in a home
where there was no love.
We were basically a group
of people living in the same house.
My mom and dad didn't take
us to church very often.
I did go to Relig. Ed. Until I
made my first communion and until
I was conform. We were more
like the Easter Lilly plant at
Easter time and the Christmas
flower at Christmas
time. In another words we went
to church only on the
holidays.
When I was a child I was
mentally, phically and sexually
abused by two different people.
I was always told by my grandmother
that if I did something wrong that
God would punished me.
I thought that I was being punished
for something that I had done.
I didn't know what I had done but
I thought that it must have been
something bad.
I carried that with me until
I was at the age of 35.
I love them so I didn't say
anything about that. I just
carried the pain with me
all those years so I wouldn't
hurt them. When I was 15 this
was my God . It took away
the pain. I didn't have to
face reality and I didn't have to
deal with my problems. It allowed me
to be anything I wanted to be.
But most of all it gave me my
own privet little world. Know one
could hurt me because I wouldn't
let anybody in. I had no fillings
for any or my self and I didn't
care about anybody or anything.
Because of my drinking my fillings was
numb and my hart was hard like a rock.
When I got married I brought all
of my problems into my marriage.
At first things weren't to bad.
When I got drunk we didn't fight
very much. But as time went on things
were getting worse and my drinking was
increasing. It was at the point
when we would fight I would throw my
wife's clothes out of the house.
Sometimes I would throw chairs out
in the front yard. It was beginning
to be a living nightmare.
I still didn't know God very
much except for what people would tell
me. They would tell me how he
was a kind and loving God. I really
had a hard time with that because of my
childhood. I couldn't understained
why God would allow something like this
to happen to me. The only thing
that I could see is that I
was being punished for something that
I had done. I really felt that God
didn't love me. So I kept drinking
to forget about the pain.
Then the alcohol turned on me.
It took away my privet little
would. It no longer took the pain away.
Living with me was now a living
hell. I lost jobs. My wife would
have to call in for me when
I was sick, although I wasn't really
sick, I just had a hangover. Many of
times when we would go out and I
would get drunk, and I would wake up
the next morning I couldn't remember
would had happen that night. I would
get mad when my wife would talk about
that night because that night was
a total blank. When something like
that happens it is called a black out.
My drinking was so bad that sometimes
I would wake up in the morning passed out with
my face in a plate of food. When I
would pass out like that my wife would
leave me there until the next morning.
Many of times we would get into a bad
fight I would pack my close to leave.
Well when I would do that she would take
the kids and put them in the closet so
I couldn't get to my close, she
know I wouldn't hurt the kids. My
drinking was so bad that I
would get up at 7:00 in the morning
and go out side and start drinking again.
The guilt was really starting
to get to me because if I hard a
car coming I would hide my beer
so know one would see me drinking
that early in the morning.
All I had to do with my life was
to drink to live and live to
drink. Jennings didn't have enough
alcohol for me. I was very
possessive with my beer. If some
one would come over I wouldn't offer
them any. Know that I look back I
know that there is a God because
all those years of the pain and
problems in my life I see only one set
of footprints in the sand.
MY TESTIMONY
I was raised in a home
where there was no love.
We were basically a group
of people living in the same house.
My mom and dad didn't take
us to church very often.
I did go to Relig. Ed. Until I
made my first communion and until
I was conform. We were more
like the Easter Lilly plant at
Easter time and the Christmas
flower at Christmas
time. In another words we went
to church only on the
holidays.
When I was a child I was
mentally, phically and sexually
abused by two different people.
I was always told by my grandmother
that if I did something wrong that
God would punished me.
I thought that I was being punished
for something that I had done.
I didn't know what I had done but
I thought that it must have been
something bad.
I carried that with me until
I was at the age of 35.
I love them so I didn't say
anything about that. I just
carried the pain with me
all those years so I wouldn't
hurt them. When I was 15 this
was my God . It took away
the pain. I didn't have to
face reality and I didn't have to
deal with my problems. It allowed me
to be anything I wanted to be.
But most of all it gave me my
own privet little world. Know one
could hurt me because I wouldn't
let anybody in. I had no fillings
for any or my self and I didn't
care about anybody or anything.
Because of my drinking my fillings was
numb and my hart was hard like a rock.
When I got married I brought all
of my problems into my marriage.
At first things weren't to bad.
When I got drunk we didn't fight
very much. But as time went on things
were getting worse and my drinking was
increasing. It was at the point
when we would fight I would throw my
wife's clothes out of the house.
Sometimes I would throw chairs out
in the front yard. It was beginning
to be a living nightmare.
I still didn't know God very
much except for what people would tell
me. They would tell me how he
was a kind and loving God. I really
had a hard time with that because of my
childhood. I couldn't understained
why God would allow something like this
to happen to me. The only thing
that I could see is that I
was being punished for something that
I had done. I really felt that God
didn't love me. So I kept drinking
to forget about the pain.
Then the alcohol turned on me.
It took away my privet little
would. It no longer took the pain away.
Living with me was now a living
hell. I lost jobs. My wife would
have to call in for me when
I was sick, although I wasn't really
sick, I just had a hangover. Many of
times when we would go out and I
would get drunk, and I would wake up
the next morning I couldn't remember
would had happen that night. I would
get mad when my wife would talk about
that night because that night was
a total blank. When something like
that happens it is called a black out.
My drinking was so bad that sometimes
I would wake up in the morning passed out with
my face in a plate of food. When I
would pass out like that my wife would
leave me there until the next morning.
Many of times we would get into a bad
fight I would pack my close to leave.
Well when I would do that she would take
the kids and put them in the closet so
I couldn't get to my close, she
know I wouldn't hurt the kids. My
drinking was so bad that I
would get up at 7:00 in the morning
and go out side and start drinking again.
The guilt was really starting
to get to me because if I hard a
car coming I would hide my beer
so know one would see me drinking
that early in the morning.
All I had to do with my life was
to drink to live and live to
drink. Jennings didn't have enough
alcohol for me. I was very
possessive with my beer. If some
one would come over I wouldn't offer
them any. Know that I look back I
know that there is a God because
all those years of the pain and
problems in my life I see only one set
of footprints in the sand.
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