| Funny Religious Quotes |
1. "I am a believer. God came to me in the body of a vending machine. I gave him money and he cooperated." Hayley 2. "God did not make us, we made God" -Anonymous 3. "He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." -Douglas Adams 4."Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel." Ambrose Bierce 5. "Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." Ambrose Bierce 6. "Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense." Chapman Cohen. 7. "The Church says that the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round. For I have seen the shadow on the moon and I have more faith in the Shadow than in the Church." - Ferdinand Magellan 8. "When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'" Stephen King 9. "Thank God I'm an atheist." Luis Bunuel 10. "The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of mattress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted." Brendan Behan 11. "When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." Emo Philips 12. "The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible." George Burns 13. "Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion that has ever infected the world."-Voltaire 14. "In this 'sacred' book of family scandals we find filth, sex orgies, cannibalism, atrocities, sex perversions, incest, bloody violence unparalleled in any other chronicle in all the literature of the world. Fortunately, not one-third of the human family has ever heard of the Christian Bible; not one-tenth of the Christians have ever read it, and no two who have read it agree as to its meaning. Won�t you help get this book out of the hands of our children, out of decent homes, and out of hotel and motel rooms?" 15. "The symbol in the center is known as 'The Lazy Cross' and forms a central part of vile Black Masses wherein the assembled Satanists stand before a cross and tilt their heads like confused puppies. The 'RR' stands for 'Ricardo Rex,' and refers to the belief that Desi Arnaz will one day rise from the dead and lead the legions of the damned against the armies of the Lord." 16. "All rock and roll is Satanic (except of course for the group AC/DC, which stands for 'Altruistic Christians/Doing Charity'), but some forms are more insidiously evil than others. These bears, mocking the covenant of the rainbow with their colors, mocking the will of God by walking like men, and obviously as high as a weather balloon, are among the most foul and upsetting of all devil rock's symbols." 17. "I hope I don't get so old I get religious." -Ingrid Bergman 18. "I knew I was God when I was praying. I realized then that I was talking to myself." 19. "The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window." -Stephen King 20. "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him." -Voltaire 21. "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -Galileo Galilei 22. "Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand." -Frederick the Great 23. "What if you died, and you woke up, and you were in heaven? Just like they always told you? Everybody had wings on, and pearly gates...wouldn't you feel stupid? 'Oh nooo! You mean that this is what...Awww. In college they said this was all bullshit.'" -Steve Martin 24. "It's so hard to believe in anything anymore...science is all facts...and religion seems so mythological. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my-- Lucky Astrology Mood Watch." -Steve Martin 25. "What? You've been keeping records on me? Well I wasn't so bad...how many times did I take the Lord's name in vain? Ewww. Million six. Jesus Chr..." -Steve Martin |