WHAT NOT TO SAY
TO A POLICE OFFICER!
1) I can't
reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in
2)
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3) Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4)
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up
with me. Good job!
5) Are You Andy or Barney?
6)
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police
officer
7)
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8)
I pay your salary!
9) Gee,
Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10)
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11)
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars
around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12)
When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee
Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
13) What? You need a license to drive?
14)
Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!
15)
Is your power a penis substitute?
16)
Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still
pretty good for someone who is completely drunk
17) Can
you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
18)
Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.
19)
Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or
vegetable?
20)
A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
21) Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat,
the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?
22)
Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is
the one.
23)
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
24)
Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's
?
25)
Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too
26)
My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal
27)
Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this
.44 magnum!
28)
Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
29)
You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me
30)
In
31)
If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight
32)
Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be
catching?
33)
Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either
34)
Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut
35)
Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
36)
Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
37)
There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
38)
What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God!
And really, there is no blood in my alchohol
39) That uniform makes your ass look really big.
40)
You don't happen to have any beer in your car?
41) I
was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
42)
So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?