| Jokes |
| Elephant Surgery A guy who can no longer get an erection finally goes to the doctor for help. The doctor tells him that the muscles at the base of his penis have broken down and there's nothing he can do unless the man is willing to try an experimental type of surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him that they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk and insert them in the base of his penis. The guy agrees that it sounds pretty scary, but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he decides to go ahead with the operation. The doctor performs the surgery, and about 6 weeks later gives the guy the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". That night the guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. After a few minutes, the pressure is almost unbearable. He figures that no one can see him in the dark restaurant, so he quietly unzips his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!" |
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| The Crab & The Lobster Princess Douglas the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Douglas in tears. "We can't see each other any more..." she sobbed "Why?" gasped Douglas. "Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways." Douglas was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Douglas the crab strode in.The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Douglas the crab made his way across the floor...and all could see that he was walking, not sideways............but FORWARDS...Yes FORWARDS, one claw after another!! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he looked the King lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush.................................. For quite a while........................... Finally, the crab spoke....... "Shite, I'm pissed." |
| What did Hitler say to his men before they got into their tanks?? "Get in your tanks men" |
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