It’s almost midday and Gale hasn’t risen yet. I’ve been reading Dawson’s letter over and over all morning and I can’t help but feel a slither of guilt over what’s happened in regards to him. I’ve taken this path before, betrayed his friendship for a girl and I just prey it doesn’t apply here. Through think and thin he’s been there for me and I for him. We’ve had our rough spots, but honestly, I think all friends do. And look how we came through them…stronger than ever.

Before I make myself some more coffee, I go up to Gale’s room to see if she wants some too. When I open the door, she’s lying still, feigning sleep. I’ve been in the business long enough to know when someone’s really sleeping and when someone’s faking and Gale is faking. The only question is why.

Solemnly I head back down stairs, stopping a few times to pick up some loose toys. While it has been hard looking after Lily and Gale since Mitch died, as Dawson said in his letter, it’s been far more rewarding…and I don’t mean the sex. I’ve been able to watch Lily grow, I’ve been able to pull Gale out of her depression and I’ve been able to spend time in what I know and will always know as my home. How could I possibly want anything more?

“You had a long sleep.” I catch Gale unawares on her way to the bathroom.

“I was tired.” She sighs, closing the door behind her. I make my way downstairs to sit with Lily, perfectly capable of handling the obvious rejection on Gale’s part. I mean she’s just lost her husband for god sakes. What was I thinking taking advantage of that? Am I insane?

Moreover, she’s Dawson’s mother, Dawson’s mother! She’s been a mother figure to me for longer than I can remember, so frankly, what’s happening between us is just sick! Gale is 100% right to shake it off, as she appears to have done. Hell, she ain’t Tamara and this isn’t high school. I’m an adult now and I’m perfectly capable of fully understanding the gravity of my actions and last night, I was floating into space. It’s wrong, plain and simple.

It’s dinnertime before Gale’s stomach gets the better of her and she’s forced to come down stairs and face reality, face me.

“Hi Pacey.” She manages to mumble.

“Want dinner?” I ask.

“Sure.” She says, taking a seat at the kitchen table. I take a small bowl of pasta over to her, giving Lily a small one as she sits in her highchair. She immediately begins picking bits up with her fingers and smearing it all over her face. I can’t help but laugh.

“Pacey…” Gale pushes away her food and says my name in a stern tone, obviously beginning the conversation I really don’t want to have to have.

“Gale, I know what happened was wrong. I know it was a mistake, ok. Let’s not do this…”

“Pacey.” She stops me mid sentence, rising to her feet.

“Pacey stop and listen to me for a second.” She exclaims. “I don’t regret what happened, not at all.”

“You don’t?” I ask, bewildered.

“No. In fact, it’s probably the best I’ve felt since…” she is unable to finish her sentence as a tear slides down her face. I want so badly to take her in my arms and hug all the pain and sadness away, but I know the boundaries that stand between us now, and I know that I couldn’t do that. Gale takes a deep breath and then attempts to continue.

“My mind keeps playing things over and over and questioning this, questioning us. But my heart wants to let loose, forget all my fears and enjoy what we have. Because we do have something special Pacey, I can feel it. “

“Me too.” I tell her, knowing that that won’t be enough, not with us.

“The truth is Pacey, is that in this world, we can’t be together, we just can’t.”

“I know that too.” I tell her. “And I have tried, believe me I’ve tried to make these feelings go a way but…”

“They won’t?” she offers.

“No, they won’t.”

“While I know that reality will inevitable come and slap us in the face, I want to enjoy what we have before that time comes. I want to forget reality for a while. Is that wrong?”

“No, it’s not wrong.” I tell her earnestly. “In fact it’s kind of smart. And you deserve to be happy Gale, you do. I just don’t want to push you into something that you’re not ready for.”

“Believe me Pacey, you haven’t pushed me. I want to ignore what we know is right, just until it can’t be bared. I want to be with you. If you want to…” with that I take her into my arms and kiss her passionately, savouring this moment, for I know that it may not come again.

Lying in bed till Lily cries at dawn with a beautiful woman by my side ain’t half bad, that I can tell you! I don’t remember ever being this happy, except of course for times I’m trying to forget.

As I nurse Lily I’m constantly thinking of the woman I left behind in bed, of the woman I will momentarily return to, of the woman that I can’t get out of my head, not that I’m complaining! There are worse things that could be plaguing my mind; Gale is definitely one of the better images.

These past few days have been a whirlwind and we’ve been abandoning reality and just completely enjoying it while we can. It’s as if we have only just started living, like all those years we’d known each other have dissipated into complete nothingness. Or…almost…

“This is Gale and Lily and we’re not able to answer the phone right now so please leave a message after the beep.”

*beep*

“Hey Mum, just calling to let you know that I’m coming home for the weekend to spend some time with you and Lily. Tell Pacey he can organise other plans if he wants to have a break coz I can handle things, and I think Pacey deserves some time off from looking after the two of you. *laughs* See you then, kay? Bye.”

When you try to escape from reality, reality starts looking for you, and it looks as though in a day or two, it’ll be knocking on mine and Gale’s door. That’s if he’ll even be knocking, I’m sure he still has his house key.

Our few days of paradise will soon be coming to an end and I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m scared of hurting Dawson but I also can’t bare to be away from Gale. Hell, I can’t even keep my hands off her most of the time! The strange part is, is that Gale feels exactly the same way. She’s terrified of hurting her son and Mitch’s memory but she tells me everyday, how happy I’m making her and how she can’t bare the thought of giving it up. Never could I have imagined invoking those kinds of emotions in anyone, let alone Gale Leery.

“Pacey!” Gale calls me from her room, obviously waking to find me absent from our bed. Our bed…it’s funny how one can have thoughts like that.

I go back to the main bedroom and crawl back into bed where Gale welcomes me with open arms. I snuggle into her embrace and gently kiss her forehead, then each eyelid, then her nose, slowly making my way to her full lips. I’m always amazed at how wonderful it is to kiss her. It’s like the world itself could collapse around us and I wouldn’t notice because I’m so completely absorbed in her.

“Hold me Pacey.” She whispers her request, laying back down and shutting her eyes. I wrap my arms around her and enjoy the feel of her, the smell of her hair, the sound of her breathing and the way her fingers intertwine with mine. I know that soon, very soon, this will all become a vivid dream.