“So then he told the police officer that he was Jeff Bridges on his way to a movie shoot!”

“Pop heard about that down at the precinct!” I laugh. “I can’t believe Mitch did that.”

“And that wasn’t even one of the most outrageous things he did.”

“I’ll have to hear about the rest at some stage.”

“And risk Dawson hearing them? Never!” I never thought having lunch with Dawson’s mother could be so much fun. She’s been making me laugh all morning; any onlooker would never guess she’s recently widowed.

I’ve known Gale a long time but in all that time, I’ve never really known her…if that makes sense. I’ve always looked at her as Dawson’s mother…the perfect mother…the mother I wished mine could be. But today I’m not seeing her as a mother; I’m seeing her as a real person. A real person with faith, with hope, with tears, with sorrow. A real woman grieving the loss of her one true love, and I can relate to that. No, my true love didn’t die but I still lost her didn’t I? We’re still apart and I still long for her, I still love her. While I may never stop loving Joey, Gale will never stop loving Mitch. Joey may be on this earth, but she’s not in my world, just as Mitch is not in Gale’s.

I sit across from Gale and watch as she picks out the onion from her sandwich and I find myself feeling an overwhelming guilt for comparing my romance with Joey with Gale’s marriage to Mitch. They’d worked through their problems; they’d made it through the hard times and remained in tact. But Joey and me? Well, I abandoned us didn’t I? I left when the going got tough; I burnt that bridge straight to the ground. I have no right to compare that with something as beautiful as what Mitch and Gale shared.

“Pacey.” Gale’s soft voice pulls me out of my reverie.

“Hmm?”

“Do you know what I’ve decided? I’ve decided that it’s a real waste to spend all that money to see one movie in a cinema when you can spend the same amount to see five in the comfort of your own home.”

“You sound like Dawson.” I laugh.

“Well…like mother like son. What do you say? Wanna rent some movies instead?”

“Sure.” I say, as we leave our lunch spot and head over to the video store where I spent many a weekend stacking shelves and serving snotty customers not so long ago.

“Ok…so we have MacBeth, we have Much Ado About Nothing, and we have Romeo and Juliet.” Gale sums up our choices.

“What’s with the Shakespeare theme?”

“I felt like watching Shakespeare. Is that alright with you Pacey?”

“Sure…but I may need you to do a running commentary as we go. I never get that Elizabethan dialogue.” Gale merely laughs at me before putting MacBeth into the VCR. We sit on the couch side by side, with a bowl of popcorn on my lap for us to share. Doug put Lily to bed some time ago so I’m ready for her cries at any moment. I don’t like Gale having to deal with all her usual ‘mother problems’ at this stage in time. She’s too broken to have someone so dependent on her; that’s where I come in.

Gale is positively engrossed in the film, which had me lost right at the start with the Witches chants. My gaze wanders around the room, trying to find something more interesting than the film. When Gale reaches over to grab some popcorn, I find what I’m looking for.

Her hand gently grazes mine, but the film has her so captivated that she doesn’t even notice. She has this strange expression on her face, filled with awe and sadness and love. She cringes when blood splatters across the screen from yet another murder, as she gently places the popcorn on the tip of her tongue, slowly pulling it into her mouth and chewing ever so gently. Her expression is so soft, her features so light. She’s absolutely beautiful.

Realising I’m thinking about Dawson’s mother…respectfully my mother figure, I quickly scold myself for thinking such thoughts. For momentarily thinking of Gale as beautiful and sexy. For forgetting my place and my role in this house…her house. I’m here in lieu of her son. I’m here to look after her and her daughter. I’m her to protect her…nothing more. Although…I’m finding it difficult reminding myself of these things when she’s so captivating. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a [I]crush[/I] on her or anything. Please! I’m long over that puppy dog love stage. Was Tamara not enough? I just think that Gale is…pretty is all. Yep…that’s it.

I wake in the night to loud sobs coming from Gale’s room. She hasn’t cried like that since my second night here and frankly, I’m worried. I mean, I thought Gale seemed, I dunno, like she was doing better. Today she was chatty and she was laughing and smiling and she didn’t even shed a tear when Romeo and Juliet died. I thought that maybe I’d helped cheer her up. I guess I was wrong.

I ponder going in and comforting her for some minutes when I finally decided to get us both some hot chocolates and then maybe convincing her to talk to me.

When I enter her room, she promptly buries her face in her pillow so I won’t see her face.

“I got you a hot chocolate.” I whisper.

“I’m not thirsty Pacey.” She says, quietly waiting for me to make my exit. I take that as my cue to sit down, much to her disappointment.

“Pacey, I know you’re just trying to help, and really I do appreciate it but I’d much rather just being left alone right now, okay.”

“Nope, not okay. Gale, you have a right to cry, you’re sad I get that. But why now? You haven’t shed a tear in weeks and you’re crying now.”

“I guess I’ve just been bottling it up.” She utters, sitting up to face me. I sit down beside her on the bed and wipe away the tears that have slipped down her cheeks with my thumb.

“Speaking from experience, that’s not a good thing to do.” I say.

“I know, but I was coping you know? And then something always comes along to make you remember or make you feel guilty and to dredge up all these feeling’s that are better at rest.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She gives me a look is if to say ‘didn’t I already say no?’

“Look,” I say, “I know you may not want to, but talking about it, even to someone like me, may make you feel better.” She sighs.

“I just…I’ve been feeling so bad…like my life is suddenly over because for so long, Mitch has been my life…and then today…suddenly I didn’t feel so bad.”

“And that’s bad?” I ask, not quite understanding.

“Yes!” she yells. “Because Mitch is dead and I have no right to feel okay, I have no right to be happy and today Pacey…I was having such a great time with you that I barely even thought about him.”

“Gale, Mitch would want you to move on, he’d want you to be happy.” I try to console her as tears escape her eyes.

“I know…I know…but it just doesn’t feel right. I feel so guilty Pacey.” With that she breaks down crying, unable to control her emotions any longer.

“Shhh…shhh.” I take her up in my arms and rock her back and forth like she used to do with me when I’d come home from school with Dawson, in tears because I had no where to sleep as my father had kicked me out.

“Everything will be alright Gale, I promise.” I whisper softly to her, as her sobs grow louder. She’s clutching onto me for dear life, and a surge of panic races over me. I’ve never seen Gale like this. Never. Not even after the divorce all those years ago. Suddenly I’m here, trying so hard to look after the one person that had looked after me for so long. I want so badly to take away all her pain. I’d give my life just to see her smile.

As her tears subside, her grip on me loosens and I lay her head down on my lap and stroke her gorgeous hair, which is getting longer and longer every day.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you Pacey.” She says, trying to regain composure.

“You’d probably be having a good nights sleep instead of having to rehash everything here with me.” I joke.

“You’re right about one thing.” She laughs.

“Of course I am…about what?”

“I would be having a good nights sleep if you weren’t here. You being here, especially today has made me feel better, you know? I don’t miss him so much being in your arms. And that makes me feel guilty. And today I…I found myself…”

“You found yourself what?” I prod her.

“I found myself unspeakably attracted to you. Now Pacey, I know what you’re going to say, it’s wrong I know that but…” Before she has a chance to say anything else I press my lips against hers and kiss her with all the passion I have.