| An Interview with Ash Ketchum | ||||||
| Me: �That twerp is always late!� Jessie: �I�ll fix him don�t worry!� Ash walks into the room tripping over a rope we tied in front of the doorway. Ash: �What�s that doing there?� Me: �Sit down!� Ash takes a seat in the chair across from me. Ash: �What�s Jessie doing here?� Me: �We�re best friends!� Jessie crosses her legs and stares at Ash with a strange look on her face. Me: �So let�s get this interview started.� Ash: �Ok.� Me: �Do you realize that Misty has feelings for you?� Ash: �Huh? She hates me! I don�t know what you�re talking about!� Me: �Just as I thought. Let�s move on since we won�t get anywhere at this rate.� Jessie: �How come you�re so stupid that you can�t recognize us in the obvious disguises we wear?� Ash: �I�m not stupid!� Ash lunges at Jessie and I grab a whip. I lash the whip on him. Me: �Down boy!� Ash: �I don�t have to put up with this!� Me: �Actually you do.� Me: �So what do you know about your father?� Ash: �My mom told me he passed away shortly after I was born.� I smirk. Me: �Well that�s not exactly true. Tell him Jessie.� Jessie: �Your father is the leader of Team Rocket and I have proof!� Jessie shows Ash a picture and he almost faints. Me: �Speechless now, huh?� Ash: �That doesn�t change anything because it just wants me to take him down even more!� Jessie and I get up. We grab a rope and go over to Ash. Jessie ties him up as I hold him down. Ash: �What�s going on?� Me: �We want to kidnap you!� Jessie: �And now we�re finally alone together where no one can hear you scream! I�m going to have so much fun with you!� Ash gritted his teeth. Me: �Hey Jessie?� Jessie: �Yeah?� I point to a vacuum cleaner. Me: �Does that give you any nasty ideas?� Jessie grabs the vacuum cleaner. Jessie: �It sure does!� I open Ash�s mouth while Jessie sticks the vacuum cleaner down his throat. She turns it on full force. Me: �Jessie can I be your personal assistant from now on?� Jessie: �Sure as long as you mean my slave!� I kneel in front of Jessie. Me: �Anything you say!� Jessie: �Oh and one more thing. From now on always call me master!� I look back at Ash who is choking. He has tears rolling down his face. Me: �Do you think he�s had enough?� Jessie walks over and shoves the vacuum even further down his throat. Me: �You really meant it when you said you wanted to fix him, didn�t you?� Jessie: �I shoved it right into his stomach!� We watch as the twerp is soaking his clothes with tears. Jessie: �Perfect! Now he knows what he�s up against. He�ll keep his mouth shut from now on if he knows what�s good for him, won�t you twerp?� Ash couldn�t take much more. Jessie didn�t care. Me: �Why don�t we go for ice cream?� Jessie and I leave for an hour. Me: �I wonder if he�s still breathing after this long?� Jessie opens the door and finds Ash still fighting for his life. She goes over and yanks the vacuum out of his mouth. He throws up several times. Ash: �You�re crazy!� Jessie: �Nah, we�re just psycho!� Me: �Did you see my black lipstick?� Jessie throws a tube of black lipstick to me. Jessie: �I was using it.� I go put my makeup on and come out looking completely gothic. Jessie comes up to me and we start French kissing. Ash: �You�re lesbians?� Jessie: �She�s by bitch!� Me: �You�re my butch!� I notice Ash still struggling. Me: �Are you going to untie the twerp?� Jessie slices the ropes with a knife. Ash tries to attack her but she holds him down. Ash: �Let me go now! This time you�ve gone way too far!� Me: �Well you don�t have to worry twerp because you�re going to be here for a long, long time and Jessie will make sure you listen!� Jessie: �I wonder what would happen if we put the vacuum in reverse?� I hand her the vacuum. Me: �Why don�t you try it?� Jessie shoves the vacuum down Ash�s throat and into his stomach. She turns it on full force. Jessie: �Look a balloon!� I turn around to see the twerp expanding. Me: �Shouldn�t you take that out of him?� Jessie: �I want to see him explode!� Jessie sticks another vacuum up his bum. I look at Jessie who just stands there watching in pleasure. Me: �You mean you want to kill him?� Jessie rips the vacuums out of him. Jessie: �Of course I don�t want to kill him!� Me: �What are you going to do to him now?� Jessie pats Ash�s stomach. Jessie: �I think for once in his lifetime he�s actually full!� I watch as Ash tries desperately to recover. After three hours, he is finally able to talk. Ash: �You could have killed me!� Jessie: �Nag, nag, nag! You deserved it!� Me: �We�ll let you go on one condition.� Ash looks at me in fear. Ash: �What�s the condition?� Jessie: �You do whatever I say from now on!� I watch as Ash uses his brain for the first time. Ash: �You win! Just let me go!� Jessie: �Not so fast, twerp!� Jessie grabs a bar of soap and I open Ash�s mouth. She sticks it in his mouth and I hold it shut. Jessie: �Swallow!� Me: �Why the soap?� Jessie: �Just for fun!� Jessie makes him tilt his head back and he swallows the entire bar of soap, whole. A gulp is heard as the soap goes down his throat. Me: �Don�t you think that will make his sick?� Jessie: �Good!� Ash looks at us in fear. Jessie: �How did the bar of soap feel as it hit your stomach?� Ash: �How can you do this to me? I�m just a kid and you�re hurting me so much! What did I ever do to deserve this?� Jessie: �Let�s just say I dish back ten times as much as you dish out on me! You do electrocute me all the time so I decided to make a come back that you would never forget!� I open the door and watch as the twerp runs out in fear. Me: �You�ll stay away from here if you value your life!� Ash just keeps going, not turning back. Jessie: �Do me a favor?� Me: �Anything you say, master!� Jessie sits down. Jessie: �I need a foot stool so get down!� |
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