An Interview with Ash Ketchum
Me:  �That twerp is always late!�
Jessie:  �I�ll fix him don�t worry!�
Ash walks into the room tripping over a rope we tied in front of the doorway.
Ash:  �What�s that doing there?�
Me:  �Sit down!�
Ash takes a seat in the chair across from me.
Ash:  �What�s Jessie doing here?�
Me:  �We�re best friends!�
Jessie crosses her legs and stares at Ash with a strange look on her face.
Me:  �So let�s get this interview started.�
Ash:  �Ok.�
Me:  �Do you realize that Misty has feelings for you?�
Ash:  �Huh?  She hates me!  I don�t know what you�re talking about!�
Me:  �Just as I thought.  Let�s move on since we won�t get anywhere at this rate.�
Jessie:  �How come you�re so stupid that you can�t recognize us in the obvious disguises we wear?�
Ash:  �I�m not stupid!�
Ash lunges at Jessie and I grab a whip.  I lash the whip on him.
Me:  �Down boy!�
Ash:  �I don�t have to put up with this!�
Me:  �Actually you do.�
Me:  �So what do you know about your father?�
Ash:  �My mom told me he passed away shortly after I was born.�
I smirk.
Me:  �Well that�s not exactly true.  Tell him Jessie.�
Jessie:  �Your father is the leader of Team Rocket and I have proof!�
Jessie shows Ash a picture and he almost faints.
Me:  �Speechless now, huh?�
Ash:  �That doesn�t change anything because it just wants me to take him down even more!�
Jessie and I get up.  We grab a rope and go over to Ash.  Jessie ties him up as I hold him down.
Ash:  �What�s going on?�
Me:  �We want to kidnap you!�
Jessie:  �And now we�re finally alone together where no one can hear you scream!  I�m going to have so much fun with you!�
Ash gritted his teeth.
Me:  �Hey Jessie?�
Jessie:  �Yeah?�
I point to a vacuum cleaner.
Me:  �Does that give you any nasty ideas?�
Jessie grabs the vacuum cleaner.
Jessie:  �It sure does!�
I open Ash�s mouth while Jessie sticks the vacuum cleaner down his throat.  She turns it on full force.
Me:  �Jessie can I be your personal assistant from now on?�
Jessie:  �Sure as long as you mean my slave!�
I kneel in front of Jessie.
Me:  �Anything you say!�
Jessie:  �Oh and one more thing.  From now on always call me master!�
I look back at Ash who is choking.  He has tears rolling down his face.
Me:  �Do you think he�s had enough?�
Jessie walks over and shoves the vacuum even further down his throat.
Me:  �You really meant it when you said you wanted to fix him, didn�t you?�
Jessie:  �I shoved it right into his stomach!�
We watch as the twerp is soaking his clothes with tears.
Jessie:  �Perfect!  Now he knows what he�s up against.  He�ll keep his mouth shut from now on if he knows what�s good for him, won�t you twerp?�
Ash couldn�t take much more.  Jessie didn�t care.
Me:  �Why don�t we go for ice cream?�
Jessie and I leave for an hour.
Me:  �I wonder if he�s still breathing after this long?�
Jessie opens the door and finds Ash still fighting for his life.  She goes over and yanks the vacuum out of his mouth.  He throws up several times.
Ash:  �You�re crazy!�
Jessie:  �Nah, we�re just psycho!�
Me:  �Did you see my black lipstick?�
Jessie throws a tube of black lipstick to me.
Jessie:  �I was using it.�
I go put my makeup on and come out looking completely gothic.  Jessie comes up to me and we start French kissing.
Ash:  �You�re lesbians?�
Jessie:  �She�s by bitch!�
Me:  �You�re my butch!�
I notice Ash still struggling.
Me:  �Are you going to untie the twerp?�
Jessie slices the ropes with a knife.  Ash tries to attack her but she holds him down.
Ash:  �Let me go now!  This time you�ve gone way too far!�
Me:  �Well you don�t have to worry twerp because you�re going to be here for a long, long time and Jessie will make sure you listen!�
Jessie:  �I wonder what would happen if we put the vacuum in reverse?�
I hand her the vacuum.
Me:  �Why don�t you try it?�
Jessie shoves the vacuum down Ash�s throat and into his stomach.  She turns it on full force.
Jessie:  �Look a balloon!�
I turn around to see the twerp expanding.
Me:  �Shouldn�t you take that out of him?�
Jessie:  �I want to see him explode!�
Jessie sticks another vacuum up his bum.
I look at Jessie who just stands there watching in pleasure.
Me:  �You mean you want to kill him?�
Jessie rips the vacuums out of him.
Jessie:  �Of course I don�t want to kill him!�
Me:  �What are you going to do to him now?�
Jessie pats Ash�s stomach.
Jessie:  �I think for once in his lifetime he�s actually full!�
I watch as Ash tries desperately to recover.  After three hours, he is finally able to talk.
Ash:  �You could have killed me!�
Jessie:  �Nag, nag, nag!  You deserved it!�
Me:  �We�ll let you go on one condition.�
Ash looks at me in fear.
Ash:  �What�s the condition?�
Jessie:  �You do whatever I say from now on!�
I watch as Ash uses his brain for the first time.
Ash:  �You win!  Just let me go!�
Jessie:  �Not so fast, twerp!�
Jessie grabs a bar of soap and I open Ash�s mouth.  She sticks it in his mouth and I hold it shut.
Jessie:  �Swallow!�
Me:  �Why the soap?�
Jessie:  �Just for fun!�
Jessie makes him tilt his head back and he swallows the entire bar of soap, whole.  A gulp is heard as the soap goes down his throat.
Me:  �Don�t you think that will make his sick?�
Jessie:  �Good!�
Ash looks at us in fear.
Jessie:  �How did the bar of soap feel as it hit your stomach?�
Ash:  �How can you do this to me?  I�m just a kid and you�re hurting me so much!  What did I ever do to deserve this?�
Jessie:  �Let�s just say I dish back ten times as much as you dish out on me!  You do electrocute me all the time so I decided to make a come back that you would never forget!�
I open the door and watch as the twerp runs out in fear.
Me:  �You�ll stay away from here if you value your life!�
Ash just keeps going, not turning back.
Jessie:  �Do me a favor?�
Me:  �Anything you say, master!�
Jessie sits down.
Jessie:  �I need a foot stool so get down!�
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