Burning, Melting
Lasered in my mind
Forever in time
Pulling back the curtains to unveil the sickness
And now I see...........
Inside me.
I hear your laughter, it follows me like a concert hall-
echoing off my mind's wall.
Standing over watch like a predator as I sleep,
Awakened I see you- silently to the shadows you creep.
I put the poison to my lips and it courses through me;
like your blood given to me at birth,
No one here but you and I on this earth.
You and I built these four walls of hell together,
Realizing that I did know you as I see it play in the mirror.
My image, our sickness- we share;
carrying you everywhere.
Cold blades slicing away at the flesh that belongs to me,
To allow our sickness of red to trickle free.
I am very intense,
feeling things that no one knows.
Could not fathom, could not grasp......
And as the hands of time,
Tick, tick away..
As visions..over and over they play.
A song, a tune, a full moon..
Poem, a small girl of hope;
noose burns on my neck of rope.
Claws tearing away, ripping flesh,
Salts burning my wounds-
Spreading me open for the world to see.
Picking my brain with razors- trying to pinpoint my sickness, my fears.....
To know exactly when there were tears.
Feeling the only thing that I have ever known......
This pain, I never wanted
This pain, I never needed
This pain, that eats away my sanity..
So I pass this, dear daddy to my own......
And in sick ways- our home.
Unlike the demons that tormented you, I keep mine under lock and key,
So that is my little secret that belongs to you and me.
They cry all hours of the night,
Begging to go back to hell of where they came from...
But you carried the path with you.
Although it is their will......
To hurt me,
To use your evil that flows through me;
To murder, desecrate and kill.
I alone, will have the nails driven through my body parts,
for on the sacred cross it did start.
Making the ultimate sacrifice that you did not,
For others to bear witness of a thousand devils that carried my innocent soul to hell the day I was placed in your arms,
And let me be the first to say;
There was no God or angels to protect me, or remove me from harm.
May they strip me, rape me and watch me bleed.....
So that the sickness will die and it will not be passed nor received.
I hate what I am..
Hate what lives inside of me.
Take it you bastard-
take it away from me!!!!
Yet I take it to my bossom- to love it and remember it
To know it's all that was given..
Two that are living.
I see the madness of it all.
Written By:
Jessica
*NOTE*
This poem was very emotionally draining for me to write as it was dealing with childhood fears, emotional, physical and mental abuse and the horror of confronting those. To write is to also make it real..and to do that, was to come out and declare that those fears and abuse did take place and forcing me to acknowledge that I did not have control of them. This poem is dedicated to those that also suffered or continue to suffer child abuse.