Written By Scott Song
and NOW, I shall discuss secret IM tactics. As I reveal such secrets, I feel like the masked magician who must hide his identity for exposing such well kept secrets from the world. Guys like Mike Kim and Billy Lim may never talk to me again, but hey, I gotta do what I gotta do for my loyal telnet followers. Please remember that I, myself, have made HUGE personal sacrifices in revealing these secrets, for now I am prevented from using them myself. Now that I can no longer be sneaky via Instant Messenger, I hope that I am now able to empower you to be the sneaky one.
TRICK #1. YOU ARE NOT THERE. But you really are. See, I am a strong believer in multiple SNs...each SN with a different tier of importance and/or function. For example, my SN is SJSONG1. That is my universal SN, which I give to the entire world. I don't care who gets it or who has it. People would say to me, "Gee Scott, couldn't you think of a more creative SN???" Then I say, "You shut your mouth, foolish one! Do you actually think that that is the extent of my creativity? Have you not learned now that I will always be 5 steps ahead of you??!!! Be gone!!!"
So I may have one or two SNs meant to be unseen by the public. This way you can load up your normal buddy list and under preferences, make sure you set it so that "no one knows anything about you". They shouldn't know you exist. This way you can screen who is online first before actually going online. This way, you don't run into annoying people online who you don't want to IM you.
This is the most basic of secrets...if you even call it a secret.
TRICK #2 YOU ARE THERE. uh...this is the opposite of the first trick called YOU ARE NOT THERE. uhh...okay. Anyways, this trick is usually used by girls a lot more than by guys. This is what happens. Lets say I'm a girl, and a guy who I like is online. I (as a girl) really want the guy to IM me. Maybe I had an away message posted for several hours and now I want the guy to know that "I'm back." So this is what I do. I log off, then log on. This way I get the funky door to open and it makes that noise. This way, the guy notices that you got online and hopefully he will IM you. See, these girls don't want to appear too aggressive, so instead, they become PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE...meaning that they actively CREATE opportunities for guys to approach them. The girls say NOTICE ME!!! In hopes that the guy does notice her and instigates the IM conversation.
Now, am I saying that every time a girl logs off then back on right away is trying to get your attention? Of course not. Why? b/c first of all, they may have just had computer problems. Secondly, they probably have many many people on their buddy list...who is to say that YOU are the guy whose attention she is trying to get??? You so cocky! =)
TRICK #3 DON'T LOOK TOO DESPERATE. The only other thing that makes someone look desperate on IM other than what they write is WHEN they write. Never IM someone right when they log on. Unless you really don't care what they think. Always wait a few minutes before IMing that person you were dying to talk to. Even when GUYS IM me right when I get online, I still feel suffocated. So imagine how much worse it must be when someone of the opposite gender always says hi right when you log on...give the person time to settle down and at least LOOK at their buddy list! And the other problem is when people IM you too much! Some people love to IM you every time you are online, which personally I find kinda annoying. I mean, there are some people who I IM rather frequently but not EVERY SINGLE TIME I see them. People who do that make me feel so claustraphobic. Like, I can click "I'M BACK" after being away for a while and literally count to 5 and guess who is going to IM me within those 5 seconds. It's like, I log on 3 times a day, and they IM me three times a day. Make it stop!!!
TRICK #4 FAKE SCREEN NAMES. On IM, the uppercase I and the lowercase L are almost indistinguishable. So if someone had the SN: Lilyflower, you could create a new SN called LiIyflower (notice the difference?) And start talking to that person's friends pretending to be them. So how do you know when you are talking to the REAL Lilyflower? Make sure you set the option to warn you when a new buddy IMs you. This way, if the real LIlyflower is already on your buddylist, it should ask you to accept a message from teh fake LiIyflower.
TRICK #5 SPECIAL SCREEN NAMES. In addition to my universal SN and my secret SNs, I also have special screen names. I mean, you ever find yourself in the situation where you are IMing someone you really wanted to talk to, only to be interrupted by someone else IMing you? I swear, sometimes the SAME PEOPLE KEEP IMing YOU EVER STINKIN DAY, RIGHT??? And when you are IMing someone you never talk to, it gets annoying when these same old people keep saying HI!!! Sometimes Mike Kim will be online and will be IMing three or four girls at the same time...and then I may IM him to say hi...and just writes: "LEAVE ME ALONE!!! YOU ARE DISRUPTING MY GAME!!!" So we all know how frustrating it is when your flow of thoughts get interrupted by someone you see on IM every freakin day. So be able to IM a couple chosen friends. This allows you to have uninterrupted conversations with people you want to talk to. It's just like making a secret SN. (Make sure to not allow users to know anything about the existence of your SN.)
TRICK #6 THIS IS NOT SCOTT. I, myself, just learned this trick a month ago, and have never ever used it. When someone you really despise IMs you, just write, "Oh, sorry, this isn't (fill in the blank). I'm just using his/her computer." That way, you don't have to talk to the person and you don't have to hurt their feelings. But be sure to use this tactic sparingly, for it cannot be repeated towards the same person often without them catching on. FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY!!!
TRICK #7 TO BLOCK OR NOT TO BLOCK??? This is the ultimate question. It is so risky, yet the payoff is sooo good. On one hand, you may never have to IM that annoying person ever again. On the other hand, they may notice that they are blocked when they log on using another SN. Personally, I don't believe you should ever block anyone...simply b/c almost everyone has multiple SNs and its just too risky. And even if you THINK you know all of the person's SNs, I still wouldn't risk it b/c they may have secret ones or maybe they will make a new one later. The only condition in which I would block someone is if I WANTED them to know that they were blocked. Personally, I am not that mean, but for those of you who are, keep reading. One must always block with the understanding that they might and probably WILL find out. If you don't mind them finding out, then go ahead and block them. Maybe they are so socially dense that they need to figure out that they were blocked for them to realize that they have a problem. Or maybe it is someone of the opposite gender that you think likes you and you want them to get thte hint that you don't like them back...then block them and hope they find out. Then they will get the hint without you having to say anything. But never ever do this to someone who is really confrontational...cuz then they'll be all up in your face and crying and crap. And you know how much we all hate cry babies...
Well, that's all I have for now. Use these tactics wisely and I hope you have all learned at least ONE thing from reading my plan that you didn't know before. And please don't be paranoid with me...remember, I dropped all these tactics for YOU! All for YOU! And don't think that just because you log off and on that I think you like somebody. Just don't jump to conclusions in general. I realize that one of the most important statements I ever heard is this:
"You realize not to care about what others think of you when you realize how little they do."
I am never thinking of any of you. hahaha.
