Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, One of the Boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday
Old Yeller: "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
Sickly: "Oh my head. My head. My feet. My Cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious
The Bosser: "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied: "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
Wild Woman Out of Control: "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; Drives off cliffs
Huffy: "I see nothing humorous in those silly artoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
Disadvantages: You will have no friends
Woman from Mars: "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
Ms. Dreamgirl: "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.
