| Paul | Let me tell you something, Joe Rogan. I smoke crack rocks. |
| Anon | I like fishes 'cause they're so delcious. Gotta love fishes! |
| M | I believe |
| Dave | Have you ever woke up one morning and thought "Gee golly I could sure go for a game of tennis"? |
| Online Chica | Do you want to fuck my goat? |
| Me | Imagine my delight when I found that these sayings below are called "spoonerisms." Honest to Peanut Butter, I was looking at words of the day adn came upon it at 2:49 am. It means The transposition of usually initial sounds in a pair of words |
| My bro | your mom |
| Me | When I die, I just want my brain drooded. <--Pronounced druded. |
| Me | Hey, CeeCee want your pails toenated?
|
| Me | The pirrel(pronounced 'pearl') squeed on me! The pirrel squeed on me! |
| Me | My mom smacks a poke a day. |
| MogStryfe | he says i wish she loved me back it crushes me to see her so distant from my heart |
| Bro | All your base are belong to us. |
| Leighton | He wants your jugs. |
| DougMeigs | me chinese me play joke me go pee pee in your coke
|
| DougMeigs | My muscles do that |
| Jimmy | it was all warm on my stomach |
| Mike | Washing my dog is stupid. |
| Me | If i were gay I'd go for you. |
| Kid | It's going down on you. |
| Jon | You'll be fine. I've done this before. |
| Brian | Did you kick his groin? |
| Me | Man this itches |
| Jimmy | IT's gonna be tight |
| Jon | it isn't up yet, but.........hold on |
| Jimmy | I want to fart.
|
| Eric | I just did. |
| Mom | I lost my pot. I think someone stole my pot... |
| Dad | Has he installed a hard drive before? I bet his is pretty small. Has he installed his hard drive into your A drive? |
| Pat's dad | Man, those are small buns. They're just so small. |
| XxGWARvX | have you ever jerked off so much you felt your balls get dramatically smaller? not that has ever happened to me..... |
| Sanity Imp | save a cow, eat a vegan |
| Pat | have you ever gotten a camel toe? |
<| Homer | no beer and no cable make homer simpson something something |
| JennyJen7782 | um...first shoot your load on your cats face, then run into the kitchen, grab peanut butter, bread and a butcher knife, cut up the cat, put pb on the bread,make a pussy sandwich and eat it. |
| MattSPONCH | what the fuck is up with shit! it fucking pisses me off!! I took a shit earlier and half of it floated and half of it sank! can't if make up its fucking mind??when will this madness end?? |
| Jon | Look at the nipple |
| TheOtterAnHouse | i like to run around naked outside. let my balls slap against my thighs. thwap thwap thwap |
| Jimmy | Let's go harvest some buffalo wings. |
| Me | I just wanted to see how it would feel to sit on it |
| Jimmy | I'd drown in space |
| Patrick | Safety First Guys |
| Patrick | No squeezin' my cat! |
| Jon | I was thinking "who's Potty? I'm Jon!" |
| Alex | No, my logic is flawless |
| Patrick | This (fingernail)color is just not right for me. |
| Jessi | Quit squeezin that feels weird |
| brett | I want the world. |
| Jessi | I'd rather have the world want me. |
| Brian | You have the continuous attention of the opposite sex. |
| Jessi5683: | see i wouldn't want to date a guy that would say "shut up" i want the guy who would say "jessi? she's great." |
| Jessi | I miss mike |
| Nick | I just think differently |
| Brett | many things bother me, but nothing really gets to me the way you do |
| Sniperfrog20: | but you like this nick schmuck more than me?
|
| jessi | for me to tell if i like someone, I just try to think of why and if its "I dont know" and a million reasons, simultaneously then I know i like them (pretty stupid) |
| ChrisJacobs | I bet your teeth are sweating |
| Alex | Have you ever shit something so large it felt like an accomplishment? |
| Leigh | I love smelling like Matt |
| MattJansen | I'm too lazy to masturbate |
| Jessi | It's your head not mine!! ..oh wait(popsicle incident) |
| anon | your bra is choking me |
| anon | Maybe I just like your punishment |
| anon | I get reactions all over. I think pain into them. |
| Alex | Why is my body always telling me to have sex? |
| alex | Oh, you can ooze appeal without meaning to |
| anon | I just need to prime my while loop and flush the Ol' I/O buffer. |
| anon | I think its pretty damn sexy |
| phil | no it sucks, it builds up in you like a volcanono and it only stays inactive for about two days then well BOOM then you fuck or you fist |
| pat | my secret is that everytime I meet agirl that I think I could love or i like alot they don't want anyhting to do with me |
| Nick | My door is just like sex! |
| anon | You're great |
| Chris | It sucked like a vampire prostitute's vacuum cleaner sucked.(apparently, is prettly well.) |
| Helen Rowland | One man's folly is another man's wife |
| AJ | Aren't you part hispanic? (what a compliment!!) |
| SPAM | Jessi330, Enlarge your penis, safely and naturally |
| Jackie Mason | It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. |
| Bill Vaughan | If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. |
| Dad | I was trying to eat myself. |
| dude | I'm going to go home and fuck you and then take a nap. |
| Lenin | A lie told often enough becomes the truth. |
| James Thurber | something about psychiatrist becoming disturbed. |
| Ambrose Bierce | acquire devil's dictionary. |
| John Updike | A healthy male adult bore consumes 1.5 times his weight in other people's patience. |
| Nick | Did you know that half the class put up gang signs in the senior picture? (actually it was "03" as in 2003") |
| Margaret Miller | Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of others. |
| mi amor | I love you. |
| Jefferson | Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it. |
| french guy | We confess our little faults freely as to persuade others to believe we don't have any large ones. |
| Jefferson |
Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear. |
| Benjamin Franklin | They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. |
| Albert Einstein | Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. |
| Lawana Blackwell | Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery. |
| Adlai Stevenson | I believe in the forgiveness of sin and the redemption of ignorance. |
| Ted Turner | If only I had a little more humility, I'd be perfect. |
| Mark Twain | Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. |
| Shaw | A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. |
| Arthur C. Clarke | The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the 'zero adjust' on his bathroom scale. |
| Edison | Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. |
| Charles Shluz | Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. |
| lord chesterfield | Never seem more learned than the people you are with. Wear your learning like a pocket watch and keep it hidden. Do not pull it out to count the hours, but give the time when you are asked. |
| Samuel Johnson | Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it. |
| T.S. Eliot | Humor is also a way of saying something serious. |
| Anon | It's time she up and die quietly. |
| Joseph Stalin | A single death is a tragedy; a million a statistic. |
| pop | what's the name of the disease where a person feels bad and wants everyone else to feel the same? |
| Dan Barker | Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can�t be taken on its own merits.
|
| Doug Larson | What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living. |
| Myself,Nick | Oh my god! -You smell it?
|
| Nick | ...smell like donut stop and ass. |
| Darmouthboy | I don't find you very much appealing at all anymore, even as an internet friend, much less a spouse prospect.-something like that makes my day- |
| Nickolas J | I am with you. You can not be lonely. |
| H.G. Wells | Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. |
| Oliver W. Holmes, Jr | The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. |
| Eric Hoffer | Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power. |
| Soren Kierkegaard | People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. |
| Krishnamurti | It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. |
| W. Somerset Maugham | Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. |
| Samuel Johnson | As I know more of mankind I expect less of them, and am ready now to call a man a good man upon easier terms than I was formerly. |
| Samuel Johnson | Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. |
| Sam | If you are idle, be not solitary; if you are solitary be not idle. |
| Peter Drucker | The computer is a moron. |
| Anatole France | If fifty million people say something silly, it is still something silly. |
| George Bernard Shaw | Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. |
| duh | just because it is a reciprocated action does not mean it ceases to provoke an emotion. aka you fucking shit, just because I mock you; it doesn't make me upset. you acted like i was wrong about yelling being not so important and it wasn't it was the fact that you are mocking me while yelling getting me quite upset and then when I make that point, you change the topic to "you mock me!!" what point is that? that you hop subjects as one doesn't favor you? |
| Nick | And I really don't care if I do your hair! |
| Nick | 2319! 2319! |
| College Student | ...And then I realized I had to read the book. |