 |
| Jamey's Book of Comeback Jokes |
| Congratulations! You've made it all the way past that accursed maze (unless you cheated or something) with flying colors, and here's the gold you've been looking for. Prepare to be enlightened in the ways of Jamey! |
| Compiling all my wisdom of talking back to people while leaving the other person speechless, I have written this sacred document for your use only. If I EVER see it anywhere else on the Internet, it�ll be huntin� season :) Please use these lessons not to be mean to people, but ONLY for the laughs. Offending anyone in any way is not the purpose of my teachings�a good way to avoid offending people is to laugh happily�like in some cases, I might add smileys! LESSON �: How you must tell a comeback joke. Always, always feel relaxed. Yeah, if you aren�t then you might be offending something, which is bad. You bad person�also, be sure to answer swiftly and seem happy when you counter; it catches people off guard. Also remember this: Justice with power is foolishness, but power without justice is also foolishness. These lessons will definitely give you power, but be sure to justify yourself. Remember that! LESSON ONE: The Negative Mirror When someone says a negative comment, turn it against them, with double the force! EXAMPLE: Conversation with my friend�Dumpface :) DUMPFACE: That guy is such a loser� JAMEY: More like, YOU�RE a loser! In some cases, be sure to add an extra title. But beware: It may truly offend someone. JAMEY: More like, YOU�RE a loser, NERD!!! :) LESSON TWO: The Reversal of Opinions. Simple negative opinions can be turned around just as easily as comments. Be sure to direct them towards them or something about them. DUMPFACE: Cartoons are lame� JAMEY: Your face is lame! :) Sure, you can just as simply say, �You�re lame!��but that wouldn�t have much effect, now would it? But be careful when using these: They can be used against you as well! JAMEY: Your face is lame! DUMPFACE: And what about yours? At this time, you have only a few choices: Change of subject using the same adjective (But inflict damage to yourself as well) JAMEY: At least it isn�t as bad as your (Insert new subject, such as �Story�) Or you could admit to some of the pain (something your opponent won�t expect!) but still direct something towards them. JAMEY: It could be better, but then again, you�re the one with DUMPFACE as your name :) And I like to save my best techniques for last. You could, like I always do, INDULGE yourself! JAMEY: It�s just SOOOOO much better than YOURS! (And if they try and counter with a comment, just look above at the Negative Mirror lesson.) LESSON THREE: Escape from the Corner You can also use comebacks when people think they have you cornered. EXAMPLE: Dumpface has just tricked me, and� DUMPFACE: It was a joke, you nimrod. JAMEY: Your face is a joke� Powerful, huh? :) By making a powerful reply, you�ve just taken the situation and put the other guy in the corner! That idiot! He let his own trap be used against him! Also take note that you shouldn�t come back with the same exact thing as your opponent has said. Attempting to mirror at the same force of the same thing decreases in value :) Observe! DUMPFACE: You�re just a dummy. JAMEY: You�re just a dummy! Yeah, not much force in that. Besides, Dumpface could just come back and say: DUMPFACE: Psh, can�t you think of anything else? Your technique is lame. Yeah, that�s a deep corner. Even if you tried to reverse it, he�s completely on your strategy. LESSON FOUR: Conditions: Ego boosters and powerful attacks. Seeming superior is a great way to use Comeback Jokes :) Conditions are probably the easiest way to do this. DUMPFACE: It smells great in here. JAMEY: And it�s all because I walked in! :) Or you could use negative conditions against someone! DUMPFACE: It smells bad in here. JAMEY: Yeah, I know. Now I�ll just leave you with your armpits� :) The only exceptions I can think of are with weather. Weather can be negative or positive, but you can still use them. Just remember, EGO! DUMPFACE: It�s hot today. JAMEY: �Cause I�m dead sexy :) Or NEGATIVE! DUMPFACE: It�s cold today. JAMEY: And it�s all your fault. Jerk! Don�t ask. Just, don�t ask� LESSON FIVE: The Return of Commands NOTE: Please, don�t use these on your parents. Just use them on your friends or annoying sisters� I�ll use this on�I don�t know�let�s say, PAMEY as my sister. (Not really her name) PAMEY: You should stop goofing off and clean up your room. Here, you must reverse the effect if you can. JAMEY: It�s funny that you�re goofing off yourself. Weren�t you supposed to (Put something she�s supposed to do). Or maybe if she hasn�t cleaned up her room, you can use that too! JAMEY: More like, YOU should stop goofing off and clean up your room, LOSER! :) Or� JAMEY: You first :) But then again, there�s something to be said about chickening out. JAMEY: MOM! PAMEY�S BUGGING ME! I can�t clean my stupid room unless she goes away! :) LESSON SIX: The Dangerous Stuff: Escape without fighting! Oh great�Dumpface is now threatening to beat me up after school. Gosh, he is so lame�anyway, since comebacks need force to get them going, looks like you gotta look for him after school ;) When you do meet him, you must think back to all the lessons I have taught to you. Wouldn�t want them going to waste� DUMPFACE: I hope you�ve written your will, dweeb, because you�re going to the afterlife! Ooh, a threat. You see a lot of these in danger. Psh! Just counter with a question and hope he doesn�t punch you now. But then again, you should also come prepared: Be sure to know how to block attacks (Mental and physical training, yo!) Sarcastic remarks are also useful here. JAMEY: Oh man, I should�ve? Guess I gotta let my parents take care of all my junk. At this point, you can use your lessons to give that guy a verbal beating. DUMPFACE: Hehehe�I can just smell your fear� A condition? Just too easy� JAMEY: Yeah, smelling good is fun� But then again, he tries something stupid. DUMPFACE: No, it smells like CRAP! Opinions? Sheesh� JAMEY: Better than having crap for brains� DUMPFACE: What did you say, nerd? You�re going to wish you hadn�t said that� Too easy�options?! Dumpface is pretty dumb! You can either say, JAMEY: Then you really didn�t need to ask what I said. That�s good! But, I�d change the subject for the heck of it :) JAMEY: If I had three wishes, my second one would be pizza. Time to make your exit while he�s stunned. JAMEY: Oh, nuts. Looks like I�ve ran out of time today. Gotta go! Walk off, don�t look back. If he follows you, keep countering until he stops, or even just keep walking! The loser! ;) |
| Be sure to bookmark this. It will definetly have revisions! |
| LAST UPDATE: 7/25/03 |