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| Episode Seventeen |
| Battling...Because! |
| On the last episode, the Village of Balance/Skies team just barely got away from a cheap proposition by the Village of Mystics that would land them in jail (Or something) by�running away. The Mystics ended up chasing them through their SECRET UNDERGROUND BASE FOR MYSTICS to the point where they somehow appeared outside and ran away even further. Haha! :) NOTE: For those of you offended by battles with stupid results, read on anyway! It�s a great experience! -------------------------------------------------- For the lack of a better scenery, our camera focuses on our main characters, walking through the happy, nearly endless forest they always seem to travel through. The only thing standing out is Strife, eating a bean burrito. MASTER: We really need an original setting. LORD OF SOP: What�s wrong with this one? COBALT: There�s barely food in it� STRIFE: (Pointing ahead) Hey, look! MORE FOOD! Yes, as stupid as it is, a pile of delicious fruit was standing arbitrarily in the middle of the forest. MERCENARY: This is obviously booby trapped. I mean, it�s just too convenient and� Everyone except Mercenary, Peace and Strife walk over to the fruit. Strife�s not there because he�s following ant trails. STRIFE: I will finally find where all these ants keep coming from! He eventually rams his head into a tree. PEACE: (Nodding towards the majority of the group) Yes, that was smart of them� DARK ICE: (At the fruit basket) Well, we haven�t sprung a trap yet� IMAGE: But if someone were going to spring one, they�d use it right around� They fall into a convenient pit below them. IMAGE: �Now. PEACE: Yes, that was smart of them� Mercenary and Peace fall down a different hole, also conveniently under them. VOICES: YAY! SNOW: People that have to shout one-syllable sentences because of one person?! Then it must be� THE TEAM OF THE VILLAGE OF GUARDIANS AND BLADES!!! WINDBREAKER: Wow, capitalized letters and all� HASAKI: (Dishing out everyone�s favorite line) SHUP! -------------------------------------------------- Back at Jamey�s Secret Mountain Lair� Jamey is still trying hard to kill all of the Zeus clones. Clones 1, 2, and 17-21�s corpses are seen in Jamey�s closet. JAMEY: Sheesh, how many of these were made? ZEUS #22: I don�t know, sir. How about we watch some TV? Jamey throws a Mod Knife into Zeus #22�s face. AXEM ZEUS #22: DEAD! JAMEY: Yes, TV should be able to propel this episode longer and add more unneeded humor. He flicks on the ON switch of his SEEING STONE THAT DOESN�T EVEN EXIST YET. It immediately displays Tenchi in Tokyo. AYEKA: Let�s go bother Tenchi! SASAMI: Great idea, Sis! RYOKO: We�ll have to rob Tenchi�s father first� TENCHI: (Yelling all the way from Tokyo) STOP BOTHERING ME! YOU�VE BEEN ONLY DOING THAT FOR THE PAST MONTH! GIRLS: Oh. The next day� AYEKA: Let�s go bother Tenchi! SASAMI: Great idea, Sis! JAMEY: Pah, most of the plotlines of this Tenchi Saga are repeated in strange ways� He turns off the Seeing Stone and starts doing cool poses with Moderator Knives :) -------------------------------------------------- Finally, back to the important stuff� TYPHOON: It�s amazing how we all fell down in these traps. IMAGE: It�s also amazing how Strife is the only one not in one� COPPER: N da fact we ain�t not gettin� outta dees traps wit r flyin�! PEACE: I�m still confused on how I fell in one of these in the first place. TITANIUM: Well suspecting that you would repeat the same line twice in an episode like you usually do, we set up a trap on you that only activates when that happens! And it worked! PEACE: Oh. STRIFE: So, what relevance will I play since I�m free and all� AARDVARK: We will now attempt to hunt you down with our newly gained special powers! SAPPHIRE: (Holding up a transparent, sandwich bag with a bunch of purple shards in them) With the help of� The camera zooms in on Sapphire�s face. SAPPHIRE: THE SHARDS OF POWER!!! MINJO: And of course, there will be a short demonstration� KNIGHT: Yup, no good story is complete without one! Sapphire takes out a Shard of Power from the bag and tosses one toward Aardvark. Aardvark lashes out his tongue, makes a catch, then swallow the shard. MERCENARY: Seeing as that was an instrument of power� Aardvark spontaneously doubles in size, along with his stats. AXEM AARDVARK: 1202/1202 STRIFE: Oooh�And I gotta fight him� TITANIUM: Yes. This time (Unlike all of the others) we will force you guys into one-on-one combat! MINJO: Yeah! We�ll keep your other teammates to stay in their confinements! TITANIUM: MINJO! Stop sounding smarter than me! MINJO: Sorry, sir� STRIFE: I�ll just step onto a certain patch of the ground and� -------------------------------------------------- The battle begins. AXEM AARDVARK: 1202/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 500/500 MERCENARY: (Yelling) First we gotta hear some clich� lines! AARDVARK: Oh yeah�Surrender now and I won�t kill you! STRIFE: Never! Aardvark slams his fist into the ground, creating a fast-moving shockwave. Strife is caught off guard while trying to look heroic and loses 200 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1202/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 300/500 STRIFE: Darn� Strife places his axe to the side of him and zips by Aardvark. Aardvark, with now INCREASED ABILITIES is able to dodge Strife�s attack easily. Strife zips back to try again. Aardvark sticks out his foot in Strife�s path, causing Strife to trip and slam into a tree. He loses 40 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1202/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 260/500 PEACE: Yup, this is the part where I barge in, heal Strife, and have this battle end soon enough. Peace opens her wings and flies out of the hole�Or at least TRIES to. The second she reached the surface, she runs into an electrical shield (for once). PEACE: [Frying] MERCENARY: Wow, they�ve gotten remote intelligence! They�re evolving way too fast! :) Strife stands up and covers himself in healing magic. He recovers 50 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1202/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 310/500 STRIFE: (Thinking) Gotta use what I wasn�t paying attention to during my days of the Skies Academy� He jumps up and zips into a tree, thus concealing himself. STRIFE: (Thinking) I think it was something around, �Make yourself hidden and throw rotten apples at your opponent.� He pulls out rotten apples out of his Axem Pockets that Don�t Exist and throws them at Aardvark. This attack hits the unsuspecting enemy and Aardvark loses 20 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1182/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 310/500 AARDVARK: What the- Strife zips around the trees and slashes Aardvark from behind with an Axe Swipe, an attack always dealing 50 HP, regardless of defense. AXEM AARDVARK: 1132/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 310/500 Strife zips into the forest again from a completely different angle to pummel Aardvark with several more Axe Swipes. He loses 150 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1082/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 310/500 Strife runs off to conceal himself in the trees again. MERCENARY: Wow, Strife is getting smarter too! AARDVARK: No worry� His brown aardvark ears begin to perk up. Aardvark�s nose starts to wiggle intensely too. AARDVARK: He can�t conceal himself completely from me. Being part aardvark for some reason, I have extra-ordinary hearing AND smelling! SPIDERMAN: My spider senses are tingling too! The Lord of SoP quickly erases Spiderman from existence of this episode to cover up any lawsuits from Marvel. AARDVARK: Back to me! He throws an Energy Orb to the left of him, into the trees. This hits the concealed Strife, who falls out of his hiding spot, and loses 130 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1082/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 180/500 STRIFE: Well that didn�t work too well� ZEUS #23: Your FACE doesn�t work too well! Zeus #23 falls off a cliff and dies. AXEM ZEUS #23: DEAD! AARDVARK: You should know at this point you�re going to lose. STRIFE: Psh, you�d like me to think that, WOULDN�T YOU? AARDVARK: Well you�d like me to say I�d like that, WOULDN�T YOU? STRIFE: Wouldn�t I? AARDVARK: Wouldn�t you? STRIFE: Um� AARDVARK: Uh� Everyone sits down, scratching their heads. STRIFE: (Thinking) I�ll use this time to remember some more old teachings coming from the empty recesses of my mind� RANDOM VOICE INSIDE STRIFE�S HEAD: You must focus on the power within� KERRIGAN: Don�t you eat this pie!... MERCENARY: Py ar squard! REEKY LOSER: Where am I?... RANDOM VOICE INSIDE STRIFE�S HEAD: You must focus on the power within� KERRIGAN: Don�t you eat this pie!... MERCENARY: Py ar squard! REEKY LOSER: Where am I?... JAMEY: Can�t touch dis! :) STRIFE: (Thinking) Ack�so confused�Wait! Power within! I finally understand!...I hope! He stands up and shoots a string-like substance from his mouth, called his Bind attack. This entangles Aardvark, thus decreasing his speed. AXEM AARDVARK: SPEED DOWN! AARDVARK: (Standing up, slower than usual) Oh�I guess we�re resuming� Strife shoots another Bind at Aardvark. Aardvark, being slower than usual, can�t dodge and gets his speed decreased again. AXEM AARDVARK: SPEED DOWNER THAN DOWN! STRIFE: Let�s do this� Strife shoots into the forest again to conceal himself. AARDVARK: You already know that won�t work! Aardvark uses his sense of smell and fires another Energy Orb in his direction. Strife jumps out toward Aardvark and smashes into the Energy Orb, losing 130 HP. AXEM AARDVARK: 1082/1202 AXEM STRIFE: 50/500 STRIFE: Here�s something I�ve been wanting to do for months! He sticks his forefingers into his mouth, covering them with saliva in midair. STRIFE: WET WILLY ATTACK!!! Aardvark tries to lift his hand to stop Strife, but due to his speed decreases, he can�t. AARDVARK: Uh oh. Strife sticks his wet fingers�into Aardvark�s ears. AARDVARK: � EVERYONE ELSE: � AARDVARK: Ewwww! Aardvark points his palm at Strife and fires an Energy Orb, but Strife jumps out of the way and sticks his rear into Aardvark�s face. AARDVARK: ? STRIFE: (Thinking) Gotta remember: Power within� He concentrates on what he ate at the beginning of this episode (A bean burrito). STRIFE: Yup, here it comes! He let�s out a massive�passage of gas in front of Aardvark�s face. AARDVARK: Eek! STRIFE: Hehe! Strife darts away and looks at Aardvark, who has a disgusted look on his face. AARDVARK: Ack! UGH! NO! PEACE: All right! Strife�s finally getting the hang of battling with his head! MERCENARY: Yes, I think we all see� Short flashback starts� AARDVARK: He can�t conceal himself completely from me. Being part aardvark for some reason, I have extra-ordinary hearing AND smelling! MERCENARY: (Narrating from the present) Strife took care of his hearing with his first assault in his combo� Scene changes in flashback� He sticks his forefingers into his mouth, covering them with saliva in midair. STRIFE: WET WILLY ATTACK!!! Aardvark tries to lift his hand to stop Strife, but due to his speed decreases, he can�t. AARDVARK: Uh oh. Strife sticks his wet fingers�into Aardvark�s ears. The flashback ends, returning the camera to its regular PRESENT focus. MERCENARY: With the hearing disabled, Strife could launch another attack while Aardvark�s senses were down, and decided to attack his strongpoint with that�exertion� Aardvark is seen rolling on the ground, clutching his nose. MERCENARY: �And with the DOUBLED aardvark sense of smell from the Shard of Power, Aardvark should pass out any second now. Before fainting, Aardvark coughs up the Shard of Power he swallowed. AXEM AARDVARK: 0/601 AXEM STRIFE: 50/500 STRIFE: All right! I won! Strife is then jumped by the other five enemies. AXEM STRIFE: 0/500 KNIGHT: Well, it looks like he�ll be the first main character to die in this series! He throws Strife�s unconscious body out of the forest, beyond their sight. COBALT: Let�s not confirm that he�s dead just yet though� LORD OF SOP: NEVER! END OF EPISODE SEVENTEEN |