Be in America.
I know it's a simple one but you won't believe how many people (including yours-truely) who have forgotten that it's pretty unlikely you'll get a date with the hunk unless you actually live the same side of the ocean, so, ensure that you are stateside before you continue any further.
Step 2
Be female.
Apologies to any guys out there who are completely in love with Jesse but to the best of my knowledge he is straight and doesn't bat for the same team so you're gunna have to invest in some serious surgery before succeeding past this step. Again, my sincerest apologies.
Be pretty.
Everybody out there will know that this is easier said then done as everyone has their bad days, so before embarking on your mission to woo Jesse Bradford insure that you have detoxed and are fresh faced and feeling great. To do this get plenty of sleep the night before your big pull, invest in a face mask (which ever you prefer - *those of you with sensitive skin be weary of scented ones* and use it a couple of days before - to ensure you don't have a bad reaction). Relax in a hot bubble bath with a few scented candles and relaxation oils. Wash your hair and do your nails, and if you wish head off for a massage, then slip into your favorite pulling outfit and add your face paint and volla! You're ready for step 4. Oh, and remember to shave your legs - well, you never know! ;)
Step 4
Pack your bag.
There are a few essentials that you will need in your bag on your night out.
ID - whether it be real or fake have some sort of ID on you. Mints/gum - no one likes to kiss someone with smelly breath, Pen and Paper - for that vital phone number, cash, mobile, your lippy and pocket mirror - essential mid-night touch ups. Only take what you NEED. Don't take anything valuable as it could get lost/stolen so just take the basics. DO NOT take any drugs, knives, guns. etc. with you. We're not looking for a night in the cells girls!
Location, Location, Location!
Make sure you're in the right place! For East coast go to step 6 and for West coast go to step 7.
Step 6
So, you're on the East coast. You're looking great, you're feeling great and you're ready to get out there and pull your sexpot. Jesse's more likely than not to be hanging out at his very own exclusive night club called The Plumm (246 west 14th Street - between 7th and 8th Avenue, New York City). Do note that this is a members only club, but, if you're looking hot then the doormen will (selectively) let you through without membership. Now go to Step 8.
Step 7
So, you're on the West coast. You're looking gorgeous, you're feeling gorgeous and you're ready for a night out with Jesse Bradford. Head to the Whiskey-a-go-go in hollywood, Los Angeles where Jesse goes to enjoy concerts and pull pretty ladies like you! Now go to Step 8.
Finding Jesse.
You're in the club, you know he's in there too and all you have to do now is pinpoint him and be ready to attack. Do this discretely. If you stand there jumping up and down you're going to draw attention to yourself so get yourself a drink (or get the first guy you see to get you one and then do a runner while his back is turned) and mingle. Explore the place. Find the ladies room, check out the bars, walk around the dance floor and locate the exits. Once you feel comfortable with the place scan the most likely areas. Seating areas - look for crowds of people. Jesse's a celebrity so it's also going to be worth while trying to peer into VIP.
YOU WILL FIND HIM!
Don't panic. It takes time to spot someone in a club. You're closest friends are always stood right next to you and you can never see them, but, once you've found Jesse DO NOT let him out of your sight. Keep him in view constantly - this is it, you're about to get your dream date!
Step 9
Touch up!
Whip out that face paint and touch yourself up. Ensure you have a kissable pout and that you've had a quick mint to get rid of any smelly breath.
Getting Jesse's attention.
There are a number of effective ways to do this in a noisy nightclub. The next 4 steps will give you a few ideas on how to do this. Feel free to use your own methods at this point - why not share them with us?
Step 11
The faint.
Classic method of attraction. You faint, he rescues you, you both live happily ever after.
For maxium effect insure you are next to (or very close to) Jesse. Be within the group of people and then just fall over. To fall over effectively push the person in front of you so as you fall onto them - less damage to yourself, and whilst they are struggling beneath you don't move at all. Every guy in there - including Jesse will rush forward to help. Get hold of Jesse and not some other bloke and pull yourself free of the others close to him. Volla! You're in his arms and now it's up to you to be melodramatic and stay there. Pretend to be uneasy on your feet and in need of support and somewhere to sit and once your next to him, work your magic!
The dance out.
So you've been watching Jesse all night and he's heading onto the dance floor. Get ready to strut your stuff and show him just what a good mover you are.
You don't need to be able to dance to do this. Just get yourself within viewing distance of Jesse and start shaking that thing! Smile, laugh and genuinely look like your having a good time. It doesn't matter if you look like you don't know what you're doing, the confidence of showing you're not afraid to go out there and have a good time will win him over. Flip your hair and make a point of giving yourself a little space to ensure that he notices you. Keep an eye on Jesse and when he looks over in your direction flash him your brightest smile and continue on with your dance-fest. Continue smiling and dancing until he comes over and when he does he'll be all yours!
Step 13
Just say Hi.
Easy, simple and the most effective way of pulling your hearts desire without physically hurting yourself (like you could in steps 11/12). You go over and say 'hi'.
The Paper Aeroplane.
So you're too shy to go over personally, can't dance at all and can't get close enough to faint. The last resort is the paper aeroplane.
Retrieve the pen and paper your brought with you and write in BIG at the top TO JESSE BRADFORD, then add your name, number and a little message along the lines off - 'I want to get to know you better'. Don't write an essay. The last thing someone wants is to be sitting there trying to read an entire page in a dark nightclub so keep it to 4 lines max.
Then, fold it into a paper aeroplane and launch it in Jesse's direction. Jesse might not get it which is why you have to put clearly it is for Jesse or you might end up with some weirdo phoning you twenty-thousand times. It'll hopefully be passed to our guy and then all you have to do is wait for the phone call.
Step 15
Keeping your man.
There's nothing but yourself stopping you from keeping Jesse (oh and of course the ten zillion other girls fainting at his feet). There's not really any tips I can give for this. Be yourself, be confident, laugh alot, try not to fall off your seat..etc. It's up to you now. I've got you this far, now you have to work the rest out for yourself - good luck and remember to let us know how it goes!
What's the best way to do it? 'Just the other day, this girl slipped me a piece of paper that basically said, 'I want to get to know you better,' then she walked away. I'd never met her, but I called and left her a message that said, 'That was ballsy.' So I guess the note tactic works pretty well'! - so there you have it, paper aeroplane it is!
What do you look for in a girl? 'I like a girl who can make me laugh and who will laugh at my jokes.That's really important. If you don't think I'm funny I don't want to hang with ya! That's just really important'.