movies

Movie Reviews...In 63 Words or Less.

American Splendor--I'm a sucker for movies about lovable malcontents. That aside, it was a remarkably seamless, well-crafted movie.
All the Real Girls--A lot of people who are into indie flicks write raving reviews about this movie. I'm not one of them.

Lost in Translation--All the hype is deserved. Features the most intimate bedroom scene I've seen in a while. Awesome how the city noises make up the movie's soundtrack. And yes, every girl goes through a photography phase.

Before Sunrise--For the past 8 yrs, I thought I had seen this movie. Turns out I was wrong. I was confusing it with "True Romance," which doesn't make sense since I haven't seen that movie either. But I avoided it b/c I'm not a fan of Christian Slater. Heathers, good. Bed of Roses, eh. Untamed Heart, yikes. (It took me a long time to realize he didn't have a real baboon's heart.)
Better Luck Tomorrow--Better than I expected. Breaking sterotypes, etc. But c'mon. The Asian guy still lettered in tennis. Couldn't they have given him a white sport, like...lacrosse? Soccer?

In America: I usually roll my eyes when people go on and on about the "magic" of New York City. But, sappiness aside, this is a quality movie.
Lord of the Rings, the third one: Is it weird that I found myself coveting the hobbits' wardrobe?
Stuck on You: Why?
Big Fish: Generally, I find movies featuring siamese twins (see above),giants and/or Ewan McGregor unpleasant. This was no exception.
Whale Rider: Generally, I find movies featuring whales and/or their riders absurd, but this one was pretty good. As with The Full Monty and Bend It Like Beckham, more subtitles would've been useful. Also, the grandfather eerily resembled an IV staffworker named Henry.

Cold Mountain: Um, did I miss something? I thought this movie was supposed to be good. Having the guy next to me whisper, "Did you see Nicole Kidman's boob? Did you see it? I think I missed it!" may have tainted the movie going experience.
Etre et avoir: One of the best documentaries I've ever seen. A nice break from the didactic Michael Moore approach.
Open Range: "One of the best Westerns made in a long time," my dad tells me. I watched the first hour. Kevin Costner as a misunderstood cowboy. His Italian sidekick. The guy from ER and Parker Lewis. I'd rather watch reruns of VH1 All Access.

Secret Lives of Dentists--I had problems seeing Hope Davis as anyone but Harvey Pekar's wife. But limits of imagination aside, this was a good movie. It was also nice to see Campbell Scott again--a name most associate with the unforgettable 1991 blockbuster Dying Young, co-starring Julia Roberts.
Winged Migration--Valentine's 2004 was spent watching birds. Majestic, but strangely, I found myself craving chicken by the end. Also, don't watch the special features of "Making of the Movie" if you want the magic to last. All the birds are really remote-controlled robots.

Dry Cleaning (Nettoyage a Sec)--Incestuous brother/sister, cross-dressing prostitutes befriend a French couple. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding. Disturbing and a little boring, as to be expected.

Carnage--If you ask your video store clerk for this movie, you might need to clarify that it's a Spanish foreign movie. Not porn. Anyway. This movie was very good. It will remind you of Amores Perros, but with more amores than perros. And with toros, not perros.
Dancer Upstairs--I kept waiting for this movie to get good. But it didn't. Apparently, being inside John Malkovich's mind isn't as great as Spike Jonze suggested.

21 Grams--Minus the grainy film and time sequence tricks, this movie has the plot and force of a television miniseries. Q: What's more depressing than seeing a sad naked man sitting despondently, smoking a cigarette? A: If that naked man is Sean Penn. Shivers.
Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind--There is always a risk of ruining a great movie by oversimplifying or overanalyzing its premise. So I won't add to the discussion. But I will say that the hand-held cameras made me feel woozy.

Magdalene Sisters--Move over Sister Kate and Sister Act (and Sister Act 2). These nuns are some tough cookies. They put the R in Rated R...for cRuelty. Or something like that.
Jackie Brown--In honor of QT's most recent, much appreciated contribution to the arts society (i.e. being one of the best guest judges American Idol has ever had), I checked this movie out. My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass. I dare say, Michael Keaton's performance rivals his outstanding job in Mr. Mom. And as I've said before on this page, I think Robert Forster is kind of dreamy. Too cool for school.

Footloose--Truly a (VH1-designated) movie that rocks. Makes one long for the days when aspiring gymnasts/dancers were considered "bad boys"; when crossing state lines to do something "forbidden" involved going to dance halls rather than getting marriage licenses; when tractor racing was actually suspenseful.
Osama--A real downer. The whole story seemed roughly patched together. But as my dad astutely observed, "hey, you've never been captured by the Taliban. You don't know what it's like."

Harry Potter #3--Synopsis (written by someone who's never read the books or seen the other movies): A prisoner escapes from Afghanistan, so the ghosts from Scream come looking for him. Harry & Co. are scared, but really, it was just a gimpish rat that was after them. Um, then a luminous buck from the woods saves them. And, uh, then, a hypocrite attacks Aaron Carter (brother of Nick). And then, they go back in time and do this again. The End.

Before Sunset--As people like my sister (and the man sitting next to me) would say, "It's all talk! Talk, talk talk. Zzzzzzzz...." But that's the greatness of Linklater. Very few could pull off such a non-irritating, compelling depiction of a sincere romance.
Napoleon Dynamite--I really wish I could say that I liked this movie. But it was more like a two hour MTV commerical. Funny, irreverent, edgy. But excessive and aimless after the first few scenes. Maybe his untempered passion for tetherball hit too close to home.
Goodbye Lenin!--Who knew the Germans could be so funny?
Saved!--Will Macaulay Culkin ever look normal?
Outsiders--(on A&E) While some girls may be inspired by the fact that the movie is adapted from a simple, yet moving novel written by a 17-y.o. girl, depicting class struggle, I think it's safe to assume most are more inspired by watching Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, C. Thomas Howell, Patrick Swayze, and Matt Dillon fight in the rain and mud. Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

House of Flying Daggers--A real pretty movie but the ending was kind of bizarre. As we learned from watching Far and Away, coming back from the dead is great if you're Jesus, but kinda silly when you're not. Moral of the movie: Jealousy's a bitch.
Maria Full of Grace--A great movie to convince the kiddies to "just say 'no' to drugs!" While witnessing how drug trafficking destroys lives serves as an effective deterrent, I think knowing that drugs literally came out of someone's ass is just as good of a scare tactic.

In the Realms of the Unreal--What to expect from a documentary on a lifelong recluse, most noted for writing a 15,000 page epic and drawing pictures of little girls with male genitalia? Well, a lot. But Yu fills in the blanks with so many theories and conjectures about Darger that you go away knowing less, rather than more.

Jess' Top 5 Flicks of 2004 (in no particular order): 1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; 2. Before Sunset; 3. Etre et avoir; 4. Shaun of the Dead; 5. Soul Plane. Runners-Up: Kill Bill, Vol. 2, Garden State.

Chinatown--Mom: "When I saw that movie when it first came out, I was so naive. I had no idea what was going on." Did she not understand shady land deals? The logistics of municipal water supply? My dad clarified: "Your mom didn't know what incest was."
Infernal Affairs--I'm not sure why I have such a liking for Chinese gangsters. Maybe it's in my blood (Grand-uncle, Opium Harry, may you rest in peace). Maybe it's from attending one too many HYCAC dances in high school (Is that "Bizarre Love Triangle," beckoning me to the dance floor?). Or maybe I just really like Andy Lau's hair.
City of God--Contrary to my parents' belief, this is not a movie about India and/or Patrick Swayze.

Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou--The storyline kind of dragged, but the movie still made for an enjoyable Wes Anderson experience. Like entering the world of your schoolday dioramas, where your plastic figurines, construction-paper backdrops and popsicle-stick furniture all become real. Also to note, if a Portuguese man (like Seu Jorge) sang the soundtrack to my life, I think I would jump off a bridge. He just sounded so...pained.

Fudoh--Per the recommendation of a girl in my bible study, our bible study watched this Japanese gangster movie. I love movies about fierce family loyalty. But as for movies that feature an assassin who shoots darts from her . . . nether regions . . . well, whatever you gotta do to protect the family.

Me and You and Everyone We Know--Somewhat off-putting when the R-rating is due to "disturbing sexual content involving children," but I liked it (the movie, that is)!!
Goodbye, Dragon Inn--Um, I need a plotline, please. Or at least some dialogue. Some talking would be good.
Saving Face--An uncomfortable movie to watch with the parents.
Mad Hot Ballroom--My dad pointed out that I have a liking for movies featuring children doing grown-up activities. I'm not quite sure what he was implying.
Bedazzled--Not bad!