Let me tell you about conviction. I'm studying Philippians & Colossians in my quiet times. I just studied Phillipians 2, where it talks about being slow to anger. This week has kind of sucked for me. I've been fighting a huge headache and nausea for the last three days (still can't figure that out), which has robbed me of sleep and I've been cranky. I woke up this morning able to breathe and feeling pretty good, until I got to work. First thing after I walked in the door I had a huge confontation with a part timer that left me on edge the rest of the day, every smart remark sent me reeling into a tizzy. I ended up fighting with another employee twice over stupid things and felt even worse. I sat down for a few moments after one fight and recalled what I had just studied. I just sat there and cried. I realized how wrong I was... even if what I had fought about was right. A terrible feeling fell over me. God pushing His thumb into my heart (for those who don't understand that expression, its conviction). Now I need to make it right. I've let the chance slip away one more time. Lord forgive me..
I started to update my website yesterday but had to close out before I was finished therefore loosing everything I wrote. Don't worry it wasn't much. Yesterday the smoke was really bad and I ended up with a huge headache which in turn made me queasy. That was a bummer because we were celebrating Julia & Dan's birthdays. I ended up leaving first (a rarity for me) because I wasn't all there. Bluh, what a nasty feeling. The worst part was I realized as I was heading home that this was last night of a sale for pop. I turned around and headed for the store. We had just played waterballoon volleyball and our team didn't do so hot, you could tell be the sand splatters all over our clothes. I think I got the worst of it... my jeans were crusted with sand and my shirt was speckled. The funny thing is I forgot all about my appearance. In my pain filled head I barely registered the fact that people were staring and actually some followed me. It wasn't until I got into my car (without the pop I came for but with two boxes of cinnamon toast crunch, I might add) that I understood that I looked like a homeless person high on crack weaving through the aisles. I don't really remember too much of the store or any of my drive home. What a scary thought.
Anyhow some cool news... my sister is going to teach me how to play the piano and is letting me use her guitar to learn on. This is really cool because growing up I didn't have the opportunity to learn any musical instruments. It should be interesting to see if I have any tallent (probably not since I am mostly mediocre in just about everything I do). Well, I should get back to work (right). I'm going to try and upload some pictures I have on my computer to my website. Just a quick note: I do have some interesting pictures that I will be posting soon! Have a great day~~
I think my entry for the 16th disappeared. Weird. Oh well. Today is a great day! Why? Just because... I woke up feeling, well tired, but after the groggy feeling went away I just knew that today was great. In fact, yesterday was great (although I did have a bout of crabbiness). Let me explain...(not about the crabbiness)
The sermon I heard on Sunday was about family. After listening to some pretty sad statistics about families back in the early- mid 1900's in comparison to families now, I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have parents who love and cherish me, who have given me the best life that they possibly could, and that hasn't changed during years of my stupid escapades. (I know they wanted to pound me a few times and wondered about the stability of my common sense, or lack there of). I realized how much I loved them, yet took them for granted. Family is a wonderful blessing that God has bestowed of each of us... even the most disfunctional family has the ability to reap the rewards of family. My Grandma, who I loved more than life itself, always stood by her words to me..."Jessica, one day you will realize that besides God there is nothing more important than your family." She was the best example of putting your family first. I wish that I had one more chance to see her in person and tell her how sorry I am for taking my family for granted (of course I will in heaven). She saw that flaw in me and pointed it out. I wonder what would me future family be like if I hadn't learned that lesson and how it will be now that I have my priorities straight. Now seeing through new eyes~~Today is a great day!
Now for my crabbiness, I owe some people an apology. I've not had too much patience lately. I snap at people... its not their fault just my irritablity coming out. So, I am so sorry if I have hurt or offended anyone. My personality is a strong one, making me stubborn and slow to hear that I'm wrong. When that happens I get grumpy. Well, in fact God has been working on my heart the last few days. I would go so far as to say ripping open the wall I built around my failures and defects (the ugly sin in my life) and laid it out for me to view. That hurts. No one likes to be wrong, right? Of course, this is not an excuse or justifiable cause for my actions but the reality of my reaction to being changed. Please forgive me. Perhaps this is why I am viewing today as a great day like I said before -- new eyes-- or maybe heart is a better word. So, I can't promise that I won't snap at people again, but I'm trying. I hope you can understand this for I may well be babbling nonsense that only my heart understands. But at any rate remember that today is a great day.