Thank you so much to the person who pointed out my mistake in saying that I shouldn't cast my pearls before swine... If I'm correct it was a "swine' that corrected me. Thank you for "lovingly" pointing out my speck again ( A very Christian attitude you have there)... the verse I was referring to was Matthew 7:6.
Ok so I didn't come back the next day and finish my journal entry. Honestly it really surprises me that there are still people who come here everyday ... I'm not sure if they think they'll get lucky and I'll actually post something here or what... I'm really not sure how I'm getting any traffic. hehe.
So let me tell you that when it rains it pours. I was telling you all about my job or lack there of and for some reason the job market isn't all that great here at the moment so I've been considering a move. But now when I was actually on the brink of being happy again something else happens... of course right!? Its me Jess! hehe the girl who attracts weird happenings. well this isn't so much weird as extremely sad. Yes sad. I'm hurting now more than ever due to an incident involving some one I was closest with (we'll call her Jody).
Now I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of and I think its safe to say that is true for most people who will read this and even people who won't. There has always been one person that I've put my trust in... she's been my confidant, the only other person in this world who knew me probably better than I knew my self. That being the case when I had done a real doozy I went to her and told her everything. Of course my mistake was against what I believe in as a Christian and for some reason (which would seriously take page after page to explain) I was tired of caring, a dangerous place to get into.
I freely admit I was wrong and Jody loved me enough to come to me personally and tell me as much. At that point I decided things had to change and they did. Unfortunately Jody didn't know about the change... in fact she hadn't even asked. Another friend (we'll call Trish) whom I hadn't told about my mistake asked my other friend Jody about it. My good friend Jody decided that since she was concerned for me it was ok to break my confidence, something we both swore we'd never do because we loved each other and both of us had & knew things about the other that shouldn't be spoken aloud..That's what friends do right?
Well it so happens that Trish is famous for putting her nose where it doesn't belong and not really respecting ones privacy, nor does she believe in not talking with others in the name of "getting advice" I like to call this "gossip" or even being a "loud mouth." Well said person did take the info (currently out of date info) to yet another person (and after that I'm not sure how many others now know of my mistake) who now thinks badly of me. *sigh* it really is a wretched tale, at any rate. Of course Trish, with "good intentions (albeit misinformed)" decides that it is her place to give me an ultimatum.
Tell me... how many people actually respond positively to a threat? Not many, right?
Grr, well I am not such a person and being a person who has a backbone... I told her as much. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do but I didn't feel that I had to explain to her what happened and why she was misinformed because frankly I don't think its her business... of course this may be pride (may be ok who am I fooling... it is pride) but I felt wronged and gained up on. Its like being a female tiger cornered with no place to turn and she feels trapped & threatened... you lash out. I feel badly about that but with out setting known boundries with her, she wouldn't have left me alone.
The funny thing is the one person who I thought would be there for me is the one who started the whole thing and she still thinks she's right. That hurts more than anything. In fact not an hour goes by that I don't think about her, saddened that things have turned out this way and a friendship that was so strong is ended because while I may forgive her... there really isn't any way I can trust her again. AS for Trish I've seen her do this exact thing over and over yet I knew that one day she'd do it to me and she did, so no real loss there. I've even been told that it may have been jealousy that pushed her to do this.
Am I sorry for the mistake I made... yes of course and it has changed and I've been forgiven for it but perhaps it was a good thing I made that mistake... because true colors have a way of shining through.
In the end I know that I'm the one that will likely be effected by this the most because I understand that a simple explanation would put two people in their places but my pride dictates that I shouldn't because it isn't their place to know. So I'll continue to lose sleep over this and write journal entries to express my hurt. Just goes to show that you shouldn't cast your pearls before swine as it says in Matthew..