Title: Phoenix, Chapter Eight
Author: Inca
Feedback: Cause otherwise, you're all bad and rude people -
slasherphiles@y...
Rating NC17
AU Liam/William
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I just like to play with them
Spoilers: AU
Summary: Risen from the ashes, as an Angel
Authors notes: Whoa, oh god, thankyou for all the Liam-pressie ideas
guys! That was great, I couldn't decide so Im using a few. I'll make
sure everyone knows who to thank for the yummyness and credit in
these notes in the next chapter.


***


Will was staring out his bedroom window despondently. He didn't know
how long he'd been watching the park across the street from his
unit. It was windy, leaves and rubbish blowing around, trees bending
and shaking free their leaves.

A tear tracked down his face.

Clinical Depression. Common. Often happens in periods of great
stress or trauma.

He sighed.

Sometimes it sucked being a psychiatrist. He knew, really, that he
should talk to someone about it. But he also knew he couldn't.

Hey Harris, have a problem here. I think I'm falling for one of my
patients.

More tears tracked down his face. He sniffed.

Liam was like a drug. He was only happy when he had access to him.
When Liam could kiss and hum away his anxieties. Could take him
inside and show how much he loved him. For the past couple of weeks
Will basically only had one routine thing in his life. He'd go to
work, see Liam and be ecstatically happy about it, and half those
visits would include sex of some description. Then he'd cry about it.

He'd tried to stop it, tried to explain how wrong it all was, how
Will wasn't good for him, how he was destroying him. But Liam would
laugh it off or ask him why it was so bad, and Will didn't have an
answer. He could always think of them later, but not when he was
being watched by Liam's eyes, or touched by his fingers. Everything
drifted away when he was with Liam, like Liam was reality and the
rest of his life was just a boring book he had to read to keep
himself occupied between doses.

Why couldn't Liam just be normal? Why couldn't he have met him in a
bar or a club? Why did he have to be in prison? Why did he have to
pout and mewl for Will's cock like a goddamned slut? Why did he have
to be so beguiling? Why did he have to been so charming? Why'd he
have to be so wonderful? Why? Why? So many whys.

One how.

How could he let this happen?

A sob broke out of his chest.



**~~**

Angel was sitting at a table in the art room drawing, Will's arm
around his waist. It was almost Christmas. He wondered what he
should get Will.

He'd have to think about it.

He'd draw something for him, but he'd already drawn so much for him.

"Ever been in a fist fight Will?" He asked.

"Yeah a few times."

"Really? You win?"

"Of course."

His mind wasn't as cloudy as it usually was. He was thinking clearly
today. He enjoyed it. After weeks of not being in his skull
properly, he felt a little strange, like he was living in someone
else's house – trying to make polite conversation with the owners
when he woke up groggily on the couch.

"What were the fights about?"

"I was pushed up through Secondary. Skipped from first form to
second then third to fifth form. The bigger kids didn't like me
being there."

Angel giggled.

"Are you laughing at my pain, `cause that's not really nice, now is
it?"

Angel shook his head, still giggling.

"I won all those fights too."

"Oh okay." Angel nodded, obviously patronising him.

"I did!"

"I believe you."

"No you don't."

Angel snorted.

"You ever get into fights at school?" Will asked.

"Well people picked on me. I was just known as `that weird kid who
hangs out in the art room'"

"Oh," Will said. "So nothing's changed then?"

Angel picked up an inking pen and swiped it across Will's hand
leaving a smudgy line. "Shut it."

"Hey." He licked his finger and tried to rub it off.

"Need more than spit to get it off. More than soap sometimes." He
grinned; holding up his hands so Will could see the light stains. It
wouldn't stain Will though, not enough of the ink.

"It better not stain."

"Sorry, I can't take it back."

"You mean I'm stuck with a line across my hand?"

"'Fraid so."

Will looked worried for a second before he saw Angel's trying-not-to-
laugh expression.

"You better be afraid." He said rubbing at the stubborn line again.

"Oooh, yeah, cause you won all those fights at school." He laughed.

"Better than you, `weird kid who hangs out in the art room'."

"Do you want another line on your hand?"

**~~**


The stitches had come out last week, from the back of his head and
his wrist. An angry scar was left behind on his wrist and a line
through his hair, but Liam kept it long enough so it didn't matter.
He could feel the tiny ridge when he rand his fingers through his
hair though, and felt a twinge of sadness. Liam had forgotten how he
got it.
That made Will sadder.

There had been good and bad days. More bad than good, but today…
Today Liam understood and joked and could follow a conversation. His
eyes were clear and his smile didn't waver. It didn't happen often,
and Will found he didn't feel any different about him when he was
coherent, just the same throb of want and need as he always did.

Today, Liam was having a good day.

Will took a deep breath.

He realised with surprising regret that Liam would understand him
today. Today he could make himself heard, and it would be a decent
effort. He could stop today.

He hoped that's what he wanted. To stop. To feel good about himself
and be good … and normal. To not make himself sick. To be able to
look in the mirror and not feel guilty about where his lips had
been, what his eyes had watched.

He felt a well up of sobs in his chest, but he held them back. And
pleaded his case.

"Angel. I want to talk to you about something."

Liam looked up warily at the serious tone. "About what?"

"Us."

He nodded and put down his pencil slowly. "Us."

"Yes. And, you seem to be focused today. I thought maybe …"

Liam stared at him steadily and he trailed off.

"We can't do this anymore." His voice hitched.

Liam looked down at his papers, irritation rolling off him. "Are you
about to tell me how sick you are for being with me? Cause I don't
want to hear the song."

"It must be hard, I –."

"Hearing the person you love throws up when they think about you.
Yeah, it's hard."

Will's heart fluttered at the sentiment, and then he mentally
slapped himself. "Not about you, Pet. About me."

Liam looked out the windows, his eyes jumping across and then back,
his lips thinned together.

Will persevered. "I can't do this. Anymore. It tears me up inside. I
need to help you. Not hurt you."

"Its not hurting me," he flicked his eyes back. "Can we get over
this like we always do, and go shag?" He smiled a little, trying to
take the sting out of the air. He leant over and pecked a kiss on
the side of his mouth.

Will stayed strong and Liam eventually fell back to his own seat,
looking at him with big hurt chocolate eyes.

"I want to end it. Today." He breathed in; the air felt good and
cold in his gut. "But I need your help."

"You need my help to throw me away?" Liam spat.

"No! Luv, I'm not, I just wish you'd see I'm doing this for you!" He
said, irritated that it was so fucking hard to do the right
thing. "If I was thinking about me, we would be together, I'd sneak
you into my room every night."

"Sounds good to me." He said fluttering his eyelashes, smiling coyly.

Will would not be deterred by bedroom eyes. "But I'm thinking about
you. I won't be selfish. I need you to be happy."

For the first time ever; Will saw Liam roll his eyes. "You need me
to be happy so you're taking `you' away, the one thing that actually
makes me happy." He looked at the roof. "And I'm the one in the
insane ward."

"We're stopping it."

Liam nodded for a few moments before levelly meeting his gaze. "You
know what hurts me? You doing this. This is cruel."

Will winced. Because it was true. "I know." He said quietly into the
dimming room.

"Then why do you do it!"

"Because I can't stay away. I want to be with you. And I see you,
and … all sense melts away … and I can't help myself."

Liam looked at the floor.

"I still want to see you. I don't think I could just… leave. If I
could, I would've done it before."

"That's nice." He was refusing to make eye contact.

Will ignored the hurt on his face, in his own body and continued.
This was the right thing. He felt a sense of pride at being such a
man and taking control of this situation that existed in a vacuum of
sensibility. "That's why I need your help. Try to understand that
it's not a game. That I just want to stop."

"Don't tempt you, you mean." He was exceedingly pissed off.

Will was silent for a moment. He needed Liam for this. He couldn't
say no. "Help me. Please."

"I will, but not like that."

Will's face was blank. "What?"

"You think you know what's best for me, but I think I know what's
best for you, and that's being with me."

Will closed his eyes. He hadn't listened. He was just –

"Don't! Stop doing that." Liam said, hurt. "You want to be with me.
You think it's wrong but I'm telling you it's not. It's not bad. I
know who I am, and I want to be with you too."

Will just stared at him. He couldn't explain. He wanted to, but it
was all too hard. He should just show him all the books and papers
he'd memorised, show him the tapes of ethics discussions he'd
participated in college. The ethics he believed in.

"Do you love me Will?"

Will looked out the window sadly. "I don't know."

"You told me you did."

Will was confused. Then he assumed Liam had heard some manufactured
memory.

Did he love him?

He didn't accept the answer that came into his head.

After getting no answer Liam continued. "How would you feel if you
never saw me again?"

Will said the first thing that popped into his head. Truthful and
from his heart. "Broken."

"You need me."

"I never said I didn't." Liam waited and Will couldn't help but keep
pouring it out, the emotions he couldn't tell anyone, releasing from
behind the dam of happy smiles and calm words that he'd constructed
since the first day he'd met him. "I've never felt this way about
anyone I've ever met."

"And what do you think love is?"

Will looked down at the table and picked at it. He knew Liam was
right. He'd thought about it many times. He couldn't admit it
though. Not right now.

"I love you." Liam said, "Don't feel bad about that. Its good, and
its right. Do you know how hard it is to find someone like that? Who
feels the same way you do." He gripped his hand. "Don't throw it
away!"

"I'm not throwing anything –"

"Why wont you hear what I'm saying?"

"Let me do what's right." Will said stubbornly.

Liam snatched his hand away.

"Angel, listen to me."

"No you listen William. Don't use me, okay? And don't talk to me in
that soothing way cause you think I've got bats in my head. I can
understand you perfectly well. I always can, even when I am a little
foggy. And I know what you're trying to say, and it would be
admirable under other circumstances. I may be here with people who
think they're the president and think women are actually birds in a
prosthetic suit, and maybe I belong here! I hear things that other
people don't, and see things that aren't there or everyone else is
just too blind to acknowledge, but I'm still a person. Okay? I'm not
a toy. You can't jerk me around like this."

Will felt his teeth chattering. He was losing it. Never had
someone's words ever made him want to cry. "I'm sorry."

"You're always sorry, aren't you Will? Why? Tell me! I want you and
you want me, what is so bad about that?"

"You're…" He shook his head. They'd been over this. "You're sick
Angel. I'm taking advantage of you."

"Yeah I know, I'm sick, its bad for me, what are you really saying
Will? Cause I hear songs you cant be with me? I'm not a child. I can
make my own decisions." He huffed.

He was sick of this. Why wouldn't Liam just see it, and understand
and help him. He flared up. "Actually, Liam, a jury of twelve
people declared you couldn't."

Liam's eyes burnt, and he flung his body towards him, knocking them
both off the seat to the ground. He sat on his stomach and grabbed
his head in fingers that felt like claws. He looked down with fire
in his eyes.

"Vampires. Exist! I did not kill my family. Listen to me! Hear me
talk!"

"Get off me." Will said glaring up at him.

"Say you believe me. I want to hear you say it."

"I don't." He hissed.

Liam's face went blank. Time froze uncomfortably. He stepped of him
and sat down at the table again. He closed his eyes and shook his
head. Will lay on the floor.

"Then you are sick." He turned, eyes accusing. "Not cause you fuck
me when I'm in here, but because in your mind? You're enjoying
fucking a murderer. And that is sick."

"I don't think you murdered them." He stood up, dusting his backside.

Liam's face crumpled and he sniffed. "What?" he asked, shaking his
head, a tear dripping down to his chin.

"I think there were other people there. I believe that."

Liam looked at the floor and sniffed again. "You do?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you say just now, that-"

"Because I don't believe they were vampires. I. Do not. Believe
that." He said slowly, coming up behind him, and rubbing his neck.
He couldn't lie.

Liam turned his neck and looked at him. He nodded slowly. "I can
live with that."

"Can you?" He asked, not even noticing Liam's hand come up to his
own resting on his shoulders, automatically twining his fingers with
the long toffee-skin coloured ones.

"You're not ready to see it yet. I wasn't ready, even when I did see
it."

"They weren't vampires Pet." He said desperately trying to make Liam
see, to fix him, so none of this conversation would even matter.
They wouldn't need it. They could be together if he'd just admit it.
They could be normal. It wouldn't be wrong anymore.

"I'm never going to say they weren't. Cause they were."

"Baby –"

"Daddy." Liam looked at him, his gaze tinged with a glare.

"Alright."

"Alright."

Silence surrounded them as Liam watched him.

"Can I ask you about that night then?" Will asked cautiously.

Liam shuddered viciously and shook his head, taking his hand away
and looking down at the desk.

"No. Don't ask me. I want to stay with you, with my head all clear
so I can enjoy it properly."

"Please. I can't get anything from you when you're singing."

"Kiss me." Liam said, turning around.

"Fucking hell Liam we just fucking went through this fucking
bullocksing shit and –"

"You love me Will." Liam broke in, unafraid of the outburst. "You
can't fool love, you can't hide it away and hope it will leave. It
will always be there. Can't stop what you feel."

"I have to." Will said, desperately.

"Do you really think its bad? `Cause I think you just believe that
cause the books and the world tells you to."

"It has to be bad. I understand how it's bad." He said, mainly to
himself.

Liam looked at him calmly. "Does it feel bad?"

"No." He shook his head, unconsciously coming closer. "No, when I'm
with you, I feel … god, I feel like I'm in heaven."

Liam gazed at him for a few moments before speaking in shy, husked
tones. He layed himself out in his words. "I sat in prison for
something I didn't do for five years. I never got over how people
couldn't see I was innocent. I was a victim. I did wrong in my life
but I've paid for that and then some. Do you know what happens to me
here? … It's hell. I wanted to kill myself. Tried to, I'd rather die
again than be here. But now I know."

He looked at him timidly before continuing, watching Will's reaction
closely. "My da' always said things happen for a reason. And I
believe it. Cause I think I was put in here so I could meet you.
Karma paid me back for all the punishment I received. I'd never have
met you if I wasn't here. And I couldn't imagine that."

Will felt his face soften. Liam could lay out his feelings so
concisely, he knew what he felt and that was that. Will was the one
with the problems. The words were spoken from his heart, and Will
couldn't deny it. Liam was right. He didn't think it was bad. That
was what was wrong with him.
He knew it was bad, but he didn't feel it.
At the moment, sitting in the dusk with Liam's body beside him,
sleepy eyes gazing at him, waiting for a response. He couldn't be
anywhere better. Heaven couldn't be better than this.

He needed it. He needed him.

Liam leant forward and parted his lips, and Will slipped his tongue
into the mouth, thanking him for the words, thanking him for
everything, for how he dealt with Will's bullocking around for so
long, and so calmly.
The books were wrong about them. Being with Liam wasn't bad. It
couldn't be.

"I want to be with you Pet."

"Done."

They kissed serenely for a few moments. "But you have to apologise."

Will drew back. "I'm sorry Pet."

"Why?" He smiled, his eyes unfocusing a little.

"I'm a bad rude man, I should never have said any of that to you."

"Why's that?"

"Because I need you."

He hummed and Will snorted at him. The stars had come again. He
could deal with that. It wasn't bad he found it cute. "Say it again
Will, I love to hear you purr."

"I need you, bloody minx. You're everything I want in a beautiful
package."

"You like my songs?"

"I love them. They make me smile. I hum them when you're not around."

"You love the fact I'm feline?"

Will smiled at the quick transition from sane to insane.

It didn't seem to matter so much anymore. He learnt how to tamp his
screaming conscience down and just act with his heart.

"I love it."

"Good." He kissed him. "I love the fact you turn blue and gold.
Happy."

Yeah, pet, I am.

They stayed until the sun set, just sitting, occasionally pecking at
each other with lips, or fingers until the noise of the guard
knocking on the door wedged between them.


**


"Sorry I'm late." He said as he wandered into the staff meeting.

"It's fine." Wiltho's said, before going back to his speech about
new handling methods for the nurses, who were staring back at him
blankly.

He shrugged off his coat and sat down next to Harris, nodding hello.
Will felt free. Like he was flying. He hadn't felt this way in
years, always swamped down with tests and papers, and… his feelings
of late, but now … He smiled and let out a little laugh. Harris
looked at him quizzically and Will shook his head, smile still on
his face.

Wiltho's was still rambling on. After the boring was over, Harris
got up.

"Yep alright, just a reminder, Christmas Party's next week on the
21st at Nicks Bar and Grill North Broadwalk, cause I organised it
and I like the food." He half joked.

A spattering of applause as he sat back down.

After the meeting was over, he and Harris decided to go out and get
some coffee, deciding the staff room was going to be too rowdy as
everyone drifted back into work.

"So, what have you got planned for Christmas?" Harris asked, sipping
the latte he'd bought as they wandered back to the parking space.

"Not much. Sit around."

"Why don't you come to mine on the day, have dinner. My family
always goes all out, it's a huge party."

"Ah, no I couldn't."

"No intruding! Just fun. And little frankfurts." He made a goofy
face.

Will laughed. "Alright, I'd love to come, if its not too much
trouble."

"Nah, frankfurts aren't really any trouble."

They laughed at the dumb joke.

"You can meet Anya."

"I'd like that." He sipped his cappuccino.

"Few other people from work will stop by, and you'll know me. Just
don't talk to my Uncle Jerry. He goes on for hours about catfish and
tends to get annoyed when no one else shares his passion for
fishing." He stopped Will. "You know how to fish?"

"No."

"Damn."

Harris unlocked his BMW with a beepbeep. He sipped his coffee and
slipped in.

"So now that Christmas is done, what have you got planned for the
rest of the day?"

Will looked out the windshield, hiding his smile by sipping the
coffee.

"Me? Oh … not much…"


**


"Oh, yes!" Liam groaned out, pulling his thighs back against his
chest more.

"Always like this..." He panted into his ear, feeling their chests
tack together sweatily.

"Yes, always, always, always" Liam closed his eyes and rolled his
head blissfully back and forth on the pillow. "You feel so good,
Will, like sugar... an –"

"I want it like this, do you want it Pet? My beautiful pet…"

Liam opened his big cow-brown eyes and looked up at him, his body
rocking. "Want it. Your Pet."

He was watching the flutter of emotions of Liam's face, loving the
play of light and dark, one moment looking like a virgin feeling
cock inside him for the first time and then slut in his eyes,
licking up Will's chest and demanding satisfaction. Liam was always
two opposite halves. A contradiction beneath him.

Will loved it. It was what attracted him so much.

He felt Liam's knees digging into his ribs as he whined. Will
watched him, beguiled. His face was coy and shy one moment and then
burning with fiery lust the next.

Madonna and the whore.

Will groaned. He never wanted to stop. He wanted inside his own
madonna/whore forever, complete, Liam's sleek channel was squeezing
him as he slowly thrust in and out, long teasing strokes.

"We'll get away one day." He said, desperately and quickly, pouring
his emotions out like hot water, "You and me, back to England. Or to
Canada, or Mexico." He groaned as Liam squeezed him. "We can do this
all the time… without planning … or sneaking…" Another squeeze and
groan, "And we'll have a huge room just for you and your drawings…
all for you baby."

Liam was panting, looking pitiably wanton, groaning at the words and
the sensations inside him. He was covered with a slick of sweat, and
he clenched his teeth in pain and pleasure every time Will thrust in
roughly. Will wrapped his lips around Liam's ear and nibbled.

"And a backyard? With a pool?" He breathed, his breath salted and
smelling of Will, "…And stars?"

Will caught the lips in a kiss. He slowed for a moment, and stared
down at the man his eyes heated, "Any bloody thing you want Pet,
pool," Groan, "stars," Whine from beneath him as he changed his
angle, "…anything for you, its all for you," he picked up his pace
as Liam threw his head back, his hands coming up to squeeze around
Will's sides, "…I'm for you, made for you."

He could see the tears tracking down Liam's cheeks. He ran his
tongue along them, licking them up and rolling the seawater on his
tongue. It was all true. Will wanted to give him the world.

He'd try if his pet asked for it.

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