Lonely...
That's me...
I have friends...
But then those friendship ends..

It ends in a flash...
Right before my eyes...
All because of me...
The cause mainly points to me.

I don't mean to..
It isn't suppose to be like that...
But I start pushing..
And pushing..
and continue pushing those close to
me...
away...
far far away from me.

I started out with numerous friends...
but i started to withdraw...
then the pain..
the pain... of loneliness..
of sadness...

It all started on one sad day...
I was in the 8th grade...
Everything could've gone smoothly in my
life
But... it just didn't go that way.

Just this one day...
Changed my life drastically.
I started to lost trust...
In all those around me...

I started feeling lonely..
and I pushed them away.
They never seemed to help
and they just seemed to change.

It seemed like they all changed...
And those I trusted as hell...
started to turn their backs on me...
even when I fell...

All they could say was aww
and that's how it was..
No one even tried to help me up...
And I just sat there crying...

Then an anger started arising..
and i started to walk away...
I walked into the darkness...
and away from the light of the day.

When those "friends" came back to
help...
I pushed them away hard.
I forced them to leave...
because my heart... had fallen apart...

Then I made new friends...
But after months and weeks...
Those friendships seemed to dull...
And It made me weak... and weaker...

I felt as if those friends hated me...
As if they were annoyed by me
Every single time they rolled their
eyes..
or every time they ignored my sighs...

I needed help!
BUT NO ONE WAS THERE!
I YELLED!
I SCREAMED!
I CRIED!

BUT NO ONE WAS THERE!
No one was there...
So I gave up...
I gave up on finding hope...
and just to go with the wave...

And each day...
I go on with life...
I go on with a smile...
but it was just a fake lie...

A smile
that hid the sorrow
And A mask...
full of lies.

And so I rely on one single thing...
and that is....
the dream....
the stories....
the hopes....

I don't want to face life..
So I go into my fantasy...
I make it seem so real
that It just seems to be...
as if I really were happy.

So ignore me like you want...
And roll your eyes as much as you
want...
Because I don't care anymore...
I really don't care anymore...

Because I have a family,
two to be exact.
A family that cares for me
and a family that spams...

And You want to know a bit?
This fantasy society,
seems to make me happier
than any of thee...

_Jesse

Thursday, February 21, 2007 |