Wenedsday, January 08, 2007 |




The day started not so good today for early this morning about 130 hours my father was run into the hospital,in the chinese general hospital for he cant barely move and speak.

my mother wake me up to help my big brother and so our other neighbors(other relatives)helped too!

oh well thanks God my father is ok now(as far as i know up untill this moment and as what my mother said....

well,im not in the house now nor i rent,om in the school just letting the time pass by so i may not think of anything coz if i do hahaha its terrible!^-^....

i think in the past 3 years my father was always run in the hospital once every year but always with God's luck the results is always good....

well thats not about the topic of mine today....

as i said,i went with my family in the hospital to brought my father in the hospital so i was in the hospital^-^....

its where my story goes now....

its emerency so we are in the er and in the door says

"only one relative allowed"

so i was left in the waiting room but my brother was able to go inside to help my mother so i was alone....

while waiting for them,of course i watched the people in my surroundings,just about everything hahaha.....

and it reminds me of something....

something during my childhood i always wanted to be....

when im still a child [ ps:im still young up to this moment=) ],i always dream of working in the hospital,perhaps an organized and a good one....

its not that i have not thought of working in the small clinic back then,in my mind that time(i think)i can work in the clinic or other places provided that it is just temporary hahahaha.well its because during those time i really really want to work in the hospital and being in the hospital recently bring those,not really the memory but the feelings of wanting to work in the hospital....

when i was young which im still^-^,i mean when im still a child,me and my mother always went to the hospital especially the "hospital of the infant jesus"(parang hospital ko lang hehehe joke^-^) may be thats where it all started but i think its just become an accessorry to open or exposed me to things my mind wants and not really it is the root cause^-^....

during my high school days,my days of going in the hospital is already gone=) and i think i only went once becuase of my feet and legs have some not that good,never mind it^-^....

but still the feeling is still there....

when i enter college,only once too(this day only hahaha)-even though my father was brought in the hospital 3 times during my college years-well its because the 1st one is so sudden and brief before i can go,he's out in the hospotal-less than a day?-the other one i said im going in the weekends but before weekends he's out in the hospital(what a defence mechanism hahaha) and now i was able to=)....

thats moment like i said awhile ago it brings back the feelings^-^....

well,in my 1st year of college its still there but as time passess by,and because psychology too is also of my my like now(that time too),it was replaced by the psychology(may be because my prof(some^-^) is a good one,have quality....hahaha they should be coz if not i may not be a good and have a quality too=)-oh well individual difference and experience,it also depends on the person^-^....

may be just because of that i forget the feelings of wanting to work in the hospital but before today,last year in my practicum in the clinical setting,i witnessed something not so good,a nurse(male) and a psychiatry(a woman!)just ignore,ignore and ignore and left out a woman client asking for a glass of water....it shock me as it was only our second day in the clinical setting and i witnessed it already....

you might speculate things in what i just said and may unconciously or consciously defend them,well its difficult to explained here but they are not only rude and cruel but they are not being a human being!well enough of it its not my topic today....

well because of that and some other things too that i saw in the system of that clinic(i know there are a lot more better clinic than them),may be it lowers my aspiration in my clinical setting to be one and so is in my psychology....

will i continue to be in the psychology or be a doctor just have a specialty in psychology(or a doctor and a psychiatry)hahaha i know its hard to be a doctor^-^ or may be in the field of industry that is somewhat alluring to some...........

perhaps only time can tell up this moment....

life is really full of uncertainty......

one day you are zombie, the next minute you are human.....




_Jesse






Wenedsday, January 08, 2007 |