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This is My OCD Story |
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Last Updated: 9/25/05 |
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My Definition of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A physiological disorder causing unwanted and dibilitating fears, doubts and thoughts. These non-stop broken record of thoughts cause a search for an end or answer to the problem your brain has identified. The answer or compulsion can be an act or search of the mind. This is done until we temporaraly feel comfortable. |
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My Definition of Pure O: Pure Obsession, lacking a physical act or compulsion. Mostly a mental search for answers to the exsive doubts, fears and concerns. |
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H-OCD Am I Gay? 22 years old, I just broke up with my first serious girlfriend. Months of sadness and loss, left me a depressed and volnerable person. One day I opened a psycology text book and began to read about the causes of anxiety. One of Freuds theries states that supressed homosexual feelings can cause intense anxiety. WHAM! Anxiety attack. Am I gay and don't know it? The worst day of my life. The begging of a search for an answer to a question that had no answers. For the next 8 months 75 - 100% of my was spent trying to answer this question. Anything and everything was a reason to be gay, then the fight with myself to prove I wasn't. It took my life over. I couldn't think. This story is so long that I could go on for ever, but if you would like to know more. Just sign the guestbook.
List of symptoms:
-Checking to make sure women get you aroused
-Checking to make sure guys dont turn you on
-Constantly picturing sex moments with both men and women
-Think about anythign in past to prove you are not gay
-Unable to look at same sex without thinking about if you like them
-Anxiety when looking at oposite sex because u think u should be "more" atracted to them
-Constant focus on your manhood. Is it getting hard? Why isnt it getting hard?
-Am I talking Gay?
-Am I acting Gay?
-Avoiding certain situations you know will cause anxiety like a gym locker room.
-The more you look for answers the worse you get.
-Constant Search for the 1 piece of evidence that proves and solves everything.
-Constant need to be reassured your strait.
Much more to come..... |
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Relationship OCD: Over the course of my life there has been a reoccurring pattern with me and the relationships I have had. I have a personality trait that makes me doubt and fear everything. Its hard for me to decipher what is a reasonable doubt or something my mind is irrationally obsessing over. Its a non stop roller coaster of emotions, all based on fear. I fear loosing my girl, then I fear being unhappy with her. I am tormented by this to the point where I feel I should just break up with her to stop the questioning. Constantly do I wonder if she is the "right" person both physically and emotionally. I obsess over parts of her body that bother me. I question the worth of the relationship. In the end we break up and then i heavily regret the decision and become sick and depressed. |
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My first battle, Was it OCD? I was 19 and had a "friend" online I talked to everyday, but I had never met the girl in person. After about a year I began to fear that she would come to stalk me. I would fear the she would ruin any relationships I have with other girls. I was afraid of being humiliated. The anxiety became intense and frequent. To releave the fear, I would spend time thinking about how I would deal with her arival. This involved anything from telling her I have found Jesus and want to live a religious life, to plotting how I could kill her. Needless to say, I blocked all contact and communication with her. I would have spikes of fear for the next few years anytime I felt she was going to "find" me, but it eventually faded away without medical treatment. |
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Talk Therapy: For a while I thought more than meds had to be done to help this situation. I had no clue what Cognitive Behavior therapy was, so I was just seeing a regular therapist. It was good to talk about things, but she just did not get it. I think I wanted her to tell me I wasnt gay, cause if a doctor says Im not, then it has to be true. Instead the experience was ok, but not for OCD. I understand that OCD needs to be managed not looked at in depth. |
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"Am I Gay?" OCD Article - Check it out. |
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