April 8, 2023, 12:01 AM
Lily hung up the phone with a shaking hand. She couldn't believe it. This was everything she'd ever dreamed of! Her agent had just called. He told her that the casting director for a Broadway revival of the show 'On the Town' had been so impressed by her videotaped performance he had offered her a job, without ever meeting her in person! Lily screamed and started jumping up and down. "Oh God, Oh God, who do I call first?" She asked the empty penthouse.
She grabbed the phone. "Mickey?" She dialed his number.
"Hello?" He said.
"I got it." She didn't even have to say who she was.
Mickey sat in stunned silence for almost a minute.
Lily couldn't take it any more. "Well congratulate me! I'm going to New York! The big apple! I am an actress!" She bubbled.
"Congratulations." Mickey said dully. "You're leaving."
"Well of course, silly! You don't honestly think I'd stay here when I could have New York City, do you?" Lily was too excited to pick up on his unsaid words; 'You're leaving me.'
"No, I don't suppose so." Mickey said bitterly. "There's nothing special or important here." 'C'mon man, you always knew it would come to this.' He told himself. 'Do the right thing. Be happy for her.'
"Mickey, what's wrong?" Lily asked.
"Nothing. Congratulations, I'm really happy for you." Mickey hung up before she could answer. Inside he was dying. 'I'm losing her. I'm really losing her.' Mickey thought in disbelief. 'She's going to go away and I'll never see her again.' He knew that wasn't true, but he also knew that he wouldn't see her every day. They were already growing apart. Mickey had sensed for a long time that she would be leaving him. He just wished it didn't have to happen. He sat alone, head in hands for a long time.
Lily stared at the phone. 'What's wrong with him?' She wondered. 'I know! He's mad cause I woke him up. I'll call back later and he'll be in a better mood.' She quickly dialed Brady's number. She hung up after the tenth unanswered ring.
Disappointed she tried Belle. "What is it?" Belle snapped into the phone. She sounded angry. Lily heard crying in the background.
"It can wait." Lily said.
"Try not to call after midnight unless it can't wait, baby sister." Belle slammed the phone down.
"Whoa. Guess I woke the kids up." Lily thought.
Next she tried Kay's house. Kay picked up in a breathless tone. "Hey."
"Hey, Kay, it's me."
"Lily?" What's up?" Kay asked.
"I got it!" She crowed.
"Got what?" Kay asked confused.
"The job in New York! It's official, I'm a real actress!"
"Oh, Lily that's wonderful!" Kay said sincerely. "I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks." Lily basked in the glow of someone appreciating her talents.
"You aren't going though, are you?" Kay asked.
"Not going?" Lily laughed. "Of course I'm going! What kind of question is that?"
"I just assumed you'd want to stay here with Mickey, that's all."
"Mickey understands. He congratulated me."
"He did?" Kay asked. "That was good of him."
"I don't think so." Lily said. "He said congratulations, but he didn't mean it."
"Of course not." Kay said. "He doesn't want you to leave."
"You're being ridiculous." Lily said dismissivly. "This is what I've always wanted and he knows it."
"Yes, he might have known it, but do you really expect him to let you go just like that? He loves you."
"I know." Lily exclaimed impatiently. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"You're being selfish." Kay said sharply. "If you go to New York what do you think it'll mean to your relationship with Mickey?"
"I don't really know. He can come visit on weekends." Lily dismissed all concerns. "He loves me. He'll wait until I'm ready to settle down, then he'll move to New York and we'll get married."
"Just listen to yourself!" She cried. Kay hung up the phone violently. "I can't believe her." She said. "For a girl who's that sweet she really isn't too smart. Sure Mickey loves her but he won't wait forever. Will he?" It troubled her that she couldn't answer the question to her own satisfaction.
Lily frowned at the phone. "Am I being selfish?" She asked the cat that lived with her, (Holiday) ever since it had been rescued from a storm drain by Belle years ago. "Does Mickey want me to stay? He couldn't. That would be asking me to give up everything I've ever wanted. Mickey wouldn't do that." She knew that with every fiber of her being. "No matter how much he wanted to he wouldn't let me sacrifice my dreams for him." It was cold comfort. "I need to know how he really feels." She decided.
Thirty minutes later Lily was standing at Mickey's front door, debating the wisdom of knocking. Eventually she decided. She rapped on the door hard.
Mickey stared at the door. Someone was knocking, but he just didn't feel like answering it. It was probably Lyssa, or Kay. They must've heard about Lily and known what it would do to him. "Funny." He commented bitterly to his fish. "Sometimes I think they know me better than Lily does."
"MICKEY. OPEN UP. I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE." Lily shouted.
Mickey sighed. Lily. Of course. She was coming to see that everything was fine because he had hung up on her so fast that night. He walked to the door, knowing he looked like hell and not really caring. It was one'oh'clock in the morning.
"Lily." He opened the door, looked at her face and felt like someone had punched him in the gut. She was wearing a wedding dress. "Lily, what is this about?" He asked patiently.
"I'm proposing to you." She said, very seriously.
Of all the answers she could've chosen to give, Mickey found that the funniest. He began to laugh. She stared at him, and started to get mad. "What's so funny?" She demanded hands on hips, nearly crushing her bouquet.
"You're serious." Mickey suddenly realized. He stopped laughing abruptly. "Oh my lord, you're serious."
"Yes I am." She said. "I want you to know that even though I'm leaving I want us to stay together."
Mickey sighed. "Lily, I love you."
"I know that." She said. Even after all this time, she had never said, "I love you too" Or "I love you" or even plain old "Me too." Always, when he said, "I love you," she said, "I know."
"But we can't get married." Mickey said firmly.
"Why not?" She was hurt and drew away from him.
"You're doing this for me. Because you think I want it. I do want it, but not until you do to."
"But I do want this!" Lily protested. "I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want to marry you."
Mickey ran his hand through his hair, tousling it. He would never know what an enticing picture he made, wearing an old robe and boxer shorts. His chest showed through the robe. He took her hand. "I know you want to marry me. But I don't think you want to be married."
"You're talking crazy, Mickey." Lily's tone was petulant and hurt. She drew her hand back.
"Just listen." He said, sharp with her for the first time in years. "You don't want to live with me. You don't want to divide up chores, and meals. You don't want to be waiting for me when I come home, or have me waiting for you. You want your independence. You don't want to share everything, have no secrets. You don't want to let anyone that close."
"You're already that close. And I don't have to lose my independence." She told him. "We can get married, and I'll move to New York. You can come visit me on weekends." She offered.
"You really don't get it, do you?" Mickey asked. "I love you. That's why I can let you go. I can let you follow your dreams. But when we get married, I want you here. With me. I don't want you in New York and me in Salem."
"So come with me." She suggested.
"I won't do that." He said. "School is here for me. My family is here. My life is here. And if you look at it, yours is too."
"I'm sorry you feel that way." Lily was hurt. She never thought that Mickey would reject her. She always expected him to be right there, waiting for her to tell him she was ready to move on to a higher level.
"What I'm saying is that it's all or nothing at this point Lily. If you want to go to New York, that's fine. I love you." His voice shook a little, "But I won't hold you back. This is your dream and you need to go after it. If you need to be free, please just go. Don't stay here and torture me. Just go."
She stared at him. "But if you're willing to stay here in Salem, and give marriage a try, I'm willing. But only if you'll stay here. Because our life is here, whether you want to admit it or not."
Indecision claimed her. What to do? Go or stay? She stared at Mickey and knew beyond doubt that her heart would be destroyed if she just left. "Let's go get married." She said.
"Are you sure?" Mickey asked. "I love you, but are you sure?" A huge part of him screamed, "This is wrong, you'll regret this, don't do it. This is wrong." He told that part of him to shut up when Lily grabbed his face and kissed him for answer.
She laughed as he told her, "I have to go get dressed."
He reentered mere moments later decked out in a tux. Only one problem. "I can't find my shoes." He was embarrassed.
She giggled. "I think a barefoot groom is cute. Let's go."
"You're nuts." He laughed.
"That's why you love me. Let's go." They kissed again.
Neither one was himself/herself. They'd been carried away by the passion of the moment. They were doing something both would live to regret. But as they said their vows before a hastily roused priest in St. Michael's chapel neither one was aware how quickly their happiness would fade. Carrie, their only witness, held her rosary in her hands and whispered prayers that the marriage would last.
But it could not last. Fights began mere weeks after the wedding. As time passed, Lily started to hate Mickey for making her stay, when she could've gone. And Mickey began to hate himself. He had held Lily back. He hadn't let her pursue the dreams she had held since childhood. But he also resented her for being unable to be happy with him.
October 10, 2023
The divorce was a mutual decision. Lily left Salem in the middle of the night, after signing the papers. Mickey sat alone in the dark, as he had nearly six months ago. Only now, instead of mourning the possibility of Lily leaving, he grieved that she was gone. He watched her leave this morning, on the Black's private jet. She hadn't seen him. He didn't want her to.
They had gone to Lucy to draw up the papers. They had both signed them, right there in the office. He had said good-bye, and wished her luck. She murmured something that sounded like, "Thanks," and hadn't even met his eyes.
Now he was sitting in the dark, alone and miserable. He knew he would never find love like that again. But was it really love? He didn't know. She had never said she loved him. He had been ransacking his memory desperately but he couldn't fond one occasion where she said she loved him. Not even on their wedding day.
He sighed. This was pointless. He was only getting more depressed. He should stop, should think about the good times. One problem. He was too bitter to remember any of them.
Dimly Mickey heard the doorbell. He ignored it. Whoever it was would just go away, like every other person who'd tried to come by to offer his or her sympathies had. He really didn't feel like dealing with anyone. Not even Carrie. He'd staggered home after signing the papers, even though he wasn't drunk. He'd collapsed on the sofa. Carrie, Lyssa, Kay, Brady, Belle, Drew, Jeremy, Jimmy, Erica, JR even Laurie had tried to call to say how sorry they were. Most had even tried to come over.
Mickey hadn't opened the door or answered the phone for any of them.
Now his door was opening. He looked at it numbly. He was too exhausted (and drunk) to respond to anything.
"Mickey?" It was his father's voice.
Mickey ignored him. 'Maybe he'll go away.' He thought optimistically.
Mike snapped on a light to see Mickey sitting there. His jaw tightened. "You okay son?" He asked, knowing no other way to begin.
"Yeah, just peachy." Mickey slurred sarcastically. "My wife left me. I'm just as happy as I can be."
Mike sighed. He had expected this. "How many drinks did you have?" He asked in a neutral tone.
"Two." Mickey said.
"Two what?" Mike asked.
"Two bottles. From there." Mickey pointed vaguely.
"Want to talk?" It was the only way Mike could think to begin.
"No."
"Why'd she leave?" He tried again.
"Job in New York." Mickey answered.
Mike nodded simply. "Do you think she'll be happy?"
Mickey nodded. "She finally got out of Salem and away from me. Why wouldn't she be?" He asked mournfully.
Mike sighed. This wasn't helping. "look, Mickey, I know how you feel�"
"No you don't!" Mickey snapped. "You couldn't possibly know what it feels like to get a letter like this." He waved a piece of paper. "Plus Mom never left you."
"NO, you're right, after Carrie and I got together she didn't leave me. But other women have."
"Like who?"
"My mother, my sister, Trish Clayton Banning, then Margo, Robin, April, Robin again, April again, Debra�" He frowned. "There was once a time I didn't think I'd ever find love."
"And then you found mom and lived happily ever after?" Mickey asked in a challenging tone.
"No." Mike laughed. "No. It took me a long time to find your mom. And even longer for us to wise up and live happily ever after."
"But you did." Mickey said. "And that's where you're different from me. Lily's the only girl I've ever loved. That's why I knew I had to let her go. Because we were starting to hate each other." Mickey's voice was breaking. So was his heart.
And Mike's heart broke for his son. "I prayed you would never have to know such pain."
Mickey laughed bitterly. "It was unavoidable though. I'm a Brady and a Horton. We're notorious for heartbreak. You, Grandpa Bill, Grandpa Mickey, Grandma Laura, Grandma Maggie, Aunt Jenn, Aunt Sarah, Mom�"
"You made your point." Mike said calmly.
Mickey surprised him by saying, "I was letting her go. It hurt but I could do it. Because if she stayed here we'd wind up hating each other and neither of us wanted that." He sighed. "So I made the divorce painless and quick. And then she left me this." Mickey waved the paper again. "I wasn't going to drink at all. I was a going to be strong. But I got this and I couldn't do it." He slurred.
Mike took the letter from his son's hands and laid it on the coffee table. "It's time for you to go to bed young man." He said firmly.
"DO I hafta?" Mickey was further gone than he'd ever been before.
"Yes, son, I think that's a really good idea about now." Mike was fighting the insane urge to laugh. This wasn't funny! It was pathetic! But it was also slightly amusing to see Mickey, sensible strong, never unreliable Mickey drunk as a skunk.
Mike dragged Mickey into the bedroom. He laid his son on the bed. Mickey tried to get comfortable. He was out like a light in mere moments. Mike shook his head. 'Best thing for him at this point.' He thought sadly.
Mike went out into the family room. He saw the letter and was filled with the undeniable urge to peek. He picked up the letter and read it. His jaw tightened and his lips thinned. He glanced at the bedroom and shook his head. 'No wonder. The poor guy.' He thought. Mike sat in the chair Mickey had vacated and settled in for the night.
Lily's letter
Dear Mickey,
Well, today we're getting our divorce. I wish I could say I'm happy. I'm not. I wish I could say that I'm relieved. I'm not. I wish I could say I'm surprised. But I'm not. A part of me always knew it would come to this. I chose you over a career once. I wasn't strong enough to do it twice. Maybe that's why I could never tell you how I feel. It was my way of protecting myself. I don't know how to make you understand what went wrong between us. I don't think it was you, or me, or circumstances, or anything really. But if it was nothing why are we splitting up? To paraphrase Hodel from Fiddler on the Roof right before she goes to join Perchak in Siberia:
How Can I hope to make you understand?
Why I do what I do?
Why I must ravel to a distant land
Far from the man I love.
Once I was nearly content to be
As I was, where I was
Close to the people who are close to me
Here in the home I love
Here with the man I love
Who could see that a man would come
Who would try to change the shape of my dreams
Helpless now I run from him
Hoping not to hurt him
now
Oh what a melancholy choice this is
Wanting fame, wanting him
Closing my heart to everything but it
Leaving the man I love
There where my dreams were settled long ago
I must go, I must go
Who could imagine I'd be wand'ring so
Far from the man I love
Yet there with my dreams I'm home
There, I finally said it. I love you Mickey Horton. And that's why I have to leave. I'm bad news, Mickey. I'm selfish. And I can't even say I love you to your face. SO just remember that I do love you. And move on. Find the perfect wife. A woman who will settle down with you, and love you as much as you love her. Find a woman to grow old in goodness with. Haha, couldn't resist.
See you,
Lily
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