First, there was Load... Then Reload... Most hardcore fans hated them royally for this but I had the cd of load and tape of reload. Aside from the 'popular anti-mainstream majority' I found they weren't really that bad, they grew on me, but you just have to consider it "Alternica". They purposely put in articles that they visited gay bars, just to mess around with people. It was funny really, I mean what would you expect from a group of all macho guys that put a picture of blood and semen on the front cover of their album Load, huh huh huh Load, which starts out with the line "Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire". 

But then napster came along. As soon as it caught media attention, along comes metallica. And naturally they're suing for millions, and sat through and collected $300,000 names of kids illegally downloading their music, which of course the top songs listed were already on all rock stations daily. Better go back to illegally recording to cassette tapes again. Campchaos.com released i think it was a metallica cartoon every month just about during this timeframe, starting with 'Napster Bad!'. 

And now, as I search for reviews for the new bloodhound gang album (which is still the shit...) just to see if anyone was slightly upset that it was so short (9 songs, compared to the usual 12-15) and a lot of the tracks were really lacking and simply slapped together. Anyways, the result I clicked on had nothing to do with bloodhound gang, but instead, a new metallica lawsuit. Now this lawsuit is completely ridiculous. They are suing a canadian band called Unfaith for, get this, using the chords E and F in one of their songs. Ok, most people that took music in elementary know there are only 7 white keys on the piano, representing straight notes, A-G. The black keys represent flats and sharps. Usually non-alternative or non-colorful militant bands such as metal-up-your-ass Metallica don't fuck with these, so its only natural that probably EVERY OTHER METAL BAND uses one of these notes in just about every song. Lars, the spokesman of the band, most likely the translator of Hatfield's grunts, cleared things up by saying it would be ridiculous for them to consider these notes their own, individually, but instead, they are concerned that they are faking metallica by putting these two chords together in the order E and F. 

WHAT THE FUCK? What are the odds that with millions of songs made all of the time, another band puts E and F together. especially when notes/chords stop at G. I would say that most likely every day some lesser known or maybe even popular metal band comes out with a song with just two chords, E and F, and the fact that metallica is saying, very egotistically, that they are in fact THEIR CHORDS that they use a lot, is more or less making them look even less creative because they use the same two chords over and over anyway. Kurt Cobain was no guitar scholar, and hardcore metallica junkies let me know this, but at least in every single song he was well known to have not only completely different notes, but a completely different sound most of the time. Sorry for bringing up nirvana in a statement against a metal band, how cliche I know, but its fun pissing off people that take metallica almost as seriously and hold them as divine as they take themselves. I decided to play these two chords in order just to see exactly what they sound like. Lars you are a fucking tool. It is plainly the Funeral March. Seriously, they are the two chords that make up the background section to the fucking funeral march. Very metallica-like. I think Chopin himself should arise from the dead and sue Metallica for a change. 

It probably went down like this

Hatfield: Ooga ooga ooga
Lars: Yea I know we can't blame napster for our record sales going down still, but who can we blame?
Hatfield: Ooga
Lars: Hey fuck you buddy, you're the one that can't sing, at least I can drum.
Hatfield: Ooga Ooga Ooga Ooga Ooga Ooga Ooga Ooga Ooga
Lars: But whats more important is, now that everyone thinks we are gay, how are we going to buy sports cars and steroids? we need another means of cashflow man
Hatfield: Ooga ooga ooga
Lars: Hahahaha, thats funny but we can't patent the ABC's, they're a standard.
Hatfield: Ooga
Lars: Hey, thats a great Idea. Lets patent chords. But we should probably pick something that's very broad and widely used and just start suing. Before we get into a huge lawsuit with a popular band, lets start off by picking some unknown just starting out band from Canada that nobody knows just to see how it goes, then if we can do it, lets ooga our way up to the backstreet boys. Those pretty pansy bitches would probably just give us the money and run away screaming like girls.
Hatfield: Ooga... E F Ooga Ooga Ha Ha Ooga
Lars: Fucking sweet! Now we don't have to try anymore. I bet every band uses E and F
Hatfield: Ooga
Lars: Fucking sweet. I wish I didn't look like a gothed out gay troll
Hatfield: Ooga ooga ooga ooga
Lars: I know, but you take what you get when you do steroids though. There's a huge warning that says may shrink penis. Its almost like it moves the dick molecules directly to your muscles, so you can be cock all around, but you have to lose somewhere. I mean thats why we were meant to be together, I have a small penis anyway. It'll hurt less but we can still act all rough and manly
Hatfield: Ooga Ooga
Lars: I love you too James.
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