I felt we were robbed when Jerry had to die so untimely, but I understood why it had to be. Still I wondered about some of the scenes. How his wife Loretta still felt about him. She seemed very distraught when he died, naturally.
         Anyway, this takes place after Jerry's camp blows up and he is at the hospital where his wife Loretta has just been notified.
 

By Amethyst
 

         Loretta Bines flew into the emergency room in search of her estranged husband. Her heart had been her throat ever since one of the nurses had called to tell her of Jerry's condition. Living in a small town where everyone knew the other's business had its drawbacks, but this particular time Loretta was grateful for her neighbor's interference.  She quickened her pace and immediately heard one of the nurses lecturing Jerry about trying to go home. She stepped into the room and stared at her estranged husband in shock.

         Jerry was seated, shirtless, on the examination table as the nurse continued to scold him. His head was bandaged and a spot of blood on the right side of his forehead was already starting to seep through. His ribs were also bandaged and the nurse was commenting on possible damage to his spleen. The nurse glanced up and noticed Loretta's presence, almost the same time as Jerry did.

         "Oh my God, Loretta," she declared. "What are we going to do with him?" Loretta ignored her question and walked around to face Jerry. He was obviously in pain and Loretta was not used to seeing her husband in such a weakened state.

         "What happened to you?" she demanded, stunned.

          Jerry hesitantly met her gaze. The urge to step into her arms was strong. He hadn't held Loretta in over a year, but he knew his touch would not be welcomed. She had made that plain when she left him and took Willie. But, at least she let him see Willie, not like that poor bastard that was married to Vera. Loretta knew he would never do anything to hurt Willie and for that, Jerry was grateful.

         "Ah…camp blew up," he managed painfully, as he reached for the lapel of her coat to steady himself as he rose. He released another quiet groan of pain. "Blew me right threw the door."

          His voice was huskier than usual and Loretta's heart went out to him, as she watched him slowly move toward the chair that held his shirt and jacket. Jerry ignored her look of sympathy and tried not to give in to the agonizing shell that was his body.

         "How do you feel?" she found herself asking, as he returned to the table with the clothes. Jerry tried to shrug but didn't quite make it.

         "Not to dized about it," he retorted, dropping the pile on the table and reaching for his cigarettes.

          Every movement caused intense ripples of pain all the way from the tips of his fingers to the heart beating rapidly in his chest. He had never felt pain like he was feeling now. He'd had his share of scrapes, in this town and with his reputation, they had been difficult to avoid, but even the beatings he took from his father never came close to this.

         He could hardly breath, each breath came out a gasp of pain, and he hated appearing weak in front of anyone. He didn't know why that stupid nurse called Loretta. He wasn't her concern anymore. She was his, of course, he would do anything for her and Willie, but that was different, they were his family and his responsibility. It didn't matter that they no longer lived together.

         "It's a miracle he's alive," the nurse commented, disapprovingly.

         "Yah," he agreed flipping a cigarette between his lips. A fucking miracle all right.

         He had gone back for the picture of Loretta and Willie, after he'd already set the damn camp on fire. He paid for his stupidity, but he had managed to save the picture; it hadn't even been broken. He reached for his shirt, deciding not to try to light it his cigarette; he couldn't breathe as it was.

         "Well, maybe you'd best come home with me," Loretta suggested, hesitantly.

         "No," he refused, struggling to pull his shirt on with one arm. Loretta automatically moves to help him and he resists the urge to lean back into her touch. God he missed being close to her. "I'm responsible for myself. I don't want anyone being responsible for me."

         With his wife's help, he finally got the shirtsleeve over his arm. Loretta stood behind him and wrapped the remainder of the shirt around his shoulders. He grabbed the collar and pulled away from her, angrily. He didn't want her help or her pity.

          "Don't." he warned and immediately knew that he had hurt her. Disgusted with himself and with the whole scene in general he left the other sleeve of his shirt hanging and grabbed up the rest of his belongings. "Responsible for myself."

         He walked out of the room and moved toward the elevator. He was not surprised when a familiar hand came from behind him and pushed the button to bring the elevator to their floor. He felt firm hands, carefully maneuver his right arm into the other sleeve, then pull his coat from his left hand. Loretta draped it around his shoulders as the elevator doors opened.

         He stepped inside and she moved with him. She reached for the buttons of his shirt and started to fasten them, giving his flesh a barrier against the cold that awaited them outside.

         "I don't need your help," he snapped, but as the elevator started to move, it affected his already precarious balance and he stumbled backwards. Loretta caught him and carefully put her arm around his waist for support.

         "Well you're getting it anyway," she retorted, maneuvering his arm up around her shoulders for a better balance against his heavier weight. She pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. "Honest to God, Jerry! How in the hell do you get into these things? How did your camp blow up?"

         Jerry remained silent, unwilling to explain and in too much pain to think up a good lie. As they stepped out of the elevator and started across the lobby of the hospital, he tried not to lean too heavily on her, but the more he moved, the weaker he got.

         They received quite a few odd looks on their way out, but Jerry was used to that. People in this town always looked at him in one of two ways, with fear, or with a bizarre fascination because of the rumors about his past. Jerry knew he wasn't the upstanding citizen. He did have a dark side to him that had resulted in plenty of undesirable situations for him and those around him. However, he was trying to go straight, and do right by his wife and son

         He had eliminated the company and trust of the few people that had once cared about him. Even his wife had left him, but at least she still cared about him and let him be with their son. Jerry could not blame her for leaving; he wouldn't have stayed either. Jerry was fighting a loosing battle with the demons in his past and the people he loved were getting hurt in the crossfire. Loretta had to do what was best for her and Willie and Jerry accepted that.

         "Where's your truck?" Loretta asked, bringing him out of his self-incrimination. "Janice told me you drove here so don't try and deny it." He indicated the area where he had parked as they stepped outside. "Good, then I'm taking you home and before you even start that crap about being your own responsibly let me remind you that it is totally irresponsible to try and recover on your own. You're not the Buck in that story you tell Willie, Jerry and I'm not about to let you just crawl off in a ditch somewhere and die."

         Jerry would have laughed if he hadn't been in so much pain. That was his Loretta all right. All fire and spirit. She never had any trouble laying down the law for him and that was why he loved her so much. She didn't treat him as the others did; she never made him feel less human because of the mistakes he had made.

         "Where are your keys?" she asked as they reached the red and white pickup. It had escaped any damage from the explosion, not that you would notice it on the old and battered truck.

         "I…can drive myself," he gasped as she leaned him against the bed so she could pull open the passenger side door.

          She glared at him, then reached into the pocket of his coat, and found his keys. He looked like he could barely stand up, let alone drive on the rough back roads that lead to her house.

         "Sure you can, Jerry," she commented and helped him into the seat. "But for now, let me, okay?" Jerry couldn't argue. He was fighting the urge to pass out.

         She slipped behind the wheel and put the key into the ignition. Although, Jerry kept the truck running smoothly, the moment the engine started she could see her husband's body cringe at the sudden vibration. Automatically she reached a hand across to pat his arm, concerned.

         "I'll go slow," she offered kindly and he reached up to squeeze her fingers.

         Moisture sprung to her eyes at the gesture. Jerry abstained from touching others when he could, especially her, and she knew each simple contact was a different way for him to express what he was feeling. I love you too, she offered silently, as his hand slipped back into his lap and he closed his eyes against the agony he felt. She slid the truck in gear and pulled out of the lot.
 

         At the house, Jerry refused her help and managed to make his way inside, on his own. He didn't want Willie to know he was hurting. The little boy ran up to his father, the moment they stepped inside and Jerry managed a special smile just for him. Loretta prevented Willie from trying to hug Jerry, because she knew such eager contact would only aggravate her husband's injuries.

         "Honey, why don't you go and get some of your over night things?" she suggested to her son as Jerry managed to get to the sofa and sit down. "You can stay overnight at Maria's." Maria was her neighbor and she had a little boy about Willie's age. The woman had come to watch Willie when Loretta had received the call about Jerry.

         "I want to stay with dad," Willie refused, his eyes huge as he continued to stare at the man he adored. He wriggled out f his Mother's grasp and hurried to stand before Jerry. "Did a mad man hurt you, Daddy?"

         "No," Jerry denied quietly, his harsh features softening in the presence of his son. "I…sort of fell down."

         "Your Dad needs to rest, Willie," Maria offered, a large robust woman that had moved to stand by Loretta. "Why don't you come home with me?"

         "Do I have to go, Daddy?" Willie inquired and Jerry wanted to tell him no. He didn't want to send him away either, but he wouldn't go against Loretta's decision.

         "Your Mum wants you too, Willie," he stated, forcing his voice to sound normal. "Best do what she says. You can see me tomorrow." Willie moved to hug him and Loretta immediately stepped forward again, but Jerry waved her back and accepted his son's embrace.

         He closed his eyes against the pain and tried to savor the feeling of holding his son. His precious boy, that was so sick with Leukemia. But, Jerry would fix that. He would deal with the doctors who were forcing them to wait and he'd deal with Rils too. He had to make Willie well. It was in his power to do so and Jerry had to take that miracle chance to save his son, no matter what.

         "Will you tell me a story when I come back?" Willie asked him, pulling back and staring at Jerry with a child's intensity.

         "I will," he assured softly, and caressed his son's cheek. "And I'll fix your bike too."

         Willie seemed satisfied and released his father to go with Maria to get his overnight bag. Loretta watched them head upstairs then went to hang up her coat. When she returned, Jerry had curled into a fetal position and had started to slide off the sofa. She rushed over and quickly got him settled upright again.

         She hated to move him, because she could see the pain he was in each time she touched him. However, they couldn't let Willie see the real shape he was in, so they had to pretend a little while longer. She couldn't help reaching a hand across to cup Jerry's face in concern. Even battered and bruised as he was, she still found him incredibly handsome.

         Jerry turned away from her touch and she pulled her hand away, frustrated. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he just let her help? She loved him so much, but sometimes she suspected Jerry felt he didn't deserve her love or anyone else's. It sickened her the way some of the people in this town treated him, as if he was a wild animal that might attack them at any moment. So many were afraid of Jerry and he never understood why. People that had not even met him feared him by reputation.

         She knew it was hard for him to accept help from anyone, especially her; he was so damn protective of her. Jerry had always tried to hide he any weakness he might have, but it rarely worked around her. She could see right through him. She knew a side of Jerry that no one else had bothered to learn. She had seen past his reputation and his brooding nature to the man underneath.

         Leaving him had been the hardest choice she had ever had to make, but she knew it had been the right one. As sweet, kind, and generous as he had always been to her, there was a side of Jerry that she couldn't get used to. He had a rage inside him that scared her, though he had never in the seven years they had been married, raised a hand against her or Willie in violence. Not like Jerry's own father, who beat Jerry regularly.

         There was a lot in her husbands past that Jerry refused to talk about. He didn't like to rehash old ghosts and preferred to just forget it and move on. You do what you have to do and try to survive and not hurt anyone. Sometimes his philosophy worked, sometimes it didn't.

         "We're ready," Maria announced as she and Willie came down stairs. Loretta move to help her son on with his coat and give him a kiss goodbye, though the boy's gaze never left his father's form.

         "Bye Daddy," he offered, moving in for a hug and a kiss, which Jerry gave willingly, if not very slowly. "Love you."

         "Love you too, Willie," he whispered and gave him an extra hug for good measure.

         Maria took his hand and they headed out. Loretta closed the door after them and turned back to Jerry. Her husband was trying to pull his legs up so he could stretch out on the sofa, but his ribs would not allow his legs to uncurl. Loretta moved to help him then fetched a blanket.

         "Do you think you could eat something?" she asked, when she returned and he shook his head. She nodded and pulled his jacket off then cradled his head as he slowly lowered himself to the sofa pillows. She pulled the blanket up over him and noticed he had already started to drift off.

         "Can't sleep," he protested as his eyes flew open and he started to sleep up again. "Get you and Willie…"

         "Sssh," Loretta soothed and pressed him back against the cushions. She suspected he was becoming delirious. "Willie and I are fine, Jerry. Lie back and rest." Jerry reached for her hand and captured it in his.

         "Loretta I…" He grimaced as another pain racked him and he started coughing. Loretta rose and fetched a glass of water from the kitchen, then helped him rise enough to drink it.

         "My God, Jerry!" she exclaimed softly, finally showing her true concern for him. What if the nurse was right and he had ruptured his spleen or had punctured a lung? What would she do if Jerry died?

         "Don't…don't worry about…me," he whispered, as she caressed his face lovingly. "You…you and Willie will…be taken care of."

         "What does that mean?" she demanded, angry that he still was more concerned about them than himself.  Jerry pulled at the collar of her shirt and brought her closer.

         "Get…get my gun," he wheezed and she shook her head. "Protect ya...will I will."

         "Protect us from what, Jerry?" she asked, her face just inches from his and the temptation to kiss him was almost too much. "We're fine. You have to rest." She continued to caress his face and hair until he finally drifted off.
 

(later that night)
 

         Jerry awoke to pain, confusion, and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Where was he? This wasn't the camp house. Whose house was this? He coughed and started to sit up, finally recognizing Loretta's living room. Well, it had been his living room too until she had left him. He told her to come back and take the house; he would live at his father's old cabin.

         An intense bout of coughing robbed him of his breath and pierced both his aching head and sensitive ribs. He cradled an arm to his stomach and reached his free hand up toward his forehead, hoping to stabilize himself. He shouldn't be here, he was imposing on Loretta and she didn't need him hanging around and being a burden. What if Rills came looking for him? He needed to protect Loretta and Willie; he needed to get his gun.

         Jerry's first attempt to rise to his feet bottomed out quickly and he dropped back onto the sofa with a small cry of pain. The agony was making him nauseous and the movement was making him dizzy. Only one answer to cure all that; he reached unsteadily for a smoke.

         His coughing must have awoken Loretta because a moment later she is there beside him, tightening the sash on her robe and pulling the unlit cigarette from his fingers.

         "Jerry," she sighed in exasperation. He looks up at her, a mixture of shame and gratitude in his anguished gaze. "Lie back down." He allows her to gently push him back against the cushions and lift his legs back onto the sofa. As she his pulling the blanket around him, he tries to get her attention by touching her shoulder.

         "Go get the shot gun," he requested in a voice that sounded unfamiliar and hoarse. If he can at least have the gun beside him, they would stand a chance, but Loretta isn't listening.

         He starts to cough again and he starts to see stars from the excruciating pains shooting through his chest. He feels Loretta's gentle hands cradling his head and soothing him with her voice. It's Jerry's idea of heaven, being this close to her, and all the fight has left him.

         She reaches over him to switch off the light and then settles on her knees beside him. She should go on to bed, he wants to tell her this, but cannot. She leans in and gently touched her lips too his, in a feather light kiss. Jerry closes his eyes as she carefully lays her head upon his chest and continues to caress him to sleep.

         She wished things could be different for her and Jerry. She had tried to get him to confide in her while they were married. She wanted to help him battle the inner demons that threaten to consume him. Some people assumed Jerry was the way he was because of his father, an abusive and tyrannical man that had treated his son abominably. Yet, Jerry never said a bad word about his father, never spoke of what happened, and denied feeling anything but what a son should feel for the man who raised him.

         One by one, she had watched the few members of Jerry's family write him of and cast him aside and she had been furious with all of them. Then, she herself abandoned Jerry and she knew she was no better than the others were. She had finally had enough and while he was out hunting one day, she packed up their things and took Willie away from the father that loved him so much.

         Part of her expected him to pursue them and beg her to come back, promising to change. He tracked her down two days later, when he arrived back from the woods. She hadn't gone very far, just moved in with her Mother on the other side of town. He showed up at the door, unshaven, and solemn asking her to return to the house. He hadn't asked her why she left; he hadn't asked her to come back to him. He said simply, that she and Willie should come back to the house.

         Against her Mother's advice, a woman who had never approved of her marriage to Jerry in the first place, Loretta gathered their things and she and their son returned home. When they arrived, Jerry carried her bags back inside. Loretta settled Willie, who was only four at the time, in his bed and followed her husband to their bedroom.

      Perhaps, she thought he would try to make up, promise to change his ways and they might even make love. Instead, she immediately noticed Jerry's personal belongings were absent from their room and had turned to him, concerned. He met her gaze unflinchingly and she gasped at the wounded defeat in his blue-gray eyes.

         He moved past her and went to tuck his son in, for what might be the last time. She followed and watched him bend to kiss Willie tenderly. She was always amazed at the depth of love that he seemed to have for their son, considering so little love had been shown to Jerry in his life time.

         He claimed she and Willie belonged in the house and he would move to the camp his father had built. He would still pay the bills, provide for them, and he would still love them, and be a father to Willie. He did not expect her to stay with him and he knew he could not change who he was. No one would ever let him change, no matter how hard he tried. Things would always be the same, and he would always be Jerry Bines, the local enigma.  Loretta had let him walk out without another word.

         Now, Loretta wished she could go back to that time and stop him from leaving. Willie missed having his father living with them and Loretta missed having the security and comfort Jerry always offered her. Jerry had been correct in assuming anyone in this damn town would allow him to change and because of there would always be a conflict of danger surrounding her husband. She had to protect herself and Willie from that kind of corruption.

         She gazed at Jerry as he slept, his breath coming out in soft, irregular gasps as he felt the pain even in his sleep. Jerry rarely slept, his demons didn't allow it, and when he did, he was tormented with nightmares that left him soaked with sweat and shivering. Nightmares he would never talk about and could not dispel.

         Loretta smiled as she remembered the first time they had met on the street. It was a beautiful spring day and she had been walking home with some girl friends. Some jerk, who had been carrying on with their buddies behind them, knocked into her and made her drop the parcels she had been carrying for her Mother's Birthday party.

         Suddenly, there he was this strikingly handsome man with blue gray eyes and elevated blond hair.  The man everyone in town talked about and feared. The man some wanted to be like and some were terrified to look at. The three boys came to a halt before the stranger, as he calmly lit a cigarette and shot them a dangerous look.

         "Pick them up," he ordered, quietly. Loretta had been shocked when the youth that had slammed into her scrambled to gather her parcels. "Apologize." He offered a shaky apology to Loretta then turned back to Jerry, apprehensively.

         "We didn't mean it, Jerry…" he stammered and Jerry's hand shot out to wrap around the boys collar. Obviously, these kids knew exactly whom they were dealing with.

         "Watch where you're going next time," he ordered and shoved him sideways. The boys nodded and ran off.

         "Thank you," Loretta started to offer as her girlfriends elbowed her warningly.

         She ignored them and smiled at Jerry, shyly. She was surprised when he smiled back, before giving her a polite nod and heading off down the street. She shoved her parcels at one of her friends and hurried after him.

         "Excuse me," she began, tentatively touching his shoulder. Jerry turned back to face her. "Are…aren't you Jerry Bines?" She watched the rapid suspicion harden his features.

         "Yeah," he admitted, finally. "And you're Loretta Hammond." Her eyes widened in surprise that he knew her name. He almost smiled at her expression. "Small town." Was the only explanation he offered.

         "Would…would you like to get something to eat, Jerry?" she asked. Something about this man touched her as nothing else ever had. He exuded confidence and danger yet, when she looked into his eyes there was a boy's vulnerability.

         "You want to eat with me?" he questioned, warily and she nodded.

         "Why not?" she challenged. "You do eat don't you, Jerry Bines?" He did smile then, a shy, amused smile that made her heart flutter with excitement.

         "Yes, Loretta Hammond," he mimicked. "I eat when I'm hungry."

         "Children and animals?" she teased and his eyes twinkled.

         "Only during a full moon," he returned and she giggled.

         "Settle for a burger and fries over at Pop's?" she suggested and he paused thoughtfully. He glanced back toward the two other women that had been walking with her.

         "You sure you want to do that?" he questioned, and she appreciated his attempt to protect her reputation.

         She followed his gaze and saw that her two friends were watching them with a disapproving horror. She smirked and suddenly moved in to kiss Jerry on the mouth. She heard her friend's shocked reaction, but if Jerry was surprised, he didn't show it.

         "Think you can handle it?" she provoked and he grinned.

         "One way to find out," he replied, offering her his arm. She smiled; glad he did not come back with the cocky reply that most men would have, of being up to the challenge.
 

         Loretta raised her head, slowly and gazed down at her husband. He was finally sleeping peacefully. He always slept better when she was with him. Now, however, the man she loved seemed to have a new demon chasing him and she prayed that this would not be the one to catch him and destroy all that he had struggled so hard to maintain. She couldn't help the ominous sense of foreboding that crept into her soul and threatened to crush her heart.
 
 

 The end….
 

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