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I Lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be.
Today I sniffed
Many dogs behinds - I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paper boy come to kill us all.
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man come to kill us all.
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.
I hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.
The cat is not all bad
She fills the litter box
With tootsie rolls.
My owners mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet, I rip a big one.
A woman was leaving a 7-Eleven with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.
Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Could I borrow that dog?"
"Get in line."
answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every
day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is
difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will
be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so
that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how
selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will
accept you as you are & will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a
good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be
with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord,
I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think
of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be
a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my
own name, "and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And
Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and
wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the
Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and
preens like peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has
indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be
with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will
remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always
worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam.
And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not
the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.
And the cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.