Now, let me hear the crying of all of you pre-pubescent little shits who eat up his bullshit faster than Ruben Studdard at Pizza Hut. That's right, I just attacked this "amazing" new "musician" by calling him a pussy even though I don't know him. But the truth hurts. This little pansy may have a CD out that has outsold CD's produced by bands such as The Who, Bryan Adams and the like, may has won awards, but that doesn't change the fact that he has all of the talent of a dry piece of dog shit. Anytime I try to tell someone that I hate him and that he hasn't shown any talent that has made me shit my pants in awe, I get the same useless trivia from them about how many albums he's sold and blah blah blah bullshit. I'll set the record straight here people. Just because someone has sold a shitload of records doesn't mean that they're good. Think about it. For all we know the record company he sold his soul to probably paid people to buy the album just to shoot up the sales record. The fact people are throwing their money away on this crap doesn't mean shit about the comparison between the number of albums sold and how good the artist is because it doesn't take into the account that there might have been millions upon millions of people who probably bought the album, thought it was pure shit and threw it in the trash where it belongs. Hell, the fact that people are actually paying to go to his performances is retarded enough as it is. It could go into the book of world records as the largest gathering of impressionable female teens/pre-teens. I've never heard anyone come up to me yet telling me that the new kaylan porter album is worth the investment. That's why I believe that album sales toll is bullshit.

Now, as to why I think kaylan porter sucks, the main reason is because he has technically insulted every single person who auditioned for that Canadian Idol. The show interviews and belittles hundreds of thousands of people in order to bring it down to just one Idol to "strike it big". They turned down every type of person who auditioned and came away with this turd who eventually puts out a single redundantly entitled "single" and another one called in spite of you or some shit. The thing that pisses me off is that he beat out all of these people with his "great singing voice" and "excellent performing skills" regardless of the fact that they got him singing songs that any average person could sing. These songs have no real vocal talent that I can hear. Vocalwise, they sound redundant, monotonous and completely bland. I urge anyone out there to try and sing his song single on karaoke and prove me right. He's not even all that great at his stage performance (or video performance seeing as how in every one of his videos he sits there looking like he's about to cry like a pansy, and yet still has that same expression on his face all the fucking time. You know what one I'm taling about). I saw him perform before he won Canadian idol and he didn't even do anything overly impressive with his performance. He just stood there the whole time with his blank expression, doing hand movements like he's grabbing the air, and that's pretty much all his stage performance boils down to.

I'm also tired of girls only liking musicians because of how "hot" they are (and that goes double for actors and actresses). You have to admit it's a fucked up world where we base fame and talent on how good someone looks physically. Kaylan porter is so fucking pale, his hair looks like it hasn't been washed in days, and on top of that his "soulful" look suggests to me that he's just about ready to die (which would require a party being thrown to celebrate the joyous occasion). Oh, and while we're on the subject, who here has ever heard of jesse mccartney? in case you were wondering, he's the shit eater in the picture below:

Quite frankly, I think that the only solo musician out there that's actually worth listening to would be the first American idol winner Kelly Clarkson. Not only is she hotter than every other female musician out there (just a benifit to the trade) but her music is actually pleasent to listen to. Unlike that shitty music, if you can call it that, that is shit out by that bitch "ashlee simpson" (you know, that self centered bitch who only made it big because she's jessica simpson's little sister). I don't understand how you could even listen to the crap she pinches out all the time without vomiting all over yourself. Her song called pieces is so awful that when I first heard it I had to go throw up in shear disgust. It was the most awful tripe I've ever had the misfortune of hearing. Does anyone even watch her show? All it is just her going on about how interesting her life is, how she's made it big after going through hard times (how hard it must be to be the sister of an already rich musician), and her recording of songs that she already has recorded half a billion times anyways, and then swears up a storm when she can't get it right. (Follow my lead Ashlee. This is how you do it. Step 1: SHIT IN YOUR MICROPHONE). I used to think that it was cool to see female musicians swear because it seemed rebellious, but then I grew up. In this day and age there's nothing more common than a female who swears, burps, spits and farts on command. I won't buy into this fake rebellious nature anymore. I once had someone tell me that if I actually watched the show then I would know that things are hard for ashlee in her life of stardom. Her road to fame was long, winding and hard, blah blah blah more bullshit. Look people, I don't even have to watch the show and I think I can still paint a pretty good picture of how ashlee got ahead. You wanna know my proof of how she managed to get her own show, her own record deal, and a spot on the show 7th heaven? Here it is: