For Immediate Release

Seeley said Valentine Hearts, like this one, only contribute to February's poor image.
Graphic courtesy of a massive Google search.

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- According to an anonymous and obnoxious telephone market research campaign, February needs a new image, it was announced Wednesday by Seeley, LLP. According to the research, young and old people alike view the month as the short, boring one.

"Tucked away somewhere between the winter holiday season and the flowers of spring, lies the lesser known of holiday seasons," said Seeley.

This year, February has seven holidays, festivals or special days. Seeley said that makes it the supreme party month, even though it is generally overlooked.

Seeley said February's underappreciation was multifaceted. "First, Valentine's day is almost always a disappointment. Those in love will either be rejected by the object of their affection or receive a really lame gift. Everyone else sits around feeling depressed and lonely.

"Groundhog day is underappreciated. The movie helped, but didn't have much to do with the holiday.

"Everyone likes President's Day because it bribes people with a day off from work or school, but who really takes time to honor past presidents? I mean, some of them don't really deserve it, don't you think?

"Lastly, it's the shortest month, which has caused a Napoleon Complex. How else can you explain why the shortest month has so many holidays? Also, Once every four years, it really exerts itself and adds a day, cleverly disguised as a fix to an imperfect year cycle."

Seeley said February's image as the month of love is stale and "needs a shot of Botox."

"February is like, the supreme party month," said Marty Grass, a junior college student who participated in Seeley's market research. "This year, I'm going to Carnival in Rio."

"That's the image February needs to promote," said Seeley. "This year, it had the super bowl, Chinese New Year and Carnival and Mardi Gras."

February could not be reached for comment.

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