Movie Reviews - JAF Systems

Title	Review

All About my Mother	A woman leaves Madrid for Barcelona after the death of her son to revisit her past and reinvent herself. This film by Pedro Almodovar appears in the original Spanish, the language of Spain, with actual English subtitles. I sat in the left aisle so that I could see the words without worrying about an inordinately tall person sitting in front of me. During one panorama of the city of Barcelona, I recalled my trip there, late in the last century. Although I carried my phrase book and a minimal command of la lengua castellana, I kept waiting for subtitles to appear below those real-life Spaniards. Alas, they didn't, but italics were everywhere. My friend told me to stockpile flan for Y2K, too, but I didn't. I'm not worried about a resurgent Spain or, after seeing this film, the possibility of conquistadores in drag beating down my door. El Y2K no es verdad, amigo mio. Rating: Out of seven monkeys, three monkeys approve. One monkey disapproved. Two monkeys approved, but won't admit to it. One monkey got lost on the train.

Erin Brockovich	I think they must be real. They bounce like normal. Nah, they're probably modified. Rating: Two monkeys vote that they're real. Five say they're fake...Nice Harley, though.

Est-Ouest (East-West)	In French, with Times New Roman English subtitles. Catherine DeLouvre is still a babe. The guy who swam 5 miles in the Black Sea to meet a Turkish smuggler and escape the Soviet Union used proper breathing during the freestyle portion of his swim, but his kicking pattern seemed irregular. Rating: Dah, Nyet, Non, Oui, Oui, Bien Sur.

Man on the Moon	Biography (if that's possible) about comedian Andy Kaufman. Jim Carrey plays Andy, who lampooned the absurd conventions of television, society, and the performer-audience relationship. With Andy, you could never tell when the joke began and ended, if ever. I'm pleased that Andy promised milk and cookies for his Carnegie Hall show and then bused the entire audience to a school cafeteria to enjoy those delicacies. I could not determine whether the cookies were part of an Oreo product placement ploy. Rating: Two monkeys approved. Two monkeys disapproved. Three others were monkeying around.

Straight Story, the	Alvin Straight rides a lawn mower across the state of Iowa to reconcile with his ailing brother. In the story, he drives a John Deere lawn mower. Although it had difficulty braking on a hill, the John Deere riding mower performed exceptionally well, given the demanding operating conditions and heavy load. Paul, a friend from Iowa, notes that the state's altitude is also remarkable. The John Deere mower earned this movie a G rating for Good Tractor. Two out of three monkeys planted corn.

X-Men	In the not too distant future, Patrick Stewart plays Dr. X, who unleashes his bald head to help a persecuted group of people whose gifts are, unfortunately, perceived as a threat to the larger world. I thought the theatre in which I saw this summer blockbuster was over-airconditioned, and the coffee was too cold. Otherwise, it was fun. Monkeys Reviewing: None. I attended with Episcopalian friends instead, who were remarkably boisterous but otherwise well-behaved.

Title	Review

Never Been Kissed	The lovely and talented Jessica Roberts, in a lackluster reprise of her Runaway Bride romp with Robert Gere, delivers a polished, if not cheaply glimmering, performance as Gillian Holyoke - a demure, twentysomething college dropout who falls in love with Kenton Rakesley, an older, married man, played by Drew Barrymore, who also happens to be the Dean at the local college. Opposites attract and Gillian could be in for an education. Rating: Two monkeys approve, three disapprove, one missing, one abstention.

Snow Falling on Cedars	Set in Cedar Falls, Iowa, this lush testimony to the redemptive power of winter delights the viewer with dramatic scenes of snow falling over Midwestern cedar groves. Morgan Kidder plays a farmer's wife-turned-director who lives in Cedar Falls and dreams of seeing her musical produced on Broadway. Her Tri-City Community Theatre production by the same title reveals the bitter underbelly of a life rooted, perhaps chained, to the land, in plain view of an endless, beckoning horizon. What lies beyond the corn fields and cedar groves? How far must she travel to discover the same love and adventure she overlooks in her midst? The Motion Picture Association rates this movie NC-17 for profanity and suggestive references to Nebraska. Also stars Kevin Cosby. Rating: Three monkeys approve, two disapprove, the remainder up a tree.

World is Not Enough, the	Shawn Conway returns to the 007 role disguised as a buddhist ascetic to stop Bridgit Bordeau from stealing a CD-ROM drive of Britain's nuclear codes for the Tibetan government-in-exile. Trying only by Not-Trying helps Bond break the bonds of existence, transcend the consumption of material possessions, and get the girl. The elder Bond is still the best, but the years show as he renounces the vain temptations of the Spy World in this film's formulaic manufacturing of desire, its confusion between wants and needs. He's not transcendent, just tired. Rating: Two monkeys approve, two disapprove, the remainder are trapped in a cycle of birth and death in an attempt to achieve Mothra, or whatever that state is called ....Nevada...er....Nirvana....uh.....moksha....Oh, to.hell with it. Click here for the JAF Boddhissatva.