Kai felt the cold metal of the bridge beneath him. Opening his eyes, he saw only the vaulted, fleshy ceiling of the Lexx extending far above him. He could sense himself. Two arms, torso, neck, head, but his legs - he could not sense his legs. He took in a deep breath, smelling ashes and burning metal. The air seared through his lungs and, though he was motionless, his heart beat furiously in his chest.
His heart beat.
Footsteps approached. He wanted to turn, to look, but he was paralyzed by apprehension. Or was his neck damaged also? Either way, he was not given long to be curious. Moments later, the edge of a black robe pierced his peripheral vision, contrasting starkly with the bright maroon he could see of his own clothing.
He *remembered* this.
�His Shadow,� he breathed.
�His Divine Shadow�yes.�
The voice seemed to blanket him, falling from above and swathing him in black. Suddenly, Kai couldn�t feel anything. The rest of his body had gone numb, like his legs, and the pain had stopped. He abruptly sat up.
�Who would you like me to kill?� he asked obediently, but His Shadow was not there to give the reply. It was a reply that Kai did not require anyway. The answer was everyone. He was to kill *everyone.*
Kai stood. People appeared, surrounding him at intervals, creating a half-circle around him. He narrowed his eyes, inspecting them all. Men, women, boy and girls � they all looked the same to him. They were all enemies of His Shadow.
�You are guilty of crimes against His Shadow,� he announced. �I have been instructed to kill you.�
He glanced over, noticing a sharp-faced woman standing beside him. �Ruthless reflex and dexterity,� she declared.
Kai�s brace screamed from his wrist, eviscerating the people standing around him, the talons of his weapon puncturing their hearts. Their blood exploded from them, filling the air with a red mist. Through the bloody haze, he could just barely see Xev, Stanley and 790 sitting on the floor, enjoying the show.
�Deadly force under preternatural control.�
A single red balloon drifted over the massacre. Kai shot his brace upward, gently gripping the string and pulling it back to him. Taking it from his brace, he handed it to Coral. She accepted it with a delighted smile. Kai�s brace shrieked again from his wrist, popping the balloon. Coral�s smile fell and tears welled in her eyes. Kai felt strangely vindicated.
�Kai!� a voice called, melodious and sing-songy. �Kaaa-aai.� He turned to see a lovely woman with black hair, black clothes and piercing blue eyes. Her pale, dull skin reminded him that she was dead, like him. But she grinned. One of her cold, lifeless hands was enclosed around Stan�s. Grinning just as broadly as she, he trotted along with her. �Did you find the violinist?� she asked.
Kai looked down to his feet. Lying on the metal of the bridge was a violin. He bent down to retrieve it, noticing a splatter of blood across the neck. �I killed her,� he replied.
Stan shook his head. �Why�d you go and do that?� he questioned. �Who are we going to get to play at the party now?�
�Stanley, Stanley. It�s okay,� Maedra cooed, punctuating her sentence with a quick kiss to his mouth. �We can have Nyar do it.�
�I am sorry,� Kai offered.
As he spoke the words, a gentle breeze blew through the bridge, stirring the hair against his face. He heard a strange, dry fluttering and looked down. The black clothes he wore, fragmented into shards, swirled in the air, revealing catches of bright maroon beneath. Then, hard after the breeze, a strong wind howled through the lofty chamber and the bits of black clothing, as dry and brittle as dead leaves, detached and flew away from him, leaving him in the bright dress of his youth.
�Come on,� Stanley called. Kai returned his eyes to his companions to see that Maedra had disappeared. Stan eagerly motioned for him to follow as he edged toward the exit. �He�s just getting to the good part.�
Stan darted out the door and into the corridor. Laughing, feeling suddenly young and invigorated, Kai ran after him. �Stan! Wait up!� He followed the captain�s figure as he ran through the corridors of the Lexx. He would just barely see him and then Stan would disappear around another bend. The corridor seemed endless, uninterrupted by intersecting passageways or rooms. Kai didn�t know where he was. He had never been to this part of the Lexx before. He slowed to a stop and looked around, confused, but not worried. His limbs felt heavy, lethargic. Wherever he was running to was someplace he didn�t want to be.
�Kai, hurry up,� Stan whispered harshly, peering at Kai from around a doorway that hadn�t been there before. �Don�t get in trouble again.�
Kai turned and walked through the door. He recognized this room. It was filled with color, most of it coming from the rainbow of newborns sitting cross-legged on the ground. The colors seemed almost oppressively bright and Kai looked away, back to Stan. But it wasn�t Stan. The Brunnen-G man smiled, nodding his head toward the elder in muted robes at the front of the room and pulled Kai down to sit beside him. He was trying to keep him from getting in trouble. The elders always watched Kai, waiting for him to do something wrong. He usually managed not to disappoint them. The young man�s face was familiar. Kai grinned, happy to see his friend again. He felt like he hadn�t seen him in centuries, but that made no sense. They always walked to their lessons together. They had yesterday, Kai remembered. They had almost been late and they had had to run. Kai�s brow furrowed. This man was his best friend, had been his best friend for years�so why couldn�t he remember his name?
�After the Insect Wars,� the elder Brunnen-G droned, as if that event hadn�t been monumental, �we abandoned the Dark Zone and entered the Light.�
Kai heaved a heavy sigh and slouched, resting his head on his hands. After the Insect Wars, he echoed bitterly in thought. They had chosen to forget the Insect Wars, to gloss over them to their own descendents.
�Each of you wears the symbol of our journey,� the elder continued.
Kai yawned. He knew this part.
Suddenly, a hand clamped over his mouth and an arm slid around his waist. He knew who it was and his heart beat faster. The real lesson was about to begin.
The arms pulled him away from the group and he felt his back press against the legs of his welcome captor. With the help of the holding him, he stood, sliding slowly up, making contact with every inch of the warm, responsive form behind him. She stood firm, bearing with pleasure his entire weight pressed against her. Her breathing came in passionate, halting breaths that brushed against the hair on the back of his neck. He smiled, closing his eyes, knowing this was the most they had ever, or would ever touch.
He turned to see the face he�d expected to see. The ocean blue eyes he�d expected met his. Green meeting blue. She smiled at him, her warm skin accentuated by the cool darkness of her hair. She wore the robes of an elder � his constant reminder.
�You weren�t going to ditch me for that old story, were you?� Maedra teased, just barely touching his back to urge him to walk along with her. He caught his breath at the touch. Still warm from the earlier contact, a rash act edged at mind, a sudden kiss - or more - but that was not his decision to make.
He felt provincial and na�ve. He felt like a child and in comparison to her, he was one. He desperately wanted to impress her, to make her laugh, to make her know that he thought as she did, exactly as she did.
�I wanted to hear the part where we founded Brunnis 2 and stopped fighting for ourselves,� he replied. She smiled and he felt himself a victor.
Kai watched the suspicious eyes follow them as they walked. She was a respectable distance from him, but that didn�t stop the stares, or the gossip. The others were talking, had long been talking about them. It was inappropriate, they said, but they had no proof or they�d long forgotten any that they might have had. That was how she was different. She remembered everything.
He would listen, wide-eyed, as she would talk of the Insect Wars as an epic struggle, not a boring lesson. She told him of their last, desperate desertion of Brunnis, and of the first trying days on Brunnis 2. She spoke of the bravery and ingenuity of the Brunnen-G when everyday all he saw was the paranoia and forgetfulness. When he spoke of wishing to explore the universe, they warned him of the dangers. Dangers � they were never more specific. Kai knew it was because they had forgotten what dangers actually existed. But she made him proud of what he was and proud of what they all had been. And she made him hopeful that they could be that again.
She said she was different only because of him, because he asked questions to which she couldn�t recall the answers so she would go the museums to read and remember. But he knew that wasn�t why. Sometimes, she would look at him, and her desire would be burning so brightly in her eyes he swore he could feel it through his clothes, scorching his skin. No other elder was still capable of feeling that fever, that yearning. Only her. The others had forgotten how. It seemed to him that a sensual kinetic heat sparked the air whenever he was with her. The others would have had their proof of impropriety if only they had been able to feel it. Around her, he felt awakened and imprisoned. His body had experienced so much less than hers and it ached to be taught by another that could recall the passion of his predecessors.
But, no matter how intense that longing grew, how incapacitating, she never acted on it. Her love for what the Brunnen-G had been then made her respect the strictures they imposed now. Had she ever said she wanted him, he would have given himself to her without fear and without hesitation at the very moment the words passed her lips, regardless of their surroundings, regardless of strictures. He wanted her to disregard the rules of those people so unlike the ones she remembered, so unworthy of her loyalty. To him, she was all that was left of the Brunnen-G heart, the Brunnen-G intellect and the Brunnen-G essence. She was Brunnis. He wanted to bury himself in her, body, mind and soul.
Walking beside her, untouched, he wished for one of the passersby to accidentally bump into him, to force his body against hers, however briefly. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than a man tapped against him and knocked him off his respectable course. For a rare, too-quick moment, his hand brushed against hers, their arms touched.
It had not been enough.
His wish was further answered as a couple collided strongly against them, knocking him against the wall - and her against him. She pressed her hands against the cool stone behind them to lessen the impact, but still, she fell against him hard. Having lost her orientation, her sense of personal space, her face rushed toward his. He felt a graze of her cheek and, for one amazing moment, his open, gasping mouth brushed against hers. The couple passed on by without a word. They would not have been heard anyway. Kai felt as if his breath had become trapped in his lungs. She was there, right in front of him, her sea blue eyes trained on his, the length of her pressed against the length of him.
His heart thundered. His arms were pinned to his sides and he would not move them. Now, at this moment, he was hers. If he moved, it would be because she wished it, because she wanted him to. Please, he thought, please let her want me to. Her soft, dark hair slid against his cheek as she rested her forehead against his shoulder, breathing him in. Then, her leg shifted just slightly. Her knee edged against his, hesitant, unsure, then she moved in closer; her knee against his, her thigh against his. She lifted her head, closing the space between their cheeks. �Oh, Kai,� she whispered softly, languidly, her breath teasing at his ear. She slid in nearer until her upper thigh pressed firmly, suddenly between his legs, and his did the same to her. He bit his lip, his breath escaping his mouth in a subdued moan. But he did not move.
Then, she stepped away. He gasped at the sudden rush of cool air closing around him. Through passion-bleary eyes, he searched for her. Before he found her, he saw them.
A group of elders strode toward him, their faces rigid and angry. They spread out, blocking his exit. Then, he found Maedra. She ducked easily through the human blockade. He tried to go after her, to follow, but his passage was not allowed. The elders shoved him back. His eyes following Maedra and not his own movement, he misbalanced, falling to his knees.
�What has this newborn brought on our heads?� a man questioned angrily. �What kind of horrors, what kind of awful dread?�
Kai looked up at them. Their angry eyes bore through him. He had never hated them. He was disillusioned, disappointed, but he had never hated. Between the individual bars of the human cage, Kai could just make out Maedra, standing against the wall, motionless.
�He�s broken the shield, he�s broken the wall,� another joined in. �This newborn will bring certain death to us all.�
Kai�s eyes stayed on Maedra. Why wouldn�t she speak? Why didn�t she come to his aide? This was their moment. They had not planned for it, had not expected it, but it was here. This was their moment to defy what their people had become, to remind them of what it meant to be Brunnen-G. He ignored the loathing encircling him and focused on Maedra, his warrior, his world. Her hands rested shakily on her lips, then without a glance, she simply walked away.
Kai�s expression hollowed. She had abandoned him. His hero of the Insect Wars, his champion of battle, time and memory, his golden idol of Brunnis�had simply walked away. He felt alone and destroyed. Then, it is in my heart, my intellect and my essence alone that the Brunnen-G survive, he thought. I am the last of the Brunnen-G.
�You are the one who invited this war,� the elders declared in unison. �You are the one who has opened the door.�
Each word stabbed. He had had hope that they could change, but it seemed they could only change for the worse. He didn�t want to be blamed. He didn�t want to be hated. And he didn�t want to be here again.
Kai quickly climbed to his feet and burst straight through the blockade, shoving down two of the elders in the process. Ignoring their hollered protestations, he charged down the corridor, heading for the bridge.
Only a few steps later, he was there. The shouting ceased and Kai�s feeling of urgency left him. In that instant, he knew that the Lexx was deserted. Slowly, deliberately, he walked forward toward the viewscreen. Or toward where the viewscreen should have been. Plants grew wildly, filling the gaping hole in the bridge wall; flowers, trees, large-leaved flora. Then, a pleasant drumming drifted to Kai�s ears. The leaves wavered, dancing up and down as gentle raindrops pounded their surface. A cooling and irrepressible smile spread across his face.
He stepped toward the opening. He raised his arm, as if preparing to fire, then opened his palm to catch a raindrop. Hands slid smoothly across his stomach and a body stepped in close, holding him from behind. Smiling, he closed his hands on hers and leaned against her just as she leaned against him. Turning slightly, he kissed her on the cheek. Her ocean blue eyes lazily, happily passed over his before closing. She sighed contentedly and pulled him closer. The bright hues of their newborn dress blended together, making the division of their bodies almost imperceptible. The loose tendrils of her free, youthful hairstyle draped over his shoulder. He inhaled the scent of her.
�When did it start raining?� he asked.
�While you were away,� Maedra replied, sounding relaxed, at peace. He felt her lips press idly against the mark on his cheek and relished the comfort of the action. His heart beat slowly, rhythmically, calmly. The tension left his body as he stood securely in her arms. �Do you think it will go all day?� she whispered.
Kai turned in her embrace, accepting her to him, enclosing her in his arms and feeling hers wrap around him. �I hope so,� he replied, giving her a slight smile.
She smiled back and leaned forward pressing her lips to his. He received her mouth with soft, unhurried lips. Here, there was no desperation, no tension. No giver, waiting to be taken. Only two givers, taking equal share. The warmth of her permeated his body, making him feel safe, at peace. He lifted one hand, entwining it in the dark ribbons of her hair. She stood on her toes, leveling her face with his and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Their lips parted long enough for a carefree laugh to escape each of them. Happiness had only a few true paths of expression and words had never been one of them. Focusing on this feeling, this amazing feeling, Kai forgot the world around them. He heard only the rain and her laughter in his mind. All doubt, fear, disappointment and heartache had been silenced. He did not notice the hair he caressed lightening, turning red, blonde. He did not notice the figure in his arms blossoming, becoming fuller, more shapely. He did not notice the eyes changing color, or the skin darkening to a warmer peach. He did not notice that this was not the same woman. The feeling was the same.
Happiness warmed his throat and he felt laughter dance across his tongue. He parted from her, laughing and pressing his forehead against hers. Xev smiled at him and sighed. He closed his arms around her back and pulled her to him in an all-encompassing embrace. Her head bent on his shoulder, Xev giggled.
Kai�s eyes flashed open.